Breathe

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Breathe Page 5

by Lila Kane


  “Say you’ll consider it. Say I still have a chance.”

  “I don’t know,” I repeated, backing to the door. My instincts were kicking in. Whenever I felt uncomfortable, the safest thing to do was run.

  “It’s him, right? Your ex?” Finn made a low noise in his throat, almost like a growl. “I swear, if he did anything to fucking hurt you—”

  “Finn—Mr. Moore—”

  “I’m not him.” His lips pressed into a thin line. But he dragged a hand through his hair. “I’m nothing like him and you know it. I can be patient. I’ll show you.”

  My back touched the wall by the door. “I have a few more things to get to before I leave for the night.”

  “I’ll show you,” he repeated.

  “You do that.”

  His smile returned, not quite as cocky as before, and he straightened, shoulders relaxing. “Of course. Have a good night, Charlotte.”

  Just like that? It wouldn’t have been that easy with Mark.

  “Good night,” I mumbled. I hurried back to my office and closed the door. I might have to get that glass of wine after all.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  The entire next day, Finn didn’t mention anything about the flowers or his intentions. He talked about work when I saw him, discussed the fundraiser—a masquerade ball—and asked for a report by the end of next week on each community.

  In fact, he said so little to me, I thought he might be angry. Either way, it gave me a day of peace where I could set aside my thoughts and focus on work.

  When I returned to Housing well after six the next day, I stopped in front of my door and felt a flicker of guilt. I hadn’t stopped by Paige’s last night and hadn’t seen her around at all in between.

  I walked to her door and knocked. When I heard loud music booming from within, I knocked harder. After a moment, the volume of the music lowered and she appeared at the door.

  “Charlotte!” Her smile flashed before she yanked me inside the apartment.

  I stumbled in with a laugh and wrinkled my nose when I smelled something like paint fumes.

  “It’s paint,” Paige said with a nod.

  Her hair was tossed into a haphazard braid that hung to the middle of her back. A splotch of creamy green paint dried on the shoulder of her tank top.

  “Come on,” she said.

  The inside of her apartment looked much like mine, a hallway leading to the bedrooms and an open concept kitchen where you could peer into the living room and see out the tall windows. Her view didn’t stretch west, however, it overlooked the rest of the buildings of Oasis and showcased an impressive bank of storm clouds brewing over the city.

  “Blue or green?” Paige asked, leading me to the master bedroom.

  “You’re painting? I haven’t even had time to unpack everything.”

  “I’m just testing colors.” She gestured to the wall with a patch of blue on it. “It’s technically called Seaside, and that one”—she pointed to the wall with green on it—“Lily Pad. Which is ridiculous to say I painted my bedroom Lily Pad, but it’s pretty, right?”

  “If my feet weren’t killing me, I’d be able to focus.” I pulled off my heels. “How about I go change and grab a bottle of wine and then come back with a clearer head?”

  Paige grinned. “Perfect.”

  As I walked from the room, she called, “Have you eaten dinner?”

  “No.”

  “I’ll order something.”

  I left her apartment, thinking Paige knew her way around here pretty well. I was going to have to pick her brain later, see what worked and what didn’t. Get her take on what could be improved in each community. It wouldn’t hurt to talk to other tenants as well. I needed to start using the facilities, too—particularly the gym.

  Even though my feet protested, I made a tentative plan to go down there to check it out tomorrow morning.

  When I got to my door, I heard the elevator ding and looked over. Finn exited, smiling when he saw me. His eyes dropped to the heels hanging by my fingertips and then to my bare feet. “I like this look on you. We should change the dress code at work.”

  “Mandatory bare feet? Sounds like a health code infraction.”

  “Infraction,” he said with a smile. “That you can say that with a straight face and bare feet really turns me on.”

  I frowned, which made him smile wider. “Well,” I said, “you being here is an infraction and—”

  “It’s after work hours. I’m not being unprofessional.”

  “We still work together.”

