by Audra Red
For a moment Alexander forgot about the stinging pain in his hand, and the fresh tear running down his cheek. He could only concentrate on Daniel’s thumb, caressing him so gently.
Alexander could smell Daniel in the close proximity, more so than on the train, and he gave off a rich, musky scent. The older man was, Alexander decided, very attractive. There was something rough about him, earthy and potent-- though it was mostly concealed, hidden beneath a polished exterior. Alexander barely knew the man, and even he could see that. He wanted to lean in closer, press into Daniel’s warm neck and inhale.
The thought shook Alexander awake, back to reality in which his hand throbbed and he had cried in front of a stranger on the subway.
“Excuse me,” Alexander croaked, pulling back. Daniel’s hand dropped to his side, and Alexander was immediately sorry for it. “Loo. I’m… I’ll only be a moment, and I’ll…”
“Take this,” Daniel said, opening his hand once more to reveal a slightly crumpled bookmark. Alexander immediately recognized it; it’d been a gift from one of the younger children in his library reading group. It was bright orange, with a small blue tassel at the top, featuring several characters from Winnie the Pooh. “You dropped it on the platform, I’m afraid it’s a bit bent.”
“Thanks.” He took the bookmark and nearly dropped it again before shoving it deeply into his jacket pocket. “I’ll…”
“Meet me near the Starbucks?” Daniel suggested. Alexander nodded affirmative and pressed through the crowd as quickly as he could, needing the distance, needing the solitude.
He slipped into the dingy restroom with a sigh of relief, finding it empty. Leaning against the sink, his elbows against the porcelain basin, he let the tears come. His hand had stopped throbbing, but the situation made him emotional.
It had been over a year since he’d fallen apart in public, mostly due to the fact that he rarely left his house anymore-- only to go to work and shop weekly, and that was in the company of Elijah.
“Oh, god, this is getting pathetic,” he groaned, taking a few deep breaths and shaking out his hands.
He removed the mitten on his right hand, and inspected the gauze, finding the off white color not deepened by moisture from any broken blisters. His hands would sting the most after breaking a blister. A flash of relief crashed through him and he slipped his mitten back on, breathing even steadier.
He looked up into the mirror and brushed at the drying tears, smiling as he recalled Daniel doing the very same only minutes prior.
“Oh, you’re daft,” he told his reflection, but his smile widened.
Just then the door cracked open and a janitor entered with his mop and cart. Alexander took one last look in the mirror, wiping away the sheen of moisture that shimmered across his forehead, and squeezed out past the janitor.
He ducked behind a small pillar outside the restrooms and fished out his cellphone from his deep jacket pocket. He dialed Elijah’s extension and leaned against the wall, waiting.
“Soho Public Library, branch of the New York Public Library, this is Elijah Grey,” came Elijah’s practiced response. “How may I help you?”
“It’s me,” Alexander said. “You’ve got that down.”
“Oh, it’s you again.” Elijah snorted, and Alexander could picture his friend perfectly; his feet propped up on his desk, a half eaten donut on his chest, bright blue eyes set to rolling. “In that case, what in the hell do you want?” Elijah asked, fondness lurking beneath the harsh tone. Alexander laughed and Elijah huffed. “Seriously, what’s up?”
“I’m going to be a tad late, missed my stop. I’m in Astor Place,” Alexander explained.
“How’d you accomplish that?” He took a loud slurp of what was undoubtedly his third cup of coffee that morning.
“I was distracted,” Alexander said. His face reddened as he spoke.
“You take that route every morning, Alex.”
“Never on Wednesdays,” Alexander pointed out.
“That has nothing to do with it, c’mon. Are you okay?” Elijah began to sound worried, and Alexander groaned, deciding to let him in on the events of his morning.
“You worry too much, I’m fine. I was… talking with someone, and lost track of time.” He attempted to sound casual, disinterested even, but Elijah let out a low whistle.
“Alexander Price, distracted? Must have been quite the girl.”
“No, Eli, just some… some interesting conversation.”
“You’re telling me all about this when you get in,” Elijah said, taking another noisy swig of his coffee.
“No, definitely not. It was only conversation. Every normal person does it, and Jesus, we are not blowing this out of proportion.”
“Alexander, I blow everything out of proportion, you should know that by now. And I hate to remind you, but you’re far from normal. You’re still the same shy-as-sin Alexander I met back in Massachusetts. This is an event to celebrate. Maybe she’ll cart you around and take you grocery shopping, and I’ll get a week off?” Elijah teased and Alexander sighed loudly.
