Breathe

by Lila Kane

  “Look at it this way,” Finn said, trying a new tactic, “I’d do the same for my family. And so would you. If this was happening to Jenna, what would you do?”

  If someone was hurting my sister? I’d go Jekyll and Hyde on them, too.

  “I’d kill them,” I murmured, fire in my words.

  Finn’s face twisted at the comment like he was surprised and pained to hear such a vehement reaction. He framed my face with his hands. “What the hell did he do to you?”

  I tightened my arms around his neck and ducked to bury my face in his shoulder, sidestepping the question. Everything. He did everything to me. Yelled at me, hit me, berated me, stepped all over me, and worst of all…broke my spirit. That had lasted a lot longer than the bruises or the heartache.

  Finn held me close and didn’t ask any more questions. But I knew before long, he was going to need the answers.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  We stretched the weekend as long as possible, spending most of the day at the beach on Saturday, and then going out for lunch and decorations for my apartment on Sunday. I knew it was mostly Finn keeping an eye on me, but we started to fall back into our easy routine. We’d been good together. Comfortable. And it was showing now.

  I felt more settled than I had all week. Paige came over both evenings, which helped me convince Finn I was safe—and not alone—in my apartment, but he still insisted on calling and making sure I’d locked the doors before bed.

  On Monday, Tucker greeted me at my desk with coffee and a pastry.

  “Good,” I said, gesturing for him to sit. “I have a list of tasks for you.”

  “Which means you spent the entire weekend working instead of playing.”

  I smiled. “I’ll have you know, I went to the beach and went shopping. That’s about as far from work as you can get.”

  “I’m impressed. I figured you’d be here all weekend.”

  Rolling my eyes, I said, “What did you do?”

  “Babysat my brother’s dog. Pain in my ass.”

  I snorted into my coffee. “Why’s that?”

  “Dog’s ugly and has to go out every half an hour.”

  Grabbing my pen, I said, “Yes, that’s good. Report.”

  “On the babysitting?”

  “You did it here, right?”

  “Yeah, there’s hair all over my apartment now, too.”

  I waved away the comment. “No, the dog park. I haven’t gotten up to the recreational area of Housing yet. Swing sets for the kids, right? And grass for the dogs?”

  “Oh,” Tucker said, catching on. “Hold on, let me get my coffee.”

  He walked out, then returned and sat again. “Right. First, not many kids up there. I think the benches need umbrellas for when it gets hotter.”

  I nodded, taking notes in my Housing file. I’d made a separate one for each sector to stay organized. The more information I gathered, the more files I was going to have to make. Even the idea of files relaxed me. Order comforted me, made me feel like my life wasn’t chaos. Like I hadn’t fallen apart so many times, or if I had, I was getting on track now.

  “More bag stations,” Tucker continued.

  I looked up. “Bag stations?”

  “You know, where you can get a bag to clean up after your pet.” He made a face. “And then dispose of it.”

  Laughing, I set down the pen for my coffee. “Is it all pets or just your brother’s dog that you don’t like?”

  “Like I said, my brother’s dog is exceptionally ugly. But…yeah, all dogs. Pretty much. I used to have a girlfriend who had one of those really small ones people like to put sweaters on. She carried it around in a pink purse. I’m pretty sure she liked that dog more than me throughout our whole relationship. And when we broke up…she definitely liked the dog more than me.”

  “What are you doing this Saturday evening?” I asked.

  Tucker frowned. “Please don’t ask me to watch your dog. Two weekends in a row would probably kill me.”

  “I don’t have a dog.”

  “Not your cat either—”

  “I don’t have a cat.” I smiled him. “I have a neighbor. She works in Main at the daycare. Lots of kids, so I’m sure she can empathize.”

  He smirked. “Still trying to set me up?”

  “I’m going dress shopping with Leslie and I thought I’d see if Paige wanted to come. We’re going to dinner afterward. It’ll be fun. Less awkward because you already know Leslie.”

