by J. Daniels
Jamie smiled huge looking over at me. “You see any of it?” he asked, swinging his leg off, throwing the kickstand down, pivoting, and then leaning back against the bike.
“Not a thing!” I yelled, just as enthusiastically.
Arms pulled across his chest, Jamie threw his head back and laughed.
“Still. So. Freaking. Cool!” I unclipped my helmet, took it off, and handed it over. “I need to get one of these so you can wear yours,” I told Jamie after he took the helmet, then I went on to say as I fixed my ponytail, “I didn’t like you not wearing anything. Plus, I’m pretty sure the law says you need to.”
“Better you wearin’ it than me,” he said, twisting and letting his helmet hang off his handlebar, then turning back to me.
I tucked my overgrown bangs behind my ears and stepped forward, getting between his legs, circled my hands around his neck, and pressed my forehead to his. “Your head is just as precious as mine. I don’t want anything happening to it,” I said, not sounding enthusiastic anymore but meaning my words just as much.
Jamie’s hands curled around my back. He looked like he was feeling my meaning and let me know that when he agreed, stating, “We’ll get you one then.”
Sweet. I was getting a helmet. I smiled. “I want a pink one.”
He smiled back.
“Or leopard print,” I added, watching Jamie’s brows lift. “And I want it to cover everything. Not just the top of my head.”
“You really don’t wanna see shit, do you?” he asked through a chuckle.
“If I see anything, I might not ever get back on,” I replied, half-serious. I knew I’d eventually look.
“Come here,” Jamie mumbled, tipping his chin up while pulling me with his hands, not giving me much of a choice.
I stepped closer, bent down, and kissed him, with just a little tongue since there were people around. Then I drew my arms around his back and gave him a hug, ducking my head beside his.
“How many lessons do you have this afternoon?” I asked as we were hugging.
Jamie drew in a breath to answer, but that breath held and his words never came because his phone started ringing.
“Hold up,” he said, easing me back with his hand on my hip.
I stood between his legs, letting my arms drop to my sides.
Jamie kept his one hand on my hip and leaned so his other hand could fish the phone out of his pocket, then he hit Answer after checking the screen and brought the phone to his ear. “Yeah.”
Jamie listened. He didn’t speak for what had to be close to a minute. His brows drew together as his eyes stayed locked with mine. He was breathing slowly through his nose, looking like he was concentrating hard on each and every breath he was taking.
He looked tense, too, maybe. Or at least bothered by something. Jamie was no longer smiling about leopard print helmets, that was for sure.
“Yeah, I hear you,” he finally said. His voice was gruff. “Nah, I wouldn’t. Made your decision. What’s there to talk about?”
Who is it? I mouthed, but Jamie just shook his head and kept his focus on the call.
“Right. Yeah, I’ll do that,” he mumbled. “Yeah, you, too.” He pulled the phone away from his ear, hit End, then leaned to the side again and slid it back into his pocket.
“What’s going on?” I asked him.
Jamie slid his hand to my other hip again so he was holding me with both and tugged me closer, answering, “Nothin’,” as I went.
He was lying. Something was definitely going on.
“Not nothing,” I argued, gripping on to his shoulders and pushing back so I was leaning away. “Tell me. Who was that?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
His hands kept urging. I kept resisting.
“Tell me,” I insisted, putting pressure on his hands and his shoulders where I held. I wasn’t letting this go. “Jamie—”
“My major sponsor just dropped me,” he revealed, looking into my face, his hands no longer tugging me forward but just keeping hold.
I blinked at him, feeling my stomach drop out. “What?” I whispered.
His sponsor dropped him? What the hell? Why would they do that?
“Babe,” Jamie started, head shaking as he prepared to play this down, I just knew it.
“Why would they do that? What happened?” I asked him.
“Don’t matter,” he replied curtly. “Made their decision. It’s done.”
“Yeah, but why?”
