He pulled away and kissed her on the forehead. “Better?”
She nodded and gathered in a deep, cleansing breath. “You’re going to be late to work.”
“I took a vacation day.”
“Because of me?”
“Nope.” He glanced at the boxes. “You being here is just a happy coincidence. We could spend the day together. You could come upstairs.” He smiled.
“Vic …”
“Please?” He kissed her, slowly, softly, seducing her. And she didn’t object again. Upstairs, she let her body tell him good-bye, then snuggled beside him. She gave in to the luxury of lying beside him until he drifted off to sleep.
Later, she dressed while he slept. Carefully, she slid open her dresser drawers, pulled out her clothes, and stuffed them into a duffel bag she’d found in the bottom of her closet. As quietly as possible, she opened the door and took a step into the hallway.
“You were just going to leave without saying good-bye?”
She stopped short and closed her eyes as dread made its way down her back, around her ribs, and into her chest. She turned. Vic lay on his side, propping himself up on his elbow, observing her. Claudia knew that look all too well. Silent accusation hovering just below the surface, ready to attack as soon as she let down her guard. But she wouldn’t do that. She had made her decision.
“Well?” he said. “What were you thinking?”
She smiled at him. “I was thinking I just told you good-bye in my own way. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten already.”
“Stop. Don’t even try to play that cute little seductress role with me. I thought you were saying, ‘Hi, honey, I’m home.’ Not ‘Good-bye.’ ”
She set down the bag and walked across the room, sat on the bed at his feet. “Listen. I’m messed up, honey. Too messed up to stay here and dissolve while you and Casio try to solve this murder.”
“Then we’ll put it back in the vault. I’ll stop investigating.”
Claudia touched his calf through the sheet. “You already said you’ve gotten too far in the investigation for that. If you’re really so close to maybe finding out who did this, maybe we owe it to Beej and her parents to keep going forward.”
“Beej?” His eyes narrowed. “You’ve never called her that before.”
Interesting. She hadn’t meant to let it slip out. “She called me Claude, of course, and I called her Beej as long as we weren’t at school functions.”
Victor sat up and wrapped his arms around her, strong and firm. “Don’t leave.”
“Let me, please.” Tears burned the back of her eyes and clogged her throat. “I have to get away from all of this.”
He pulled back so that he could look her in the eye. “And when it’s over? When we get the guy who did this and lock him up, then will you come back to me? Or is this for good? Don’t keep me hanging on to false hope.”
Claudia stared down at her hands. She couldn’t face him. Not when she had no idea what the right answer would be. The honest one. “I hope so.”
“You hope so?” Vic’s voice rose in frustration. “What do you mean you hope so? Claudia, we have a daughter. A life together. You don’t just walk away. We said for better or worse. I meant those words.”
His anger gave her the push she needed to stand up and face him. Moving out wasn’t the only bomb she had to drop today. She swallowed hard. “I want you to keep Emmy. Believe me, my mother will just love helping with her. She lives to sacrifice herself because of my selfishness. It’ll give her the moral leg-up. And believe me, she needs one right now.”
His expression opened up with incredulity. “Wait. What? You can’t abandon her. Emmy needs you. You’re her mother.”
His blind love washed over her, threatening to force a change of mind. But this wasn’t about love. Her head was so messed up, she thought she was going crazy. She didn’t want to be around her family when the crash came. “No one needs me right now, least of all our impressionable little girl. Not until I get myself together.”
He rubbed his head, and his eyes took on a vacancy as though shock was beginning to set in. “This is wrong. I’m telling you, it’s not right.”
“I do a lot of things that aren’t right.” She grabbed the duffel bag. “Haven’t you figured that out by now? I’m not good for you. You’ll never be DA with a wife like me falling apart all the time.”
“I don’t care about that compared to having you in my life.”
“I can’t let you give up your dream. That’s what all this was about, wasn’t it? I’d never forgive myself. And neither would you.”
“Where are you going to go?”
“I’ll rent an apartment for now. I can’t stay with my mother. She drives me crazy, and besides, that would be too confusing for Emmy.”
“How are you going to pay for an apartment? Don’t expect me to fund this little experiment.”
His words stung, as he’d meant for them to, but Claudia wasn’t going to fight. She knew he was just speaking from hurt, and after all she’d put him through, she had it coming anyway. “Well?” he said. “How do you plan to pay for separate living quarters?”
She had to tell him. Leaving him to discover the bite out of their money wasn’t fair. “I took half of our savings. And Daddy asked me to come work for him again.”
He stood. Anger flashed in his eyes for a second, and Claudia’s defenses soared as he accused her. “Are you serious? You went behind my back and stole money from the account?”
The indignation rolled from him, as contagious as the plague, infecting her before the words completely left his throat. Claudia gave a short laugh, no longer feeling sorry for him. No longer giving a rip about sparing his feelings. “Listen here, you. I have a right to half of what is in our accounts. I didn’t touch anything but savings. Period. You make plenty to cover the expenses here. The amount I took will cover my expenses for a couple of months at best.”
“Then what? You’ll come crawling back, ready to apologize, and move back in?”
