by K. Z. Riman
I obliged. Just two words and I moved quickly. How could she do this to me?
Her lips melted deliciously into mine. I could taste her tears on her cheeks. She had been crying all day and it was a wonder Mother and Father hadn’t noticed. She was saline and sweet as she responded fervently to every move I made.
She wrapped her arms around my neck and curled one foot against mine. She didn’t even mind that we could be seen from a thousand different angles.
She only recoiled when she heard whispers and ran towards the exit with me.
We were gasping for air, panting. I could not say if it was because of my kiss or of the hasty run, but we were both sweating as we reached the sunlight. She looked at me and hugged me again so tight, I thought I would pass out.
Don’t ask for too much of me.
I couldn’t go through with this, trying to hide how much I cared for her while hugging her, but I couldn’t pull away. Having her in my arms felt so much like the heaven I had been searching for in my exile.
Seth, forgive me. She’s mine now.
Chapter Nineteen
Kelsey: Leaving with Carter
Don’t let go. Please don’t let go. Use me. Use me all you want.
I couldn’t forgive myself for becoming the very person I had sworn I would never be. I was Scott’s new toy, his new obsession for the month. In this case, perhaps it would last a year. I was his new reason to stay afloat in his lame life. No matter how much I tried, I could never pull away from him.
Just love me. Please love me. I love you, Scott. I believe I always had.
I tightened my hug on him and he flinched. Was that his recoil? Was that his way of saying he didn’t want me? I didn’t mind. I tightened my hold on him. Every sound around us faded away as I was taken again to a memory I knew I would never forget.
“Leave me alone, Scott!” I remembered that night, all too well. Seth and I had been seeing each other for months and whenever I was alone in his room, waiting for him to come back from his class, Scott would be there to taunt me.
“Oh, come on, Kelsey!” Scott was asking for a friend’s number, but I wouldn’t give it to him. I wouldn’t give it to a man like him. It was like selling my friend’s soul to the depths of suffering.
That wasn’t the only reason. I was feeling a bit irritated by the fact that he had asked for it from me and was interested in her.
“No! She’s my friend,” I said, as I sat on the bed. “You’re drunk! Go to your room!”
“You sound like my mother.” He chuckled.
I could smell the liquor from his breath, and my tummy tingled. Was I attracted to him? It was insane. It was stupid! How could I have felt that about him? He was nothing like Seth! “Give it to me.”
He reached for my bag to take my phone. I pulled my bag further behind me. He was dizzy and disoriented. He lost his balance trying to catch my hands and his face landed on my shoulders.
He moaned, trying to get up and I sat there, frozen. Why are you so different from Seth, when you look exactly like him?
“Sober up, will you?” The words were barely out of my mouth.
“Kelsey,” he whispered, and I thought I heard him wrong. “I want…you.”
I gasped, wide-eyed. I pushed him away and climbed off the bed, afraid of what I had heard. “No.” I shook my head and pretended to have heard nothing. How could he say such a thing when I was dating his brother? He couldn’t…He shouldn’t…
I ran out of Seth’s room, leaving him on the floor. Scott was so drunk that he fell asleep. I stayed in the living room, passing the time, glancing at Seth’s door every minute. I stared at the TV but didn’t see a thing. I could only see Seth’s face…or was it Scott’s…?
“Kelsey?” I jumped as Seth came into the living room. “What are you doing here?” He chuckled and sat down beside me. “Why are you so jumpy?”
“N-no reason.” I shook my head, but he saw the lie in my eyes.
“That’s not ’no reason’.” He stood up and headed for his bedroom. I forced my eyes shut and waited for his reaction. “Geez! What in the world…? Scott, get up!”
“He’s drunk,” I whispered.
Seth rushed back out to the living room, a worried look on his face. “Did he try to do something?”
“No.” I wasn’t lying. He really didn’t try anything. He said something, which I really should forget.
I avoided Scott. I forced myself to hate him. I forced myself to be strong so as not to be attracted to him. It wasn’t impossible to be attracted to him; he looked exactly like the man I loved. Worse, he had something special in him. He gave me thrills, excitement. He made me feel so alive, most of the time, teasing me and forcing me out of my shell. Yet, the more I tried to hate him, the less I did.
* * * *
“Mommy?”
I jumped away from Scott. I was in a daze. I felt hypnotized by my own feelings.
“Did Uncle Scott lose his wallet again?” he asked innocently.
Mother and Father stared at Scott and me. I froze, feeling low and embarrassed. How could I let this happen? What had gotten into me?
“Let’s go.” Mother eyed Scott intensely, and then pulled Sean to her. Father didn’t say anything but followed immediately.
Scott looked at me with so much annoyance I could only keep my head down. This was my fault, after all. I had let my feelings get the better of me and I forgot how it was to be rational about things. I took a step away from him as he grabbed my arm.
“I will never leave you alone.”
Yes, but you will after a year. The thought was painful. I could barely answer him.
For the rest of the afternoon, Sean was the only one having fun. Even though he had Scott with him, holding his hand through every booth and every ride, he was completely unaware that we had all grown quiet.
