Breathe

by Lila Kane

  The thought made me shiver. Was I ready to go that far? Letting Mark into my life just so I could have proof that he was really behind all this?

  But once the police were involved, there really was no going back.

  My muscles were a little sore from the self-defense class, and the last thing I wanted to do was speculate how Mark knew where to reach me. Or where my apartment was. So I tried to put all of that behind me and turned the water hotter. It burned my face and neck but I barely noticed. I closed my eyes and breathed in the steam. My hands went to my neck. That had been the last straw. The tie. After I’d woken up, terrified I’d passed out, I’d made the plan to leave for good.

  Maybe I should have gone to the police then but I’d been too scared.

  I heard a noise behind me and whipped around. Finn got in the shower with me, his body one long line of muscle and strength.

  “Is this okay?” he asked.

  I nodded even as my heart slammed against my ribs. “I thought you had some calls to make.”

  “I wanted to check on you.”

  He pulled me close, tucking my head against his shoulder. The hot water rained down on us and mixed with my tears. Finn didn’t notice until I sniffled. He pulled back, eyes full of worry. “Charlotte…”

  I smiled at him and even though it wobbled a little, it felt good. “It’s okay.”

  “What can I do?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

  “But—”

  “Not now,” I whispered, pressing against him. “I just…need a distraction.”

  He instantly hardened against me, his cock pressing into my hip with the same need I was feeling. But he eased back. “I don’t know—”

  “I do,” I murmured, wrapping my hand around him.

  A low groan escaped his lips, and in an instant, he hauled me against him. His mouth found mine, as hot as the water as he thrust his tongue inside. “Charlotte,” he said, the word just a low rumble.

  “I want to forget,” I said, closing my eyes. “Just for now.”

  He spun me to face the wall. My eyes flew open and then closed again when he traced his lips over my shoulder while trailing his hands down my back. My breasts pressed against the wall and I leaned my forehead there as well, reveling in Finn’s touch. When I reached back for him, he captured my hands and held them to the wall with his, using the moment to whisper in my ear.

  “I love you, Charlotte.”

  The words I wanted to say to him filled my mouth but wouldn’t come out. Finn didn’t say anything, only released my hands and reached around me, fingers sliding along my abdomen before he touched my breast. The nipple puckered against his skilled hand, and I moaned when the other hand slid lower, reaching between my legs.

  “Oh, God. Finn,” I said, but he wouldn’t let me turn around. He kept me pinned against the shower wall with his muscled body.

  “Let me do this for you,” he said, lips touching my ear.

  I couldn’t argue because my knees were already weak as he worked one finger on me, circling my clit with a slow precision I remembered well. Finn always knew how to make me come. He reached around with his other hand to slide one finger into my wetness. I gasped at the feel, barely still standing at the skill of his hands.

  “Let go,” Finn said, breath hot on my ear. “Just let go.”

  And I did. My body exploded, eyes squeezing shut as a shower of colors fireworked behind the lids. I sagged against Finn and he held me up, pulling my hair to the side so he could caress my neck.

  Body still trembling with the force of the orgasm, I could only stand there for a moment, supported by his arms.

  When I finally turned, his eyes were filled with desire. They traveled the length of my body, lingering on my breasts and my sex, which was still clenching with the memory of his fingers.

  I pulled him to me. “I want you inside of me,” I said, nipping at his lip.

  He captured my hands against the wall again and slowly slid inside of me until I was full of him, my body pulsing all over with my rushed heartbeats.

  His fingers clenched on mine as he thrust in and out, increasing the rhythm when I hissed his name. Breaking free of his grip, I clasped my fingers around his neck and ravaged his mouth. A sound of pleasure escaped, and he pumped even faster.

  “Yes,” I told him, my voice almost hoarse. “Just like that.”

  His eyes held mine, capturing them with love and lust. And then his body shuddered. He thrust a few more times and then clutched me close as he emptied inside of me. I squeezed my arms around him and said the words in my head, the ones I was too afraid to say out loud.

  I love you.

