by Claire Adams
He and Sienna had drifted apart?
I knew he was telling the truth, I just could not believe he was telling me. There was something so serious in his tone. I knew there was more to it, but I panicked. After so many years of desiring Owen from afar, I was completely terrified by how close and available he was sitting there next to me on the hood of my car.
I worried he was clearing the path and he needed to know there were other big obstacles. I had started dating Trent three months back and had never mentioned it before.
I rolled out of bed and grabbed my phone.
"Hi, sweetie. I was wondering when I was going to hear from you," Trent said.
"Hear from me? You were supposed to be here for the funeral," I said.
"Whoa, so we're going to jump right into that, huh? Quinn, honey, don't be mad…"
"Trent, you missed my sister's funeral. I needed you here," I told him.
"Not really time to meet the parents and do that whole show. I thought I was doing you a favor," Trent said.
I could hear him put a hand over the phone and whisper to someone. "I thought you said you didn't care about them. You were going to come to support me." I felt too tired to have the conversation, but it was too late.
Trent was exhausting. The constant upbeat pace of his personality was what first attracted me to him. He was 5' 9", lanky with dyed white hair cut short. He stood out and was always the center of attention. So when he noticed me, I was swept into his life. At first, I was happy to be along for the ride. Trent was funny, knew everybody on campus, and was the king of the perfectly timed compliment. He was just the person to pull me from my shell at college. But lately, I was realizing how much he drained my energy.
Trent was not a cuddle on the couch and play video games kind of guy.
"I do support you, baby. And I thought I was doing you a favor by staying here. You should have seen me, killing rumors about your sister at this big campus party," Trent said.
"You went to a party?"
"Oh, you know me, it was just some get-together until I got a hold of this sweet set of speakers," Trent laughed then cut himself short. "So, tell me about the ceremony."
"There was a visitation here at the house and then the interment at the cemetery. It was awful. My parents were awful. All the people remembering the saintly side of Sienna were awful. Her whole high school class showed up."
"Ugh. I can imagine. Every time I go home, I feel like I need body armor to deflect all the high school reunion crap. People are always telling me how great I look now. As if I was a total slug then or something," Trent said.
"It was just really hard that no one wanted to remember the real Sienna. My sister was more than some peppy go-getter, you know? She had ups and downs just like everyone. It was like watching a real 3D person turn into a 2D photograph right in front of me," I tried to explain.
"Oh, speaking of photos, you need to go online and check out the pics of me at the art show. There's this one where I swear I look just like the guy from that movie you like. You know, the cool one with the suit and sunglasses?"
"Trent! I'm talking about my sister's funeral."
"I know, I know, sweetie. I get it. I'm just trying to lighten the mood. When are you coming back to campus?" he asked.
"I don't know. My parents want me to stay another day or two, but-"
Trent interrupted, "Sounds good. I mean, you need family time and all that. Come over right when you get here, okay? Miss you!"
I listened to the dial tone and resisted the urge to throw my phone against the wall. Trent was right, though. I needed to lighten my mood, and staying with my parents one more day was not going to help.
I packed my bags before breakfast. My father was the only one downstairs; my mother's bedroom door was shut tight again.
"Would it be okay if I headed back to campus soon?" I asked my father.
"That's a good idea. You probably have a lot of catching up to do," he said. He was packing his briefcase to head back to work. He missed my head and kissed the air as he walked to the garage door.
#
I got to my dorm room just before lunch. Darla had already left for class and I was glad for a moment alone. As soon as I had driven onto campus, I was flooded with memories of Sienna. I had to take a detour just to avoid seeing her dormitory.
I threw my overnight bag on the bed and opened it. Instead of carefully putting everything away, I decided to just dump it into my laundry basket. I had only been on campus twenty minutes, but I was already itching to get back in the car.
There were messages written all over the white board on our door. Notes were taped along the doorframe. Inside, Darla had carefully arranged a wild display of cheap flowers purchased at the bookstore. It looked like half of campus had decided to leave me condolences. I hated to think what Sienna's door looked like and vowed not to go there.
Instead, I started to think about leaving campus all together. Sienna was the only one that had kept me on track. Even my college advisor had started suggesting I look at other majors. Without my sister driving me, there was no way I was going to earn my degree in nursing. I did not have the heart for it.
Sienna was going to be the heart surgeon, I thought. Had I somehow imagined I would be a nurse in the same hospital? What had I been thinking?
It had all been decided for me. I remembered the conversations over my college applications. I had said very little. I loved the sound of UCLA and at the time, it had not mattered what got me here. Now, all I could think about was getting out.
The sickly sweet smell of the carnations and daisies made me nauseated. The few cards that I could see all talked about Sienna like she was a perfect angel. Am I so wrong for wanting to remember my sister the way she actually was?
I still had time to make it to class, but the whole rest of the day stretched out before me like a minefield of memories. I would look for Sienna everywhere. She had helped pick out the quilt on my bed. She had given me my desk organizer. Sienna always waved to me before gross anatomy. The memories froze my blood faster than seeing a real ghost and drove me from my room.