  “And I’ll be the only guy with a bunch of hot women. Not a bad deal. Unless you’re bringing Moore.”

  “Bringing Moore where?” a voice said from the doorway.

  Tucker swiveled in his seat. “Mr. Moore. Good morning.”

  Finn’s lips curved just slightly as his eyes met mine. “Gossiping on a Monday. I think you both need more work.”

  Tucker’s ears reddened, making me laugh. “We’re talking about how to improve the outdoor rec area in the Housing Community.”

  “And my name came up how?”

  Tucker glanced at him, and then stood when the phone rang like he was relieved to have something to do. “I’ll get that.”

  After he left, Finn walked in, eyes squinted in a smile. “I make him nervous.”

  “You make most people nervous,” I said.

  “It’s not intentional. So where are you bringing me?”

  “Nowhere. I mentioned I’m going dress shopping with Leslie and hopefully Paige, my neighbor, who hides every time you come around. She must be intimidated, too.”

  He smiled. “Is she hot?”

  Laughing, I said, “You’d probably think so. She’s got that bad girl teacher vibe. But I’m trying to set her up with Tucker, so I invited him to dinner on Saturday.”

  He sat in the seat opposite me. “And I’m not invited?”

  “Well, I didn’t think…I don’t know.” Nervous myself now, I grabbed my coffee cup and held it between my hands long enough to turn them red.

  “You think it’ll be strange because we work together?”

  “Maybe a little. And we’re just, you know…figuring things out.”

  “I’d like to go. Be your date and see you out, having a good time. I promise I won’t make people nervous. Intentionally.”

  I licked my lips, then stopped when I saw Finn’s gaze drop. “I’ll think about it.”

  “Please do.”

  “Did you need something?”

  Finn’s face went serious instantly. He scooted to the edge of the chair as if he had a secret to tell me or wanted to keep his voice low. “Powell called a few minutes ago and asked to speak with us. He said he had something to show us.”

  “What?”

  Finn shook his head. “He didn’t say. I wanted to tell you first. Make sure it’s okay for him to come up.”

  “Of course.” But my hands shook, and I returned the mug to my desk. “In here or…?”

  “Let’s go to my office. More privacy,” Finn said.

  He stood at the same time I did but didn’t turn for the door. My stomach swirled with nerves, and I couldn’t pull off the smile I tried to give Finn.

  “It’s something bad, isn’t it?” I asked.

  Finn met me at the side of the desk, his hand firm and steady on my elbow. “Charlotte, I’m here for you, okay? He didn’t sound overly concerned. I think, like me, he’s taking a few extra precautions. It’ll be fine.”

  I nodded. It’d be fine. Finn was right. It had to be fine because I had to deal with this. I didn’t have a choice. I decided this was it, no backing down, so I had to face it.

  “Come on,” Finn said.

  He led me to his office. I told Tucker to hold any calls on the way, and Finn informed Leslie that Curtis would be coming up shortly and to send him right in.

  Inside the office, Finn closed the blinds that separated us from the lobby and gestured to the table. “We can sit here.”

  Shaking my head, I started to pace. “I can’t sit.”

  Finn di
dn’t respond. He only pocketed his hands and looked out the window, his familiar position that was both relaxed and watchful. We both turned when we heard the elevator ding, and waited for Curtis to walk in.

  He smiled at me as he paused at the side of the table. “Ms. Evans. Good to see you again.”

  He shook Finn’s hand and took the seat he was offered. Finn joined him, but I stayed behind the chairs, unable to sit.

  “Sorry to come up on such short notice,” Curtis began, “but we’ve been monitoring all deliveries that have come into Housing and Business—”

  “Why?” I asked, giving Finn a swift glance.

  In his calm voice, Curtis said, “After the incident with the locker room and in the Commons, I suggested to Mr. Moore we tighten up security some, particularly in those two communities. No visitors unless we have confirmation from the tenant or someone who works in the office. Visitors already check in downstairs in both communities, but they’re still allowed access to the upper floors.”