  I collapsed on the bed once we were out of the shower, and Finn followed along, sitting next to me. He was still gloriously naked except for the towel at his waist. It was hard not to look but my eyes were so tired.

  I lay on my stomach, cheek mashed against the pillow. Finn rubbed my back, pushing down the towel so his fingers could trail along my spine.

  “We should eat. You didn’t have any lunch,” he said.

  “I’m too tired.”

  His hand traced my ribs, making me squirm. “You’re going to waste away. Let’s eat.”

  I swatted his hand. “That tickles.”

  He was silent so long, I opened my eyes and saw a gleam in his. “Don’t do it,” I warned.

  “If I tickle you, you’ll wake up and then we can eat.”

  Rolling over to my side, I snagged his hand before he could attack. “Why don’t you get something and I’ll take a nap?”

  He frowned and brushed his thumb along my jaw. “I’m sorry. You’re right. You can nap if you want.”

  He started to reach for the covers, but I flopped onto my back. “No, I’m getting up. I just…need some clothes.”

  “What do you need clothes for?”

  I rolled my eyes at him. “You want me to eat dinner naked?”

  “Yes, please.”

  Laughing, I pushed him over on the bed. My towel slipped lose and before I could fix it, Finn snagged it and threw it off the bed. I sprawled across him, trying to get it. He caught me around the waist, hauling me on top of him.

  He crushed me close and I rested my head on his shoulder. “If you weren’t so tired, I’d take advantage of you being naked.”

  “Maybe if you feed me first.”

  “What do you want?”

  “Pizza.”

  He smiled, cheek brushing my damp hair. “Pizza in bed. Coming up.”

  We ate in Finn’s room, with the city lights twinkling outside his window and music playing in the background. When he took a phone call, I sunk under the covers and listened to the deep timbre of his voice for as long as I could stay awake.

  I hadn’t meant to sleep in Finn’s room but his bed was so big and comfortable, with cool sheets against my legs and a pillow made of the softest feathers. Before I knew it, I was out.

  The tie was the color of blood, fresh and bright red like you’d just pricked your finger with a needle or a pin.

  “You shouldn’t have left,” Mark said, sliding the tie through his hands over and over again.

  “I’m back now,” I whimpered. “It’s okay.”

  He gave a slow smile, the kind I’d learned meant so much more than what it seemed on the surface. “You’re right. You’re back. And you’ll never leave me again.” He took a step closer. “Say it.”

  “Wh-what?”

  “Say you’ll never leave me again.”

  The words were bitter in my mouth, and I had to force them out. “I’ll never leave you again.”

  “Good,” he murmured. “Very good. Now go unpack.”

  I blinked. Unpack? He wasn’t going to hit me? To make me get on my knees and beg? Or worse, make me strip down and let him take me on the floor while my mind whirled with all the other places I could be right now.

  Hesitantly, I turned, ready to walk to the front door where I’d set my bag when we got
back. Then something wrapped around my neck. Something soft. Not his hands this time. The tie. He jerked me back against him and my knees buckled. I struggled to get my footing as the tie cut off my air.

  “You will never leave me like that again, you hear me?”

  I tried to nod but I could barely move my head. I clawed at the tie, trying to get my fingers under the material. I gasped for air but it wouldn’t reach my lungs.

  “Ma…” I couldn’t say his name because I couldn’t catch my breath.

  He’d stop eventually. He had to or he’d kill me. I gave up on the tie and swung back with my elbows, trying to get him to loosen his grip. But he just squeezed tighter.

  Blackness swirled at the edges of my vision. My energy left me and I slumped against him, sliding to the floor.

  “That’s right, baby,” Mark murmured. “You’re mine. You do what I want. Now and forever.”

  I passed out on the floor right at his feet.

  When I woke, I heard someone say my name. Not Finn’s voice, someone else.

  I yanked in a breath, at first relieved the air reached my lungs, and then paralyzed with fear. I wasn’t in Finn’s room. It was a dimly lit hallway.

  Someone touched my arm. I gasped, already scrambling to my feet to run.

