“Oh, please. You were smotherin’ the poor thing. I didn’t get her for some retaliation against you. There were a few burglaries in the neighborhood and we need a good watchdog.”
“She’s blind, Luis!” I yell. “She can’t watch anything. I don’t even think she can bark. Granny’s got one foot in the grave.”
He pretends like my words are an insult to him and his dog. “Shh, don’t let her hear you say that.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
He shrugs. “Listen, the lady at the shelter approved my application. You got a problem with it, talk to the shelter. I don’t give a shit what you think anymore.”
If I were a cartoon, a big great gust of steam would be coming out of my ears right now. “What about Saturday night, Luis? You told me you loved me.”
“Isn’t that what guys are supposed to say before they screw their girlfriend? I thought it was a prerequisite.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“What do you want me to say, that I want to get back with you just so you could think of another guy while we’re in bed together? No, thanks.”
Granny waddles to the front door. Luis reaches down and picks her up. Seeing him holding her so gently in his arms shows off the warm and caring side he’s trying to hide from me.
“You don’t know what I think about, Luis. And don’t tell me you weren’t keeping secrets from me. You were obviously doing something shady for that Chuy guy. I know he wasn’t recruiting you to join the Boy Scouts. I chose to ignore all the warning signs and trust you. You lied to me, didn’t you? You keep more secrets than the Pentagon.”
“I lie to everyone. It’s no big deal.”
“It’s a big deal to me.” I point to his arm. “That didn’t happen in the garage. You were in a knife fight.”
“Wrong. Try gunfight.” He puts Granny on the grass so she can waddle around and he holds his hands up. “Okay, fine. You got me. You’re lookin’ at the newest Latino Blood recruit, baby. I’ve been dealin’ drugs and gangbangin’ with Marco behind your back. That’s my secret. What’s yours?”
I swallow and prepare myself to reveal the truth. It doesn’t matter anymore, so why are tears running down my face? I wish I could hold them back, but I can’t. I’m angry, I’m hurt, I’m sad … He’s just like Marco. I tried to deny it, but the truth slaps me in the face.
“I was pregnant with Marco’s baby the day he broke up with me.” Luis steps back, shock written all over his face. “I lost the baby right after we left Alex’s wedding and I almost died. This thing coming between us wasn’t about me and Marco!” I yell, getting riled up now. “It was about trust. And in the back of my head I knew you were lying to me about the Blood. Don’t blame me for holding back, Luis. I was almost ready to let go and try to trust again. It took me a while, and I wasn’t really good at it, but at least I was trying, which is more than I can say for you. It was you who was holding back all along.” I pull the meteorite out of my purse. “Maybe I couldn’t say it yet, but I tried to show you how much I cared.” Tears stream down my cheeks as I chuck the meteorite into the street.
I expect him to go running after it, but he doesn’t. His eyes are fixed on me.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he says softly. He reaches out to me.
I whack his hand away. “Don’t you dare touch me ever again!”
41
Luis
A week later, as I hop on my motorcycle in the library parking lot after working on my essay for Purdue’s application, a car that I’ve noticed trailing me for the past two weeks stops in front of me and blocks my path.
A guy steps out of the car. I’ve seen him at the warehouse a couple of times, but I’ve never talked to him. He’s an OG. “Chuy wants to talk to you.”
“Later,” I tell them.
“No, you don’t get it.” A big guy steps out of the back. “He wants to talk to you now.”
I leave the motorcycle in the parking lot and get in the backseat. I’ve been avoiding this meeting. The key Chuy gave me has been like a weight on my conscience.
Chuy is sitting in the backseat, waiting for me. We’re driven randomly through town.
I take the key out of my wallet. “I can’t do it. I thought I could, but I can’t.” The way Nikki looked at me with complete and utter hatred when I tried to console her after she told me she’d been pregnant with Marco’s baby made me realize it was really over for good. She hated Marco, hated the LB, and now she put me in the same category because I’ve betrayed her, just like Marco. The entire week I’ve tried to feel him out to see if he knows about the pregnancy, but he hasn’t taken the bait. Either he doesn’t know about it, or he’s determined to keep it a secret.