“Let it go. It don’t matter,” he told me, then he jerked his chin as his eyes moved past me. “Come on. I gotta get goin’ and you’re gonna be late,” he said, pushing off from his bike and forcing me back a step.
I slapped my hand against his chest as he tried directing me to move, informing him, “I don’t care one bit about being late, and I will not let this go. I wanna know what happened.”
Jamie quit trying to direct me.
“Let it go, babe,” he repeated.
“No,” I said, moving my hands to my hips and pushing his off. “Tell me right now what happened. Why did they drop you?”
Jamie’s jaw clenched. His nostrils flared as he pulled in a deep breath.
“Got pissed when I took off the other day and went to Raleigh to be with you,” he revealed, not looking sad or angry or hurt. Just stating facts. His face was expressionless.
Something sick twisted in my gut. I thought I might vomit.
“Not just ’cause I left without telling ’em, but ’cause I was supposed to plug some new sports drink or some shit while I was down there, and considerin’ I never got to run, I never got to be seen drinking that shit while holding a fuckin’ trophy,” he continued. “They’re pissed ’cause of that and ’cause that wasn’t the first time I bailed on them. Pulled the same shit when Dash had his wreck. Needed to see to him. Needed to see to you. They don’t get that, they can fuckin’ drop me. I don’t give a fuck.” He jerked his chin at Whitecaps again, keeping my gaze. “Now give me a kiss and get your ass inside. You’re gonna be late.”
I blinked, lifting my hand to cover my mouth.
Jamie watched this happen. His face got soft, then his hand darted out, snaked around the back of my neck, and pulled, crushing me against him.
I went easily, burying my face in his chest and gripping on to his shirt.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, feeling responsible for this and so, so sad for him. I couldn’t imagine what he was feeling right now.
Jamie’s hand at my neck gave me a squeeze, then he murmured, “Pick you up after your shift,” into my hair, not sounding a bit sorry for what he’d done and the consequences he was facing. He pulled back at the same time as I did, pressed a kiss to my forehead, released me, and jerked his chin one more time in the direction behind me.
“Go, babe,” he ordered.
This time, I didn’t argue. I went.
Chapter Twenty-two
JAMIE
“You have obligations to us. This isn’t a one-way street.”
“We warned you before, Jamie. If you can’t commit to your part of the deal, then we can’t work with you.”
“I’m sorry, but this isn’t working for us anymore.”
I replayed that conversation in my head as I stood on the deck, body bent and tipped forward with elbows braced on the rail. I stared out at the ocean, waiting for something to hit me.
Anger. Regret. Shame. Calm for being out here ’cause that’s what I always felt being this close to the water. Smelling it. Hearing the waves crash.
I closed my eyes, pulled in a breath, released it, then looked back out.
I didn’t feel a motherfucking thing.
I wasn’t embarrassed for getting dropped. I didn’t regret what I did either. I wouldn’t go back and keep myself at that meet or turn around once getting word from Travis that Tori’s dad wasn’t critical. I wouldn’t stop myself.
I’d do it again. I’d do it all over, knowing the outcome. I’d always go to her.<
br />
I took a drag from my cigarette, holding the smoke in my lungs and letting it burn, then blowing it out above me.
Losing a sponsor was more humiliating than anything, even though I wasn’t feeling that right now either. I could still surf. Could still compete. I just wouldn’t have them backing me. I wouldn’t have that worth they instilled on me wanting to be tied to my name. That support from them, it was gone. And everyone would know it.
This could affect Wax. I pulled in a lot of business offering lessons. Having them behind me gave me bigger clout. It drew attention. Now I wouldn’t have that. And getting dropped, once word got out, there was a chance my other two sponsors could cut ties with me as well. Straight up, this could hurt us. Could hurt us to the point of Dash and me losing our dream. If shit got really bad, we’d have to sell.
Thinking on that, I waited to feel it. Remorse. Guilt. Dash and I could fucking lose everything and still…I would do it again.