  “Wait,” he said.

  I darted from the hallway and into the living room. The lights were on, but there wasn’t anyone there. I could smell Finn on my shirt, feel him somewhere in the apartment. But I couldn’t find him.

  Arms closed around me.

  “No!” I screamed.

  And with all my might, I swung back with my arm, catching my elbow on their sternum. The arms loosened and I ran.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Footsteps came after me as I raced to the elevator. I slammed my hand against the button, heart lurching, and turned to see two people coming after me.

  My breath caught. My stomach dropped.

  “Finn,” I gasped, back pressed against the wall next to the elevator doors. Curtis was just behind him, eyes dark with concern.

  The elevator dinged open. Finn rubbed at a spot on his chest and said, “Charlotte, it’s me.”

  “She must have been dreaming,” Curtis said, talking to Finn like I wasn’t standing in front of them.

  I put a shaky hand to my mouth and slid down the wall until I was sitting on the cool floor.

  “Charlotte,” Finn said again, venturing a step closer. “Are you awake now?”

  I nodded.

  His shoulders relaxed and he glanced at Curtis.

  “A nightmare,” Curtis confirmed. He jerked his chin to the office off the living room. “I’ll give you a moment.”

  When Finn turned back to me, he looked like he wasn’t sure whether to reach out for me or back up. Instead, he rubbed the spot on his chest again. “I guess the self-defense class was worthwhile.”

  “Oh my God, Finn, I’m so sorry,” I babbled. My legs didn’t have the strength to stand, so I appealed to him with my eyes. “I didn’t know Curtis was here and—and I thought you were someone else.”

  “I know,” Finn soothed. He sat on the floor next to me. He reached out but hesitated with his hand hovering over my bare knee. “Can I…?”

  I threw myself into his arms. He nearly fell backward but steadied us with one arm while the other wrapped around me.

  “Finn,” I sobbed into his ear. “He almost—he had the tie—”

  “Wait, what? Charlotte,” Finn murmured, trying to ease back to look at my face.

  I wouldn’t let go. I only squeezed his neck tighter. “No, God, please don’t let go. Just—” My breath yanked in, but it felt like the tie was still around my neck. “I can’t—can’t breathe—”

  “Yes, you can.” Finn pulled my arms from his neck. He cupped my cheeks between his palms. “Look at me. You can breathe. It was just a dream. You’re safe here in my apartment. In and out, Charlotte. Take slow breaths.”

  I shook my head and clawed at my throat, feeling that familiar haze of black crowding my vision. “It’s still—it’s here. It’s still here—”

  “Nothing is there. Charlotte,” Finn said. “You have to calm down. You need—shit.” He glanced behind him and then called, “Powell!”

  “I—don’t—” I panicked, looking around the apartment, afraid Mark would suddenly appear and come after all of us.

  “Don’t talk,” Finn ordered, pulling my hands away from my throat. He glanced behind him when Curtis rushed into the room. “She’s panicking.”

  Curtis knelt down in front of us but it was already too late. His voice came to me even as I began to slump against Finn. “…slow breaths…Charlotte…”

  I clutched at Finn’s shirt and felt his arms around me as the world faded away.

  When I woke again, I could breathe. I was on the couch in the living room and I could hear voices nearby. I still wore the same shorts and T-shirt I’d gone to bed in, but now I was covered in a thick blanket. Outside the window, the world was dark, the sky fathomless.

  It reminded me of Mark’s eyes. The way he’d always stare at me like the worst was coming.

  Sitting up slowly, I rubbed my chest where it still ached from my sharp breaths. Oh, no…Curtis had seen me lose it. Really lose it.

  I had only passed out because of a panic attack once before, and I thought I had it under control after that. But it was hard to take deep breaths when the image of a bloodred tie was in my head and I’d just attacked my boyfriend because I thought he was my ex-fiancé. And with an audience, too.

  The voices stopped, and I glanced over my shoulder to see Finn exiting the kitchen with Curtis behind him. My cheeks heated.

