by K. Z. Riman
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, as she washed my back. I was quiet for a moment. I didn’t know what to say to her, or how to say what I wanted to. I heard her breathing, and the water as it dripped into the tub from the sponge. I couldn’t deny this was the first time a woman had made me feel I was right where I wanted to be. I knew I would stay with her for the rest of my life.
“No,” I finally said. I was ashamed of treating her like any other woman. She was my fiancée. “I should have been more considerate of how you might feel tonight.”
She wrapped her legs around my hips and hugged me close, her head resting on my back. “I feel so safe here with you. I hope my son feels the same way.”
I was exhausted. This would never end. Why couldn’t she concede and think of her days away from Sean as a nice vacation from the responsibilities she had faced alone for the past six years? She was able to raise her boy well. She shouldn’t worry so much. “Sean is in very good hands.”
“I know. I hope he feels safe…because of me…and you.”
She was still trying to get me to like Sean. What’s not to like, after all? I had a lot of friends with kids, and I often listened to and laughed at their stories over a bottle of beer. I was not the type to hate children. I just could not love that boy. Not yet. “Kelsey, Sean is…”
“My son.” She started crying again. “Please accept him.” Her arms tightened around my chest and I could feel her heart pounding, her breath labored.
Why did she beg me? It made me feel so much of a monster. What kind of a man would I be, if I loved a woman and just chose a few things about her? I loved everything about her—everything, but the fact that she had with her something to remember Seth by. Sure, the kid looked like me and it was very unlikely for people to think he wasn’t mine, but the fact was…he just wasn’t. He was Seth’s.
She cried most of the night as we lay in bed. It was upsetting hearing her so distressed. I rested my arm on my forehead as I sleeplessly stared at the ceiling. She eventually fell asleep, worn out from crying. I got up at four that morning, after just two hours of sleep, and went to the lab to pick up where I had left off.
Right before lunch, I heard a knock on my door as I worked on some documents at the office. Kelsey peeked in and smiled before coming in. She was not wearing anything suitable for work. She was wearing her cotton Sunday dress again, but it looked very pretty on her. She looked fresh and young, vibrant and beautiful. I wondered how I hadn’t noticed her that way before.
“What are you doing here, baby?” I didn’t know how to tell her I had asked my father’s secretary to find me another assistant. I wasn’t going to let Kelsey work under me. She could study again after the wedding. She was supposed to study, after all.
She smiled as she walked towards me, holding a lunch bag. “I brought you something to eat. You look tired.”
“I am.” I stood and went around my desk, leaning against it as I pulled her into my arms. How could I ask her for anything that would hurt her if she was doing everything to make me happy? “What have you made me?”
“Sandwiches. I’ve made enough for the two of us,” she replied. She sat opposite me, ate quietly and stared. She wanted to ask something of me. I could feel it.
“This is good,” I said as I ate. “You’d make a perfect wife.”
She grew a delicate shade of pink. I loved that color in her face. She looked extremely vulnerable and it made me feel like she needed me. I stood and pulled her out of the chair, sitting her on the table as I parted her legs.
She kept her eyes on me as she grew even redder. Slowly, I unbuttoned her dress. I could never deny to myself how I loved these clothes, but I wished she would only wear them when she was with me.
Her lips tasted sweet. I pressed my mouth hard on hers and felt myself stiffen. She was not holding back today and I wanted her here. I unzipped and let myself out. Her panties were sexy, made of something I could just rip right off her hips. I shoved them aside to find she was ready for me. I pushed myself in.
She leaned back on her hands, the table holding her steady against me. Her head was thrown back and I savored her neck. She wasn’t wearing any perfume today. She knew exactly how I wanted her.
“Kelsey,” I whispered her name. She moaned as I pushed deeper and deeper with every thrust.
I was as deep as I could go. I wanted more and the closer I was to feeling she was finally mine, the more I wanted to be one with her. It was never enough…the teasing, the taunting, touching her hair, the stares, the kisses, the first time I made love to her…and the marriage. Everything seemed to not be enough. I pushed her against me in sudden frustration. She was mine, but she felt so far from me. She was incomplete. She was not whole…without her son.
“I will see you tonight at dinner,” she said, and gave me a kiss before leaving my office.
You won’t have to wait that long. I thought I would surprise her and visit Sean in the hospital. I hadn’t been there in the past few days. I knew Kelsey noticed, but she wasn’t saying anything about it. She kept telling me how Sean was and I listened with interest. I wanted to know how he was, although I found it difficult to admit.
The look on her face as I walked into the hospital room was priceless. She ran to me and hugged me, putting smiles on my parents’ faces.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
The boy was awake and listening to his grandmother’s stories of his father. He would look at me once in a while. What could this boy be thinking?
“Uncle Scott?” He called to me and held out his hand. It was Kelsey’s stare that drew me close.
“Yes.” I walked over and held the boy’s hand. It was a relief when the doctor arrived to speak with all of them. No one was listening as I spoke to Sean.
“Mommy said you are my hero because you are making my medicine.”