  My gaze swept Finn’s again. So he hadn’t told Curtis about the rose. Or at least, not that either was saying right now. My stomach still twisted in a knot.

  “Go on,” Finn said.

  Curtis nodded. “One of the guards in Housing mentioned this morning he had a visitor trying to make a delivery for Ms. Evans.”

  My hands squeezed tight on the back of a chair. Finn held my gaze for a long moment, steady enough to make me calm down some. Enough to prepare to hear Curtis’s next words.

  “When the guard refused to let him up without getting in contact with you first for confirmation, the man got upset. He ran from the lobby but dropped something on his way out. Our guard couldn’t catch him, but we retrieved this.”

  Curtis pulled a clear plastic bag out of his pocket and set it on the table. Inside was a card similar to the one attached to the flower I received on Friday.

  “According to the guard,” Curtis said, “this was inside a wrapper that also contained two roses.”

  I leaned in to read the note. I’m watching.

  My breath caught. Finn slid the note closer to read it. His jaw clenched and he stood, walking around the table to touch my arm.

  “You can sit down,” he said.

  My legs wobbled, but I couldn’t move.

  Curtis met my eyes. “The guard mentioned you got a similar delivery over the weekend.”

  I nodded.

  “One flower, similar note,” Finn said. “I have it if you’d like to see it.”

  My gaze whipped up to meet his. “You kept it?”

  “In case,” Finn said, voice low.

  “That was smart,” Curtis confirmed. “Ms. Evans, I’m sorry to bring you such disturbing news so early in the morning.”

  “No, it’s fine,” I said, my voice coming out a whisper. I boosted some energy into it and forced myself to meet Curtis’s eyes. “I appreciate you coming right away to tell us.”

  “This changes things,” Finn said.

  He didn’t look at me but I knew he was talking to me. He wanted more. He wanted to know what happened. Maybe he needed it in order to figure this out. And what about Curtis? Would he want to know more, too?

  Curtis stood. “I apologize for intruding but if there’s more that’s going on, it would help to know. All of it.”

  My lungs tightened. Air barely wheezed through. Finn’s face swirled before me as my heart thumped out of control. I thought I’d left my past behind but it had followed me here.

  “I need…” I clasped Finn’s arm for a moment, unable to get the words out. “I just—need a minute—”

  “Charlotte.” Finn’s eyes dashed across my face. Whatever he saw there made his eyes narrow. “The restroom.”

  I turned, my gaze zeroing in on the room next to the bar. I clasped a hand to my chest, the pressure so intense I was worried I wouldn’t make it there. But I put one foot in front of the other. Finn released me when I got to the door, and I felt their eyes on me when I shut myself inside.

  Sitting on the toilet seat, I yanked in shallow breaths until I remembered how important it was to control my thoughts and my breathing. To stop fighting the feeling that I might pass out. Or that the world would stop turning. That I might die right here in Finn’s bathroom before I had a chance to really live my life.

  Closing my eyes, I visualized air going in and out of my lungs. Expand. Contract. My heart rate slowed. I could feel my limbs relaxing, all of me melting into a puddle of calm on the toilet seat.

  A soft knock on the door startled me, and I stood.

  “Charlotte?” Finn said.

  “I’m coming. Just a minute.”

  I stood at the sink and splashed water on my face. Then I dabbed it with one of the soft towels that sat on the counter. Staring at myself in the mirror, I was surprised to see stony eyes, a set jaw, and shoulders back. I wasn’t the same Charlotte I’d been when I’d gotten together with Mark. Or with Finn for that matter.

  In that moment, I made the decision to work with Finn and Curtis, to do whatever it took to get past this mess with Mark and get on with my life.

  When I left the bathroom, Finn was the only one in the office.

  “Where’s Curtis?” I asked.

  Finn turned from the window, his hands in his pockets. “I told him I’d get in touch with him later. He had work to do anyway.”

  I blew out a breath and gave him a smile. “Okay. So, now what?”

  He angled his head. “What do you mean?”

