by Lisa Olsen
Mason raced forward to catch her, but I was closer and faster. I caught her in my arms, lowering her gently to the floor. “Is this supposed to happen?” I asked Jakob, who didn’t look the least bit worried.
“Yes, I also lost consciousness.”
“You might’ve mentioned that before,” Mason grumbled, frowning over my shoulder. “How long will she be out for?”
Hanna’s eyelids flickered and then flew open. “Anja? What?” She tried to sit up, but then fell back again, holding her head with a wince. Her eyes squeezed shut, her breathing erratic as she trembled in my arms. I was just about to ask if this part was normal when she opened her eyes again. “Oh, sweet Mary… that was rough.”
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay,” she groaned, shifting to a more comfortable position. “It’s just… a lot to process. God, I…” She swallowed uncomfortably. “Some of it I’d almost rather have forgotten permanently, you know? Oh, you don’t know, do you?” Her expression changed, lips pressing into a grim line. “Shit, you’d better brace yourself, Anja. Not all of the past has been rainbows and lollipops.”
Cool beans on toast.
Before I could ask her what she meant, she looked around the room. “Mason?” she called out.
“Right here, kitten,” he smiled. “Welcome back.”
I realized I was in the way of their reunion. “Oh, here you go.” I transferred her into Mason’s waiting arms, stepping out of the way as they spoke quietly.
Bishop gave me a hand up, his face drawn with concern. “Are you okay?”
“Me? Of course, why wouldn’t I be? My sister’s warning about the past wasn’t scary at all.”
“You knew there’d be loss, it’s why you didn’t want to recover those memories in the first place.”
“I know, but being reminded of them isn’t what I’d call reassuring either.”
He rubbed the small of my back with soothing circles. “Look on the bright side.”
“What bright side?”
“That.” He pointed to Mason and Hanna, who sat in the corner of the room in deep conversation. Hanna looked at Mason with a mixture of love and hunger, and then they were kissing like there was no one else in the room.
“They really do belong together, don’t they?” This was what eternity should be, the best of vampire love between Sire and progeny, together forever.
“He loves her a lot,” Bishop agreed.
“She loves him too.”
“That’s all that matters.” He reached for my hand, giving it a squeeze. “Are you ready to get our memories back now?”
“I need to do something first.”
“What’s that?”
Ignoring his frown, I let go of his hand, leaning up on my toes to kiss him deeply. “I love you, Bishop. Whatever we end up remembering, I just want you to know that.”
“I love you too, Anja,” he whispered, brushing his lips over mine for a tender kiss.
Twining my fingers through his, I turned to Jakob. “Okay, we’re ready. Can we do the spell together?”
A brief exchange between Jakob and the wisewoman came with an affirmative answer, and Bishop and I sat on the cloth, our knees touching. The smudging started all over again, and I gripped Bishop’s hands tightly, my stomach burbling with nerves like a kettle on the stove. And then it was time to drink.
The brew didn’t smell bad, but it didn’t smell good either. The unlikely mixture of cinnamon and rosemary coming through the strongest, along with something that smelled like moss. I took advantage of my vampire physiology and didn’t breathe at all as I choked it down. Luckily, there was no desire to retch at all, it stayed down easily enough, and I started to think this seemed like a way easier spell than Nelleke’s stink bomb version.
And then it hit me – a wave of dizziness that ambushed me like the ocean behind my back. It receded quickly, but then reached out to drag me into the darkness with it, and I fought the sensation, my eyes flaring with panic to see Bishop sway before me. “Bishop!” I got out before everything went dark.
I came to all at once, as if someone had flipped a switch inside my head, and in a way they had. The memories came flooding in at super speed, like I was downloading them from a computer.
Every nightmare I’d had as a kid about mudmen coming to get me. The ash that fell from Lee’s cigarette when we found his body. Waking up in the morgue completely paralyzed and in the dark. Watching Evan die in my arms. Standing over Carys as she bled onto the floor. My first kiss behind the equipment shed at summer camp. Waking up to see Bishop smiling at me from under a tent of blankets.
Slamming Rob against the wall hard enough to crack his ribs. The look on Bishop’s face before he’d left me at the airport in England. Kissing Rob in the rain. The agony of watching Volkov torture Rob with a white hot poker. Being shot in the chest and plunging into nothingness. Driving the spear of Odin into Lodinn’s thigh. The weight of Gunnar’s body fading as he turned to ash above me. Playing hide and go seek with Bishop and letting him catch me.
The memories came with no rhyme or reason, and I tried my best to let them wash over me and ride it out, but every death hit me especially hard. Evan, Lee, Gunnar, Marcus, Ellie, Fisher, even Scotty and Isak.
I let out a keening cry, unable to contain it all. “So much death,” I sobbed, willing the memories to stop, but they kept coming.
“Easy, petal,” Jakob crooned, and I understood he held me in his arms. Where was Bishop? I couldn’t stop crying, the well of pain seemed bottomless, but I was able to look down and see Bishop lying on the cloth, curled up in the fetal position, rocking himself. It was enough to cut through the haze of pain, and I reached for his hand, clasping it tightly. He lay there, unable to do more than clutch my hand. Whatever memories I had to process from my twenty-three year life were nothing compared to the four hundred and sixty-six years he’d been alive.