“I have to go, Eli,” Alexander said. “Need to make sure I don’t miss the next train.”
“Fine. But later, you spill.”
“Fine, fine! Now go do some actual work, you wanker.”
“Yeah, yeah. See you later then,” Elijah said through a mouthful of what Alexander knew to be a strawberry jelly donut, Elijah’s trademark breakfast food.
“Yep,” Alexander murmured, shifting the phone against his shoulder and ear. “Oh, and Eli?”
“Hm?
Alexander grinned widely. “It wasn’t some girl.”
“Wait… what?”
“See ya.”
“Alexan-”
Alexander ended the call with a satisfying smirk, and he could barely contain the giggle that threatened to escape. He allowed himself a large, self indulgent grin, because really, today was progress.
He sunk his hands into his pockets and became part of the crowd again, something that felt odd but not entirely bad.
Chapter Two
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“There you are,” Daniel greeted, motioning for Alexander to sit across from him. Alexander nodded and shuffled awkwardly, squeezing between two tables. Daniel had grabbed one of the few tiny tables outside the crowded Starbucks, and Alexander settled himself in as best he could. There wasn’t much room to get comfortable, as the tables were packed tightly together, chair backs grazing other chair backs.
Alexander pulled his chair in and stretched his long legs out. His knee knocked Daniel’s under the table and he flushed, hurriedly scooting back. The chair dragged on the marble floor, bumping into an older lady behind him. With a grimace, he mouthed a quick apology, and pulled forward again, his eyes on the table. Alexander’s cheeks were burning crimson and he bit at his lip. Now Daniel surely was aware that Alexander knew their knees had touched. And, really, the touch had seemed obscenely intimate to Alexander.
Daniel chuckled low, and Alexander shifted his legs around, squirming in his seat.
“So, I thought you’d run off,” Daniel said. He stirred at his coffee with a plastic spoon, eyes on Alexander.
“Oh, well, no. I mean, where’d I have run to?” Alexander asked, reaching for the large coffee that Daniel nudged toward him. “Thank you.”
“I wasn’t quite sure on that bit. Maybe Niagra. You ever been there?” Daniel took a long swallow of his coffee and wiped at his mouth with his jacket sleeve. The crude gesture didn’t exactly fit Alexander’s expectations of Daniel, and it mixed him up a bit inside. But he didn’t know Daniel, after all. Maybe the man only appeared posh.
“Nah,” Alexander mumbled, enjoying the feel of the steam wafting up from the cup and across his chin. “I don’t travel much.” He dipped his head low, catching more of the delicious warmth across his cheeks and eyelids.
“Just the big skip across the pond, then?” Daniel took another gulp, and Alexander raised his head, watching
how Daniel watched him. Very closely it seemed.
“Basically, though I did move here from Massachusetts a few years back,” Alexander said. He pressed the cup lid to his lower lip. It was still a little too hot, but he gave into temptation and took a long draught of the coffee. The moment the steaming liquid hit his tongue he was gagging.
“Whoa, you okay?”
Alexander swallowed the coffee, coughing. “Yeah…”
“I thought you seemed like a straight up guy,” Daniel explained, and Alexander made a face.
“Oh, well, um. I don’t usually take it black.”
“Sugar, then?”
“And cream, please.”
Daniel smiled and stood. “I’ll be right back.”
“Thanks.”
Alexander watched Daniel push his way back to the counter, disappearing into the crowd. He frowned down at his dark coffee; he hated the stuff with a passion.
That was something he didn’t have to tell Daniel. He shifted around in his seat, letting his hands relax against the table top. His hands were overly warm under the mittens, and he wanted to remove them, but he knew what conversation would follow if he did. He didn’t want to dampen the mood with talk of his bandages.
And then Daniel was back, all smiles, leaning over Alexander.
“Here we are,” Daniel said. He sat down and set a few packs of sugar and cream on the table. Alexander frowned at the small packets and covered them with one mittened hand. There was no chance he’d be able to tear them open with his mittens intact.
“Can I tell you something?” Alexander set his hands in his lap, looking up directly at Daniel.
“Sure,” Daniel replied. He leaned across the table on his elbows, as if inviting an intimate confession.
Alexander tipped his head forward a bit, and said, lowly, “I rather detest coffee.”
Daniel blinked and sat back, his mouth turning down.