  “I…” I dropped my chin, searching for words. “I need to take care of this. If it’s not Mark, then something else is going on. Either way, I want it to stop.”

  I heard Finn’s footsteps as he walked to me, shiny shoes stopping in my view. His fingers slid under my chin, tipping my face so he could see my eyes. “I think that’s very brave of you.”

  “I don’t feel brave,” I admitted. “I feel like a coward because I didn’t stand up to him in the first place. If I’d just—”

  Clamping my lips together, I shook my head. No, I didn’t want to bring this all back up. Especially not to Finn.

  “What?” Finn asked, his thumb brushing my cheekbone. “You can talk to me, Charlotte. I can’t help but think if we never…split up, or if I’d just been decent about it, not such an ass, you might never have met Mark. Or not gotten together with him. Shit.” Finn bit off another curse and set his jaw. “This is bullshit. Who does he think he is?”

  “Finn, we don’t know for sure it’s him—”

  “It’s him. And if he comes anywhere near you, I’ll kick his fucking ass.”

  “Finn.” I choked on the word. “Just…don’t do anything until we have all the facts. And don’t—you can’t touch him—”

  “Like hell!” he exploded.

  Backing up, I wrung my hands, my chest squeezing tight. That was the last thing I needed, Finn tracking down Mark and doing something that would get him in trouble.

  “This is why I didn’t want to tell you,” I said to Finn. I glanced to the door, taking a step in that direction. “I need to get back to work.”

  “Wait. No.” Finn ran a hand through his hair, and then propped his hands on his hips. “I’m glad you told me.”

  “I’m not. Not if you’re going to do something rash. Not if—” I winced and clenched my hand into a fist at my chest. “You can’t do anything, Finn. You just can’t. Please.”

  The battle he fought was written all over his face. His voice was low when he said, “Harassing you is nonnegotiable. I can’t stand by and let that happen.”

  I took another step to the door, wishing I could run away and hide. But that had only solved problems temporarily last time. They’d still come back, and worse than before.

  Swallowing hard, I squared my shoulders. “You can’t do anything to try to stop him, not right now, or else something really bad will happen.”

  I swear I saw his face pale. “What? What did that bastard threaten you with?”

  He walked to
me, and I held up a hand. “Stop.”

  “Charlotte, you said you want to get this taken care of.”

  “Yes. My way. The safe way. No, don’t argue with me. Damn it, Finn—stop! You don’t understand everything that’s going on, and if I tell you, it’s just going to make it worse.”

  He shook his head, clearly in disagreement.

  When the first sting of tears hit my eyes, I backed up again, angry with myself for thinking this would work. “I can’t…I don’t know how to fix this. And I couldn’t live with myself if someone got hurt because of me.” I drew in a deep breath and met Finn’s eyes. “I think the best choice is for me to leave.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me,” I said, my voice unsteady, even as I held his gaze. “I quit.”

  I ignored the two calls on my phone as I rushed through the Commons. I steered clear of security so I wouldn’t see Curtis, and made it to Main in record time. I knew Finn was trying to call me. I knew Tucker was probably wondering where I was. But there wasn’t anything I could do about that right now.

  It wasn’t hard to find Paige. She was at the front desk of the daycare, talking on the phone and explaining rates and hours. When she saw me, she started to smile, then narrowed her eyes. She held up a finger, and I nodded.

  At least my breathing was still even. But my eyes wouldn’t stop stinging. When my phone rang again, I pulled it out, tempted to answer. At the very least, I should let Finn know I was safe. That I was still in the building.

  I texted him, I’m okay. I’m with Paige, and then turned off the phone.

  Paige finished her call and touched my shoulder. “I have my lunch break now. We can talk.”

  I nodded and waited for her to tell one of her employees she was leaving. She bought me coffee and we sat at a table near the Commons, with trees towering over us. I felt exposed, like anyone could see us, but did that matter now anyway? I wasn’t going to be here much longer.

  “I’m not going to push you,” Paige said, “but it usually helps to talk. I’m a good listener.”

  “I barely know you, though.”