I opened my eyes, the moment altered. I knew what I was supposed to reply, but my tongue felt like a wooden ruler. I did manage to reply, “I love you, too, Janet.” I only hoped the words didn’t sound as strained coming out as they felt! What the hell was wrong with me? I did love her. At least I thought I did. What was there not to love? All of a sudden, I had that feeling again. Wrong. Here I was, cagey as usual of anything that smacked of commitment. But, try as I might, I couldn’t turn off the little tinkling alarm bells. The breeze felt chill now and I felt restless, edgy.
Ah, the hell with it. I wasn’t going to let my problems around intimacy ruin our day—perhaps our future!
I took her hand and kissed it softly, letting my gaze caress her body. “Much as I’m enjoying this particular view, it’s a little early in the season for going starkers, isn’t it? We should probably get some clothes on before we get chilled and catch a cold.”
She laughed and shook her head. “Alex, Alex, you old fashioned goose. You don’t catch cold from being chilly.”
“I know that. Intellectually, I know for a fact that a cold is a virus, spread by droplet infection. Emotionally, I tell you my grandmother was right all along. Catch a chill, catch a cold. Anyway, I’m starved. Let’s eat.”
We got dressed. I stayed barefoot for the first time that year. Janet put on her sneakers, explaining that if she stayed barefoot she would assuredly find the one sharp shell on the beach and cut her foot.
“Like I unerringly step on the one icy spot on the sidewalk,” I smiled.
“It’s good to know you’re not perfect.”
“I’m workin’ on it.”
We ate like trenchermen, hardly speaking, making little groans of pleasure at the big bites of succulent seafood and crisp sandwiches, taking unaesthetic gulps of wine to wash them down. Fargo joined us for two large doggy biscuits and a couple of bites of pasta salad. Lobster, thank goodness, was not a favorite on his menu. His tastes were expensive enough.
Suddenly four mallards threw up a fine bow wave as they landed about fifteen feet off shore from us. They might well have been tame enough to swim in and waddle about hoping for tidbits. But the mighty Fargo dashed those hopes by running full tilt into the sea as if he meant to add all four to his dinner selection. They made hurried and awkward take-offs and flew away with disgruntled quacks, and Fargo splashed back, head held high with pride. Then, to show how clever he really was, he shook ice-cold water and sand all over both of us.
We both jumped up, brushing at the freezing water and grit. “Dammit, Fargo! Well, so much for gracious dining al fresco. How about a fire with our coffee? There’s some driftwood scattered around.”
“Perfect,” Janet replied. “I’ll just put the food back on ice.”
I walked around picking up little branches of dry wood plus a couple of small logs. Suddenly, I straightened and swore. “Oh, hell and damnation! I left my cigarettes and lighter on the dashboard of the car.”
Janet laughed. “You should see your face! I can’t believe you forgot your cigarettes. Give me the keys. I’ll go and get them. You look faint at the thought of those stairs.”
She took off at a ground-covering jog, but by the time she returned, I had the fire laid and our coffee poured. I impressed her mightily by using the sandwich wrappers as the only paper needed to light the fire.
“Aren’t you clever! If I must be shipwrecked, I’ll make sure to take you along. You’d be invaluable in all sorts of interesting ways.”
“Didn’t the Coast Guard teach you survival techniques?”
“Minimal. I think those are more for Green Berets and other snake-eating types. Anyway, dummy, the Coast Guard doesn’t get shipwrecked.”
“You really liked it, didn’t you? The Coast Guard.”
“After the first couple of months, yes. I loved it—the structure and the belonging and security. I enjoyed even the hard work and I loved my times at sea. There was just enough danger from the weather, from a couple of rescue operations and from the few boats we stopped for a board-and-search, to give life an interesting edge. And I took close note of the officers—male and female—whom I admired. I tried to speak like them, act like them, dress like the women when they were in civilian clothes.”
She reached out for a couple of little sticks and tossed them on the fire. “I was bound and determined to leave South Norwalk far, far behind me. And the CG was a good way to do it.”
