“I know I shouldn’t tell you this, but…Luke and I did get it on video.” I immediately felt my eyes widen and I took a step toward Ethan, my finger pointing straight at him.
“You did what?” I said, but because it was so loud I had to yell it again. “You did what?” Ethan didn’t even look scared or fazed.
“No worries, we deleted it,” he said, but I had a feeling he was just lying. Something like that they would never delete it, especially if it could be used for blackmail later on in life.
“Ethan,” I warned him.
“I promise it is gone and no one saw it.” I continued giving him a stare down, which did absolutely nothing from the look on Ethan’s face. I wanted to believe him, but a small part of me knew he was lying.
“You better not be lying; if you are, God help me.” I poked his chest with each word. Ethan raised his hands in surrender. I sighed and stepped back, letting it slide, for now.
Thankful that it was dark in here, and loud, I was able to let out a loud groan. Of course I still managed somehow to do something embarrassing in front of Ethan, even if I wasn’t aware he was watching me. That just had to be my talent…doing embarrassing things in front of attractive people. Yup, some talent I’ve got.
I was so into my thoughts that I hadn’t realized a new person had come up on my right side. When a voice sounded right next to my ear, I couldn’t help but jump, almost spilling my drink everywhere. I turned my head and came face to face with some random guy.
He looked like he was wearing a really tight dress shirt to show off his muscular arms, and he looked like he worked out a little too much for my taste. His cologne was coming off him in waves, practically choking me. It wasn’t a nice-smelling one either; it was nothing compared to Ethan’s, or even Gage’s. The guy had short blonde hair that made him look almost bald.
“Can I help you?” I found myself asking when he just stood there.
“I was wondering if you wanted to dance, sweetheart,” the guy said. Over the sound of the music I could tell his voice was pretty high, meaning he was probably on steroids.
“I-I…”
“She’s dancing with me,” Ethan butted in, his arm snaking around my waist and pulling me to him. I felt my heart stop right then and there. I could feel the anger and dominance flowing off of Ethan right now. The guy who asked me to dance raised his arms and backed away. When the guy turned and walked away, Ethan finally let up his hold on my waist. Turning, I stared up at him.
“What was that for?” I asked. “I mean I’m grateful you saved me, but I could have handled it.”
“He wasn’t going to take no for an answer.” Ethan just shrugged. “He’s still looking over here at us. We better dance.” His words didn’t register.
“Huh?”
“Let’s dance,” he said slowly, while setting his now-empty cup on the counter to my right.
“But I…I have to hold these.” I held up my small clutch and my cup. Ethan grabbed my cup and set it next to his before grabbing my free hand.
“That’s okay. You don’t even need to use your hands.” A small smile graced his lips as he tugged me to the dance floor. He pushed us past people until we were almost to the middle, although that meant we were close with everyone else. I silently prayed that the next song wouldn’t be a slow song; I couldn’t handle that right now. My hands were already sweaty, my knees weak. I stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do.
“Just put your hands around my neck, okay?” Ethan leaned into my ear. Gulping, I brought my shaking hands up to his shoulders until they rested around the back of his neck. The current song ended just as I put my arms where he instructed me to.
I almost jumped when I felt Ethan’s hand fall on my hips. My eyes were looking over his shoulders, but now they snapped to his. Our faces were inches away from each other’s, our bodies almost pressed against one another. I could feel the heat coming off his hands. His index fingers were pressed against the strip of skin that was left bare between my jeans and crop top. My breath got stuck in my throat, seeing and feeling him so close.
Because the song was a mix of both slow and fast, everyone around us had slowed down enough where I wasn’t being knocked into Ethan. All the girls I could see over Ethan’s shoulders were grinding and moving their hips slowly against their dance partners. Am I supposed to be doing that? I wondered silently. It would be just another opportunity to embarrass myself in front of Ethan.