“Yeah, sure. I’m planning to go all prodigal son on you. Spend all the money on riotous living and come crawling back asking forgiveness.”
He held out his hand. “I want your debit and ATM cards.”
“They’re already on the table next to you.”
He glanced at the table. Then his face lost all color. She had left not only the cards, but her rings as well.
“So this is more than a temporary separation?” His eyes found hers, and she swallowed back the threat of tears.
“I can’t say.”
“What have I done to make you so unhappy?”
“That’s what makes this so much harder, Vic. It’s not about what you have or haven’t done. It’s not about you at all. I married you almost directly out of high school. I need to step into the fresh air and breathe on my own, away from the high school memories. I’m suffocating.”
“All right. Go. I won’t try to stop you.” He turned away.
For just a second, Claudia fought the urge to run to him, wrap her arms around his bare waist, and hold on tight. Part of her knew she was being a fool. But even that part agreed that Vic was too good for her. If she was ever going to get away, she had to do it now.
Fourteen
My mother kneels on one side of me, humming and stroking my hair. And on the other side is sweet Claudia, so much like the little sister I always wished I had. She was right. We were about as close as we could have gotten to being really family. If her mother and my dad had ended up staying together, we might have been stepsisters. But I never told her about our parents’ past. It never felt right.
But of course, I can’t wish things had been different. My dad leaving would have destroyed Mama. She’s stronger now. What will happen to them when I’m gone?
“When this is over,” my mother says softly, speaking to Claude, “I hope you’ll come to see me from time to time.”
Claudia nods against my shoulder. “I will,” she whispers. “I th
ink Beej would like that.”
“She was supposed to come to my house for dinner Sunday. She said she had something to tell me.”
Claudia stiffens. I wonder if she thinks telling Mama about the baby would be a betrayal. She’ll find out anyway. They will examine my body for evidence, hoping to identify my killer through DNA, and then they’ll discover my tiny secret buried deep inside me. My parents will be notified.
But Claudia stays silent. My heart expands with more love for her. Even now, she won’t betray my secret.
My body begins to jerk. Blackness returns. Claudia sits up and screams. “Someone do something!”
Mother places her hands on my arms and starts to pray. “Not yet, Lord. Please. Not yet.”
“She’s seizing.” The voice that speaks is firm and steady. “Hold her down before she hurts herself.”
Georgie Newman is still on the bus? She must be looking after Casio. I guess no one wants to move him until the paramedics arrive.
Claudia whimpers. “What do we do?”
“I’m not a doctor, Claudia,” Georgie snaps. “It’s a seizure. It’ll either stop or she will. Her heart will go haywire and she’ll die.”
Claudia joins in my mother’s prayer. “Please, God. If anything my father preaches is true, don’t let her go like this. It’s too soon.”
My legs relax first. And my hips, my arms.
Mama’s hand relaxes on mine. Someone checks my pulse. “She’s back,” Georgie says, her voice rife with relief.
“Thank God.”
“Mrs. Remington,” she says, “I don’t mean to be a downer, but her pulse is superfaint. Don’t expect her to make it. She’s lost so much blood I can’t imagine her coming back from this. At the least, that seizure could’ve damaged her brain and her heart. You probably need to start saying good-bye.”
How come I didn’t realize how grown-up Georgie is? She’s only sixteen years old, and yet she’s the one taking charge. I suppose being the only child of a widower forced her to grow up, take on more adult responsibilities.
“Get out, you stupid cow!” I hear Claudia scream. “You’re just jealous. You wouldn’t even be hanging around on our bus if your stupid dad wasn’t principal.”
“Sorry the truth hurts,” Georgie says, unrattled by what must surely be stinging. “But I’m not going anywhere. Casio needs my help. And God knows you’re not any help, curled up in a fetal position, covered in blood, whining and crying.”
My heart hurts at the way they’re insulting each other. Love has poured into my heart. As though the fruits of the Spirit are beginning to truly transform the way I think, feel. If only this had been possible before these final moments between life and death.
“Girls,” my mama’s sharp voice is filled with such pain I want to cry. “My baby is going away in front of my eyes. I need you to hush or get off the bus.”
Claudia drops beside me again. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Remington. I’m so sorry. Don’t make me leave her.”
“Shh. It’s okay.” Mama’s voice is once again gentle. “Stay with me. We won’t let her die alone.”
I don’t know how I am holding on to life. I think by the sheer force of Claudia’s will. Her honest love for me won’t let me go until a doctor tells her it’s over.
Or perhaps it’s Mama. The person who has lived for me every single day of my life. Even when I didn’t recognize her sacrifice. Even when I didn’t appreciate all she did for me.
Either way, I lie here in some twilight place between death and life, with the realization of one thing I finally know that I’ve never known before:
I am so loved.
Part Three
While I draw this fleeting breath,
When mine eyes shall close in death,
When I soar to worlds unknown,
See thee on thy judgment throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in thee.
Fifteen
Mama and Claudia are holding hands across my body, joining together in their grief over me.