I took in a shuddering breath, pulling myself together and attempting to escape Jakob’s hold.
“Rest now, Anja,” he said softly, but I still resisted.
“Bishop needs me,” I insisted, pulling myself free and going to his side to take him in my arms. “Shh, it’s okay, Bishop. I know it’s a lot.” I could only imagine what he must be reliving, given his years of violence working in the Order, not to mention all the heartache Carys had put him through. “It’s okay, I’m here.” Tears still slipped from my eyes, but it was easier to deal with having someone else to focus on.
“Anja?” he said, his voice sounding hoarse.
“I’m right here,” I whispered, kissing his forehead. “I’ve got you.”
“So much…”
“I know. It’ll be okay though, I promise.”
We held each other, both lost to the past, and gradually it got easier to push those memories back where they belonged. I realized we were alone in the wisewoman’s house, I hadn’t even noticed when the others left.
“Are you alright?” Bishop asked, startling me out of my train of thought.
“I think so. Are you?” I did feel like my old self again, maybe a little down, but not trying to claw my way out of the pit of despair anymore.
“I will be, as long as we’re together.” He pulled back to look at me. “We are, aren’t we?” He looked so earnest, as if the fate of the world depended on my answer.
“That all depends. Are you still refusing to watch the Sharknado marathon on Netflix?”
Bishop shook his head, the hint of a smile playing over his lips before he looked up at the rafters. “Ah well, it was good while it lasted,” he sighed. “Do you think your sister would go out with me?”
I’d been hoping for a brief smile, but this was even better. Maybe we really would be okay? I resisted the urge to smack him in the shoulder for that sister crack, playing along. “Sure, now that she digs vampires. Of course, that leaves Mason up for grabs. I wonder if his offer to go dancing is still open,” I pretended to consider.
“Fine, I
’ll watch the stupid shark storm, but I won’t like it,” he said with a disgruntled huff that made me smile.
“As long as you love me, that’s all that matters.”
“To the stars and back,” he said, finding his smile as he leaned in to kiss me.
It was different kissing him this time. A strange mixture of the new excitement I’d felt over the past few days, and the deep and abiding love that’d grown between us over the last year. He felt it too, I could tell by the way he held me, and the familiar slide of his tongue against mine; the way he nibbled on my bottom lip and the underside of my jaw that always drove me insane with want.
I understood now how profoundly we were connected, and how it all fit together. I could honestly say, there was no one else I’d rather spend eternity with. On the heels of that realization came a flicker of guilt over my “marriage” to Rob.
Bishop somehow picked up on the change in my mood, bringing the kiss to a close. “What’s the matter?”
“I was just thinking about some of the assumptions we made at the Montana house.”
Discomfort rippled across his face. “Let’s forget that ever happened. I made some bad assumptions myself.”
“Did you and Carys ever…?”
“I don’t want to talk about that.”
“I wouldn’t be angry if you had. I mean, it’d be understandable.” Okay, so I’d hate it with a fiery passion, but I didn’t want there to be any secrets between us. This felt like a new start.
“What part of not talking about it is unclear? I’m not asking if you slept with Rob.” He was good and angry now, and I realized that was the part he didn’t want to think about – Rob and me.
“I didn’t,” I said quickly, and a light of relief swept over his features.
“You didn’t?”
“No, of course not. I mean, I might’ve if things hadn’t unraveled the way they did, but…”
The frown came back with a vengeance. “Yeah, that’s a direction I’m trying to steer my head away from. Hence the not talking about it.”
“I’m sorry. I just wanted you to know. There were a few kisses, and I gave him some of my blood.”
“Anja…”
“Sorry. Not talking about it anymore.” I made a show of zipping my lip, locking it and tossing the key away. “But, um… you and Carys?”
“I didn’t sleep with her either. There were a few kisses, and she wanted to…”
“Got it,” I cut him off, covering his mouth with my hand. “New topic.”
“New topic,” he repeated, taking a deep breath. “Where do we go from here?”
I knew the answer, but I didn’t reply right away, singing along with the Buffy musical lyrics in my head for a few bars first. “I’ve been thinking a lot about my parents lately, before all this craziness went down. I want to see them again.”
“They won’t know you,” he warned.
“I don’t care, I still want to see them.” I had no idea where they even were other than “safe”. “Can you take me to them?”
“Sure, I can do that,” Bishop agreed, kissing the back of my hand. “If you want to spend your birthday with your folks, then that’s what we’ll do.”
“Oh right, I almost forgot about that. And where would that be?”
“It’s a surprise.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
“Can’t you at least give me a hint where we’re going?”
I handed Hanna her socks after rolling them into tight bundles she could stuff into her shoes. “It’s a surprise, that’s all Bishop will tell me.” She’d loved the idea of going to see our parents, and immediately decided they’d come along.
“Well, should I pack a bikini or a burka?”
“I’m sorry, I don’t know. Knowing Mom and Dad, it’s probably not somewhere tropical, but I honestly have no idea. Besides, you can always buy what you need once we get there.”
