by K. Z. Riman
“Yes. I heard you clearly, but…what did you say?” I pushed my dress down to completely remove it. It had been rolled around my waist for too long. I stood naked in front of him, unashamed, in a daze of my own.
He walked towards me and took my hands, now shaking and cold. “I said, baby, I want you to marry me,” he said again. It couldn’t be a mistake. “I don’t have a ring with me now but…I want you to be my wife.”
“Why?” I asked. Was it just so I wouldn’t marry Carter?
There had to be a reason. I mean, he hadn’t even said he loved me. At least not explicitly and aloud. He hadn’t even taken me on a date—a real date. Why would he ask me to marry him straight out?
“What do you mean, why?” His eyes flickered about before he looked away. He let out a sigh and sat on my bed. “I want to marry you.”
“You want to marry me,” I said flatly. “Why?”
“Why do you keep asking why?”
“Why not?” I asked. He seemed rather perplexed about this. “It looks to be a spur-of-the-moment decision. Are you sure it is your…” Say heart…say heart… “Are you sure it’s not your cock that’s speaking for you now?”
“Damn it, Kelsey!” He was on his feet again, pulling me to him and falling onto the bed with me. I fitted so well with him. His chest was thudding against my back and I could sense him gathering every ounce of his courage. “Please don’t do this to me.”
“Do what?” I asked, not moving as he tightened his arms around my shoulders. “You’re confusing me.” What was going on? I could barely keep up! Say you love me and I would understand. Three words and everything would fall into place.
“Marry me.” He ignored my question. “Marry me, and I will take care of you.”
Of me. Again, it’s just me? “Of me?”
He sighed, burying his face in my hair. “I know what you’re driving at. I want to have you as my wife. We could move to Europe and…”
“What? No!” How could he even suggest that I left my son?
“We could visit Sean each holiday or every time you want to see him.”
“No!” I faced him. “I won’t leave my son!”
“You’re leaving him with Mother and Father,” he reasoned. He didn’t get my point. With his lifestyle, I don’t think he would be able to understand what it would be like to be a parent.
“Why do you want to marry me, Scott?” I struggled to sit up. He remained lying on my bed, covering his face as he searched for the words that would make me understand. He sighed and groaned. How could he be so irritated about this?
“Because!”
“Because what?”
He sat up. “I want to be with you always and to take care of you. I want to come home to you each night…or each morning if I get to realize my dreams.”
“You can do all those without marrying me.” I shook my head and stood, leaving him. I went to the bathroom to run a bath.
“It’s not the same.” He followed me, still naked, his hands on the bathroom door jamb.
It was the sex. He wanted it to be his alone. “What’s not the same? I work for you now, cook for you if you ask me to. You ward off men who want to marry me and you touch me as you please.” I sighed. “What’s different?”
“Don’t you want a husband to do all that for you?” He really didn’t get the point of having a wife.
“No.” I shook my head slowly. “I want a husband for myself, and a father for Sean.”
He shut his eyes and ran his hands through his hair. “Please don’t force me to…”
“Why don’t you like Sean?” I could never understand that point. What was it about my son that he didn’t like?
“It’s not him, all right?” He was impatient about this. “It’s the idea of being a dad to a little boy, who wants everything from me.”
“Then give him everything you can—things you believe are right for him.” I walked over to him and cupped his cheeks. “Teach him things that you know will lead him to a good life and…”
“That’s just it, Kelsey! I can’t do all of those things!” He grabbed my hands. “I can’t be a father to Sean, and you can’t force me to be.”
“Well, I’m sorry, but you are asking me to marry you!” Why was this so difficult for him? I wouldn’t leave my son!
Scott, please just let it go.
“Yes. I want you to marry me!” he said the words again. I couldn’t believe we were going nowhere with this.
“Ugh!” I groaned in frustration as I pulled away from him, turning the faucet off and getting into the tub. “Why can’t you understand the point?”
“I know your point! I’m not stupid, Kelsey. I just can’t be a father right now!”
“You still want to achieve your dreams,” I whispered, as I turned my back to him. He couldn’t take my son with him because he still wanted the night clubs and the casinos.
“Yes.” He nodded. At least now he was being honest with me.
Oh, Scott. I will support you in every way I can, but this is too much to ask. “What do you want with me?”
“I want you to be there when it happens. I want to share my life with you…”
“Yet, you won’t share mine,” I cut in.
He wouldn’t share the difficulties of raising a son, a family of his own. He might not even want kids. Well, why would he when he thought he was living the perfect life? He could get into a woman’s bed as he pleased, without having to deal with obligations!
What would become of me if I went with him without the promise of a happy family? I came here to Bovahgn for that very purpose—to have a life, to have people loving me. He would rob me of that again?
At that, he fell quiet. He looked down and sighed again. “Please don’t ask too much of me, Kelsey.”
“You’re doing it to me. That isn’t fair,” I said quietly. There was a long pause and I heard the faucet dripping into the tub. “Do you even want a family? I mean a real family?”
“What kind of a question is that?”
“It’s a question that needs your answer, Scott!” I said firmly.
