The nosy women in my bed seemed to truly care, but I needed some time away to digest what had happened. A shower was the perfect escape from their presence, and it allowed me to scrub the events from my skin. I always felt so disgustingly dirty after dreams like this.
With a flick of my wrist, I turned on the water and allowed it to run for a minute. I wanted it to have time to get extra hot, just the way I like it. As I got undressed, I let my thoughts wander.
I should have fought harder to sleep on the sofa. Then Xany would never have seen me freak out.
Yes, she would.
In an attempt to ignore the voices, I rolled my shoulders and forced myself to relax. This was the second time Xany had seen me freak out over nothing. I hated it. I stepped into the shower and allowed the water to run over my shoulders. The most troubling part of the dream was not the memory of my father abusing me; rather, it was the memories of all those kids that…that never saw justice. How could I have ignored what had happened to them? I was denying who I was and thus denying any and all supernatural explanations for things that had happened.
That baby boy did not have hypertrichosis, and whatever happened to the skinless girl was not an accident. They were victims of something terrible. But acknowledging what they were victims of would mean I would have to acknowledge myself and what I was too. I let the water beat against my face as I mulled over the possible ramifications.
Injustice. I forced my mind into silence and brushed my fingertips over the scar on my stomach, remembering again how I got it.
Injustice.
Those children were victims, like me.
It was the Andrus’s fault. They were the ones to blame for these deaths. Andrus Synnax International was an organization that researched unexplained phenomenon and performed experiments on preternatural creatures all under the guise of a not-for-profit ecological organization. They had branches worldwide that worked to infest other companies with their agenda, particularly for funding. Recently, they had infested the hospital where I was working. I knew this because of the sudden uprising in bizarre cases appearing in the emergency room that were recorded as accidents. And I did nothing about it. My heart sank into my stomach.
I was in the shower for nearly an hour before Vanessa knocked on the door. The water had grown cold, but I was too lost in my thoughts to realize it until I heard her speak.
“All right, Shawnee?” she asked and pulled the curtain back to peak in at me. Her pupils were dilated with the fear that she was trying to hide.
“I’m okay.” My teeth chattered, and I tried to cover my chest.
Vanessa turned off the water and grabbed a towel before wrapping it around me and lifting me with ease from the tub. I leaned into her warmth and sighed. “Stop taking care of me.”
Light purrs rumbled from the core of Vanessa’s chest. She remained silent as she wrapped a second towel around my dripping hair. Her face held no expression, a sign that she was trying to hide her concern. “Then take care of yourself so I won’t have to.”
Pursing my lips, I glanced at her. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Vanessa asked as she dried my hair gently with the towel.
“Being awful to you for so long…” I paused. “I was rude to Xany, too, and she was only trying to help…just like you.” I allowed my voice to trail off.
“Thank me by getting better,” she said when I sat down on the barstool that faced the vanity mirror in the bathroom. She moved behind me and wrapped her arms around my torso, resting her chin on my head. I saw our reflection in the mirror. My eyes welled with tears, so naturally I glanced away. I hated seeing myself cry almost as much as I hated crying.
“Where’s Xany?”
“She went home to get dressed. Caden and Mal should be back soon,” she responded, picking up a hairbrush, then began smoothing out my tangled hair. I watched her through the mirror in silence.
“I can do it.” I turned and looked up at her, holding my hand out for the brush.
Vanessa hesitated before handing it to me. I brushed out my hair like I normally do when she isn’t around. She smiled at me when she understood the gesture and nuzzled my cheek gently. Her purring returned as she exited the bathroom and allowed me to finish dressing on my own, which on mornings like this took a tremendous amount of effort.
When I emerged from my room, dressed in my usual jeans and sweatshirt combination, Vanessa had made eggs and toast for breakfast. As I entered the room, another smile lit up her pretty face. She was in the middle of setting two plates on the table and, once finished, began slathering heaps of butter on a slice of toast. I smirked when she licked the butter first and served myself a few scoops of scrambled eggs.