Dinner back at the hotel was even quieter. Sean kept talking about how he had so much fun with his uncle. Mother was the only one pretending to listen. I was so tired from all my crying that I could barely keep my eyes open.
“Mommy, did you catch a cold?”
“Oh. Yes.” No one looked at me as I lied to my son. “Must be from the amusement park.”
“No.” Sean shook his head convincingly. “You had a cold when you were on Uncle Scott’s bed…in his room…when you lost your shirt buttons.”
“Shirt buttons?” Father narrowed his eyes and I grew pale.
Oh, no. “No, honey, I…”
“Yes. Mommy lost her buttons and was crying because Uncle Scott had lost his wallet, but he found it!” Sean was smiling, as he proudly told the story. He couldn’t know how much damage he was doing. He was not usually talkative and so I barely worried about what he saw.
“I see.” Mother was digging deeper. “Were they fighting?”
“Mother!” Scott shot her a sharp glance before looking at me, worry evident on his face.
“No.” Sean kept talking. “They’re friends. They played thumbs war under the table at dinner.”
No, honey. What are you doing? “I…”
“They did?” Mother looked at me and Scott with raised eyebrows.
“Yes.” Sean nodded as he knelt on his chair and ate his dessert. “Grandma, are we really going home tomorrow morning?”
Sean looked really disappointed. Mother pinched his nose playfully to keep his mood up. “Yes. You are going to meet your other grandma and grandpa.”
“Who?” Scott was casual about all this. How could he even ask these questions when I could barely breathe?
“We are having a party at home, tomorrow night. Your Aunt Kaidence’s family is coming.” Mother didn’t even look at Scott as she replied. She was angry. I could feel it. “I’m tired.” She stood up and Father followed, with Sean holding
his hand.
I stayed seated, as did Scott.
Mother stood behind her chair and held on to the backrest, Father’s free hand on her shoulder. “You two better sort out what you are doing. I do not care what you think you know is right, but I tell you now—and I will only say this once—do not do anything to take my grandson away from me!”
I couldn’t breathe. How do I tell them? How was I supposed to tell them that I was in love with their son, but he just kept touching me and using me…and I was allowing him to? I felt so low. For all the years I reserved my heart, hoping for a man like Seth to come my way, I ended up being this.
I stood up and ran to my room. I didn’t know if Scott stayed behind or followed me, but I wasn’t going to stick around to find out.
Seth, I’m sorry. I love your brother.
I was willing to have him use me while he stayed here. I was so willing to try and make him fall in love with me. Maybe if I gave myself to him more, he would fall in love with me, and eventually stay.
I was such an idiot!
Scott would never fall in love with a woman like me. What would he want with an unmarried mother and her son? There was nothing ahead of me now but the inevitable—he would leave me behind and I would end up exactly where Seth’s death left me before.
* * * *
I didn’t ride in Scott’s car the following morning and avoided him the whole afternoon while helping Mother prepare for the party. Everyone in their family was coming. Even the Povenmiers were invited for dinner.
Scott was nowhere to be seen after lunch and it was only late in the afternoon, when people started coming, that I learned he had gone to the office, probably to work on the new sex pill he was developing. No wonder he had wanted to see the effects on me. He was making one of his own!
I was his lab rat. Damnation.
“Come.” Mother pulled me over to greet her best friends, Aunt Kaidence and Mrs. Hailey Eustace.
“Kelsey!” Aunt Kaidence held her arms open as she reached for me. “It is so nice to see you again.”
I was welcomed. I must admit this wasn’t the scenario I had imagined before coming here. I thought it would just be more like, “Thank you for raising our grandson. How could you keep him away from the family?”
“Kelsey!” Alicia wrapped her arms around mine as soon as she saw me. “I had fun the last time we went out! I hope to go out with you guys again.”
I hope, not with the boys. “Me, too.” I could bear evenings with Alicia. She was a very nice person. I just couldn’t be drunk around Scott again.
“I heard you and Scott have been getting along fine.”
“Where did you hear that?” Seriously.
“From the maids.” She chuckled as she placed her hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry. My maids seem to be friends with yours. I wasn’t being nosy or anything. I just heard he took care of you while you were sick.”
Is that all? “Yes. That’s true.”
“Oh, Scott has changed a little, hasn’t he?” Alicia took two glasses of champagne from the table and gave me one before standing with me by the window. “I want him to find someone to love. I want him and my brother to find women they would love.”
“Is that impossible?” I really wanted to know. Would it be impossible for Scott to fall in love with me?
“No!” It gave me relief. “Of course not!”
I muttered under my breath. “Scott would never find it in his heart to stop his gambling, his drinking, and his women.”
“I beg to differ. He is, after all, a man with a heart.”
Yes. A heart I would never own. “Hmmm.” I had to keep making sure I sounded bored as we talked about him, looking out into the garden as I took sips of my champagne. I couldn’t bring myself to show her how I felt, even as I needed someone to talk to.
“You, my dear, have to find a husband soon.” She pinched my arm.
Coming from a spinster? “Oh, no, Alicia. I can manage well without a man by my side.” So long as Scott would remain with me.
