“Then she’d guess me and Amber don’t hit it off.”
“So what?” said Kenny. “There’s no LAW which says you’ve got to be buddies with your mum’s friend’s daughter!”
“It would hurt Mum’s feelings,” I said.
Kenny rolled her eyes. “Fliss, you are such a lightweight.”
I clamped my lips together and counted to ten. You don’t know you’re born, Laura McKenzie, I thought darkly. You have NO idea what I’m going through.
I think Rosie did, though. She said softly, “Probably Fliss thinks her mum has got enough stress with the wedding and everything.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I do actually.”
“So how’s it going with those four somethings?” Lyndz asked, to change the subject. Then the whistle went and it was time to go into school.
As the day went on, I got more and more depressed. Then on the way home, I had another one of my psychic flashes. This trip was bad news, I just KNEW it.
The instant I stepped inside the house, I heard Amber in full flow. “Nikky, I had the best time today. That olde worlde house had such an awesome atmosphere! Gosh, I just came out in goosebumps all over!”
I was in the living room by this time, but no-one noticed me for ages. Mum and Jilly were too busy listening to Amber gushing on about Lady Jane’s awesome house, until I thought I’d totally throw up!!
I went to give Mum a hug. “Mum,” I hissed in her ear. “I’m really tired. Mrs Weaver made us work incredibly hard today. Maybe you should go to Leicester without me.”
Mum laughed. “You’ll feel better once you get out of those school clothes! I’ll give you ten minutes to get changed, then we’ll go.” She beamed at Amber. “Once that girl hits the shops, she just shops till she drops.”
Amber went into fits of laughter. “Gosh that is SO spooky! Are you sure Felicity and I aren’t long-lost twins?”
I looked up in surprise. But it was my mum that Amber was merrily bonding with, not me.
Poor old Callum was looking glum. Patsy had offered to babysit, and I think he was terrified she’d be cooking his tea!
“I’ll bring you back a treat,” I told him.
“Fizz Bombs,” he said at once. “‘They blast your buds’. Two packets. No, THREE!”
“Get out fast, before he demands a plane to Cuba,” Jilly giggled.
But my brother flung his arms round me, giving me one of his desperate cling-on hugs. Mum had to peel him off me like Velcro. We closed the door on frantic yells of “It’s not fair! It’s not fair!”
“I’m sorry I didn’t meet your friends, Fliss,” said Jilly, as we drove out of the village. “Amber’s been telling me all about them.”
I bet she has, I thought.
Amber was staring out of the window, so I took the opportunity to pull a horrible face. It sounds babyish, but it made me feel a very tiny bit better!
Mum and Jill were nattering about all these people they used to know, back in the days before I was born. People with nicknames like Buzz and Miggsy, so you couldn’t tell if they were male or female.
“You’re very quiet in the back, girls,” Mum said suddenly.
“Uhuh,” we both mumbled.
“Not feeling sick are you, Fliss? My daughter suffers from dreadful travel sickness,” Mum announced to the world.
Amber rolled her eyes. “Great,” she muttered.
“I’m fine,” I said stonily. “Don’t you worry your head about me.”
There was another long silence.
“I don’t know what you girls want to do,” Mum said at last. “But I’ve got to find the perfect going-away dress, for after the wedding.”
“I’ll help,” said Amber at once. “I know just the style which will suit you. You are so lucky, Nikky. You’ve got bone structure most supermodels would die for.”
I watched Mum turning pink in her driving mirror.
“Honestly, all this fuss!” I burst out. “I suppose next you’ll have to get a coming-back dress? I mean, get real, Mum, you can’t close your wardrobe as it is. What do you need another dress for?”
You’re shocked, aren’t you? So was I! I had no IDEA all this spiteful stuff was going to come splurting out of my mouth.
Suddenly Mum went all efficient. “It’s probably best if I park in the shopping centre,” she said. She gave a hurt little laugh. “If I don’t miss the signs, that is.”
“Perhaps you’d like me to look out for signs for you, Nikky?” Amber said at once, in her fake helpful voice. “I do that for Mom all the time, back home.”