“There’s about twenty beer cans under the sofa,” she said, crunching her toast.
“That many?” I tried to sound surprised.
“Clean them before you get werebugs.”
“There’s no such thing as werebugs!” I huffed at her threat.
“Sure you believe that?” she asked with a perked brow, then snickered.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Shut up.”
Xany knocked on the door just as we finished breakfast to tell us that Caden and Mal had arrived and wanted Vanessa and me to join them.
“Right now?” I asked, swallowing the anxiety bubble that rose into my throat.
“Mhmm,” Xany said, giving me a soft smile. “You look better than this morning, NeeNee.”
“I umm… Thanks.” I looked away from her. Sometimes it was hard to take compliments, even if they were only the slightest acknowledgments of my improved appearance.
Vanessa joined us, and we walked over to Xany’s apartment. As soon as I entered, I could smell Mal and Caden’s distinct scents. It was a mixture of fresh air, shampoo, and woodlands. Caden greeted us with a sandwich hanging out of his mouth. Vanessa gave him a mischievous grin, and her fingers twitched. I knew she was fighting the urge to torment the wolf by grabbing his food and running. Caden seemed to catch on to her shenanigans and quickly took a bite before putting his lunch back on the plate. Xany giggled and bounced on her tiptoes next to him.
It was the shadow rising from the floor beside the sofa that drew my attention away from the others. The ebony creature stretched its front paws in a gesture of laziness, with hindquarters thrust into the air. It shook out its fur and trotted toward us, lifting its gaze to meet mine. I recognized the hazel eyes immediately as belonging to Mal, and that recognition locked me in place. Werewolves that kept their eye color in all forms were closer to their beast and considered more feral. But I already knew that about Mal, it didn’t take his eye color to tell me so. I could smell the wilderness on him—and hear it too. I dropped my gaze immediately as Mal approached me. Vanessa stepped aside in distaste of the wolf brushing past her. He paid her no mind, stopping in front of me to sniff my hands and jeans. My heart raced and my breathing quickened. I closed my eyes as I begged for the panic, set off by the wolven reminder, to cease. Then, unexpectedly, it did. It washed away and left me with a sense of peace, something I hadn’t experienced in a very long time.
Vanessa, Caden, and Xany were watching us. Vanessa was tense and twitching with readiness, and I knew she was prepared to jump in and save me should I need it. Xany was smiling, and Caden had gone back to eating, a clear gesture of his confidence in Mal’s control. I looked down at Mal, who was now sitting on his haunches, watching me expectantly. I smiled and slowly sat down on the floor before him, tucking my chin to my chest in a submissive bow.
“Waya means you no harm.”
Mal’s tail swayed in acceptance, and he made a soft chuffing noise in greeting. I met his gaze only after he accepted my submission and slipped my fingers into his fur, parting his coal-colored pelt enough to see the tawny undercoat. When I reached out to him, he moved closer, pressing his wet nose against my neck and sniffing. I laughed softly at the little puffs of air that tickled my neck and gave me goose bumps.
In lupi
ne form, werewolves are nearly indistinguishable from regular wolves, depending on their ancestry of course. Most Native American werewolves resembled timber wolves or gray wolves respectively. Mal nuzzled my cheek before stepping back and placing his paw on my leg. He chuffed, then whined to tell me what he wanted. I grew up around wolves, and that allowed me to understand their language. In a way, they were easier to relate to. Wolves communicate in a series of yips, yaps, chuffs, whines, whimpers, facial, and body cues that made up an entire language. It was easy to forget that werewolves were people when in this form.
Vanessa watched us closely. She seemed surprised by my calm interactions with this wolf. Xany seemed entertained and kept bouncing on her tiptoes while Caden had a subtle sureness about him that kept him relaxed as he observed. Mal whined at me again and plopped his paw back in my lap. This time I responded and put both of my hands into his fur, rubbing vigorously. He thumped his rear leg on the ground, imitating a dog to communicate that he got what he wanted.