“Don’t think, just let go,” Ethan whispered into my ear. His warm breath tickled my neck, making me shiver slightly. All I could do was nod, not trusting my voice at the moment.
Slowly, as the song continued playing, I could feel myself relaxing. The feeling of Ethan pressed against me felt good, felt natural. His hard planes felt nice against my soft curves. Every so often I felt his fingers brushing my bare skin, making me catch my breath. Not having enough courage to keep staring into those beautiful ocean-blue eyes, I ducked my head and rested it against his shoulder.
My hips moved with the music. It was nothing compared to the humping and grinding other people were doing, but it was nice. Ethan moved his body with mine, making sure not to press fully into me, which I was grateful for. With him being this close to me, I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest. I was almost certain Ethan could feel it.
His breath fanned the side of my neck and face. His hands gripped my waist firmly, but not too tight to be painful. My hands were draped over his shoulders, although they itched to wind themselves in his soft hair. In this moment I did not want to let go. I did not want the music to stop because if it did, the moment would be broken. We would pull apart and never be this close again. I could already see Ethan clearing his throat and rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly before leaving me to go be with his friends. I of course would be too embarrassed to go after him, so I’d probably just go back to standing in the corner or leave.
I wished I had my camera or someone else did so they could take a picture of us. I wanted proof that this did happen because once the song was over, so was this. Everything would return back to normal, leaving me the only person longing to be back in this same position. I wanted something to keep and to remind me that I didn’t just make this all up in a dream. I wanted nothing more than to tell Ethan how I felt right now, but I couldn’t get the words out. They were stuck on the tip of my tongue, waiting to burst free.
I noticed the song was coming to an end, making my heart sink. I cursed myself in my head. I would always be too much of a coward to say anything. Even though I had tons of stuff I wanted to say or do in this moment, I settled on memorizing every single detail. How his hands felt wrapped around me. The smell of Ethan’s cologne, the song playing, the way his shoulders felt underneath my fingers. If I couldn’t have a physical picture, I was going to have a mental one.
Just as I thought the song ended, it was being replaced by a faster one. Although I wanted to stay right where I was, I knew I couldn’t. I pulled back off of his shoulder to look at him. A small smile came to my lips as I looked him feeling my heart ache.
“Thank you that was…fun,” I said. I was surprised that I was able to sound calm, let alone get a full sentence out. My insides felt like goo.
“That was—” Ethan started to say, but a loud, high voice yelled his name. Neither of us got a second to do anything before a manicured hand gripped Ethan’s arm and ripped him away from me. I stumbled slightly but caught myself before I could fall.
Once I caught my balance, I could see who took my Ethan away from me. A tall, pretty, dark-haired girl stood in front of him now, her long manicured nails running down his chest. The girl towered over me with her super high heels. Her barely there dress clung to her hips and chest, showcasing them. She definitely flaunted her assets.
“Dance with me.” I heard her purr. Yes, purr, like a fucking kitten. The girl didn’t even bother to wait for a reply as she already started moving against Ethan. Her hands clawed at his shirt and arms.
I was so disgusted, I wanted to throw up right then and there.
I noticed Ethan sending me an apologetic look, but he was forced to look away from me and back to the humping girl. Once again, my heart plummeted to my feet and everyone dancing stepped on it. I stood there watching the girl dancing with him. Ethan didn’t look as repulsed as I thought. He had his hands on her thin waist, and was encouraging her to grind her ass against him. He must have been so caught up in the music and the high of dancing, that all thought of me flew out of his mind. All his attention was now focused on the sexy girl in front of him.
The girl shot me a smug look before grabbing the back of Ethan’s neck and pulling him into a deep kiss. I watched wide-eyed, my heart crumbling into smaller pieces. Not wanting to just stand in the middle of the dance floor staring at them practically dry humping one another, I pushed my way through the sweaty crowd. My eyes were burning, but I blinked rapidly forcing myself not to cry. Gone was our perfect moment. And to think I was actually going to spill the beans about my feelings. I knew something like this was going to happen; that was why I didn’t want to come in the first place.