"Quinn! I didn't expect to see you back so soon."
I stopped short of running my lab partner over. Her smile wobbled at the wild look in my eyes, but she caught me in a hug anyway.
"Yeah, I think I came back too fast. I mean, I'm just here to get some more of my stuff," I said.
She brushed back her curly hair and blinked wet eyes at me. "I can't even imagine how hard this is for you. Darla thought about taking down all the notes, but she finally decided it was a good memorial for everyone."
"No, she's right. It’s wonderful." I made sure to look anywhere but the door covered in condolences. "How's class?"
"I've got all the notes for you and I asked a few of the students that film his lectures to send you links. I think you can catch up no problem."
I put a hand against the wall and wondered if I was going to retch. "Sounds good."
"No, no it doesn't. Oh, Quinn, I'm so sorry," she said. "You know there is a school policy that lets students take a semester off. Family tragedy is a completely understandable reason for needing the time."
"No, it’s fine. I'll be back soon. Thanks so much for keeping me up to date," I said. The idea of all the make-up work was overwhelming, but I managed a smile for my lab partner. "Are you doing okay on your own or did they assign you a new partner?"
"A new partner. Remember the guy with the glasses that I kind of had a crush on? So really, it’s no problem," she smiled.
I was glad for the change of topic. "He's a friend of Trent's. We'll have to try a double date some time."
Her smile slipped as she checked her watch. "I gotta run but you take care, Quinn. See you again soon!"
I turned and ran down the stairwell. Now that she had mentioned taking a semester off, the idea was taking root. I needed time to figure out what I really wanted to do and if UCLA was really the place for me. So, naturally, before I
decided to leave college, the person I needed to talk to was my college boyfriend. I headed out the door and straight for Trent's dorm.
He should have been in his economics class. There was a sunny common room two doors down from his dorm room and I planned to wait there until he got back. It was always easy to hear when Trent was coming.
Only when I passed his door, I heard something that made my heart stop. A low moan tipped up to a tight, ragged sigh before settling back into heavy breathing.
His roommate? I wondered. I could not force myself to keep walking and stood rooted to the floor outside his door.
An unmistakable rhythm was building behind Trent's door and a duet of soft groans was getting louder. I prayed it was his roommate. Trent's roommate had a desk cluttered with photographs of his high school sweetheart. Maybe she was visiting.
"Ooo, Big T likes that, baby."
Trent's voice was heavy, but I heard it clearly. Before I could stop myself, I turned the handle and threw open the door.
My boyfriend was bent over, one knee on his twin bed, the other foot planted on the floor. Standing square behind him with his pants around his ankles was a short guy with black curly hair.
#
Trent's lover grabbed his pants but still tripped as he pushed away from my boyfriend. Trent dove onto the bed and rolled into the covers, but not before I saw he was completely naked.
"You're gay?" I asked, though it came out as more of a shout.
"Don't overreact, Quinn," Trent said. He stood up and wrapped the bedspread around his waist. "I think we can all be adults about this. John knows all about you."
"I know. I introduced you two!" I could not control the volume of my voice.
Trent shushed me as he dodged around and shut the door behind me. "Oh, yeah. I forgot about that."
"We're in the same nursing program," I said. "I introduced you at the mixer last month. Wait, how long has this been going on?"
John buckled his pants and pulled on his shirt. Then, he crossed his arms and looked at Trent. "I thought she knew about us."
"And that's supposed to make it okay?" I asked.
John shrugged. "Trent said you were cool with it. I thought you two had, like, an open relationship or something."
"Is that what you told him?" I asked Trent.
"Look, Quinn, I get it. I should have told you, but this is all kind of new for me," Trent tried to explain.
"What exactly is new for you?" I asked. "Being gay, cheating on your significant other, or getting caught?"
John smothered a laugh. "I like her. So, I'm going to get out of here."
"Wait, no," Trent said. He blocked the door. "Quinn, you're right. This is not how you should have found out. I meant to tell you. I meant to tell her, John. I really did hope everything I said would be true."
"What did he say?" I asked John.
"He said you were the best girlfriend he's ever had. Like a best friend, a perfect date, and a good kisser all wrapped up in one person," John said.
"Just minus a penis," I said.
John gave me a sympathetic smile. "Trent's not gay, honey. He's bi-sexual. What he wants is both of us. I'm not big on sharing, but you're a dear and I think we'd get along."
I turned to Trent and strangled my hands together to stop them from shaking. "So, what John's telling me is that you want to date me, but have sex with him?" I asked.
"Both of you," Trent said, reaching for my hand. "I like having sex with you, too."
I pulled away. "You cheated on me!"
"We never really talked about exclusivity, Quinn. And this is really something totally different. I didn't have sex with another woman. You're the only gal for me."
"We haven't dated anyone else for months," I said. "There wasn't anything to talk about. We were a couple. That means 'two,' Trent. Not two people plus a little fun on the side. It doesn't matter who you did it with. Cheating is cheating."
"Come on, Quinn, so I screwed up. That doesn't mean we have to break up," Trent said.