“Would you, Amber? That would be really useful,” said Mum warmly.
Goldilocks was the perfect name for that girl. In the space of one school day, this golden-haired girl wonder had totally taken my place.
Can you see what Amber was doing? She was being ME, only better! The Hollywood version of Felicity Sidebotham – the sweet, helpful, style-conscious daughter of my mother’s dreams.
I trailed after them out of the car park, watching them all being giggly girls together. So what was I meant to do now? Disappear in a puff of smoke?
Suddenly this cold rage came over me. Huh, you wish, Goldilocks, I growled. So they wanted me to be Amber’s long-lost twin, did they? Then that’s what I’d be. The scary wicked twin who gets her revenge!!
I really went for it. I sulked and sighed and rolled my eyes all around the shopping centre. I’m not exaggerating. I was so bad, I made Wednesday Addams look like the Milky Bar Kid! Well, OK, so I’m exaggerating slightly. But you get the picture.
The spooky thing was, once I started I totally couldn’t stop.
When Mum came out of a cubicle looking drop-dead gorgeous in this sweet dress and asked me what I thought, did I tell her how great she looked? I did not. I just yawned, and said “Whatever,” as if I couldn’t care less. I hated myself for doing it, but it was like my wicked twin sister had totally taken me over.
And that meant that Amber got to say MY lines. “Andy is going to go crazy when he sees you in that colour,” she cooed.
“He’ll go even crazier when he sees the bill,” I muttered.
Instead of going for pizza, we went to some new pancake parlour Amber liked the sound of. By this time I’d figured out the perfect way to punish Mum for preferring Amber to me. I probably told you, Mum is really diet-conscious? So I ordered this TOTAL calorie-fest. Pancakes, waffles, doughnuts with hot fudge sauce.
Guess what that scheming little Goldilocks did then?
“My, those waffles look so-o good,” she cried, like some kid in The Waltons. And she ordered EXACTLY the same things!
Our mothers didn’t have a clue what was going on. Only Amber and I knew she had just declared war.
The trouble is, I don’t like sweet stodgy food that much. And after stuffing my face for fifteen minutes or so, I was already slowing down. But Jilly’s daughter kept right on going – dipping, chewing and swallowing.
I’ve got to admit, all Amber’s acting classes had totally paid off. She had this unbelievably innocent expression, like she truly had no idea that she was subjecting me to Death by Doughnut!
Not only that, but my revenge ploy didn’t even work. Mum actually thought it was funny. She and Jilly got all misty-eyed about the night they stayed at a friend’s house, and Jilly got this sudden chocolate craze, and Miggsy (or maybe Buzz) baked them this amazingly gooey cake.
“The trouble was, it wasn’t ready until after midnight,” Mum giggled. “We were dying to go to bed, but she refused to let us go to sleep until we’d eaten every last crumb!”
Mum always gives everyone the impression she was a real Nikky No-Mates when she was growing up. Now it seemed she’d been sharing midnight cake with crowds of kids, all with cool and groovy nicknames. It made me feel like I didn’t really know her.
Quite suddenly I pushed my plate away.
“I think Fliss has had enough,” said Amber sweetly. “Don’t worry, it won’t go to waste.”
&nb
sp; And she actually took my last doughnut off my plate and popped it into her mouth!!
If I wasn’t feeling so miserable (also REALLY sick), I’d have shoved her smiling face right into my plate, saying, “Then DO have the rest of my sauce, Amber, while you’re at it!”
But we both knew she’d won, so I just stared straight ahead, waiting for my ordeal to end.
Only it didn’t.
That night Mum came to find me in the kitchen, where I was gulping down water, trying to dilute the ill-effects of my fudge-fest.
“Sweetheart,” she said. “I’ve got something to tell you.”
I had my second psychic flash of the day. You’re not going to like this, Fliss, I thought.
“The thing is, Jilly isn’t just my best friend. She’s a real soul mate,” Mum blurted out.
I stared at her.
“And that makes Amber really special too,” she said awkwardly. “Which is why I want her to be one of my bridesmaids.”
