by Mz. Robinson
“We offered to send a technician out, but the offer was declined,” he informed me.
“Why are you just calling me?” I asked.
“We were advised you were in the hospital.” he said. “I called today and spoke with someone by the name of Heather who advised me she was unaware of a problem and suggested I call your emergency contact number we have on file.” I paused thinking about what Jonah was stating. Why hadn’t Tabitha alerted me of a problem? Why hadn’t she allowed Stanley to send out a tech?
“Jonah what day did you say the monitor first went offline?” I asked.
“$32.98,” the heavy set, redhead whispered to me. I held up my finger indicating I wanted her to wait. She rolled her eyes impatiently then folded her arms across her sagging breast.
“On July tenth,” Jonah stated. July the tenth was a day I could never forget even if I wanted. It was the day I went into labor and the same day Amel passed.
“Jonah can you tell me who your rep spoke with that morning?”
“One moment…Yes ma’am, that morning we also spoke with the manager, Tabitha Bachman.”
“$32.98” the cashier repeated again. I dug in my purse, removed two crisp twenty dollar bills and dropped them on the counter before grabbing my bag and walking out the door.
“Jonah can you get a tech out to my restaurant today?” I asked, getting back into my car.
“Let me check,” he said. I heard him tapping on keys the sound of a mouse clicking. “I can’t, but I can get someone out between one and five tomorrow.”
“That will be fine,” I said. I was pissed that Tabitha hadn’t notified me of a problem with the camera, but now I had additional backing if she tried to hit me with some more of her, “is it because I’m not black” nonsense.
I pulled out of the parking lot headed for my home when my phone chirped, advising me that I had missed voicemails. I pressed *86 on my phone, then replayed the messages. No matter how hurt or angry I was with my husband, I was hoping that one of my messages was from him; they weren’t. The most recent one was Kaitlyn advising me that Stanley Security had been trying to reach me. I scanned through listening until I came across a message from Betty Fletcher.
“Thank you so much for the check,” she said. “Again I appreciate it.” I felt a wave of guilt for the way I had inadvertently been brushing Amel’s mother off. The woman had lost her daughter; her only child. Her pain had to be astronomical. I rode down the interstate thinking about Amel and all the laughs the two of us shared, from the time we spent together while planning her nuptials with Tarik, to the days we worked side by side in the restaurant, busting our tails. The two of us had been through our ups and our downs, but she always came through when I needed her, in fact she was the one who told Damon that she saw Gator in the restaurant the day he had me kidnapped. She had given Damon and my father the lead they needed to track me down. I hit the dial pad on my phone then called Amel’s mother.
“Hello.”
“Hi Ms. Fletcher, it’s Octavia Whitmore.”
“Hey Ms. Octavia,” she said. “I’ve been thinking about you.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’ve been a little out the loop.” I said ashamed.
“It’s okay sweetie,” she said. “How have you been feeling?”
“I’m okay Ms. Fletcher, “I lied.
“Just okay?” she asked. There was a certain something in her voice, telling me she was reading through what I said and what I had not.
“Yes ma’am,” I said lowly. “Just feeling bad that I haven’t reached out to you personally.”
“Don’t feel bad suga. You know I know all about losing your child,” she said gently. “Especially unexpectedly. I think it’s one thing when you know their sick and God’s been preparing you for what’s to come and it’s another when it happens overnight.”
“I agree, but I think our cases are a little different,” I said. “You had a lot more time invested. I imagine what you’re dealing with his a lot harder.”
“Loss is loss,” she said. “Your child is your child. It doesn’t matter if it’s for twenty-nine years or only for a day.”
“Thank you,” I said sighing. “But I didn’t call to worry you with my problems. I called to talk about you.”
“You’re not worrying me,” she said. “I love to talk and talking is good. So, is listening because when you listen it reminds you that you’re not alone.” I felt a small lump sitting in the middle of my throat as tears began to form in my eyes.
“I’ve been feeling like that lately,” I admitted. “Alone and like I was losing my mind. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Grief can do that,” she said. “It’s just like hate Octavia…it’ll consume you if you let it. That’s why we have to let things out. When I found out my baby was dead, I cried so hard you could have sworn the roof was shaking. I cried every day until we buried her and then when we did, I cried some more…but then I decided I was going to talk about it. So, I found me one person who would listen and I started to feel better. Don’t get me wrong, I still cry. Sweetie, I cried yesterday. I even cried today and I’ll probably cry tomorrow, but at least I’m letting it out.”
I started to feel pressure building inside of me as I continued to focus on the road in front of me. “I think one of the hardest things for me is that when I saw him, it was like I was looking at a stranger,” I cried opening up. “What kind of mother feels that way? I carried him for eight months and I know I loved him, but when I saw him…I was numb, but ever since I’ve been feeling like something wasn’t right and in my head things have been completely wrong. I can’t even remember it all…”
“Octavia, there’s nothing wrong with you,” she said. “Maybe you’re just depressed...it happens all the time, it’s just a lot of our folk don’t like to talk about it until it’s too late. I’m convinced that’s what happened to Amel. She probably was still upset about her break up with Tarik. I imagine she got to thinking and hearing her own voices and then she made a real bad decision…and once again got caught up with the wrong crowd.”