“Yes, I’m making something I hope will make you better.” I swallowed hard. “I don’t think I’m your…hero. Your father is. ”
“I never met Daddy.” He tightened his hold on me. “He left Mommy and me.”
“He went to be an angel.”
“Mommy said that, too.” There was pain in his voice. How could one so young feel so much pain?
“Do you believe her?”
“Yes, Uncle.” He nodded. “Daddy’s my angel. You are my hero.”
“You don’t know me, boy.”
“I know Mommy said she loves you, as much as she loved Daddy.”
“She did?” I felt a lump in my throat.
“Yes. Mommy loves me, too. She said she will never leave me, but she has to go with you to save other sick boys, like me.”
Kelsey was determined to leave her boy to be with me. She probably hoped that story would make the two of us heroes and would diminish the possibility of his anger if he grew up without her.
He added, “I understand. Heroes need to be where sick little boys and girls are, right, Uncle?”
Wrong. Heroes need to fight the battles that matter most to their families and…Shit, no! I wasn’t staying! “Right.”
The boy’s face haunted me in my sleep and as I worked at the lab. The days wore on and we were getting closer to our goal. I worked from early morning until almost midnight, every day. I hadn’t worked that hard in my life. If it was because of Sean or because of Kelsey, I really didn’t know. I couldn’t bring myself to think anymore. I needed the cure, for once I found it, only then would Sean live, and would I begin a new life because Kelsey would marry me.
* * * *
“Welcome home!”
Mother and Father threw Sean the best party, after staying at the hospital for nearly five weeks. He was a little behind in school but they were able to enroll him in the best one in the city.
The party was also an intimate one. With just the family and clo
se friends around, we announced our engagement. Kelsey refused to have a huge party and we understood why. She didn’t want to deal with the questions about our relationship yet.
“Congratulations!” Aunt Kaidence raised her glass as she leaned over the table to look at me. “You finally found someone.”
“Yes, Aunt Kaidence. I never thought she would just be around the corner,” I said.
Kelsey was amazing. She served me and Sean at dinner. “Would you like some more wine?” she asked me, with a smile. She was happy tonight, which made me feel happy. “What?”
“Nothing. You are just so…beautiful.”
“Oh, get a room, you guys!” Keiffer was not the least unhappy about my good fortune. In fact, he was so envious that he was determined to find a good woman of his own. Alicia was thrilled about the idea. She had long wanted her twin brother to find a woman he could settle down with. Keiffer was getting old, while she was forgetting the fact she had to find a man to marry her because she was getting old, herself.
“Kelsey, I heard Carter visited you this afternoon,” Father began.
I shot Kelsey a glance and she chuckled. “Yes, Father. I told him I’m marrying Scott.”
“Hmmm.” Father nodded. “Maybe that is the reason the Povenmiers aren’t here.”
“I’m planning to go and talk to Dean Povenmier,” she replied. Of course, I wasn’t going to let her go there alone. I thought I should go there with her to apologize.
“Good.” Father nodded. “I have something to ask of you.”
“Anything, Father,” Kelsey nodded.
“Our company is sponsoring a medical relief mission of the best doctors in the country, providing all the medicines they will need as they travel around the country. I need you to go with them and manage the supply.”
Father and Aunt Kaidence shot each other glances. I knew then, there was something behind it all.
“Of course.” Kelsey was quick to reply.
“It might be out of town and may last a month or two,” Father continued. “I just wish someone would be able to accompany you as Scott is busy with the cure for…”
“I’ll help her.” Alicia raised her hand, peeking at my father.
Aunt Kaidence smiled at her brother and I knew right away the conversation had been arranged and was not for me or for Kelsey. It was for Alicia; she had been keeping herself away from the real world for far too long. She had been keeping herself in a world she had created, where men were perfect and loved her the way real men didn’t. She was lost.
“You will?” Uncle Andrew sounded enthusiastic rather than shocked. He was in on the plan, too. “Well, that is a good idea, Alicia. You can help Kelsey out.”
“You can help her with her wedding preparations, too.” Aunt Kaidence suggested. Oh, I knew where this was going.
“Yes, speaking of which…I really want you to be my maid-of-honor, if you will agree to it.” Kelsey reached over the table for Alicia’s hand.
Oh, geez. She’s in on it, too. I fought hard to hide my laughter. I imagined how the same kind of arranged conversation might have pushed Kelsey and me to where we were now in our relationship.
It disturbed me how comforting it felt to know that the family had found someone they could rely on in Kelsey. It seemed like she could be there for everyone, helping out as much as she could, without thinking about her own happiness, sacrificing a lot. I knew she would want Grace to be her maid-of-honor because she was her best friend. Yet she went along with this plan just to get Alicia to realize she was becoming an old maid. Kelsey was a good person.
“Of course!” Alicia held her hand and beamed. It pained me to see that one of the worst things her obsession for books had encouraged was her naivety. “I mean, you are like a sister to me now.”
Kelsey looked pleased and relieved.