“I know you feel a pull toward the LB,” Chuy says. “But you don’t know why.”
I stay silent. Every word he just spoke is the truth. I won’t admit it because I’m ashamed of it.
“No need to hide your true feelings. Tu papá wanted you to be in the Blood, Luis. He made sure you were watched over and protected. He brought you to the warehouse a week after you were born, to be blessed in with LB written on your forehead in his own blood … a full-fledged Latino Blood.”
No fucking way. “My father died before I was born,” I say. “Alex told me he was there, he saw our papá get shot … what you’re sayin’ doesn’t make sense, unless—”
“Your father wasn’t a Fuentes,” Chuy says, interrupting my confusion. He pulls a picture out of his suit pocket and hands it to me. “I was there.”
I look at the picture of Hector Martinez with a huge grin on his face as he holds a baby in the air like a king presenting his newborn baby to the people. The prince. In the middle of the baby’s forehead, written in blood, are the letters LB—Latino Blood.
“That’s you,” Chuy says. “And your papá. Your real papá.”
As soon as the words leave Chuy’s mouth, a feeling of dread washes over me. It can’t be true. But there have been signs. I’ve never seen my birth certificate. When Alex was shot Carlos donated blood, but mi familia never even approached me to do the same. It always rubbed me raw. Were they worried that I’d find out Alex and I weren’t a match, or that I’d somehow find out we were only half brothers? Chuy said I was blessed into the Latino Blood, but mi papá died before I was born. I couldn’t have been blessed in, unless my father was a member of the LB at the time.
I need answers, and I need them now. Did mi'amá shield me from the gang life because she didn’t want me finding out the truth?
I used to know where my loyalties lie. Now I’m not so sure.
“Drive me back to the library,” I say to the dude driving. “I need to get out of here.”
The guy looks to Chuy for direction. Chuy nods his approval. Even when they drop me off by the library and let me out of the car, I feel trapped. He knows where to find me, how to lure me back with threats I can’t ignore. I left the picture in Chuy’s car, hoping to leave the image of Hector proudly holding that baby—me—behind.
I find myself driving to Alex’s apartment. I knock on the door, hoping he’s home. I need answers, and he’s the one person who can give them to me. Alex comes to the door. “Luis, what’s wrong?” he says.
“Are you my brother?” I ask plain and simple.
“Of course I’m your brother,” he says, confused.
“Let me be more specific, then. Am I your half brother?”
He doesn’t answer. He stares at me, with those Latino Blood tattoos on his own chest and arms mocking me.
“Fuck you, Alex!”
“What’s going on?” Brittany says, coming into view with Paco in her arms. “Luis, you look sick. I hope you didn’t catch the flu from Paco. Are you okay?”
“Weese!” Paco yells, clapping and excited to see me.
“No, I’m not okay.” I look at Alex with contempt. “Does Brit know?”
Alex nods slowly.
“Do I know what?” Brittany says innocently as she wraps
Paco tight in a blanket. “What’s going on between you two?”
“Alex was just confirmin’ that I’m not his brother,” I say.
Alex stands in front of me, face-to-face. “You are my brother, dammit.”
“Yeah, half. What’s the other half, huh? Tell me.”
“I don’t know what you heard, but—”
“Hector Martinez is my father, isn’t he?”
I glance at Alex’s shoulder where Hector shot him not long after he killed Paco.
“Isn’t he?” I say again.
“Sí, Luis,” Alex says, defeated. “Hector Martinez was your father.”
Brittany puts a comforting hand on my shoulder, but I shrug it off.
“Does Carlos know, or am I not only the black sheep of the family, but also the last to know who my own fuckin’ father is.”
Alex doesn’t want to tell me. He’d rather keep me ignorant and innocent, but that’s all in the past. I’m not a kid anymore. Far from it.