  He scratched his chin. “And we’re both adults.”

  He also looked a lot professional than he did at work. He wasn’t wearing the suit and tie. He had on a pair of dark jeans and a T-shirt, one that was just tight enough I could see muscle underneath. Almost normal. And very much like old times.

  I slid my key card into the slot on the door and walked into my apartment. Finn waited in the doorway, one hand propped on the frame.

  He grinned. “I won’t come in unless you ask me.”

  I sighed. “I’m heading out after I change.” Then I flashed him a smile. “But if you need to talk, you can make an appointment with my assistant.”

  “I might do that. Where are you heading? Dinner? Because I could keep you company.”

  I walked down the hallway to my room, calling behind me, “You can come in!”

  Needing order, I set my shoes in my closet in the same spot I’d retrieved them from this morning and found a pair of yoga pants and a tank top. I tossed them on my bed and returned to the living room, pulling my hair into a ponytail at the same time.

  Finn stood at the window, taking in the view again. I wondered how many times a day he did that. Wondered, just a little, what he was thinking when he did it. And how he could look so peaceful, like nothing in the world could touch him.

  “I’m not going out to dinner,” I told him. “I’m having dinner at my neighbor’s.”

  He turned, eyebrows raised. “New friends already. That’s good. Is this a…female neighbor?”

  I laughed. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

  “I could find out pretty easily if I wanted to.”

  “You won’t do that,” I told him.

  Walking to the kitchen, I ducked into the pantry and grabbed the only bottle of wine I had. I was going to have to make a trip to the store.

  “Is there a liquor store in Main? I didn’t—” I broke off when I stepped out of the pantry and Finn was there, blocking my way.

  “Why did you say I won’t do that?” he asked, voice low. “Find out about your neighbor?”

  “Because that’s obsessive and rude, and if you want to get anywhere with me, that’s not the way to do it.”

  He smiled. “So you’re giving me a chance?”

  “I’m not saying yes, I’m just saying you absolutely won’t have a chance if you pull any of that shit.”

  I was through with men like that. I didn’t need them in my life, as friends or otherwise. If I had to work with them, I’d stay professional but that was it.

  A loud clap of thunder boomed outside and I jumped, nearly dropping the bottle of wine. Finn reached out and took it from my hand to set it on the counter.

  “Why don’t we just keep this safe over here until you’re ready to go,” he said, frowning.

  I pressed a hand to my chest, my heart thudding beneath my palm. I tried to laugh it off. Finn was already suspicious and I didn’t need him to get even more so. “Just a little jumpy today.”

  “And yesterday.”

  I met his eyes. The blue around his irises was so dark, it was almost black. Like staring into a deep pool of water. “It’s nothing. Just stress.”

  “I wasn’t lying yesterday when I said I’m here for you. I’m a good listener—even better than you remember.”

  “I remember,” I murmured.

  This time when his hand came out, I was ready for it. “Finn,” I warned.

  He didn’t
listen. He cupped my cheek in his palm, brushing his thumb under my eye. “You look tired.”

  In that moment, I almost mentioned the phone call and the trouble sleeping. Just to have someone to talk to. Someone I knew would listen. Finn was right, he was a good listener.

  He moved in, his scent surrounding me. My eyes closed in response, and I felt the slightest brush against my lips.

  “Charlotte,” he murmured.

  Thunder growled again. I could do it. I could lose myself here and now. Part of me wanted to. Not just to take away my thoughts and worries, but because I still had feelings for Finn buried deep inside. He made me feel safe, and that’s what I needed most right now.

  I opened my eyes, almost stumbling when I stepped back. “No, I can’t.”

  But the words warred with what my body was telling me. It was still screaming how badly it wanted Finn and his hands all over me.

  He lowered his arm and propped his hand on the lip of the counter, bowing his head. “Damn it, that wasn’t…I didn’t plan that.”

  His words made me smile.

  “What’s so funny?” he asked.

  “You.”

  “What about me?”