  I swallowed when Finn reached the couch and sat up all the way, pushing at my hair. “I’m so sorry.” Then I spoke to Curtis, though I couldn’t meet his eyes. “I thought you were someone else. I didn’t expect to see you here. And…” I flicked a glance at Finn before lowering my gaze to my hands in my lap. “I didn’t mean to hit you.”

  Finn sat next to me, trying to get a look at my face. “Don’t apologize. Are you okay?”

  My laugh was harsh. “Me? You’re the one I hit. And…” My throat was hoarse and I tried to clear it. “Curtis. I…don’t know what to say.”

  “Ms. Evans.” His voice was gentle. “You don’t have to say anything. I’ll get you some water.”

  Finn’s fingers covered mine. “Charlotte. Look at me.”

  I lifted my chin, feeling dangerously close to tears. “This is…not right.”

  “No, it isn’t. Have you talked to someone about any of this?”

  I blinked back the moisture in my eyes, pulling my hands away from his. “I was less worried about talking to someone and more worried about putting some distance between me and Mark.”

  Finn’s throat moved with a swallow but he tried again. “I think it might help.”

  “What would help is if I could stop dreaming about his tie around my neck. About every time he hit me in the face or—or pushed me to the ground and made me—”

  “God, Charlotte,” Finn said, anguish in his voice. “I can’t—”

  I blew out a breath and stood. The blanket fell to the floor. “I know. You can’t deal with this. I wouldn’t want to either if I were you. My life is just…completely fucked up.”

  Curtis stopped when he exited the kitchen, his face carefully lacking expression.

  “I’m sorry,” I told him. I walked over to take the glass he held. “Thank you for the water. Thank you for being here. I just—I need a minute.”

  He nodded. I couldn’t look at Finn before I walked away, down the opposite hallway to the guest room. My bag was set on the bed, the covers still askew from earlier. The clock read 12:45 am. What the hell was Curtis doing here this late? Had he found out something? Gotten more information on Mark?

  I pulled a pair of sweatpants out of my bag and put those on instead of the shorts, and then added socks as well.

  Maybe it was better if I we
nt back to my apartment. Or called Paige. I sighed. She was probably already asleep. I was still in the middle of my internal debate when I heard footsteps. Finn appeared in the doorway.

  I stared at him from across the room. “Did Curtis leave?”

  Finn nodded. “But he or someone else will be close if we need them. Or if you…” He eyed my outfit and my open bag. “If you want to go back to your apartment.”

  “It might be best.”

  He propped his hand on the doorframe, not taking even one step into the room. “For who?”

  “You, Finn. It would be best for you to not have to deal with all this.”

  “Since when is that your decision?” he said, voice low and calm. “I’m pretty sure I’m a big boy. I can handle things.”

  I bit my lip, ridiculously ready for a fight. Anything to get out the fear and anger I was feeling. Mark had ruined my life and now Finn was trying to help pick up the pieces.

  “It didn’t sound like you were handling it out there,” I told him.

  “I handled it like any normal man who’s finding out just how horrible the woman he loves got treated by another asshole I can’t get my hands on,” Finn growled. “I’m fucking handling it, Charlotte.”

  The woman he loves. It killed me when he said those words. Because he meant it. Because he said it without hesitation and without fear.

  “Please don’t be mad at me. I—”

  “Hell yes, I’m mad.” Finn walked into the room. “I’m mad at you for not trusting me to be here for you. I’m mad at the whole fucking situation. And I’m pissed as hell at your ex that he broke you down.”

  “Finn,” I whispered, the backs of my legs pressing against the window seat.

  “I’m mad. But I can be mad without hitting you or putting a goddamn tie around your neck.” Finn’s face was red and he ran a shaky hand through his hair. “How many times did he do that to you, Charlotte?”

  I couldn’t move from my spot by the window, afraid to tell him and afraid not to. Finn wasn’t asking much from me. Yes, it felt like everything, but he’d given me everything by being honest with how he felt about me.

  “Once with the tie,” I said. “And once with his hands.”