“You’re not very alike,” I told Mal and set the plates down on the table.
“Who?” He added some seasoning to the skillet while flipping the meat.
“You and your sister.” I set napkins and utensils beside the dishes.
“True. Our family was pretty assimilated into white culture. I didn’t think it was right to abandon our heritage for the sake of fitting in.” He put aside some very rare pieces of meat and continued to cook the rest.
I smirked hearing him. Hadn’t I done that? Didn’t I abandon what I was for what I could become? Maybe it was just avoidance. I watched him while he cooked. I couldn’t help but let my eyes wander over him. He seemed so comfortable, so relaxed in his body. Like there was nothing in the world that would bother him, but I knew different. Mal was a feral wolf, and that meant his beast was close to the surface. I was intrigued by him, ironically enough. Usually I’d be scared of a big-muscled Indian man, but for some reason Mal didn’t scare me. Caden did though, which was pretty normal.
“Our mother was part Cherokee, and our father was part Navajo all mixed in with white ancestry as well. My mother was a Changer like me and taught us the language when we were young. Xany understands more than she speaks though.” He spoke in the presence of my silence. Mal brought the cooked meat over to the table, placing the rare pieces in his dish and splitting the well-cooked meat between the two of us.
“My mother was Cherokee, my father was Cherokee and Sioux, I think,” I told him while he placed the food in my dish, nodding in thanks.
“Your mother was a Changer, right?” He took out two bottles of water from the fridge and placed them by our dishes.
I nodded again, avoiding eye contact as I began to feel the anxiety rise in my chest. I didn’t like talking about my parents. I didn’t really like talking about much of anything having to do with my family or my past. I opened my water bottle and took a sip to try and settle my nerves. Mal watched me before sitting down to eat. I toyed with the meat on my plate for a moment before taking a bite.
“What do you think of it here so far?” He changed the subject.
I was glad he changed the subject. He didn’t pressure me, and I liked it. I was able to lift my eyes to him again when the anxiety began to quell.
“There’s a lake outside my window.”
“Yeah. It’s a small one but nice. It’s recently started to thaw. When we were out here originally, it was frozen over.”
I smiled, sensing his enthusiasm about the lake. “I was thinking about going to see it later, maybe.”
“Not a bad idea. Be cautious though when you venture out. Hank’s pack is local, and they travel these woods frequently. The young ones won’t recognize your scent yet,” he warned before chomping on a chewy piece of rare meat. I wasn’t surprised that Mal liked his meat almost raw, most feral werecreatures did. The taste of the blood satiated some of the desire that roared through them. I imagined that Mal was the type of wolf that had to hunt often. Caden struck me as one of those wolves that didn’t. He seemed to always be in control of himself. I ate the food along with him; it was tasty and well prepared. It had been a while since I had eaten freshly killed meat.
“Tell me about Hank’s pack,” I requested.
Mal finished every bit of meat on his plate, then began speaking. “His sept is larger than most. There are a lot of Indians, of all mixes and tribes, white folk too. His wife runs a small trading post shop in town that carries a lot of Southwestern and handmade items like pottery and weaving and the like. Hank himself owns a contracting company that a lot of his Changers work for, it’s pretty successful. Imagine how long it takes twelve werewolves to build a house.” He shook his head, smiling. “His sept members are involved in all parts of government in this area; from the police to the forest rangers and such. That’s why it’s worthy of being called a sept. There are, like, small little sub-packs within the larger one.”
I finished eating while listening to him. “That’s pretty involved.”
“It keeps his people safe. He’s allied with Caden’s father’s pack in California, minus the politics. The two cover a lot of territory together when needed.”
“I should tell Vanessa to not wander too far from the cabin when she visits.” I put the dishes in the sink.
He nodded, then began washing them so I offered to dry. He passed me the warm, wet plate, and I ran the cloth over the ribbed edges. We worked in silence for a few minutes, the monotonous task ongoing. After a while, Mal handed me a plate that was still soapy.