  “Having to live in the real world like the rest of us, where some things don’t go as planned. Sometimes it’s better that way.” Or at least, love was. In my opinion. That’s what made it so amazing and what made it feel so good. It didn’t hit you how you expected it to. Sometimes it even knocked you over, but it didn’t hurt.

  Until it was taken away.

  “I was thinking dinner and wine and…I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I was going to be smooth. Suave.”

  I laughed. “You didn’t do too bad. But it’s not…no, I can’t do this. Besides, I have to get going.”

  He hesitated. Lightning flashed outside the window, followed by another peal of thunder. He didn’t look convinced. I almost didn’t want him to be.

  “I’m tenacious,” he said quietly.

  “I know.”

  Then he smiled and backed up. “I look forward to the rest of the week.”

  I blinked. He was already turning to the door. “Enjoy your wine!” he called after him. And then he was gone.

  Sagging against the counter, I sighed. Maybe I hadn’t thought this all the way through. I figured I’d be able to handle Finn. But that had been on a business level. On a personal level…it wasn’t going so well.

  I needed someone to talk to. Paige? God, it had been so long since I’d opened up to anyone about my personal life. Only my friend Christie knew about Mark, and even then I’d left out most of the details. It was safer that way.

  The important thing was, we weren’t together anymore. And that was the best possible scenario for me.

  Now that I’d also put several hundred miles between us, it was time to start over.

  Which meant it was okay to have friends again, and maybe, just maybe, okay to share part of myself.

  “I want to hire a personal chef to make this for me every day for lunch,” I said. Paige had ordered from the restaurant downstairs and theirs was the best French dip I’d ever tasted. I pointed to her meal. “And then, I’m going to have him—”

  “Or her—”

  “Or her make me what you’re having for dinner every night.” I leaned back on the couch, folding my hands across my stomach. “And I won’t get fat either because I’ll get up early every day and exercise at the gym downstairs.”

  Paige lifted her glass of wine and saluted. “I’ll be there. Every other day, though.”

  “Yeah, maybe three times a week.”

  She laughed. “Right. Everything in moderation.”

  “Speaking of moderation,” I said. “I haven’t had dessert in days. So it’s okay to have some of that chocolate cake you ordered too, right?”

  She nodded. “And more wine.”

  When I only smiled, she filled my glass again until I shook my head. “Okay, okay. I still have to work tomorrow.”

  But it felt good. To bond over something as simple as food and wine, and know I could have more days like this. I could have a life here if things kept going according to plan.

  Instead of eating at Paige’s dining table, we’d brought our meals and drinks to the living room and both sat around the coffee table. Paige still wore her tank top with splotches of paint on it, her hair messy in a braid that rested over her shoulder. She had to be close to my age, maybe a few years older. Already it felt like I’d found someone I might be able to confide in.

  “Speaking of work,” Paige said, rising and going for the kitchen. She removed the cake from the refrigerator and drew down plates. “What do you do over there in the Business towers? Are the offices nice? Have you met the big boss man yet? I hear he’s dreamy.”

  I almost choked on my wine. “Big boss man. You mean…Finnigan Moore?”

  “That’s him. I saw him walking outside the daycare once with an entourage of business suits. He commands a presence, that’s for sure. And damn…” She peeked out of the kitchen with a grin. “I’d totally be his love slave. Just saying.”

  I choked again and covered it with a laugh. If there was ever an opening to talk about work and my personal life, this was it. I took another encouraging sip of wine and nodded.

  “Yeah, I know Finn. We’re actually sort of…working together.”

  She walked out of the kitchen with a knife in her hand. It was covered in chocolate icing. “You work with him? Like…in the same office?”

  “Yes.”

  “Holy shit. How come you didn’t tell me this?”

  I laughed. “Because I only met you two days ago and I’ve been stuffing my face with French dip since I got here. And the wine…I was too relaxed to talk about work.”