Vanessa grinned and cocked a brow at Caden as if saying, “See? I told you wolves were dogs.” I smiled at Mal who licked my cheek. For the first time, I was content to be in the room with all three newfound strangers.
Chapter Eleven
Following my playful interaction with Mal, Caden brought everyone together in the living room to discuss the plan he had promised to make. When we were all seated, Xany interjected before he even got a chance to speak.
“Well? What did Hank say?” Xany pressed, as Mal returned to his human form.
Caden tried to hide a grin. I got the feeling he was the type of wolf that enjoyed a challenge like Xany.
“Well…he said that a small pack for orienting Lost Ones was not a bad idea. He also said that he had a large amount of land that he’d be willing to hand over to us in order to do so. Sort of his way of pitching in to help the Lost Ones. Mal and I scoped it out. It’s several acres in the middle of the woods in northern Utah. There’s a river that runs through the nearby mountains, separating the property from the more populated part of the territory. It would be perfect for teaching not only Lost Breeders but Lost Cubs, too, without much influence from others,” he said.
“And did you decide to do it or not?” Xany pushed for more.
Caden chuckled at her impatience. “Yes. We did decide to do it. We’ll need time to build suitable housing. The best part about the land is that it is relatively pure and untouched as it once was a part of tribal territory that now belongs to Hank. It’s very much untainted.”
Taint, or pollution, was a huge priority for werewolves in particular. They believed that they were put on this planet to protect Mother Earth or Gaia, as she is often referred. This concept is strongly rooted in many tribal traditions.
“Yay!” Xany cheered. “Are you going to build a really big house?”
“There is a moderate-sized log cabin on the land now. Caden and I are going to work on updating it and building a smaller cabin close by as well,” Mal said.
“We’ll have several bedrooms, and the smaller cabin will have a bunk room, just in case we suddenly have more on our hands than expected. There’s plenty of room to expand if our numbers grow,” Caden added.
I looked between Mal and Caden, nodding once. I liked the idea of a somewhat secluded place for Lost Ones and Lost Cubs to learn and grow.
“That’s awesome!” Xany bounced excitedly, then ran over and hugged Caden, who chuckled in surprise. “You’ll make a great alpha.”
“Why thank you,” he said with a smile while returning Xany’s hug.
Mal grinned goofily at Caden and Xany, which made them laugh. “You’re all welcome to come with us if you like.” Mal glanced at me in particular. I looked away from him to Vanessa, who was snickering mischievously when he extended the invitation.
“Sure I’d love to join your pack,” she replied with a bright grin.
“A lying puss is what you are!” Caden laughed.
Vanessa laughed and purred up at me. Her eyes searched mine, waiting for me to refuse Caden—which of course I did.
“Thanks for the offer but I’ve got a job and stuff here. I’ll keep it in mind if I ever find any Lost Ones though,” I said.
“Aw, Nee! You have to come. I’m definitely going.” Xany giggled and grinned at Mal.
He shook his head at his sister, the way any older brother would at his baby sister. “Of course you are.”
“Woohoo!” Xany shouted and launched herself at Mal with a grin. He caught her and smirked, glancing over Xany’s shoulder toward me. I continued trying to find something else to look at.
“Well…it’s good to know you’re going to be handling things now. I think the Lost Ones will be in good hands,” I said dismissively and stood up. “I’ve got work tonight so I better get going.”
Vanessa stood with me and took my hand. Caden raised an eyebrow at me, sensing my lie as I walked to the door. Xany waved, and Mal gave me a genial nod. We walked back to my apartment in silence and were safely inside before Vanessa spoke. “They can tell you’re lying, you know.” She let go of my hand and crossed the room to sprawl out on the couch.