“Hey,” I protested, waving the sudsy dish at him.
“Just seeing if you were paying attention.” He grinned. I laughed a bit and handed it back to him. This time after he rinsed it, he splashed me with a bit of water. I flinched and swatted him with the rag. My cheeks were warm, and I tried to distract myself from it.
“Caden’s told Hank that we have a feline ally that is often around. He’s going to bring something with her scent over so they can identify her. But for now she should be careful.” He stopped and smirked at me.
“What?”
“I’ve never met a cat who was so devoted to, well, anyone.” The smirk became a full-blown grin.
“Vanessa is different, I guess.” I paused, watching his expression. “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing.” He chuckled and rinsed off the last dish.
“Don’t lie, what’s so funny?” I frowned.
“Fine, fine. I had a thought that went something about a pussycat being pussy-whipped.”
I tried to be angry about it, crossing my arms with a bit of attitude, but I couldn’t help laughing when I thought about it. “You ass.”
“I couldn’t pass up the opportunity.” Mal laughed and shook his head, and we began putting the dishes away. I grinned and took the dry glasses to the cupboard. While reaching up and placing them on the shelves, I glanced over my shoulder at him. There was something about him that was different, something that didn’t make me afraid of him. His movements were slow and deliberate. He placed the dishes in the cabinet without making a sound. He wasn’t your typical, clumsy wolf. In a way, he reminded me of Vanessa’s subtleties.
Distracted by my thoughts, I closed the cupboard with one of the glasses teetering on the edge of the shelf. When the door hit the glass, the weight pushed the door back open. The glass clipped the edge counter, went flying to the floor, and shattered into a million pieces around my boots. The noise of the breaking glass echoed in my head. I began to tremble and gasp for breath. I saw Mal rush over and pluck me up from the floor away from it. He said something inaudible to me like he was submerged underwater and sat me up on the counter. I screamed when I couldn’t see him anymore…
“Dirty dishes are for dirty girls!” I hear my father yell. I am under a kitchen table crying. Glass is shattering around me.
I hear myself say, “Stop, stop!” and scream when a sharp piece of glass ricochets off the floor and hits me in the arm. I feel the warm blood emerge from the gash, and I pull the glass out of my skin, throwing it away from me.
Just as two big hands reach under the table to grab me…
“Shhh…shh…it’s okay.”
Mal’s voice pierced the haze that had washed over me, bringing me to the surface until I could see him again. His eyes were blazing though his hands were soft, holding me in place. The pressure of his stomach was on my knees while leaned against me. Forgetting where I was for a moment, tears streamed down my cheeks. Mal cupped my face and lifted my chin so that he could look me in the eye.
“Hey…hey there,” he said when I began to calm down.
Sobbing, I clenched my teeth. My heart was pounding in my ears. Mal looked like he had a golden halo around him for a few seconds before it went away and I was left with the knowledge that I freaked out in front of him again.
You’re so stupid, Shawnee. How could you let this happen again? It’s your own fault that you dropped that glass.
“Shawnee?” he ask
ed, but I struggled against him a little, wanting very badly to dig a hole and bury myself in it. “Stop.” His voice was firm, and he had one hand on my cheek.
My body relaxed at his command, and the creepy crawly feeling on my skin disappeared. I held my breath, but I couldn’t stop myself from crying. He held me in his gaze, and I didn’t have the strength to look away.
“You’re okay. No one will hurt you here…”
I gripped his arm tightly; the shame washed over me like an itchy woolen blanket. The color drained from Mal’s bronzed complexion. His chest began to rumble, and I heard the distinct grinding of his teeth. He was tuned into what I was feeling. The rumble turned into a growl, and I put my hand on his chest.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered to him.
“Don’t ever be sorry. You did nothing wrong.” His voice was coarse when he spoke through his growling.