“You’re kidding,” I whispered.
“I realise this is a bit sudden,” said Mum. “But I just know it would make Jilly really happy.”
I didn’t plan to sit down – it was more like my legs gave way underneath me, so that I kind of fell into a kitchen chair. My head was spinning with all this urgent stuff I needed to say. But in the end, I just croaked, “But there’s only five dresses.”
“I know,” said Mum sadly. “It’s a shame, but there it is.”
I couldn’t speak. It had been touch and go for some time, but the happy sparkling wedding of my dreams had finally morphed into a total nightmare.
Because in order for Awful Amber to be a bridesmaid, one of my friends would have to stand down.
You know those agony aunts they have in women’s magazines? We just lurve reading out those letters, don’t you? Kenny swears they’re made up. She says no-one in their right MINDS would parade their bizarre personal problems for complete strangers to snigger over.
There’s two reasons Kenny believes this.
1) She never watches those totally riveting American chat shows.
And:
2) Unlike me, she is not a girl who easily gets her knickers in a twist.
It’s like that shopping trip mix-up. My other friends fibbed themselves blue in the face, trying not to hurt my feelings. But Kenny just came clean, like it was no biggie. I’d LOVE to be more like Kenny. I really would. (I just wouldn’t want to DRESS like her! Miaow!)
But that night when I’d closed my diary (my deadly secret one) and finally switched off my torch, I lay in the dark, composing a letter to some wise agony aunt in the sky.
Dear Auntie Whoever,
Due to circumstances beyond my control, I must inform my friends that one of them can no longer be a bridesmaid at my mother’s wedding. I have absolutely no idea how to do this without hurting someone’s feelings, and maybe even losing a friend. Can you help? Also, could you please reply by tomorrow, which is when I have to break this disappointing news?
Yours sincerely
Felicity Sidebotham
But by the time I’d finished, I realised that it wasn’t an agony aunt I needed after all. What I needed was a miracle.
I could hear gentle breathing from the other side of the room, final proof that Amber totally didn’t have a heart. After what she’d done to me, it just didn’t seem fair that she was sleeping like a baby. I was the innocent person here. So how come it was me tossing and turning all night long?
I don’t know about you, but when I have a bad night, with the flu or something, I’m usually longing for the first signs of morning. But that night, I was dreading the moment when the sky changed colour over Cuddington and all the little birds began to tweet.
Because I knew that no matter how miserable I felt tonight, it was nothing LIKE as bad as I was going to feel tomorrow.
Don’t worry, I promise to spare you the rest of the depressing details.
I’m going to fast forward to the part where I was getting dressed for school – in the bathroom, actually, because not only was Amber using up my oxygen without permission, she’d also totally invaded my privacy.
And as I finished brushing my hair and putting it up in a tidy school ponytail (Mum says a girl should never let herself go, no matter HOW bad she feels), I looked my reflection in the eye.
“Fliss,” I said bravely. “Here’s your chance to become a stronger, better person, just like Kenny. These are your friends. Just tell them the truth, OK? They’ll understand.”
My bathroom resolution lasted all the way to school. Right up till the moment I joined my friends in the playground.
The minute she saw me coming, Frankie started humming. The others all joined in, grinning. You won’t need me to tell you that this was not the ideal moment for my mates to break into Here Comes the Bride.
They looked so incredibly happy that I almost burst into tears. How could Mum make me hurt my friends like this?
“Oh, hi,” I said, trying to force a smile.
Rosie giggled. “We’ve all been getting totally over-excited, Flissy! We just realised there’s only THREE days to go before You Know What!”
“I SO hope I don’t get hiccups at the vital moment!” Lyndz bubbled.
Kenny rolled her eyes. “Don’t we all,” she agreed.
But I’d stopped listening. Suddenly, in a flash of inspiration, I knew where my miracle was coming from. It wasn’t like she WANTED to be a bridesmaid, I told myself. I’d practically had to beg her. She’d only agreed in the first place because I went on and on about how much it mattered to me.
As I turned to Kenny, I could already feel a big smile spreading over my face. Miracles happened. They did. You heard about them all the time.