I should have known Ethan would be occupied with other girls here, that I was just a wallflower. I was the girl who just sat off in the corner and watched while her crush danced and flirted with every other girl, wishing it was her.
I got through the crowd and found a spot by a wall before I looked back at the dancefloor, my eyes easily picking out Ethan. He had a huge grin on his face as he stared down. Down probably at the girl who was doing something that could burn your eyeballs.
No matter what I said to myself, I couldn’t stop my heart from feeling like it was being stabbed and stomped on a million times. Tears kept blurring my vision, but I would blink them away. My breath was coming out in pants, but there was nothing I could do stop it.
I can’t stay here.
Even though I promised Macey and Luke I would let them know when I was leaving, I didn’t. Giving Ethan one last longing, painful look, I turned and headed for the front door. I needed to get out of here. The air was getting stale and stuffy, making it hard for me to breathe. I was happy I was not one of those people who would drown their sorrows in alcohol because right now I’d be flat-on-my-ass drunk.
Because there were so many people here, it was taking me forever to weave myself through the crowd. I felt like I hadn’t even moved from my spot and it had been five minutes. I could see the door ahead of me, which made me start shoving past people. I was beyond caring about being polite and saying sorry if I hit someone.
I was just a few inches away from the door when I collided with a hard body. I caught my footing, but I wasn’t focused on that. Knowing that I was right at the door made my tears come back in full force. I could do little to stop them this time. My vision was blurry as I felt hands grip my upper arms. I briefly heard my name being said.
“Carter?” I tilted my head up to see the person I ran into. “Carter?” My eyes cleared up for a split-second to see a pair of brown eyes staring down at me in confusion and what looked like fear.
“Gage?” I croaked. What was he doing here?
“Carter! What’s wrong?” His deep voice was soft. Tears were flowing down my face, probably ruining my makeup.
“I-I need to get out of here,” I stuttered. I couldn’t focus. I knew Ethan was behind me still having fun doing whatever he was doing, completely forgetting about me.
“Okay, let’s go,” was all he said before he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and steered me toward the door. Automatically I curled into his side, my breath rattling from trying hard not to sob. Gage’s arm around my shoulder was steady and firm, keeping me pressed to him as he led us anywhere else but here.
I knew I should have let my brother know or even Macey that I was leaving, but I did not want to go back in there. I did not want to face Ethan at the moment, or any of the girls that were checking him out. Not when my heart was feeling like it was shattered.
The worst part was, I wasn’t mad that he got pulled away from me. I knew something like that was bound to happen, so I had steeled myself before even coming to the party. The worst part was seeing him forget about me so easily. How he just stayed with the girl and let her dance on him like that. I had thought he would tell her no and maybe, just maybe, ask for another dance. Or that we would walk away and talk to each other. That I would talk to someone while my friends were having the time of their lives.
That was what hurt the worst. Being forgotten so easily was the worst kind of pain.
By time we had reached Gage’s Jeep, I had tears dripping off my nose and chin. My body was shaking, but at least I wasn’t sobbing…yet. With his help, I got inside the car, and he ran around to the driver’s side. It seemed that now that I wasn’t around people I might run into later on, I was able to start really crying. The crying that made you look all ugly, with snot running out of your nose.
I really didn’t even know why I was crying so bad. I had seen and felt worse when it came to Ethan. I had seen him kissing tons of girls before. I’d seen him dating his girlfriends and finding them on top of each other on our couch once. That hurt, but for some odd reason this time it felt like I had a huge hole in my chest. A huge hole that would never be healed.
Gage was silent as he drove, letting me be alone with my feelings. For that I was grateful because I didn’t know if I could talk. I curled up in the leather seat and placed my hands over my face, wanting to shield Gage from seeing my ugly crying face.