For some reason I took comfort in his aggression. I sniffled and wiped away the tears on my sleeve. My sobs faded and so did the rumbling in his chest. When he nudged my chin upward, his dilated pupils returned to normal, and his hazel eyes became vast again. I heard the echo of the eagles crying from somewhere inside me. He smiled and traced his thumb over my bottom lip.
“What do you see when that happens?” he asked.
“Bad things…” I told him. In my slouched position against the cupboard completely surrounded by Mal’s largeness, it seemed like there was no one else in the world except us.
“You scream like it’s happening now.”
“It feels like it is. Everything disappears, and I’m back there in those bad things,” I whispered to him like I was telling him a secret.
“Next time take me with you.”
I thought about that for a moment and imagined what it would have been like if he went back to that moment with me, to be the one who lifted me out from under the table.
“I’ll try,” I whispered.
“That’s all I can ask for.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Caden and Xany bustled through the front door with loads of bags from their shopping trip. They had interrupted our conversation, and Xany froze, seeing me sitting on the counter with Mal leaning into me. She looked between the two of us for a moment before setting the bags down and rushing over.
“What happened?”
Caden continued to carry items into the house, listening to the conversation. I had no doubt that he could hear every word even when he was out by the truck. Mal took a step back when Xany pushed her way through.
“She got upset when a glass broke, but she’s all right. Be careful there, we haven’t gotten to it yet.” He gestured to the glass on the floor, then started cleaning it up.
“Are you okay, NeeNee?” She smoothed my hair a bit.
I ducked away from her fussing and slid off the counter to help Mal. “I’m fine.”
“Good, because we bought half the market and fancy girly things to decorate this place, and we’ll need your help.” Caden carried the last of the packages inside and shut the door.
Xany huffed at me, unconvinced that I was actually fine. Mal and I finished cleaning up the glass, and then all four of us unpacked the groceries. All the while I tried not to think too much about the memory that popped up. It wasn’t the first time I’d remembered it, but I hoped it would be the last.
By the time we were finished unpacking, the refrigerator was stuffed, and the pantry was full of prepared foods, snacks, and cereals. It reminded me how much werewolves actually ate.
Sometimes Changers will hunt to supplement their diet, but many prefered to just eat normal food. Changers and Breeders were notorious for maintaining healthy body weights. Changers were usually very muscled with little body fat, and Breeders could usually eat whatever they wanted without having to worry about gaining ridiculous amounts of weight. In a way, it went along with the fact that both Changers and Breeders were immune to the diseases that usually caused health problems for regular humans. We didn’t get things like cancer or diabetes. This was part of the reason that the Andrus studied us. Well…Changers mainly. Breeders could usually get away with being under the radar because we were not much different than humans, except for the gifts, the ability to pass on Changer genes, and the immunity. I guessed that was a little more different than I thought.
The Andrus’ ultimate goal was to capture the immunity of Changers and create vaccines to support cures for diseases in humans. All for financial benefit, mind you, not to actually help people, and they didn’t care who they had to destroy in order to get it. Thankfully, their experiments hadn’t worked yet.
A pang of guilt pressed in on me. How could I have gone so long working for them? Deep inside I knew what I was doing, and choosing to deny it was my own fault. I’d potentially hurt just as many Changers as the Andrus. I shook my head and distracted myself by screwing a lamp shade onto the new lamp Xany had bought.
She got new curtains, area rugs, blankets, pillows, and a bunch of other stuff to make the cabin feel homier. Caden was putting together a thick bookshelf, and Mal was installing blinds on each window. Xany and I carried some of the new items to the bathroom where the washing machine and dryer were and began tossing some of the blankets into the washer.
“What happened today when we were out?” She took the opportunity to ask while we were alone. I got the feeling it’d been gnawing at her.
“Nothing. I mean… I just freaked out a little, I’m fine now, okay?” I poured in some laundry soap.
“We can’t have secrets here, Nee. You know that.” She turned the button that started the cycle.
“Mal knows, and so does Caden by now I imagine. And I just told you. So see? No secrets.” I wanted to dismiss her. It really wasn’t any of her business. It seemed like it wasn’t anyway.