She chuckled, staring at me mischievously as she drank her champagne. “I know what you mean. I couldn’t sense that from you, though.” She paused, looking at Sean who was playing with her brother, Luke. “Sean needs a father.”
He did. If I was to take that as a reason to find a man, Scott would not fit the picture. He would never be a good father to Sean while he couldn’t be a good uncle. “Yes, but how many men would love a woman and her son?”
“Touché. Look out for my brother. He thinks he’s that man. Trust me, he’s not.” She rolled her eyes, finding absurdity in the statement. At least I realized she was looking out for me, too.
“You had to say that to me?” I chuckled, amused.
“Yes. I think you deserve someone who is not like Keiff…or Scott.”
Her words shot through my heart like a knife. She was right. I deserved someone better…someone unlike Scott.
Why do I still feel this way?
“Excuse me.” A familiar voice rang behind us. We turned and saw Carter. Of course, he was here with his father. “Good evening, ladies. Alicia, I haven’t seen you in a while.”
“Oh, Carter!” Alicia gave him a light cheek-to-cheek, then raised her brow at me. “Look at you! All handsome and successful…”
“Thank you.” He straightened his tie and nodded. “You look very well, and beautiful. It’s a wonder you never got married.”
“Oh, don’t say never, Carter. It will happen.” She waved her hand at his face. “Are you married?”
“Oh, no.” Carter shook his head and looked at me, giving me an uncomfortable feeling. “I’m still working on how to ask her to marry me.”
“A man like you would never find that hard to do.”
“It would be if I haven’t gone out with her yet, Alicia.” He kept his eyes on me and I felt like there was something I was missing here. What was this party for again?
“Oh, dear.” Alicia seemed to catch it rather easily, as well. “I think I’m in the way here. I’ve stayed for too long. I will leave you now, Kelsey, Carter.” She skipped out of the way and winked at me as she headed off.
“Hi.” Carter took her place, standing in front of me by the window. “How are you?”
“I’m great.” I suddenly felt uneasy. “Thank you for the fruit basket. I feel better now.”
“Do you?” He flashed me a wide smile. “I’m glad.” There was a pause before he spoke again. “I just won a case.”
“That’s great.”
“Yes. I…uh…was hoping to celebrate with someone.” He was still looking at me. “Would you be interested skipping dinner here and…?”
He had to know right away. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Carter. I mean this party…”
“Is for you,” he cut in. “I know. Father told me. For dessert, then?”
“I don’t think Mother would agree to that.” I smiled wryly. I was hoping I was right.
“I could ask her, after dinner.” He was insistent. He took my free hand and played with my engagement ring, looking at it as if he was in deep thought.
“Carter.” I pulled my hand away.
“There you are, my dear!” Mother rushed to hold my arm. “Your Uncle Andrew is really very hungry. Since dinner is served, I believe we should all move to the dining room now. Everyone is dying to see you.”
Carter spoke up. “Mrs. Grimaldi, I know this isn’t a good time, but I was hoping to take Kelsey out for dessert.”
Mother was stunned. “Oh. Tonight, Carter?”
“Yes. I could wait until everyone had talked to her before stealing her away.” Carter smiled at her apologetically. I had the feeling he wouldn’t stop.
“Well…” Mother was hesitant. She was looking at the two of us. “If
that is how you put it, perhaps I could allow her an hour or two.”
“Thank you. I promise to bring her back before midnight.”
Chapter Twenty
Kelsey: To Be Proposed To
I was nervous as I sat opposite Carter in the coffee shop. Although he hadn’t done anything to make me feel uncomfortable, I felt uneasy. I had an inkling he was going to ask me for something I knew I was only willing to give Scott. Scott had mentioned a few times before that Carter was courting me, and I didn’t believe him. I was beginning to think he was right.
“What’s wrong? You’ve been quiet.” Carter placed his cup down and reached for my hand. I didn’t want him to notice I was fidgety, as my hunch about him wanting to court me could be wrong and I would feel embarrassed. Carter had been a friend, after all.
“Oh. I’m tired.” I forced a smile.
He nodded. “Yes. I heard you all came back today from a vacation.”
“Yes. We went to Brockswind and the new amusement park.”
“I see.” He nodded again. “You and Scott get along okay now?”
Do we? In bed perhaps. Other than that, no. “Not really. He’s himself, so…”
“I know what you mean.” He tightened his hold on my hand.
No. You don’t. No one would know. “Can we go?”
He flinched a little and then nodded, guiding me to his car, his hand on my back. He opened the car door for me so I could slide in. I nervously watched as he went around the car, slipped into the driver’s seat and looked at me with a sweet smile, which I couldn’t return.
“Oh, geez.” He looked at the back seat of his car.
“What?” I followed his gaze, but saw nothing.
“I’m sorry. I was supposed to stay with my parents tonight, but I left my backpack at my apartment. Would you mind if we went to get it? It will only take a few minutes.”
“I…uh…” What is this?
“I promise you’ll be home soon.”
I swallowed hard at the sudden onset of fear, but it was Carter. I knew he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. “Okay. Just for a few minutes.”