“The old role model routine. It’s the way we all do it, I guess. I learned some things from my mom, some from Aunt Mae, a lot from some teachers I admired. Sounds like you could have done a lot worse for yourself, and that you were set for a long, happy cruise.” Obviously something had gone wrong, but I waited, hoping she would tell me in her own time what it had been. Something told me it would be a mistake to ask.
“Yes, I figured I’d stay in the Coast Guard for eight years, not a twenty-year stint like my brother had planned for the army. I was saving almost everything I made, and although it wasn’t a great deal at a time, it began to add up. I knew that when I got to the end of my enlistment I could count on the good old CG to pay for college. Then, with what I had and what I could borrow, I could get my restaurant. I’d still be barely thirty-two! And already I was changing from a scared little girl into a sure-footed adult with real focus. It was all taking shape.”
Yes? Well? And? I asked silently. Then what? Obviously something went badly awry or else you’d still be in the Coast Guard, or off somewhere in college or running a restaurant. But no more information was forthcoming.
She seemed suddenly far away. Finally, after a lengthy silence, I sought to jump-start the conversation. “Did you stay in touch with your parents? Did you ever see them?” I asked, thinking maybe this was the problem.
“Once, early on. I went home on leave, so proud of my crisp uniform and its one little chevron. Mama kept patting me and telling me how grown up and important I looked. Then my father came home and announced that I looked like a dyke. My brothers and sister started the same garbage-talk they’d done with Eddie. It was déjá vu all over again. After that, like him, I just sent postcards.”
Yeah, right from the edge, I thought. Talk about dysfunctional families—this one was a textbook classic. I tuned back in. I really hoped the whole day wouldn’t be devoted to these modern day Jukes and Kallikacks. I wanted to know what had happened.
“Eventually,” she went on almost dreamily, “I was transferred to Washington State. I had nearly six years in by then and a goodly collection of stripes on my sleeve and damn near twenty thousand dollars in the bank. I’d been to cook’s school and loved it. Now, as I told you, I was in charge of the officer’s club and mess outside Seattle.”
More silence, more far-away looks. I’d had faster root canals. “Did you make the full eight years?” I didn’t see how she could have. All along I had put her at about twenty-five, and that didn’t quite add up. Say she went in at eighteen, and stayed in for eight years, she’d be a minimum of twenty-six, even if she’d just gotten out, and for some reason I didn’t think she had. She just didn’t seem like someone who’d been in uniform a short while ago. Had she been somewhere in college? Probably not, she had said she’d been working in Boston. Or, I belatedly wondered, had that story gone down the drain along with the family from New Hampshire?
She tossed the last drops of her coffee onto the sand and poured her now-empty cup full of wine, taking a healthy swig before answering me obliquely. “That’s where I first met Terry, you know. In the Coast Guard.”
“I had wondered about that,” I replied neutrally.
“Yes. It was a good time for me.” She suddenly became falsely vivacious, smiling and gesturing more broadly than was her habit, her voice tending to soar and swoop unnaturally. “She was from Connecticut, too, although nowhere near Norwalk. We had a wonderful time. We hit it off together from the moment we said hello. And as long as we were discreet on the base, we had no problem. Once off base in civvies,
of course, we were free as birds. You’d love Seattle, Alex. We went to the Space Needle, of course, with that unbelievable view of the whole city and the harbor, and Pike’s Market—why, there’s absolutely nothing you can’t buy there—from fresh fish and king crab and beautiful fresh vegetables to tee shirts and eighteen-karat gold jewelry!”
This was beginning to sound more like a guided tour of scenic Greater Seattle than an episode that must have ruined her career and damn near ruined her life. She seemed to have bad luck when it came to homophobia. Could she have run up against it again?
She poured more wine into her cup, sipped at it and rambled on. I half listened, leaning back lazily on the rumpled blanket, letting the words drift over me as she described landmark after landmark.