“Tell me!” I scream at him. My entire body is tense and I suppress a vicious rage that’s bubbling inside me.
“Calm down.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down. Don’t say another word to me except the absolute truth.”
“Okay.” Alex brushes his fingers through his hair. “He suspects. He brought it up once about ten years ago, and I shut him down. I told him never to bring it up again, and he hasn’t.”
“Well, hooray for Fuentes family secrets.” It feels like I’ve got a lump the size of a basketball in my throat as I ask, “Did he rape our mother? Am I the result of a rape?”
“No.”
“She cheated?”
“Not exactly. Why don’t I take you home and you can ask her yourself.”
“I don’t have a home, Alex.”
“Don’t be stupid, Luis. Your home is wherever your family is. Mamá did things she thought would keep us safe.”
“So she whored herself out. Nice.”
Alex pushes me, his eyes blazing mad. “Don’t talk about mi'amá like that. She did what needed to be done, period. Don’t judge her when you don’t know what went down.”
All this time I’ve been so stupid. The evidence was right in front of my face and I never even put the pieces together. I had this ridiculous delusion that I was the golden child, because I was in my mother’s stomach when my supposed father was shot and killed—the last gift my father gave her was me.
But in reality I’ve never been the golden child. I’ve been the black sheep … I’ve called myself a Fuentes and I never was one.
I step back. “Adios, bro.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I’m out. For good.”
“You’re not goin’ anywhere.”
“You have no hold over me, Alex. Hell, we don’t even share the same father.” I think of all the times I felt bad for Carlos because he seemed the odd one out. He didn’t have the brains or even temper that Alex and I were born with.
Joke’s on me. I don’t even have the same blood.
“You think your DNA matters?” he asks. “It doesn’t. You were my brother as soon as you came out of Mamá’s stomach and I held you when you were less than an hour old. You were my brother when Mamá worked and I wiped your ass and changed your diapers. And you’ll be my brother until I take my last breath! ¿Comprende?”
“You denied me my history … my heritage!”
“I denied you nothing, Luis. Your biological father was …” He hesitates.
“Go ahead and say it. Come on, Alex, don’t hold back now.”
“Hector Martinez was a manipulative asshole who threatened people with their lives so they did what he wanted. He was a murderer and drug lord. We did you a favor by not tellin’ you that half your genes were from a man without scruples or a conscience.”
“You better be careful, Alex.” I push him back, ready for a brawl. “That’s my blood you’re talkin’ about.”
My words must sting, because Alex pounds his chest. “Wake up, Luis. You’re lookin’ at your blood. I’m your blood.”
I regard him with disgust. “All I see in front of me is an ex–Latino Blood. A traitor to my people.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“Watch your back, bro. You never know who’s family … and who’s the enemy.”
I storm away from him, blocking out Alex’s demands to come back, mixed with Brittany’s pleas not to leave. She says we can work it out.
I’m done working things out.
Chuy was right. Being a Latino Blood is my destiny, my birthright. I told myself I wanted to get close to Chuy to gain insider info about the LB. I was lying to myself. All along I wanted to be in it, be a part of the drug deals and danger. I walk into the LB warehouse with one thing on my mind—living up to my father’s legacy.
Chuy is sitting in his makeshift office talking to some OGs. One look at me and Chuy sends everyone else out of the room—except a guy named Tiny, who isn’t tiny.
“I’ll go to the bank and see what’s in the safety-deposit box,” I say. “But I’ve got conditions.”
His ever-present cigar is hanging from his mouth. He takes it out and blows smoke in the air. I watch as it lingers above his head before disappearing into the smoke-filled room. “Conditions?”
“Sí. First, you never threaten Alex’s family, Carlos, or mi'amá again. Second, you initiate me like everyone else.” No more straddling the line. I’ve chosen my side, and I don’t want anyone mistaking me for something that I’m not and was never intended to be.
“Glad you’ve come around, Fuentes.”