“Maybe Luke could help with the medical relief mission.” Aunt Kaidence tried to get her youngest son involved, too.
“No.” Luke shook his head and everyone fell quiet. Luke was a professional racer, but a home-buddy type of guy. Knowing how indifferent Luke was about everything, it was expected that he wouldn’t agree to it.
Kelsey and Alicia did spend a lot of their days together, spearheading medical missions in and out of town. It was Kelsey’s way of repaying my parents’ kindness, and her way of training herself to be away from her son. Although I was always busy with work, I found it hard to accept that she was not there when I came home at night.
“I don’t like what’s happening, Kelsey! You have been away for a month!” It felt longer to me.
“You will have me for the rest of your life after this,” she said over the phone. “I need to do this for your parents. They do not trust anyone else to manage the inventory of medicine for this mission.” She sighed. “I’m doing this for me, too, so I can get used to being away from Sean.”
I knew it! “This is killing me!”
She sniffed. “You have no idea how I feel.”
I did. Perhaps this pain…this mortal pain, enough to drive me completely insane, was what she would feel if she went away with me. “Kelsey, I’m coming to get you. Wait for…”
“No.” Her voice was low and pleading. “Please let me be, for now.”
I spent less days with her and more with Sean at home. The first few days were not the easiest ones for me. I never knew how to speak to him at dinner, and I often flinched when he held my hand at the mall. As I grew accustomed, it surprised me to feel how much of it I missed whenever I was not with Sean.
I had found myself looking forward to Fridays, as he would be able to stay up later than usual, and we would be able to watch science fiction movies together. Seth’s curiosity had bothered me before, but Sean’s never-ending questions about things never did. I noticed myself not only answering his questions, but telling him stories, until we fell asleep in the mansion’s movie room. On Saturdays, he and I would play with Max in the backyard or swim or read together, the list would go on.
“Uncle Scott?” He came to me one night, asking if I could help him with homework. I gladly agreed, before I knew it was for a show-and-tell.
The things they were asked to show to class were those they thought could save lives. He asked me what was it that I thought his classmates would not bring. He wanted to have something different to show them. There was no hesitation about it. I knew what it was he needed for his homework. Just this morning, we had successfully found the cure.
“I promise to bring a sample to school tomorrow to show to your class. How does that sound?” I asked, as I bent to meet his gaze.
What I did not expect was that he would ask me to stay and listen to what he had to say about the man who helped invent it.
“That is Uncle Scott. He created this cure so that no little boy like me would get sick ever again. Uncle Scott and my mommy are helping sick people. My mommy is now with doctors, giving free medicine to little boys and girls.” Sean had his chest puffed out as he spoke. He smiled at me as he finished.
I smiled back and nodded.
“Why do you call your daddy ‘uncle’?” one of the little girls in the front row asked. The question caught me off-guard. I nodded at the teacher, went out and waited in the school playground until Sean finished his classes.
“Uncle Scott, you stayed!” Sean ran towards me with a wide smile.
I stood up from the bench and nodded at him. “Do you want some ice cream?”
“Yes!”
That night, Sean woke, missing his mother. He had been crying, waking up the household the past few nights. Mother and Father had been having a hard time pacifying him and they had been calling Kelsey to speak with him on the phone.
Tonight, Kelsey must be asleep as she did not pick her phone up. Two hours ago, I had spoken with her and she had been extremely tired.
Alicia said she had been down with a fever, and that she would not allow anyone to take care of her.
“Uncle, I miss Mommy,” Sean said, as he sunk his body under the covers.
I sighed. He and I had a lot in common. I knew how this must feel for a young and fragile boy, who had no idea what was going on. “I know. I miss your mommy, too. We will go see your mother tomorrow. I’m sure your teachers will understand.”
“Do you mean it? We will go see her?”
“Yes.” I fixed his blanket. “We will.”
“I hate Mommy being a hero. I miss her. I don’t want her away. Please, Uncle Scott. Tell Mommy to come home and not go away again.”
Why did it feel like fate was playing with me? It was like this boy was asking me not to take his mother to Europe after our wedding. “Let’s see what we can do.” I ruffled the boy’s hair and headed for the door when he called me again.
“Uncle Scott? Is this what it feels like?”
“What?”
“To have a daddy?”
I held all the curses I knew in my head and took a sharp breath. The boy, in his innocence, was always asking the wrong questions, but was right on track. Mother and Father glanced at me as they sat on the bed.
“Yes.”
“Mommy said she will marry my second daddy. Mommy is marrying you. Are you my second daddy?” Again with the question!
I swallowed hard. “Yes. I am.”
Mother covered her mouth as Sean smiled. “I like you, Daddy.”
“I like you too, Sean.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Scott: Taking Kelsey Home
Although Kelsey was sick she worked in the back of the supply tent, handing out what medicines were needed and making inventories. I stared at her for a while and thought she had completely changed. She was thinner and looked exhausted—with dark circles under her eyes and pale lips. She had a gloomy expression, which I knew would only vanish when she saw her son. She shot to her feet as she heard Sean call out to her.