They had been to the art museum for a David Hockney retrospective. It was the first time she had seen a modern painter she actually thought she understood and maybe even liked. They had been to the Japanese Gardens and I would be amazed at the neatness and detail of every tiny area. Apparently tireless and endlessly curious, they had walked amid the gardens at the Chittenden Canal and watched pleasure boats go through the locks while sea lions played at their sides. They had gone to the zoo and seen a mother giraffe with . . .
All of a sudden the words simply floated unbidden from my lips. “Terry was Maynard Terrence O’Malley, wasn’t he?”
Chapter 12
Janet’s head snapped up as if someone had suddenly pulled a string. “How . . . did . . . you . . . know?” Her voice was hoarse and horror-stricken, her eyes wide with shock and her fingers suddenly tight on the coffee mug.
“I’m not sure, really. A lot of little things began to add up, I guess—or not add up. Your reaction when I told you of finding the foot and when Sonny said the body had been found . . . it seemed somewhat of an over-reaction regarding some person you’d presumably never even heard of until then. Your not owning a car. I know lots of people in Boston who all have cars. They may not use them every day, but they own them.”
My throat was dry. I cleared it noisily. “And then saying you didn’t know what a Zodiac was, I guess that bothered me the most. I even dreamed about it. Then there were all those new clothes and no old ones. O’Malley’s mother thinking he dated a girl named Jane Peaches, although I must admit that was a stretch. And now Terry, not only in the Coast Guard, but also from Connecticut. It got to be too much. The penny finally dropped. Janet, sweetie, what on earth went on?”
“Yes. I can see how it would add up.” Her voice was back to normal now—calm, somewhat impersonal, completely assured. “Well, my reactions to the finding of Terry’s . . . body . . . were quite real, I assure you. The comment about the Zodiac was absolutely stupid. I realized that the minute I said it, but I was rattled. I’d been through a terrible experience, and you and Sonny can be just a wee bit intimidating, you know?”
She didn’t sound intimidated now. Didn’t she realize the trouble she was in? I really needed to talk to Sonny. This girl needed help, and fast.
“You and Sonny had me flustered. I even wondered if you had some reason for telling me these things, some suspicion of me, I should have said my car was in the body shop for repair or repo’d or something. Yes.”
Her eyes twinkled, as if at some secret joke we shared. “But I never even gave the clothes a thought, if you can believe that. And I never knew about the Jane Peaches connection.” She laughed outright. “Is that why you brought the peaches to the apartment this morning. As some sort of test? Was I supposed to press my hand to my heart and tell all when I saw them?”
I shook my head, annoyed. She could be so dead serious about something like the temperature of her wine, and now, in trouble up to her ears, she was being flip about an apparent involvement in a murder—two murders. Not only that, something much more personal was scaring me badly.
“Was Terry—or should I say Maynard?—your lover?” And did you use a condom, I desperately wanted to ask. Dear God, I hope she was careful!
“No. He was gay. Absolutely gay.” I supposed I could believe that. I hoped so.
She gave a little moue of distaste. “But who in their right mind would want to be called Maynard? He used his middle name. We were never lovers, but good friends, Alex. Deep, true friends—I thought for life. Let me tell you what happened.”
“I’d rather you didn’t. No, I mean it.” Janet had grinned and started to go on speaking. I overrode her. “Funny as you think it is, I am a private investigator and I hold a license from the State of Massachusetts. I am bound by law to report any crime I become aware of. And if you tell me what I think you’re going to tell me, I have no choice but to head for the closest police station. Actually, I’m risking my license right now even if you don’t say another word and all I do is take you home and drop you off and forget everything you’ve said.” I knew I sounded pompous, but I didn’t care. I meant it.
“Don’t be silly, Alex, you’re not about to lose your precious license. I promise, I won’t tell you anything terrible that you will have to go haring home to Sonny about. It’s just a simple explanation to clarify what happened.” She reached out to pat my hand and I yanked it away as if I were dodging a wasp.
“Alex,” she said gently, “Remember me? I am exactly the same person I was an hour ago.”
“Maybe,” I acknowledged grudgingly. “But I’m not. I can hardly overlook all this and then we just go merrily on like nothing happened.”