My reputation on the line. All of my sponsors threatening to pull out. I would do it again.
Fuck it. Fuck everything that wasn’t her. I told Tori I would burn the world down and I was. If choosing her meant losing everything, I’d hand it over. I loved her. Fucking loved her.
I took another pull of my cigarette, staring out at the water. Feeling nothing.
Nothing but that love.
Chapter Twenty-three
TORI
Jamie was in shock. I just knew he was.
He’d said four, five words, maybe, since he picked me up thirty minutes ago. Those words coming when I went rushing out to him from Whitecaps and hurling myself into his arms.
“I’d do it again, babe,” he’d said, his arms tight around me, his breath in my hair and his hands running soothingly up and down my back. He was comforting me.
I should’ve been the one comforting him. I wanted to be.
I asked if he was okay and if there was anything I could do, if he needed anything. “Mm,” was all he’d said. Mm. I typically didn’t count noises as words, but that was Jamie’s only response.
I didn’t know what that meant. Yes—he needed me? No—he didn’t need anything? My stomach was in knots.
After he brought us back to the house and I followed him inside, I asked if I could make him something to eat, figuring we could sit and talk. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to know what this meant—Jamie losing his sponsor and how he felt about it and what was going through his head. Something. Anything. I wanted him to know what was going through mine.
But Jamie just shook his head at me, bent down, and pressed a kiss to my hair. He was acting unconcerned, unaffected, un-Jamie-like. Then he turned and made for the slider that led out to the deck. He didn’t ask me to follow. He didn’t want to talk. He was stepping out.
His pack of cigarettes in his hand. One lit before he even made it outside.
He was smoking, so I knew the Mm and the blasé attitude were just a front. Jamie only smoked when something got to him. Stressed him out. Worried him. Pissed him off. He was definitely feeling something, maybe a lot of things. I just didn’t know what.
I wanted to help him. I wanted to do something. Make this better somehow. But what could I do?
I stood inside the house watching through the slider as he lit cigarettes two and then three. I couldn’t take it. I turned and prowled toward the fridge.
He said he didn’t want to eat, but maybe if I didn’t present Jamie with a choice, he’d sit and talk to me. I could probably whip something up in thirty minutes, depending on what was on hand. That might be enough alone time for him anyway. I might not even have to initiate conversation.
Right. Decision made. Let’s see what he had.
I opened the fridge first, examining his leftovers and hoping for some sort of protein I could salvage. No such luck. But Jamie did have tomatoes, an onion, and a couple cloves of garlic. I could make a sauce.
Meat. I needed meat.
I supposed I could always thaw something out in the microwave if I had to. That might have to do right now, unless I made a run to the store. And I really didn’t want to leave him.
Closing the fridge, I straightened up and checked the freezer next. My mouth fell open as the air cooled my face. I felt my eyes widen. It was as if Rivera Frozen Foods had purchased Jamie’s freezer as an advertisement space.
It. Was. Filled.
“Oh, my God,” I whispered, taking in the sight.
Top to bottom, side to side, stuffed with bags of vegetables, fruits, rice blends, pasta dishes. Everything we made and one of each, it seemed. My little childhood face was everywhere…in his freezer, which was kind of weird, but still, God, so, so sweet. There was no other brand. Just my family’s. I couldn’t believe it.
I started breathing faster. My heart started jumping around and going crazy inside my chest. Jamie had gone to the aisle he never ventures to and purchased enough frozen food to feed himself for an entire year.
I’d never checked Jamie’s freezer before. I had no idea how long these had been in here, but I had a feeling...He went shopping after I flashed him. The day he found out about my family’s business. I just knew he had.
And he didn’t do it because he loved frozen vegetables or quick and ready meals. He did it because this meant something to me, it meant something to my family, and Jamie cared about anything and everything attached to his woman.
That was me. I was his woman. I was his woman even then. Right at the start of that damn bet.