“Well…then they got the message. I’m not going to run off and join a pack just because I’ve suddenly come to terms with my identity. I’ve lived in the human world for twelve years, and I’m not about to spoil that by acting like a foolish Breeder following orders from a dominant Changer.” I stalked around the apartment, deciding now would be the perfect time to clean up the mess that I had created over the past few weeks.
“No one is telling you to abandon everything and run off and join a pack, Shawnee. Calm down.” The rattling purr returned to her chest. Part of me wanted to place my hand against it. It seemed to be something she did when she was content or to soothe herself. Sometimes it seemed like she would purr to soothe me.
“And besides, you couldn’t come with me even if I did go. You would end up killing the wolves eventually, or trying to at least.” I huffed, looking away from her when my frustration grew.
“It doesn’t matter where you go, Shawnee, I can visit anywhere I want in less than a minute. How do you think I go back and forth from Ireland so quickly?” She smirked.
“Yeah, well…that’s different.” I tossed a few beer cans into the recycling bin and piled the dirty laundry into a basket.
“All I’m saying is that you have choices,” she said and turned on the TV.
“No, I don’t.” I frowned and stood in front of the TV with my hands on my hips.
“Everyone has choices. Maybe you should stop and think about that sometime. Now quit being rude before I pounce you.” She hissed at me, then stuck out her tongue.
Naturally the most appropriate response was to sit on her. So I did. Vanessa snickered and purred, before yanking me down to lay on the sofa with her. I tucked myself up against her as we both lay on our sides facing the TV.
“I’m sorry for being rude,” I mumbled.
“S’okay. You’re only rude to the people you care about most or see as the biggest threats.”
I opened my mouth to speak but paused to think about the truth in her statement. Vanessa knew me well, and that was something I often took for granted. I hugged the arm she had around me closer to my body, and she nuzzled her chin into my hair. Silently we stared at the TV, though I doubt either of us was really watching it.
Do I really have choices? I don’t like that word. Choices. It’s annoying. I prefer paths. It’s easier to say that I have taken a path and I am following it rather than saying, “I have choices.” I’m following a path. I’m a doctor, and I want to help people.
That is my path…
Chapter Twelve
Doctor Reynolds stood me up again today. This time by e-mail.
Dr. Twofeathers,
Business has kept me longer than expected. I will return shortly. Your beta serum is a success. Please chart the formula for replication.
Regards,
Reynolds
> “Of course it is,” I murmured and closed the message.
It had been over a week since Dr. Reynolds left for the conference in Cheyenne. There must have been something rather interesting going on there for him to be away this long.
Once again I found working in the lab not as distracting as usual. This time I decided to wander farther and visit the morgue.
“You have choices.”
I shook my head at the echo. Choosing to visit the morgue over the ER did not change my path.
The morgue was empty this late at night. Empty of conscious beings anyway. The morgue at Mercy General was as ordinary as any other, with increased security in a small portion of it. The “quarantine” area was for corpses that have been exposed to biohazards, infectious diseases, or faulty Andrus experiments. Finally some honesty from me…
Retinal scan allowed me to access this portion of the morgue as it has for many other layers of this hospital. Lights flicked on as I entered the mini-morgue. Instead of the usual twenty holding tombs like the larger morgue, this secure one had only six compartments—half of which were empty. The occupied tombs had a piece of yellow warning tape over the door hinge that would crack when opened so that the pathologist could tell whether the contents had been disturbed after sealing. Tonight, three doors had tape over the hinges. I put on the usual protective garb over my scrubs, including gloves and a mask. I usually visited the morgue after I lost a patient. It had become habit to make sure that their remains were taken care of properly or claimed by family. I knew that the blue-eyed girl would still be here. No one would claim her. She was an experiment gone wrong.
Damn it, Shawnee, you could have prevented this, my thoughts hauntingly reminded me.
“I didn’t know they were experimenting on kids. I swear I didn’t. I thought the deformities were accidental side-effects of experiments on adults,” I whispered to no one in particular.
Glyph Page 7