“I told you yesterday—and you thought I was crazy—the one thing I cannot trust about you is your damned integrity! Now just relax for five minutes and let me give you a little totally innocent, uncompromising background. You’ll see how little I really was involved in all this. Trust me.”
I gave her a sour look, but nodded slightly. This time it was I who poured some wine and swallowed deeply. I knew we should have brought both bottles or maybe a case. I wanted so badly to believe her. After all, she’d been a kid when she joined up, and God knows her parents had never been a stabilizing influence. She hadn’t had a chance to build up many internal resources. It would have been easy for her to make mistakes. I turned back to what she was saying.
“One evening Terry came over to me in the Petty Officers’ Club. I figured it was the opening gambit of a hit, but then he said he was from Connecticut and had heard I was, too. And I had learned it was possible to be homesick for a place you’d never liked and never wanted to see again. So I answered pleasantly enough.” She took a deep breath, as if to gather strength.
“Well, we chatted about various towns and places we both knew, for nearly an hour. A few days later he called, saying that since we were so near Seattle, it seemed a shame not to explore it and would I like to go in for the day? I still figured him for straight and hoped I wasn’t setting us both up for an unhappy scene, but I liked him, and I liked the idea of a trip into Seattle, so I agreed. Of course it didn’t take long for each of us to discover the other was gay.”
“How very convenient for you,” I remarked dryly. She ignored me and rushed on.
“From then on, we had the best of both worlds. Our fellow Coast Guardsmen thought we were dating each other. We had lots of fun together and each of us could have the occasional fling of our choice with no one the wiser. Life was good. I wasn’t saving quite as much money as I had been, but at last I was having some fun and feeling like a human being again.”
“Where are you going with this, Janet? On another tour of Seattle?”
She continued to ignore me and rattled on as if she were racing against some sort of time fuse. “As we got to know each other, I learned that Terry’s life was very different from mine, and yet very similar. His family in Stonington had been comfortable, as he put it—I would have said rich. Terry had gone to private school and then to Yale. Toward the end of his junior year, his father had a fatal heart attack. When the dust settled, it came to light that the family had ‘lived-up’ to most of the money Terry’s father had made, and very little had been
put aside. After all, he hadn’t expected to die so young.”
She gave an almost Gallic shrug. “An uncle helped his mother get settled comfortably. But nothing would be left to pay for Terry’s final year at Yale. The uncle refused to pay it, although Terry said the man could have easily afforded it. The miserable crab told Terry he should get a student loan, sell his sports car and get some kind of job. Poor Terry would have had to face all his wealthy friends, resign from his clubs and work as a waiter or something.”
Well, gol-ll-ly gee! Poor little boy! I thought what three years at Yale would have meant to me or Sonny, and I couldn’t come up with a single sympathetic grunt.
But the monologue wasn’t over. “His family had let him down so badly he just couldn’t handle it. He said he felt completely abandoned, so he quit Yale and got good and drunk one night. He met some Coasties in a bar who convinced him he could have a great time in the Coast Guard, and the next day he joined up. Still a little drunk, he said.”
“He sounds like a spoiled brat to me.”
“Alex, don’t you understand? He had counted on his family and they let him down! As Terry said, his father picked a most inopportune time to die.”
“Kind of like my father grabbed an electric line so Sonny and I would have to get summer jobs to help Mom out?”
“Well,” she bristled defensively, “It’s not all that different, is it, really? And like Papa saying out of the blue that once I graduated high school I had to pay room and board. Never mind I needed the money for college.”
“So what? Now you had assured tuition for college from the CG,” I pointed out.
“Yeah, but that didn’t quite work out.”
“Did you get a nasty commanding officer or something? Were you going to be transferred to the Dry Tortugas? What could have been bad enough to make you quit the Coasties?”
“I didn’t exactly quit. There was a little mix-up with some of Seattle’s finest.”
Cops! My God what had Terry gotten her into? I tried to sound casual. Hah. “In the wrong place at the wrong time?”
Caught in the Net Page 14