  “I’m not talking about work, I’m talking about Finnigan Moore. As in, dark eyes—blue, right? He was kind of far away, I couldn’t really tell. And dark hair. And suits that make me think he visits the gym a lot more than I do and rarely indulges in chocolate cake. And those lips. Holy hell…I bet he knows just what to do with them. He’s definite eye candy, at the very least.”

  The combination of her words and the wine made me giggle. I had to give her that. Finn was attractive in an edgy way. He was too rough to look like he really belonged in the world of business suits and fancy dinners and million-dollar houses, but too polished to hang out down at our level. Even in college, people had talked about him. Old money, a father who’d built an empire, and his two sons who stood to inherit. Finn’s father and mine had both died during college, within a year of each other, and maybe that was what had bonded us the most in the beginning.

  Paige set pieces of cake on two plates. She brought forks with her to the living room and handed me mine with a mischievous grin.

  “Okay, spill.”

  I grinned, not willing to give in so easily. “Not much to spill.”

  “Which means there’s a whole story there you’re not telling me. Come on, I fed you. That’s got to be payment for at least half the story.”

  “Half the story,” I considered, taking a bite. The cake was smooth and rich and I was too relaxed to feel guilty about how big a slice Paige had cut for me. Which half of the story did I want to tell her? Both were interesting. Both had taken pieces of my heart.

  I started at the beginning. “Finn and I knew each other in college. We—”

  “Please tell me you dated. And then give me details.”

  I laughed and settled into the cushions on the couch, taking my cake with me. “Yes, we dated. That half of the story has less to do with now than the fact that we both took a lot of the same classes. He wanted to be an architect and we sort of came up with this idea for an all-inclusive community, where you could live your entire life inside this gigantic facility.”

  Paige grinned. “Kind of like Oasis.”

  “Kind of like Oasis. It was underdeveloped and just a dream. But we did a lot of dreaming back then.”

  We’d been partners if
it came right down to it. One time he’d told me he wasn’t intimidated by my genius. In fact, he’d been excited by it. The more ideas we came up with, the more he seemed to fall for me. I thought he’d loved me then. It had looked like it. I would have bet my life on it.

  And maybe he had. But he’d been too scared. What about now? Were those same feelings still there for him?

  “So how come you didn’t get here sooner?” Paige asked. “To help with everything or, I don’t know, be the boss like Finn?” She smiled. “I’m calling him Finn since you called him Finn and that seems even more romantic.”

  “That’s the other half of the story,” I said with a laugh. “The part you don’t get to hear right now.”

  Though the thunder had quieted, clouds still swirled outside and drops of rain tapped the windows. It was getting late, the night looming closer. But this was still the most relaxed I’d been since I got here. That said something for the wine, sure, but also the company.

  Paige joined me on the couch and sighed, setting her cake aside. “You were in love.”

  “Did I say that out loud? I’m pretty sure I didn’t.”

  She smiled. “I can tell. Besides, things don’t get that complicated if you just decide to be friends. Which means…love. And a not quite so happy ending.”

  I set my cake on the coffee table, too, and nodded. “But really, when is it ever a happy ending? I mean, we want something and the moment we get it, we’re off looking for something else.”

  “Yes, but not with love. Not always.”

  “What about you?” I asked. “What’s your happy ending?”

  She shrugged. “Something bigger than the daycare. Photography probably. My own business one day. And love, sure. There’s always that.”

  “Have you ever been in love before?”

  Another shrug, one which said she had. But she didn’t elaborate. “Now that I’ve moved here, on my own and away from most of my family, my priorities are shifting. It’s nice to make a new beginning. And it would be nice to meet someone.”

  I nodded. It would be nice. And it would also be scary. As in, I’d be tempted to get a full background check on the guy kind of scary. Because you never knew. But Finn…I didn’t need one for him. No, I knew Finn’s history. And I knew, even when his temper was short, he’d never lash out at me the way Mark had. I guess that’s why I felt so safe around him. Why I could let my own temper slip with him and not fear I’d let it go too far.

 

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