And finally, finally, standing there and staring at that sight, at that gesture that might’ve been insignificant to everyone else in Dogwood Beach, in the state of North Carolina, hell, everywhere, just not to me. To me it was everything. And looking at it all, it clicked.
I knew what I could do to help.
My hand reached for my back pocket where I had my phone. I pulled it out.
Then I dialed up my father.
* * *
Ten minutes later, I stepped outside and found Jamie on one of the sun loungers, head tipped back with his hands interlocked behind it, eyes closed, knees bent, and feet resting on the wood on either side of the chair.
Despite his relaxed position and the fact that he was no longer smoking, I knew he was anything but relaxed. I was hoping to change that.
“Hey,” I said, claiming the lounger beside him and stretching out. The cushion was warm beneath my calves. I looked over at Jamie, sharing, “I just got off the phone with my dad.”
Hearing that, Jamie’s eyes slid open and his head turned. He pinned me with a look of concern, asking, “He good?”
I gave him a soft smile. God…All he had going on in his head, and he was thinking about my family. Ready to put everything else aside if something was wrong.
My man was amazing.
“He’s good,” I assured him. “Hating that he’s having to eat healthier, but he’s doing it. Mom’s making him mind. Dad said he’s already feeling a lot better.”
“That’s great, babe,” Jamie said gently. “He needs anything, he knows to call Travis. If he can’t get a hold of him, he knows to call me. I’ll get a hold of him.”
Jamie was wearing a look now that read he’d drive the three hours or so to Travis’s doorstep and personally deliver him to my father if he had to. And I knew he meant it.
A word greater than amazing. For sure.
I sighed and dropped the side of my head against the cushion. Jamie watched me do that, then he turned his head so it was tipped toward the sky again and closed his eyes.
It was time to give him my last truth.
“After I got my MBA from Duke, I applied for a position at Rivera Frozen Foods,” I began, and immediately Jamie’s eyes were flashing open and he was looking back over at me. Once I had him, I went on. “I wanted something in advertising,” I continued. “I had an internship where I focused on that and really liked it. I knew I could be good at it. So I checked online. There were two jobs posted. A low entry-level one and then one
for senior management. I applied for the first, figuring I could work my way up. The head of marketing interviewed me—Walt. Sweet older man I’ve known since I was a kid. I didn’t even tell my dad I interviewed for it. He had no idea I’d even applied.”
“Why didn’t you tell him?” Jamie asked.
I laughed a little. “’Cause I wanted to do it on my own. But looking back, it wouldn’t have mattered either way.”
Jamie’s brow furrowed.
I turned my head and pressed it back against the cushion, staring up at the sky above the railing. “I was hired for the position in senior management, which was crazy, but given my degree and the experience I had interning, Walt was confident I was fit for the position. My dad agreed after he found out. He was really proud of me.”
“I bet. That’s fuckin’ awesome.”
“He was also pissed I didn’t come to him about a job, but I didn’t want that, you know?” I turned to look at Jamie again. “I didn’t want anybody thinking that I used my name to get where I was. That was important to me. I wanted to earn it.”
“Sounds like you did,” Jamie offered. “Hired you for a reason, babe.”
“Yeah, well, not everyone thought that.” I looked away again and drew my knees up, staring at the tops of them while I picked at my cuticle. “I was brand-new and fresh out of business school, and all of a sudden I was a boss. I had people under me. People who had to report to me and answer to me. Who were older than me. They hated it. These women who had bachelor’s degrees or who were working toward graduating, they looked at me as if I’d done terrible things to them. They hated me. And when women hate women, it’s bad, Jamie. It’s really bad.”
I glanced over at movement. Jamie was sitting up and throwing one leg over the cushion and planting his feet on the wood between our chairs. Then he leaned forward and dropped his elbows to his knees.
“How bad?” he asked. His voice was sharper. Jamie was getting tense. He was growing worried and I didn’t want that. He had enough on his mind.