“Fine. Technically.” She crossed her arms over, letting out an exasperated puff of air.
dpg
“I’m going to lie down for a while.”
I left her in the bathroom and went to hide out in my room. I sat down on the bed and sighed. I wasn’t used to having so many people wrapped up in my business. Vanessa was one person, but three more? It was overwhelming. I flopped back on the bed and looked out the window. It was snowing. I rolled onto my stomach to open it and a gust of cool air rushed in that washed over my face. Everything always seemed quieter when it snowed. Quiet and still. I looked out toward the lake and wondered if anyone would miss me if I snuck out the window for an evening walk.
“Don’t even think about it,” said a purring voice from the foot of the bed.
I gasped as I tried to ignore the strange thrill that resonated through my body at the sound of her voice. “Vanessa! You spoil all my fun.”
She snickered and grabbed me by the waist of my jeans and slid me down the bed toward her, purring vibrantly.
“That’s my job,” she stated with a grin.
“Hey! I’m delicate!” I swatted at her playfully.
“Delicate?” She laughed, leaning down to nuzzle my neck and shoulder.
I wrapped my arms around her in a tight hug. It was getting easier to be with Vanessa lately. Cats were always ridiculously affectionate, and after being friends with one for twelve years, you had to either get used to it or run away. Wolves were affectionate, too, but not as overwhelmingly as cats. Touching Vanessa made me feel…well, it made me feel something. Another cool breeze rushed in through the window and gave me a chill. Vanessa shot upright, pressing her hand on my stomach, holding me down. She sniffed the air, then froze.
“What’s wron—” She put a finger over my lips, then growled deeply when another soft breeze entered the room. She reached across me swiftly and slammed the window shut.
“Where’s Caden?” Her eyes shifting from their usual emerald to an intense yellow.
“He’s in the main room.” I sat up. “What is it?”
Her chest continued to rumble. She bolted toward the door. I rushed after her and into the kitchen where both Mal
and Caden were immediately reactive to Vanessa’s aggressive presence. Mal crouched, and Caden suddenly looked larger than usual.
“Cat.” Vanessa’s voice was raspy.
Mal growled, and Vanessa crouched with him. A covering of fine, white fur began to melt over her skin. My heart raced seeing the Changers react, and I instinctively moved toward Xany, who was standing on the coffee table as if that was going to help the situation and make her look bigger.
“She smelled something when I had the window opened,” I told the others and stood up on the coffee table with Xany because, what else was I supposed to do?
“There’s bobcats out there.” Xany squeezed my hand.
Caden seemed the calmest. He cracked open the front door and sniffed the air. His shoulders broadened, and he nodded to Mal. It only took a few seconds before Mal transformed into his wolf form. His ears were perked, and he stood in the pile of clothes that were now in a heap at his paws. He padded toward the door with the hair down his spine standing on end. Vanessa, however, had a harsher change. Her bones snapped and popped wildly, her body contorted into her feline shape, and her dress disappeared. The fine fuzz that was covering her skin sprouted into the full coat of a white tiger with black stripes streaming across her massive body. She roared forcefully and bound over the sofa toward the front door where Mal was standing. Compared to Vanessa’s feline form, Mal’s wolf seemed dwarfed. He was able to fit almost completely underneath her without having to crouch. He did a double take when he saw her and even Caden stared for a moment.
“She doesn’t ask questions, Caden,” I warned, biting my lip and stepping down from the table. For a moment I didn’t realize I was tugging Xany down with me.
Caden nodded. “Stay here with Xany.”
“Why can’t we go? That’s not fair,” Xany whined at him.
“Shawnee will explain,” Caden said.
Vanessa nearly shoved him out of the way to get through the door. Mal leaped down the steps to get ahead of Vanessa, who was clearly driven toward whatever “cat” was out there. All three of the Changers disappeared out the front door without a word more, leaving Xany and me inside.
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