by Amy Lane
Jed and Andi had told them no parties, but they had done it laughingly. Andi had kissed her sons forehead as they left and said, “You two are so good its almost frightening. Dont let any of that change, okay?”
Penny had eyed the two of them almost sadly as they left. “So, guys, any plans?” she asked, swinging her blonde braid behind her with a little bit of attitude. She was a very female version of Chris—small face, dark round eyes, curling blonde hair.Shed been the perfect little sister in the past two years—snotty, teasing, and not ever, once, showing any affection unless it was forced out of her. The last time Xander could remember her giving either of them a soft word was when Xander had played ball with a fever of 104.Shed stayed up by the couch that night, taking shifts with Chris and her parents, making sure he was going to be okay. He remembered the delirium, and her small hand on his forehead, and her voice, sounding sad, saying, “Its okay, Xander. Chris is here. He just needed to sleep for a bit, okay?”
That same sound was in her voice this time, and before her parents knew what she was doing, she suddenly turned around from the door where she was standing and ran into Xanders arms. He was looking at her, bemusedly, when she planted a soft, mushy, inexpert kiss on his lips, and he was still stunned as she backed away, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.
“Guess not,” she murmured. “Have a good weekend, Xander. Think of me.”
And then they were gone, probably so Jed and Andi could scold her in peace.
They waited until the rumble of the car had cleared their residential block, and then Xander turned to Chris and said, “What was that all abou—” when Chris was all over him. Mouth to mouth, body to body, Xander went backward over the arm of the flowered couch and Chris was right there, on top of him, kissing him until he couldnt breathe and couldnt see and couldnt think. He groaned, and hunger—all of that carefully hidden hunger, all of that repressed need—roared through him, and he went from good boy to horny man in one thrust ofChriss tongue into his mouth.
His cock was aching and full, and even though he was wearing cargo shorts, it was about to burst out of them, and Chris was thrusting his groin against his and oh God… it was like his body had a license to feel, to react, to crave and without warning, his entire body went cold, then swept hot, and pressure built up in him, everywhere from his balls to the back of his eyes. He wrapped his legs around the back of Chriss thighs, wrapped his arms aroundChriss shoulders, buried his face in between that soft, male-scented hollow and Chriss unruly curls and howled, spilling in his pants after five minutes of necking on the couch.
In his arms, Chris shuddered and keened, and his groin thrust one more time against Xanders and the rapidly cooling spend inside Xanders shorts was heated up again when Christian came against him.
Xander kept his arms and legs wrapped around Chris for as long as possible after that.
They had to move, though.The couch wasnt comfortable, and theyd just come inside their shorts, and there was still that horrible paranoia about Chriss parents forgetting something and coming back. (The boys had circled the house six times in an effort to help them pack, out of sheer habit. Andi was incredibly organized, but Jed had almost forgotten his fishing tackle, his swimming trunks, and his cell phone with GPS.As Xander had handed that last one to him, hed laughed and said that there were lots of reasons that kids were a blessing, as he put the thing in his pocket.)
Chris shifted first, rolling off of Xander and onto his knees, landing with a thump.He buried his face into Xanders neck again, and Xander stroked that wildly tangling hair. (Chris was wearing it long, without any sort of cut or product in it, just as an experiment. He looked very seventies.)
“Wow, big guy,” Chris laughed, still breathless. “I never would have guessed you had that in you.”
Xander blushed and struggled to sit up. “Its been waiting a long time.But I cant believe we just did that in your parents living room! Jesus… I swore that wouldnt happen.”
Chris offered him a hand and Xander took it, finding himself hauled into Chriss arms. He looked down at his friend, his brother, and now, maybe, his lover, and was reassured when those well-dark eyes sparkled up at him.“Maybe its cause Im legal now, right?”
Xander rolled his eyes. “So am I!”
Chris nodded seriously.“So, like, were grown-ups. And this is real.And its not taking advantage of my parents hospitality, its having a relationship with someone in a home.”