He was avoiding the question. Why would he not when all he ever did after his brother died was avoid his family? Sure, he went away to study abroad by his father’s bid, but he enjoyed his life while he was away. He enjoyed gambling, womanizing and drinking. It was one great escape for him. I bet he didn’t even study that hard while he was away.
Now, he tried to avoid his family again!
“I have no obligation to answer any of your questions.” He rushed back to get his clothes. He was putting them on in such a hurry that I knew I had finally got to him.
I got out of the tub, put on a robe and followed him. “You are being so unfair! You expect me to share your life when you can’t even be honest with me. Tell me, Scott, why don’t you want a family? What is it that pains you so much that you wish to leave so badly?”
I tried stopping him as he zipped his jeans but he shoved my hands away. “Tell me!” I yelled at him.
“Do you want to know?” He raised his voice as his eyes burned. His face grew red and I could feel every ounce of anger he had kept within himself, all starting to pour out of him.
“Yes! I want to know!” I wanted to know what happened, why he became so much of a scoundrel that even as he was brilliant, that even as he could be a man far greater than his brother, he didn’t want to be.
“Because I’m done sharing!” He knocked off my bedside lamp and I jumped away with my hands over my mouth. “I’m done giving up what I know I should have!” He turned to me. “I gave up my dream to be a professional sports player just because Father wanted me to be a businessman! I gave up a chance to be my own man, my own person, to become ‘one of the twins’.” He paused. His voice softened as his eyes d
id, too. “I gave you up for Seth, Kelsey.”
“What are you saying?” He couldn’t mean what he said. It couldn’t be the truth.
“What, you really think I didn’t notice you first?” Scott chuckled at the irony. “I had noticed you long before Seth rescued you from my friends, Kelsey. I had noticed you running around the campus with your books and your clumsy attitude…”
“You noticed me just like everyone else…because I was the only virgin on the campus…”
He interrupted me, “Yes. You were the only one unwilling to give it away to just anyone.” He was right. “I was supposed to ask you to the victory dance. Not Seth! He assumed I was the perfect mismatch for you, with your perfect naïve self and my fucking image. He was so desperate to save you, take you away from me. Yet look at us now. I have you and you have me.”
“You would never leave me alone, even then.”
“Oh, you are so stupid, sometimes!” Scott sighed in exasperation. If only he would be honest with me and spill everything out! “Of course I wouldn’t leave you alone! I enjoyed every moment you spent trying to hate me.”
“You were doing it on purpose.” I thought he wouldn’t leave me alone because he wanted to make my life a living hell. I thought that when he said he wanted me that night in Seth’s room, he just wanted my body.
“Hate is a very strong emotion, Kelsey, and can easily be manipulated.” He paused. “Look at you now. You say you hate me. Still, you give yourself to me so willingly that you are driving me completely insane.”
He watched as I sat on the couch. “You made my life a living hell.”
He drove me to hate him, and then used that very emotion against me. It was like driving me towards a cliff and letting me fall off of it so I would catch his hand and hold on tight, begging for him to pull me back up. I fell for his tricks!
He sat down in front of me, peering into my face as he held my knees. “I wanted you to stay away from me, but the more I drove you away, the more I wanted you to come back to me.” He cupped my neck in his hands and brought his lips to mine. “I want you. I need you so bad.” He kissed me again. “I love you, Kelsey.”
“What?” How was it that it took him this long to say it? My eyes widened in surprise as he dropped light kisses on my lips.
“I love you. I always have. I always will,” he whispered as he pulled me off the couch. I kneeled in front of him. Slowly, he lay down on the carpet and pulled me to him. I lay on top of him, as I tried taking in all he had said.
He had said it. He finally had said the words I wanted to hear.
“Scott.” Why had it taken him this long? Why hadn’t he said it straight-out, even before asking me to marry him? “Scott, wait.”
He was still cupping my cheek while his other hand freed me of my robe. I was naked on top of him and was almost ready for him. My cheeks were blushed with color that mirrored my feelings towards him—warm, overwhelming.
“Marry me,” he whispered again, as he kissed my throat. “Marry me, Kelsey.”
Would his love be enough for me? What about Sean? I couldn’t leave my son behind just because I met a man who had swept me off my feet, was passionate, and who had manipulated his way into my heart. A man I believe I had always loved.
“Let’s talk about this tomorrow.”
“No.” He held me in place as I tried to get up. “Please don’t go.” He brushed my hair off my face as I peered down on him.
“Scott…” Suddenly, I felt so tired of all this.
I wasn’t ready to give him my answer. I wanted to marry him so he would come home to me after work, sleep with me in the same bed and wake up with me in the morning after we had made love. Yet, I wanted Sean to have a chance for a father, too. If Scott wasn’t going to accept Sean, what was I supposed to do?
“Please.” His hands gently slid from my face to my waist and my hips. My body quivered with his touch. My knees and arms felt weak as they held my weight, Scott between my thighs. “Spend the night with me.”
I nodded, feeling betrayed by my need for him. He was hard again, springing free as he took his underwear off. “Oh, Kelsey, I really want you.”
“I want you.”
* * * *
“Please don’t sound your horn as you park at the gates. Thank you.”