“Not all of us are gazillionaires like you and Bishop,” she pointed out. “Mason’s been on leave from the Order for over a year, and I haven’t done more than a couple of websites for friends.”
It’d never occurred to me, I’d always assumed that Mason had enough to tide them over or he wouldn’t have left the Order. Of course, he was a lot younger than Bishop, so it made sense he wouldn’t have as much socked away. “If you need money…”
“No, we’ll be fine. But it’s probably time to stop gallivanting around and settle down somewhere.”
“Are you going back to San Francisco?”
“I don’t know. That’s something we need to figure out.” Her expression darkened. “I don’t have the best memories there.”
“But there are some good memories too, right?”
Hanna avoided the question, asking me one of her own. “Is that where you guys are headed after we visit with our parents?”
“I’m not sure. We were sort of winging it before we got the call from Nell. I guess it’s time for us to do some thinking about the future too.”
Her eyes lit up with excitement. “Speaking of. Mason and I were talking last night. How would you feel about a side trip to Vegas after we see the fam?”
“Because you have a burning need for gambling and all you can eat buffets?”
“We were thinking more of the honeymoon in Vegas stuff.”
“You want to get married in Las Vegas?” After more than a year of planning her perfect ceremony? Where was this coming from?
“Sure, why not? It’s the perfect place for a vampire wedding, they’re open all night. And maybe we’ll get lucky and win a big pile of cash? I didn’t do too badly on our trip to Mexico.”
“What happened to all those plans you were making with Maggie? I thought you were searching for the perfect flowers, cake, dress, all those things?”
“I decided I was getting too hung up on the trappings. The important thing isn’t all the stuff, it’s that we’re getting married. I don’t need any of the frosting, I just need my man on one side and my sister on the other. Will you come?”
How could I say no to that? It wasn’t my notion of an ideal wedding, but as long as it made my sister happy, I was game. “Of course. I’m sure Bishop will be fine with a detour. What about Mom and Dad though?”
“That’s the part I haven’t worked out yet. I can’t decide if I want to try and include them or not. It’ll be weird seeing them again, won’t it?”
“Especially since they won’t have a clue who we are, yep. I know we talked about leaving them in the dark for their own safety, but if you want, we can always remove the compulsion so they remember us again.”
“No, you’re right. They’re a lot safer not knowing, even now that you’re not the Elder anymore. We would’ve had to disappear eventually anyway now that we’re both vampires.”
“Maybe it’ll be better this way? We can meet them like adults instead of disappointing children.”
Her brows twitched together with concern. “They were never disappointed with you, An.”
“Um, have you met them?” My father especially had never made a secret of what he’d wanted my life to be, and how I’d disappointed him at every turn.
“Who cares what they think?” she shrugged. “It’s your life, live it the way you want to.”
I had been, but there was always a part of me that wondered what my life would’ve been like if I’d followed their rules. Where would I be now? I’d have my degree, possibly teaching music, or maybe even performing on stage. Not that I thought I’d ever have much of a solo career without Jakob’s influence, my stage fright had been way too severe for that. I might’ve been happy with that sort of life. Less people would’ve died, that was for sure. But I never would’ve met Bishop, and I never would’ve found the strength to be more than my parents wanted for me.
“Hello, Earth to Anja…”
“What?”
“I said can you hand me my hairbrush?”
“Oh, right, sure. Do you ever wonder what your life would’ve been like
if you’d never met Mason?”
“Yep, and it sucks ass.”
“Then you’re really okay being a vampire?”
“Yeah, I’m getting a handle on it. I mean, sure I miss getting a tan in the summer, but I would’ve ended up with leathery wrinkles and melanoma anyway. But the not getting any older doesn’t suck, and I look fantastic in candlelight. And best of all, I get to spend eternity with my man. What’s better than that?”
I had to agree with her there. “Yeah, what’s better than that,” I smiled.
Still, I knew I couldn’t keep wandering aimlessly seeing the world. At some point I needed to settle down and do something with my life, even if it was going back to school or starting some kind of business. I just had to figure out what it was.
*
“Already I miss you,” Jakob said with a sad smile as we loaded up our belongings into the rental cars.
“Well, if you find yourself somewhere with a cell signal, you can always give me a call,” I reminded him.
Handshakes were exchanged by the men, and Hanna gave him a sort of half wave from a safe distance. It was easy to see the Ellri made her nervous, and he didn’t press for more. Jakob drew me aside as Mason and Bishop looked over the map.
“Did you decide what boon you would have of me?”
I’d completely forgotten about that. I thought about asking for my ability to compel other vampires again, but decided in the end that was more trouble than it was worth. My gaze settled on Bishop, who was busy laying out the course like a general about to invade enemy ground. “No, I have everything I need,” I smiled.
“Be well, Anja. Someday we will meet again.”
I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, given the way he threw my life into chaos, but I mustered up a smile. “Until someday,” I said, leaning up to kiss his cheek.
Mason and Hanna got a head start, taking the first car ahead for the drive to the airport in Florø. We drove along at a leisurely pace, plenty of hours left in the night and the open road before us.