“The wrong crowd?” I asked, curious. “What do you mean?”
“Those people like that boy Beau she use to date,” she said with distaste. I was always afraid that Amel would fall back to her old habits, but I really never had any evidence or anything to validate my feelings. I didn’t know all of Amel’s friends and associates, but the one’s that did come around were far from the kind of person Beau was; or at least that’s what I thought.
“Ms. Fletcher how do you know?”
“The night before her accident, one of them came down here,” she said. “He told me he was a friend of Amel’s and that he was just checking on me to make sure I was all right. I opened the door because he looked like a nice man. He was tall and well dressed in a suit and those expensive shoes. He said his name was Diago or Deshon or something like that. I thought maybe Amel had gotten herself a new boyfriend. Well, then he called Amel on the phone and told her I wanted to speak to her, so I said hi, but then before she could respond he snatched the phone back and left. I called Amel after that and something didn’t sound right about her. She said she was okay, but I knew better and now she’s dead.”
“Ms. Fletcher, I don’t think Amel was back on drugs,” I said. “I think she may have slipped off the curb.” I knew what I saw that day, Amel had intentionally walked in front of the car, but I was trying, in a way, to give the woman comfort and solace even if it was coming from a lie. There was a long gap of silence on the other end of the phone. “Ms. Fletcher?”
“I wish that was true Octavia,” she said. “But that’s not what the autopsy report says. They found traces of LSD in her blood. Octavia, she was high.”
*****
After my conversation with Ms. Fletcher I was curious and concerned. She mentioned that the man who came to see her was well dressed and wore expensive shoes; the first person that came to mind was Gator. I knew it was physically imposs
ible considering he was in prison, but the man had connections all over the state and probably the country. I thought back, remembering the dream I had of him the morning that my life took such a dramatic change. Maybe it was a warning, but what did it all mean? I sat in my home office staring at the flat screen monitor, Goggling the drug LSD. The results it brought up advised me the drug was a hallucinogen. The vivid image of Amel standing on the sidewalk staring at the building replayed in my head. I remembered how strange her behavior had been. Amel wasn’t trying to kill herself; she was on a bad trip that sadly she didn’t make it back from. I had temporarily forgotten the issues with the security system at my restaurant. I closed the internet browser then grabbed the cordless phone I had sitting on my desk; calling the Ambiance.
“Kaitlyn,” I said, cutting her off before she could finish her greeting. “Is Tabitha around?”
“No ma’am, she went on a bank run.”
“Okay, do me a favor…” I gave Kaitlyn instructions on how to check the camera in my office, then waited on hold for her while she did so. Several minutes later she returned.
“Sorry it took me so long,” she said winded. “All the wires looked fine to me.”
“Thank you Kaitlyn.”
“No problem.”
“Um, one more thing,” I said quickly. “Do you remember anything out of the ordinary about Amel the day she died? Was she acting strange or different?”
“Not really,” she said. “We were super busy so I really didn’t get to talk to her, but she looked okay. I mean she came in then she went straight to the office with Tabitha and your friend.”
“What friend?”
“I don’t know her name, but you know her, I’ve see you talking to her too...she’s short and a little on the heavy side.” I thought for a moment.
“Shayla?” I asked confused.
“I guess,” she said. “I saw her in the booth with you. That was the day you left early because you were sick.” I knew Kaitlyn was referring to the day I had my panic attack.
“Are you sure she went straight to my office?”
“I’m positive,” she said confidently.
“Thanks Kaitlyn,” I said.
“Octavia,” she said.
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry about what happened to you,” she said solemnly. “I’ve wanted to tell you that—”
“Thank you Kaitlyn,” I said.
“Are you okay?” she asked nervously.
“I’m getting there,” I said.
“Good. By the way, I saw what happened today.” I cringed from the thought of having to explain my behavior earlier to her and the rest of my staff, but part of being a true leader is owning up and admitting your mistakes.
“I’m sorry that you had to see me like that Kaitlyn. I was wrong for my behavior and you have my word it will ever happen again.”
“It’s okay,” she said, loudly. “I respect a woman having to put a b--...I mean, another woman in check.”
I reminded myself that Kaitlyn was one of my younger employees I had on staff and probably thought that I was justified for snapping. The tone of her voice told me that she probably would have jumped in.
“Thank you,” I said, suppressing my urge to laugh. “But there is a way to do everything and clearly I chose the wrong path.”
“Well, we still love you,” she said.
“And I love all of you.” I said before hanging up.
My first thought was to call Tabitha and question her on what Kaitlyn had advised me, but I decided to hold off until I spoke to Shayla. I knew the connection with the two of them could possibly be nothing more than a coincidence and Kaitlyn could have mistaken the two women bumping into each other for friendship, but I needed to be a hundred percent sure. I decided I would give Shayla a call tomorrow to find out for myself. In the meantime, I needed to try and smooth out the problems with my husband.