Suddenly he couldnt meet Chriss eyes anymore. A relationship. Theyd been practicing a relationship, but now they were really going to
have one. The romantic kind. The kind you couldnt take back. “Lovers go away,” he said, rawly. Maybe it was because theyd just come in each others arms, and maybe it was because Chris was expecting them to take it even further.Maybe it was because hed seen his mother with man after man, and none of them kind, or the fact that every tabloid in the grocery store was full of people bouncing off each other like rubber dodge balls, but the thought that once Chris became a lover, he could go away?
Terrifying. Simply terrifying.
Chriss hand came up, cupped his jaw, pulled his face around. “Look at me, Xander. Please?” Their eyes collided and caught, and Chris nodded, as though to make sure he had Xanders complete attention. You have had my complete attention since we met, Christian. You will always have my complete attention.
“Im not going anywhere, okay , Xan? You and me.Were it.Were forever, okay? Like my folks. They met in high school and put each other through college and finish each others sentences. It happens sometimes.Its real. Just believe it, okay? Believe in it, and it will be real.”
Xander nodded, and then hugged Chris compulsively to him again. They separated reluctantly—they had to work that night, and they had to shower, and it was just time, but Chris gave him a quick brush of the lips before turning and trotting upstairs to wash. Xander used the downstairs shower, and because they were both running at the same time, the water was lukewarm at best. Xander decided to add a really big hot water heater and a shower for two to his list for being a grown-up. Hell, some of the other stuff looked like it might come true, even if Chris was the one with the car at this point.
Work seemed to crawl by, and that was unusual and frustrating. Xander liked being functional, liked scraping grills and producing something and measuring his progress by the ding of the bun-timer and the number of hamburgers put in a box. The people around him usually played at their work, too, and he enjoyed being immersed in conversations that had nothing to do with him, but that he could follow, anyway.
And of course, watching Chris at the counter was always a treat. “Here yago, Ms. Oscar!” Chris always bounced on his toes, and since Ms. Oscar was their next-door neighbor, he was extra enthusiastic. “Now, you know, we could always deliver this to you, right? Xander and I usually get off at ten on Saturday nights!”
Ms. Oscar smiled gently and waved to Xander in the back. “Hullo, Xander!” Xander waved at her, a nice woman with a pretty smile somewhere in middle age where eighteen-year-old boys stopped wondering about age at all.“I couldnt let you do that, honey. You two are supposed to be out partying this summer.Arent you supposed to be leaving soon?”
“Six weeks,” Chris confirmed. “It was going to be eight, but I got a car for graduation, and Xan and I are gonna road trip back east.” Ms. Oscar took a deep breath in what was clearly enchantment. “Oh, thats wonderful, Chris. You two will have so much fun!”
Chris grinned at her and said goodnight, and then turned to Xander and waggled his eyebrows. Xander laughed, and the girl next to him let out a disgusted puff of air.
“Could the two of you bemore gay?” Shed been hitting on Chris ever since shed started, and Xander had a feeling that she could get ugly if she found out the truth.
“I can think of one way,” he said mildly, and it was the comple te truth. Not only could he think of one way to be more gay, but he had been thinking of it, pretty much nonstop, for the past six hours.
Gabby rolled her eyes. “Seriously! The least you could do is help me out here!Ive been hitting on that guy for two months, and Im getting nowhere.Could you at least tell me what he likes?”
Me! He likes me! He loves me, and he wants nothing to do with you! “He likes to laugh,” Xander said instead. “He likes it when someone can share a joke with him, or watches a funnymovie.” Xander could do that—but only with Chris. With Chris, he could watch a funny movie and laugh until he spit soda up his nose. By himself, or with Chriss parents, he let out a courtesy chuckle, because while inside it might seem hilarious, on the outside, it wasnt worth laughing without Chris.
Gabby stopped examining her fingernails through her clear protective gloves. She looked at Xander and smiled brightly.“Thanks, Xander!I guess youre not completely retarded after all!” And with that, she wandered up front and struck up a conversation with Chris about Austin Powers II, that lasted for the rest of her shift.
Eventually, though, she left, and half an hour later, Xander and Chris were ready to go. They climbed into Chriss “new” car—a fiveyear-old Toyota with not quite enough leg room for Xander—and Chris grabbed Xanders hand after hed started the car toward home.
“God, I thought shed never shut up!” he muttered. “All I wanted to do was tell her I wasnt interested, but Jesus, it never ended, you know? Whatever I wanted to say would be halfway around the state before it even got out!”