I was so stupid thinking that coming to this damn party would be fun. Did I really think I would fit in and have fun like Amy and Macey? I didn’t really fit in with people who drank and did whatever they wanted with their boyfriends/girlfriends. I was the girl who sat at home reading books or painting, not partying. I was the bookworm girl who everyone ignored.
I wanted to regret dancing with Ethan, but I didn’t. How could I regret that great moment between us? Even though he didn’t feel the same way, that dance was everything to me. It was the first time I danced with him and the first time we were ever that close, alone or on purpose.
Stupid me had to go and get my feelings involved with my brother’s best friend. It would be a lot simpler if I didn’t feel this way for him. I wouldn’t even care if he kissed or dated other girls in front of me, but no. I had to be stupid and fall in love with him. I just wanted to yell and hit something. I wanted to curse myself for ever feeling like this and letting myself feel this way. I shouldn’t be this upset over something so little. But I was. I was that girl who let everything get to her. When they said, “Sometimes the littlest things hurt the worst,” well, it was true.
I wasn’t sure how long I cried when I finally calmed down. I hiccupped, and my tears slowed down. I wasn’t even sure how long we had been driving either. Wiping my face, I let my legs drop from the seat. Now that I had calmed down, I realized I had just bawled my eyes out in front of Gage. I once again made a fool of myself in front of someone hot.
Soft music played throughout the car, which probably did little to cover my sobbing. I knew my eyes were bright red, as were my cheeks. I bet I looked terrible. Peeking at Gage, I saw he was sitting there quietly staring straight ahead. I didn’t know what to say, so I stayed silent, still trying to compose myself.
It was about ten minutes later when Gage started slowing down. I was looking out the window, but because it was so dark, I couldn’t see where we were exactly. When I turned to the windshield, I saw the headlights shine down on an open field. Huh? Sitting up, I leaned forward, inwardly wondering what we were doing in an old field.
Once Gage put the car in park and shut it off, he turned to me. It was too dark to make out his expression, but with the soft light coming from the dashboard, I noticed his eyes were shining.
“Come with me,” he said softly. I didn’t think I’d ever heard him talk so softly before. For a split second I questioned this, but I let it go as I opened the passenger door. I guess to
night was the first for everything.
I stood off to the side of the Jeep while Gage fiddled with something in the backseat. I stared straight ahead at the field. Even though it was dark, there was something calming and beautiful about it. The Jeep’s headlights were going to go out in a minute once the doors were shut, leaving us in total blackness, but I didn’t care. I didn’t feel scared at all.
A minute later Gage emerged from the side of the car. In his arms was a huge blanket. I raised an eyebrow at that, but didn’t say anything. I was afraid of breaking this peaceful silence between us. Gage must have known I was watching, because he nodded for me to follow him.
We trekked across the grassy field in the dark. I kept close to Gage, not wanting to lose him and every so often, my hand would reach out to graze his shirt to make sure he was still in front of me. We finally did stop a few minutes later. I watched as he spread the blanket out before plopping down on it. He tilted his head up to look at me, which was a first, waiting for me to take a seat.
I did sit down a second later. I breathed in the fresh air, which mixed with the smell of grass. It was a pleasant smell and it helped clear my head of the fog. Whatever tears were left of my face dried up when a soft breeze blew by. It was completely silent besides the soft chirping of grasshoppers or bugs. I wasn’t the biggest fan of any sort of bugs, but it didn’t bother me now, oddly.
As time passed, I knew Gage wanted to know what happened, but I didn’t know how to start. He did deserve some kind of answer after me running into him and then crying in his car. Hell, I even made him leave a party to be here with me. I hadn’t thought I would run into anyone, let alone Gage. And I never would have thought he would take me away from there and bring me here.
“Where is this place?” I asked softly. I felt like I had to talk quietly.
“I come here sometimes to think and get away from things,” Gage said facing forward.
Silent Love Page 23