“What about you, Kenz?” I said casually. “Don’t tell me you’re dying to climb into that meringue, because I won’t believe you.”
Kenny grinned. “Then you’re wrong, Miss Smarty Pants. I know I wasn’t keen to begin with. But now I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“Oh,” I said. “That’s so, erm – sweet.” I heard myself sounding like a total fake.
Can you believe it took me until lunchtime to pluck up the courage to tell them the truth? By then I’d worked myself into such a state, I was in extreme danger of going into orbit.
I waited until everyone had finished eating. Everyone except me, that is. I was so nervous, I couldn’t eat a thing.
“I think someone’s got wedding jitters,” grinned Frankie.
I’ll do it fast, I thought. Then maybe it won’t hurt so much. So in the end, I took a big breath, and blurted out the whole sorry story.
It’s weird. I was prepared for just about every reaction, except the one I got. They didn’t believe me. Everyone fell about laughing.
“Nice one, Fliss,” Kenny chortled. “You really had us going there.”
Rosie clutched her chest. “You bad girl!” she giggled. “You gave me a total heart attack!”
“Flissy, sometimes you have the weirdest sense of humour!” said Lyndz in a wondering tone.
Then Frankie’s face changed. “She isn’t joking,” she said. “Look at her!”
Everyone stared at me, and I saw all the laughter go out of their eyes. Tears prickled behind my lids.
“Your mum actually told you to like, SACK one of us to make room for Awful Amber?” gasped Lyndz.
I nodded, and two hot little tears trickled down my cheeks. I kept seeing their happy faces as they sang Here Comes the Bride. Now all my friends looked like I’d slapped them.
“Did your mum say which bridesmaid is getting the sack?” Rosie asked finally.
“No,” I choked. “She said we’ve got to figure it out amongst ourselves.”
“But HOW?” said Lyndz.
“I don’t know,” I wept. “I can’t believe this is even happening.”
I was longing for my friends to comfort me. But they just went scarily quiet. And for a few seconds no-one looked at anyone else.
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Then, still carefully not looking at anyone, Rosie said, “Well, I suppose it’s got to be Kenny. I mean, we all remember what a terrible time Fliss had getting her to put on a bridesmaid’s dress in the first place, right?”
Kenny looked hurt. “How come you’re talking about me as if I’m not here?” she demanded in a huffy voice. “But then I suppose you wish I wasn’t.”
“Don’t be stupid, Kenz,” said Frankie at once.
Rosie scowled. “I was only saying that it’s not fair for one of US to miss out, when everyone knows Kenny hates dressing up and being girly.”
Kenny stared at her. “One of US?” she blazed. “What does that mean, exactly? I mean, one of US can’t play Let’s Dress Up, so suddenly I’m like this ALIEN creature who isn’t US?”
“I don’t think that’s – that’s what Rosie meant,” I stuttered miserably.
Kenny scraped back her chair.
“I wondered what that was all about this morning,” she said in a shaky voice. “All that rhubarb about me and my meringue. It was because you didn’t have the guts to tell me the truth!”
“Sssh, Kenny,” said Rosie uncomfortably. “Everyone’s looking.”
But Kenny didn’t stop for breath. “Why didn’t you just say, ‘Laura McKenzie, you’ll make a rubbish bridesmaid, so you’re FIRED!’” she screamed. Then she ran out of the hall, sobbing as if her heart would break.
The M&Ms must have thought Christmas had come early. It was obvious they were lapping up every moment of our misery.
Then I saw Frankie and Lyndz both glaring at me.
“This is your fault, Felicity Sidebotham,” Frankie choked. “I’ll never forgive you for hurting Kenny’s feelings like that.”
“Me neither,” said Lyndz.
“Hey!” said Rosie. “It’s not Flissy’s fault if her mum got a bee in her bonnet about Amber being a bridesmaid.”
But Frankie and Lyndz just pushed back their chairs and stalked out of the hall.
Have you ever been so upset that you can’t even cry? I sat there at that table with my elbows in everyone’s crumbs, the whole school staring at me, and I really wished I could die.
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