“Don’t call me that,” I say roughly. “I’m not a Fuentes and you know it, so stop the bullshit. You agree to my terms or not?”
We stare each other down. “Sure. Hector predicted you’d be a fighter,” he says proudly, reminding me of the picture of Hector holding me when I was a newborn. He nods to Tiny to get the other OGs back in the room. “Luis here wants to solidify his place in the LB family, boys,” he calls out as they pile back in. “Problem is, Luis, you’ve already been blessed in. No need for an initiation.”
“I want it. Jump me in like a new recruit.”
He laughs. “What, you want us to kick the shit outta you?”
“I want to be initiated like Alex. I’m not takin’ the easy way out. I can handle it.” I’ll show them I don’t need to be protected from the truth. I can just hear Hector Martinez from the grave egging me on, challenging me to prove to all these guys that I’m as tough as he was.
He cocks an eyebrow. “You can handle it, huh?”
“I’m my father’s son,” I say stoically. “Bring it.”
“Mi placer,” he says, amused. “Yo, Rico!” he yells. “Round up some others and give Luis here a Latino Blood thirteen-second welcome. I’m gonna join in, too.” He cracks his knuckles one by one. “I’m gonna enjoy this.”
42
Nikki
Kendall thinks I’m a survivor, but right now I don’t feel like one. All I feel like doing is going over to Luis’s house so he can hold me and tell me everything is okay between us.
I’m dreaming. It’s not okay between us and never will be.
“Dad,” I say, sitting down with him as he watches a soccer match on television. “How come you and Mom never took us to Mexico?”
He shrugs. “We travel a lot, Nikki. You went to Brazil with us two years ago. And Argentina when I spoke at the conference there. You practically gobbled up all the gelato in Italy.”
“But why not Mexico?”
He blows out a long, slow breath. “I guess if we went, I’d feel like I had to show you where I grew up. I don’t want to look back, Nikki. Your mother doesn’t want to, either.”
“A lot of the Mexican kids at school have parents who don’t even speak English.”
“On the south side,” he says.
“Yeah.”
“We’re trying to raise you and your brother to not have the we/t
hem mentality, and the resentment between the haves and have-nots, which I’m afraid is rampant on the south side. Your mother and I discussed it a lot before you were born.”
“It’s like we’re white. I don’t eat Mexican food and none of the kids I grew up with were Mexican.”
“We’re not trying to be white, Nikki. We assimilated. Is that so horrible?”
“I feel like in the process of wanting to fit in so bad, you and Mom have neglected to make us proud of our heritage. I love being American. But when I look at the kids on the south side … like the Fuentes family … I’m jealous.”
“What’s there to be jealous about, honey? You have everything you need, and most things you want. We’re living the American dream. I know the mentality of most Mexican families on the south side of Fairfield: work like a dog, send money to relatives back in Mexico, and don’t have high expectations because they’ll never be met. Most Mexican kids on the south side of Fairfield aren’t expected to go to college. After high school they’re expected to help their parents provide for the family, and protect what they call the ’hood. That’s not our mentality.”
“I know.” I want to tell him what’s been nagging me for the past two months, ever since I was with Luis on Derek’s boat. “I want you to tell me about your childhood, Dad. Not now, but when you and Mom are ready. It’s really important to me. Being Mexican is important to me.”
“Does this have anything to do with you spending so much time with Luis?”
“Maybe. We broke up, and I miss his family and being surrounded by people who showed off being Mexican like it was a badge of honor. I know it’s stupid, but I really liked that.” I also miss Luis so much, I ache for him and have cried myself to sleep every night since his birthday.
“If you want to go to Mexico, I’ll talk to your mother. We have no plans this summer, with you going to college in the fall.” He pats my knee. “I think you’re right. We need to look back sometimes and realize the past taught us to appreciate our future.”
It’s true. I need to go back to my own past, so I can heal and look forward to the future. Marco is the key.
Simone Elkeles - [Perfect Chemistry 03] Page 21