“Seriously,” Alexander said, eyes wide at Daniel’s reaction. “I usually go for tea, or maybe hot chocolate. If we’re talking about warm things… and…”
Daniel’s face suddenly broke into a large grin and Alexander choked back his rambling.
“Seriously?” Daniel asked.
“Completely, on my honor,” Alexander said. Much to his surprise, Daniel burst into a quiet fit of laughter.
“You have a very amusing way about you,” Daniel said in explanation, and Alexander smiled unsurely. “I think I mean charming.”
“Oh. Well. Me?” Alexander’s knees brushed Daniel’s once more, and their eyes locked. “Um, I—”
“Yeah, you,” Daniel interrupted, pressing his knee in quite unsubtly. “Hey, give me your coffee then.” Daniel reached out for it, and Alexander pulled the cup back an inch or two, just out of Daniel’s reach.
“Maybe I want it.” Alexander felt the words slip out of his mouth before he could shove them back in, and he almost groaned aloud at his audacity. Daniel rolled his eyes, and grabbed at the cup again.
“Maybe you’re a masochist,” Daniel said.
Alexander shrugged, feeling the hot flush move down his neck. “Maybe.”
They shared some disjointed small talk for a few more minutes where Alexander never exactly got the hang of the conversation, and Daniel found every moment with the younger man more endearing than the last.
The scene was sweet enough; the two huddled over the steaming coffee, silly grins plastered on their faces, knees touching. It looked, perhaps to an outsider, like a promising enough beginning.
And then Alexander’s train pulled into the station.
“Oh, that’s me,” Alexander said, struggling to slide his chair away from the table. “Well, not literally me, but the train and, um.”
“You’d make a very lovely train, Alexander,” Daniel said. Alexander nearly fell over.
“Uh. Thanks,” he murmured,. He slipped out from the maze of chairs and smiled. “I guess I’ll… thank you for the coffee.”
“That you hated,” Daniel added.
“Yes,” Alexander said. “And for the conversation.”
“You ought to have more conversations,” Daniel said, standing as well. “With me. Now, I’ll have to be quick and blunt about this, but would it be alright if I asked for your phone number? We could converse, you see, through this manner.” Daniel cracked a grin and Alexander smiled back, though his belly was alive with a fluttering, twisting feeling.
‘No, no, no!’ screamed something from inside Alexander. ‘You don’t need this confusion in your life.’ Alexander looked past Daniel, into the throng of people.
‘Well, you only live once,’ he thought. ‘Or twice if you’re lucky.’
“It’d be good practice for you. Free of charge,” Daniel continued, raising an eyebrow. Alexander had to smile wider, had to say something, had to rush his decision…
“Oh, in that case, sure, you can ask.”
“May I have your phone number?” Daniel asked, leaning in.
“Alright,” Alexander said. Daniel pulled a napkin from the table, holding it forward. Alexander looked dumbly at it, taking the napkin.
“Have a pen?” Daniel prompted, and Alexander nodded vigorously.
Alexander fished one from his pocket, holding it awkwardly, and then realized Daniel expected him to write his own number down. In normal, everyday life, for normal, everyday people, this would have been the simplest of tasks.
But Alexander didn’t live in that world, and his hands began shaking slightly. He’d have to remove his gloves to write the number down and he didn’t want to explain his bandages to Daniel.
The sane part of his conscience, the part that would have suggested possibly reciting his number to Daniel, letting the older man take down the digits, had checked out when Alexander had ignored it previously, so he was on his own.
Alexander bit his lip, aware that he was gaping dumbly at a pen. “Why don’t… you give me yours?” Alexander asked,. He held the pen and napkin out to Daniel and the older man sighed, taking them.
“If you don’t want to give me your number, it’s alright,” Daniel said, taking a step back. “I didn’t mean to assume. I wasn’t being untoward, and…”
“Please,” Alexander interrupted,. He was quite shocked at the sound of his own slightly pleading voice. “I’d love to call you. Really.”
“Are you going to?” Daniel remained unconvinced.
“Maybe,” Alexander said, smiling small and shy. “Please, my train’s leaving…”
Daniel gave Alexander a long look, and pressed the napkin against a cement pillar, scrawling his number down messily.
“Alright, but only because my train’s about to head off, too. Otherwise, I’d interrogate you right here and now. That’s a nine, remember that,” Daniel said. He stepped in close and tucked the folded napkin into Alexander’s jacket pocket.