Xander clenched his hand, only partly aware of what Chris was talking about.He wasnt threatened by a girl, certainly not that girl, who wasnt particularly nice unless she wanted something and who said nasty, mean things to people who didnt have anything she wanted. Even if Chris ever fell in love with a girl, or another boy, it would be with someone better than Xander. Someone infinitely more worthy.
No. Hewasnt threatened by a girl, but he had thought of something as shed played with her frosted black hair and batted her pretty, almond-shaped eyes.
“Are we going to have to pretend?” he asked, and Chris, who had been whining some more about how totally boring that chick really was, stopped talking abruptly.
“Pretend?” He asked the question so carefully that Xander knew he had already thought of it too. Suddenly, the air conditioner was stifling, even though the Sacramento valley floor still hadnt cooled off entirely. Xander pressed the window button and let the humid air blow over his heated skin.
“You know exactly what Im talking about,” Xander said, his voice barely carrying over the sound of the wind, and Chris sighed—but he didnt relinquish Xanders hand.
“Yeah, I do. And the answer is probably.But I dont want to think about it.” Chriss voice became pleading, and Xander couldnt resist him, even a little.“Please, Xan? Please, tonight… tonight of all nights, can we not think about it?”
Xan nodded and kissed the back of Chriss knuckles. Then he let go and cranked up the radio.“Kryptonite” was playing, and 3 Doors Downwas one of Xanders favorite bands.
They got into the house and each went to shower again —alone. It was ritual. Something about the patina of fast food and sweat was just so unpleasant on the skin. It was just like after a game—both of them were desperate to get the reek of themselves off of their own skin.
When Xander emerged, wearing a pair of sleep shorts and a T-shirt, and freshly shaved, Chris stuck his head down the hall.“Cmon up here tonight, kay?”
Xander padded up the carpeted stairs, one hand on the rail, marking the way the rest of the house was still in starlight. It was odd—the house was never still. There was always the comforting murmur of Andi and Jed, talking after hours. There was always the patter of Penny on the keyboard as she worked late into the night, struggling into all of the excelled classes that so badly eluded Chris. There was always the sound ofChriss iPod, playing just sub-audio, but Xander knew what was on it. He knew every song on it, even when Chris got new ones. He knew what Chris played when he was in a bad mood, and what he played when theyd won a game,(“Jesus is Just All Right” by the Doobie Brothers. Xander could never figure out why.)
Tonight he had the iPod plugged into the jack, and what was coming out was “Small Things” by Blink 182. Of course it was. When he walked into Chriss room and looked around, he realized what a kids room it still was. Their pennants were on the walls from taking State two years running, and Chris had three years of best sportsmanship trophies on his mantel as well. He also had, Xander noticed, a little surprised, all of Xanders MVP trophies, as well as the plaque hed gotten when hed gotten his scholarship and athlete scholar of the year. There were posters of individual Kings players: Vlade Divac, Peja Stojokowicz, C-Webb, Jason Williams, Scott Pollard; and one poster of the whole team.
“Pejas my favorite,” Chris said now into the silence.“Youll look just like him when you get all grown and everything.” He was sitting on the bed, and Xander sat next to him, taking in the way his chest gleamed a little in the moonlight.Of course Chris wouldnt wear a shirt. Pretty Chris, with the hairless chest and the model cut to his chest and arms and stomach.
Xander grimaced at the choice of Peja.“Ill need like, a personal body wax every weekend, you realize that.”
Chris laughed and leaned back on his elbows. He flexed his stomach, and Xander realized he was preening.“So which one am I?” “Jason Williams,” Xander replied promptly, because obviously, hed thought about it.
“Cause Im short. Ha ha.” “No!” That wasnt it at all. “Because hes loyal. Hes got his wife, right?And theyre like, inseparable. Its legendary. Youre like that. Youre like, thick and thin, right?”
Chriss hand was suddenly on his, and it was a whole different thing than what theyd been stealing in odd moments for the past two years. It was suddenly serious in a way they hadnt been before, ever.
“You can trust me, then,” he said quietly.
Xander shrugged.“Of course.”