Chapter 16
Damon
Octavia sent me a text stating that she had already picked Jasmine up from daycare and that she was going to visit with her parents. I replied with a short and simple, “Ok.” At that moment I didn’t know what else to say, I was standing in Tamara’s living room putting my clothes back on and trying hard not to think about what she and I had just done.
“So what happens now?” Tamara asked, as the two of us stood by her front door. I didn’t want to have that conversation with her, but I knew I couldn’t run out with any discussion at all. The two of us had crossed a line that we couldn’t come back from and I allowed it. Now I had to deal with the questions and consequences like a man.
“I’m going home,” I said gently. “To my daughter and my wife.”
“There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that you were doing that,” she said giving me a small smirk.
I could see it in her eyes that she was open to the possibility of something more. I wasn’t. I had allowed my dick to do the thinking for me, and now I was standing in front of a woman whom I’d known for years trying to find a polite way to let her know that what the two of us just did was nothing more than a one-night stand.
“Tamara I didn’t mean to take advantage of you,” I said, “I just got caught up.”
She looked at me and frowned. “Don’t do that,” she said.
“Do what?”
“Apologize,” she said. “When a man apologizes to a woman after they have sex and says he took advantage of her even though the act was consensual between two grown ass people...it’s just another way of saying that woman was a pity fuck.”
“Tam, that’s not what this was,” I said honestly. “I think we were both in need of something.”
“To get laid,” she said bluntly.
“No, “I said. “There’s an emotional connection between the two of us and somewhere in the process those emotions turned physical...we gave in.”
“D, you don’t have to take the long road to a pit stop,” she said. “Let’s call it for what it is or what it was. You have regrets and it’ll never happen again.”
I paused then nodded my head agreeing with her.
“So again I ask,” she said. “Where do we go from here?”
“Back to friends,” I said.
“I’ll take that,” she said casually.
I was slightly grateful that I beat Octavia home. I needed to shower and I wanted some time to myself before I had to deal with her attitude. I stood in the shower allowing the hot, pulsating water to beat across my skin while thinking about the day’s events. I had made the ultimate mistake, and now not only had I possibly ruined a friendship, but I had yet another thing to feel guilty about. In my own temporary moment of insanity, the thought came to me to just come clean with Octavia. However, as soon as I turned off the faucet that thought went down the drain with the soap suds. There was no way in hell I was going to tread those waters. It was a guarantee I would drown. I know my conscious wouldn’t be clear, but I’d rather ride with a dirty conscious with my wife beside me, than to have a clean one and ride alone.
I grabbed a thick towel off the shelf and dried my body off before finally securing the towel around my waist. When I opened the bathroom door, I was surprised to see Octavia sitting on the edge of the bed wearing a red fitted tank dress and sandals. Her hair was secured on top of her head with several curls surrounding her face.
“Hi,” she said, watching me.
“Hey,” I replied. I walked over to the armoire then pulled out the drawer, removing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I kept my back to her as I slipped each of them on.
“You know one of the things I commend my Dad for is that when he was an alcoholic he had the courage to walk away from me and Mama,” she sighed. “It takes a very courageous person to walk away from everything you know and the ones you love so that you don’t subject others to your bullshit.”
I turned around then looked at her. I was confused on where she was going with our conversation. “I always said that someday I would be that kind of pe
rson. That I would leave you and Jazz before I took you through hell.”
“Octavia—”
“Let me finish,” she said. “I know what I did today and the day I forgot to pick up Jazz was bad. I know my emotions have been up and down and up again. I know that you have been keeping your feelings and thoughts to yourself for fear that I couldn’t handle it and because you were too busy worrying about me. I know I’ve been screwed up since Josiah…”
It was the first time I heard her call him by his name.
“…died,” she continued. “And I know right now what I should do is pack my bags and have the courage to walk away, but the truth is at times, I’m a little selfish and to be real...I’m not that brave.” She stood and walked up to me. “So no matter how crazy I may be right now or how hard this is, we are stuck with each other Damon and there isn’t a damn thing either of us can do about that. Baby, I’m so sorry for the things I said and I know you would do anything you could to protect and save me. I know that and I thank you for that.” She stared at me through her beautiful brown eyes as tears slowly rolled down her cheeks. “I love you Damon and no matter what we go through or how we go through it...that love will always remain the same, but I need you to believe in me.” She shook as her tears poured rapidly. “I need you to believe in me because if you don’t…if you don’t then…”
I reached out and grabbed her, pulling her against my chest. “I do believe in you.” I whispered, kissing the top of her head. “I believed in you the first moment I saw you and I knew I loved you even then. I am so sorry baby for everything I said and all that I’ve done.” I was not only talking about the mistakes she was aware of but my recent infidelity. “You make me better,” I continued. “You make me good and you truly are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you and I would lay down my life for you and Jazz. No questions asked.”
Octavia raised her head looking at me like she was staring through to my soul. I saw a longing and a craving in her corneas that had been gone for far too long.