“Why are you back?” I hear my mama’s voice, taut and reserved. Mama will not make a scene. But I can’t tell if it’s my dad or Pastor. No one else speaks. I feel a hand take mine. Inside, I smile. My dad has returned. I’m glad. Because even as selfish as he is, he would never forgive himself for leaving that way.
“I apologize for being harsh with you earlier,” he says and I sense he is speaking to Claudia, “but my wife and I need a little time alone with her before she goes.” His voice breaks and inwardly I want to plead with Claudia to step back, for a moment.
“It would just be for a minute, sweetheart,” Mama’s gentle voice says. “I promise. We just want to say a prayer over her.”
“But I don’t want …”
“Claudia,” Georgie’s tone is soft, like a mother’s, even though she’s the youngest one on the bus. “Come on. Let’s allow them their minute with Miss Remington.” Claudia is pulled away. Most likely she never would have left my side otherwise.
“Sara, listen,” my dad says.
“Save it. This isn’t about you. It’s about our daughter.”
“Don’t you think BJ would die more peacefully knowing her parents aren’t fighting?” I am disappointed. His tone is manipulative. The dad I know.
“Shh.”
“I’m sorry, Sara. I’ll do better. Please, forgive me.”
“Haven’t I always?”
Her answer is cryptic enough to make him wonder if she meant she forgives him this time. But he isn’t pathetic enough to press, not now while I lay dying. I should be hurt, angry, that he’s using my death for his own purposes, but strangely, I feel compassion. He knows as well as I do that when I’m gone, she will have no other reason to stay with him. Divorce, so tragic, the violent ripping apart of one flesh. I’ve heard that somewhere.
“Can I come back?” Claudia’s tearful plea comes almost as a welcome relief from the tension between my parents.
Something presses against the back of my hand. “I’m going,” Daddy says, and I realized he kissed me good-bye.
“You’re leaving now?”
“I can’t watch this.” His voice breaks. “I can’t see my daughter and my marriage die the same night.”
Poor Daddy. He has no idea how alone he truly is. Selfishness always breeds loneliness.
Mother reaches across me and once again takes hold of Claudia’s hand.
It occurs to me that Mama and Daddy never did say a prayer.
Claudia
Claudia sat across from Georgie at Olive Garden. This was their second lunch at the Italian chain, and they’d met for coffee twice since she left Vic to go to her mother’s house. At first Claudia dreaded each time Georgie cornered her to go out with her. But the other woman was slowly growing on her, and she was beginning to enjoy the female company.
“Well, you have to stay with me. That’s the best solution.”
“Stay with you?” She sipped the white wine that went perfectly with a seafood Alfredo sauce. “I don’t know, Georgie. I probably ought to go ahead and find a place.”
“Oh, please. You’ll keep putting it off until you run through all your money at the hotel. My place is much nicer than that Holiday Inn Express you’re at. Plus you’ll have my fabulous company.”
She had already gone through two hundred fifty dollars in three days. Georgie was right. At that rate, her money wouldn’t last very long. Plus she truly enjoyed being around Georgie. Claudia barely remembered anything about her from high school, except that she was the mascot—and she gave CPR to BJ. The rest was a blank.
“Come on, Claudia. Just say yes. It’ll be fun.”
Maybe it was the wine—were they on their second bottle?—or the fact that for the first time since BJ died, Claudia had a friend, but she made a sudden decision. “Okay, I’ll do it. And … I can be looking for an apartment.” Claudia smiled, feeling relief. “Thank you, Georgie. I really appreciate this.”
&nbs
p; Georgie’s face brightened. “Oh, I’m so happy. Let’s go over to your hotel and I’ll help you get your things.”
Claudia knew neither of them was in any shape to drive, but Georgie waved away her concerns. “Please, I could drink the rest of that bottle and still be sober enough to drive.”
“I don’t think so.” She snatched Georgie’s keys from the table. “My husband is the ADA in this town. Just because we’re not living together doesn’t mean I can humiliate him by being arrested for drunk driving.”
“Well, I’m not taking a taxi. Those drivers smell like sweat.”
Claudia drank down the last of the wine in her glass and didn’t object as Georgie filled her up again. She toyed with the idea of calling Vic to come and get them, but she dismissed the thought almost the second it appeared. Instead, she punched in another number.
“Who are you calling?” Georgie asked.
The phone was ringing. Claudia held up her hand.
“Yeah,” the man on the other end of the line said.
“Hey, Casio,” she said, wincing at the way her tongue wouldn’t quite make the words without slurring. “I need a favor.”
Casio
“Why’d you let her drink so much?” Casio asked Georgie as he practically carried Claudia into Georgie’s three-bedroom apartment.
“She’s just hurting over her marriage. I think it sort of snuck up on her.”
“So she’s really leaving ol’ Vic, huh?”
Georgie shrugged and lifted the covers over Claudia. “She thinks she is. Even says she’s going to get her own apartment.” She straightened up. “I think she’ll go back to him. As a matter of fact, I’d bet money on it. She seems a little lost right now. But she has a hard time keeping her husband and daughter out of our conversations.”
The Crossing Page 16