Chris shook his head, then lay down on his queen-sized bed,
tugging on Xanders hand to do the same. Their feet hung off the edge, when they werent sleeping diagonally like Chris usually did, but they ignored it.He rolled over to his side and leaned in, kissing Xanders bicep.
“No,” Chris said softly. “You dont. You hold me, and kiss me, but its more than just our age thats gotten in the way, Xan, and you know it.”
Xan turned his head and looked at Chris, those dark eyes deep and eternal in the starlight.“I will love you for as long as we live,” he said softly, meaning every word.“And I will love you if this is as close as we ever get.”
“Why wouldnt you want to get closer to me, Xander? This is us. Its been us for four years. Why wouldnt we want to finish this?”
Xander swallowed.“Because its you and basketball, Christian. Only one of you can break my heart.”
Christian nodded, and propped himself up on his elbow, the moonlight haloing that golden hair behind him.“I dont love basketball nearly as much as I love you,” he said softly, and lowered his head for a kiss.
That would have to be enough. It was enough as his lips touched Xanders. Chriss lips were so soft, and he always tasted… sweet. Like sunshine and cookies. Maybe it was his nature, or the fact that he trusted everyone, just trusted that it would be okay, but Chris always tasted like sunshine and cookies.
Xand ers soul fed on that taste. He devoured it, pulled it inside. In a moment, less, hed rolled Chris over and had taken control, pinning Chris to the bed with his mouth and the widening breadth of his shoulders and chest. Chris moaned under him, and this time it was Chris who wrapped gangly arms and long legsaround Xanders shoulders and hips, and Xander who thrust against him. He was almost lost, almost out of control when Chris pulled back.
“Naked, Xander. I want us naked.” Their breathlessness cooled as they both rolled on their backs and kicked off their sleep shorts.When Xanders boxers were off, Chris helped him to pull his shirt off, and their heads hit the pillows side by
side as they lay naked next to each other. Chris turned and grinned, and the
n passing up all of the preliminaries, reached for Xanders groin, where his cock was still hard and stretched out in the nest of black hair.
Without a hello or how-are-you, Chris wrapped his hand around Xanders hard flesh and squeezed. Xanders head thumped back against the pillows, and he saw stars.
“ Waaahhh… God!”
“Good, huh?”
Chris could pick up a basketball using just the hard pressure of his
fingertips, and his hands were not that big. He squeezed firmly, and stroked from the base of Xanders cock to the tip, then rubbed softly over the end. Xander groaned again, and Chris was shifting, moving, and suddenly, oh God… his head was there, over Xanders groin, and the head of Xanders prick was in his mouth.
Xander shoved the palm of his hand in his own mouth to keep from making too much noise.His other hand knotted in Christians hair, not to control, but just to ground them, to keep himself on planet Earth, with Chris, before he rocketed himself off into the stratosphere.
Chris was shameless. He squeezed with his hand and sucked with his mouth, swirled with his tongue and hummed in his throat, and Xander was all the things he ever feared: helpless before him.
It didnt matter. He couldnt have run away if Chris suddenly let go of him and ran off to take a leak.Chris didnt, though. His ass was pumping against the bed as he sucked Xander off, and Xander reached out to him. It was hard, it took concentration, but Xander could persevere when he needed to. With a little bit of focus he thought he might not shoot off into Chriss mouth embarrassingly soon, and he managed to wiggle his hand under Chriss hips and wrap his hand aroundChriss erection, because turnabout was fair play, and, dammit, he needed some control in this situation.
Chris groaned around him and thrust into his palm shamelessly, and that gave Xander the safety he needed. Chris seemed to crave his touch just like Xander craved Chriss, and oh, God…,Xanders hips started flexing without his permission, and he tried to press his ass hard into the bed so he didnt do that, but Chris just kept sucking, and pulling, his hand becoming slick with the spit Chris let slide and with Xanders pre-come which leaked down around the head. Xander tightened his grip on Chriss prick, which was so thick that Xanders long-fingered hand could wrap around it, but probably nobody elses. He released quickly, afraid hed hurt with his long-fingered touch, but Chris groaned and thrust his cock into Xans grip. Xander forgot about being worried and started concentrating on what to do to make him move harder, go faster. Chris wanted him, wanted his touch, wanted to come in his hand.