I placed the phone back in its cradle and looked at my son with pain in my heart. I covered my mouth as I sobbed, but no matter how hard I tried to muffle it, the sound escaped me. I didn’t want to wake him up.
“Mommy?” He rubbed his sleepy eyes.
“Shhh.” I sat on his bed and brushed his hair off his forehead. “Go back to sleep.”
“Why are you crying?”
Hearing him ask made the pain worse. “Mommy’s leaving for a few days, okay, honey? I will be back. I promise you that. I just need to go somewhere for a while.” I shouldn’t leave him at a time like this, but I had to go away…away from Scott.
I was falling deeper and deeper in love with him, each time we kissed and each moment we made love. I was afraid I would lose everything I had fought for during the past six years if I let him sweep me off my feet. I was afraid I would be willing to leave Sean behind to a life that was his birth-right and forget about Seth. I was afraid I would forget I was a woman with responsibilities and go back to acting like child again, wanting nothing but a good life and an easy way out.
“Where are you going?” Sean was still sleepy.
“Somewhere. I will be back soon,” I whispered, as I kissed his forehead. Forgive me, Sean. I promise I will be back. “Go back to sleep, honey.”
“Okay.” He nuzzled into the pillow and his breathing became even. Scott was as tired as he was, and drunk. He hadn’t noticed me slip out of bed to pack a few clothes.
Carefully, I closed the door behind me and tiptoed my way through the dim hallways. It was past two in the morning and no one was up. I hoped the three night guards would not notice me, so I could slip out of the gates unseen. It had been fifteen minutes since I called the cab company and I was making my way down the stairs, sobbing. No amount of pain would get me to turn back on this decision to leave or I would be reliving a nightmare. I couldn’t marry Scott, although I wanted to, and that was the end of it. I had to leave, which might make him realize he and I could never be, and then he would just get on with his own life.
“Mommy?” I heard Sean screaming through the hallways. “Mommy! Don’t leave!”
I froze. He had realized I was really leaving. I heard his footsteps and a few doors opening.
“What is going on? Sean?” Mother and Father had woken up, so I hurried to get downstairs. They were going to make me stay, or worse, tell me it was a good idea for me to leave. Either way, I didn’t want to hear it.
“Mommy’s leaving.” I heard as I opened the front door.
I was almost certain that I heard Scott’s voice too, asking what was going on. I stepped out of the front door, knowing he’d come after me again. I ran. I couldn’t look back.
“Kelsey!” It was him.
I couldn’t believe how many times we had been through this running and chasing. Would it ever end?
“Kelsey! Get back here!” Scott shouted, as he stepped out of the front door. “Kelsey!”
His voice faded into the air as it started to rain.
I was at the gates in no time. I heard Father calling for the guards to run after me, too. I didn’t mean to hurt Mother and Father with this, but I would only be suffering if I didn’t go.
Opening the gates swiftly, I ran and got inside the cab. “Please drive. Now.”
“Kelsey, wait! Open this door!” Scott slapped his palm on the car window. “Driver, this is my wife! Stop!”
“He’s not my husband. Please drive, fast.”
“Lady, I could get sued here.
” The cab driver was hesitant, but he continued driving slowly, anyway.
“Just drive.” I urged, eager to get away from Scott. I turned to him, a tear falling from my eyes. “Please let me go.”
“Kelsey! No!” Scott tried to keep up as the cab accelerated, tapping his hands loudly against the window to make me look his way again.
“Mommy!” I heard Sean calling out as he ran out the gates. I turned to look and horror embraced my heart. Sean was crying in the rain before he collapsed, unconscious to the ground.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Kelsey’s Horror
It was a repeat of how he had collapsed when he was sick with the virus. I was on my way to work then. Seeing him hit the ground, his eyes closed and his body stiff, froze me. It was the most terrifying thing I had ever seen in my life.
“Sean?” I couldn’t believe this was happening. “Sean!”
“Sean!” I heard Scott call him, for the first time with a worried expression on his face and a panicked tone in his voice. He stopped chasing the cab and turned back, running to his nephew. Mother and Father already had him in their arms. “Please stop driving,” I screamed to the taxi driver.
I got out and ran to Sean. What have I done? Why was this turning out to be a disaster? One wrong choice after another…what did I do to deserve this? “Sean!”
Scott quickly carried Sean. “Hold on, boy.”
“Sean, Mommy’s sorry.” I ran with him and got inside the car Luis already had running. I sat with Scott and Sean in the back seat, while Father and Mother stayed behind to call the hospital, telling them to expect our arrival.
We were attended to immediately by the hospital staff, who put my unconscious son onto a gurney. I watched as they took him to the Emergency Room, unable to go in with them. I felt so lost.
“Sean,” I whispered. I cried as Scott held my shoulders, pulling me closer to him as we went to the waiting room.
It could have been hours; time passed by so slowly. The waiting felt like an eternity, as I thought about what I had to face as the nightmare piled up in my face.
I shouldn’t have run. I shouldn’t have considered leaving. Maybe this wouldn’t have happened, or Sean would not have caught the virus in the first place, if I hadn’t run away from this family when he was born.