"It does to me," I said. I rubbed my forehead. "I guess it’s good you didn't come to the funeral. Owen's the only one that knows about you."
"Owen?" Trent asked. "You're oh-so-hot best friend flirt fest? The one that was 'dating' your sister but actually all over you? You were with him this weekend?"
"With him? He was at Sienna's funeral! Like you were supposed to be. Of course, I talked to him. I needed someone to lean on," I said.
Trent crossed his arms. "Oh, so you leaned on him? Now's who’s the cheater?"
"I didn't have sex with him!" I shouted.
"No, it's worse. You cheated on me emotionally," Trent said. "I know how you feel about him. For God's sake, Quinn, you should see your face when you talk about him." Trent turned to John. "She has his magazine cover on her desk. Total crush."
"So what?" I asked. "He was there when I needed someone. While you were here with John. And that's the end of it." I pushed Trent aside and opened the door.
"Wait. Are you breaking up with me?" Trent asked.
"Yes. Goodbye. Good luck, John," I said and slammed the door behind me.
I was still heaving angry breaths when the phone rang. "Darla?" I asked.
"Quinn, where are you? Are you out of breath?" my roommate asked. "You can't seriously be going to class right now."
"Now's not the best time, Darla."
"Okay, fine. It’s just I saw your stuff so I know you're on campus. I just wanted to make sure you were heading to class. Do me a favor, okay? Before you head off to see Trent will you come back? We need to chat," Darla said.
"Chat about Trent?" I asked.
"Yes. Maybe it’s no big deal but I don't want you to get blindsided by rumors," Darla said.
"What rumors?"
My roommate hesitated and then plunged ahead. "I don't want to do this over the phone, but I saw Trent at this big party."
"When he was supposed to be with me at my sister's funeral," I said.
"God, yeah. This is awful. Just come back here after class, okay?" Darla asked.
"Its fine, just tell me," I said.
"Well, I was at the party too, and I saw Trent there with someone," Darla said. "He was with a guy and they were, ah, really getting to know each other."
"Like go back to his dorm room and have drunken sex?" I asked.
"Oh my God," Darla said. "Did you already go over there? What happened?"
I reached our dorm room and once I was inside I dropped my phone. "What happened is I went to Trent's and found him having sex with John."
Darla dropped her phone too. "Quinn, I'm so sorry. What did you do?"
"I broke up with him," I said. There were no tears in my eyes. I blinked and realized how my hurt was mixing with relief.
"So, what do you want to do now?" Darla asked.
"I'm heading back home for a few days," I said.
The four-hour drive was a blur. When I got home, my parents had not even remembered I had left. So, I grabbed some snacks and headed to the basement before the tears came.
CHAPTER SIX
Quinn
I had to dive into the chocolate ice cream first. Every television show, movie, and girl's night had taught me that chocolate ice cream was the magical elixir for broken hearts. And it was a good distraction from the other emotions I was feeling.
I tried a few bites, but the cold sweet slide of the ice cream did not lessen my hurt, the future embarrassment, or the strange mix of relief and excitement my sudden single state caused.
Next up was a glass of red wine. It had been easy to boost from my parents' kitchen. A few open bottles remained after the reception, so I took the fullest. I sipped down a double pour while I thought about Trent.
His constant need for attention was exhausting, so the idea of him wanting a girlfriend and a lover made sense. I just could not fit myself into that equation. And how had I not noticed his attraction to men? It just showed me that one major flaw in our relationship was the amount
that I was involved. Trent was fun and the rest had not really mattered to me.
Still, it hurt. The red wine was helping, but I decided against watching sad movies and bawling my eyes out. What I really wanted to do was eviscerate something.
I turned on my gaming consul and cued up Dark Flag. Before long, I was running alongside the Black Fields. One of the perks of my break-up, I decided, was that it did not matter if I hoped to see Owen in the game. Light Slayer was single and so was I.
My thoughts skittered off nervously and so did my avatar. Was Trent right? Had I been cheating on him emotionally with Owen? I depended on Owen for good advice, a shoulder to cry on, and ways to cheer me up. It seemed like my actual boyfriend had been more jealous of my crush on Owen than I was over his suddenly-discovered relationship with John.
No, I thought, I was just out for revenge. Trent had hurt me and the very first thing I could think about was hurting him right back. That seemed to go along with a break-up just as naturally as ice cream. Just because Owen was the first person I thought about did not mean anything out of the ordinary. Neither did the excited pace of my heartbeat as I traversed the Black Fields where Light Slayer had last been seen.
Still, I was more surprised by the appearance of Owen's avatar than I was by the sudden attack. A Black Fields Boa, a nasty creature that was half person, half snake, appeared and coiled a paralyzing grip around my sword hand. I struggled to master the kick-boxing sequence of commands. Luckily, the other player was also a newbie, so the Boa was still unable to undulate, and I sent a hard kick to his chest.
"Impressive," Light Slayer said.
I ignored the soaring feeling and typed, "Thanks. Guess this proves hand-to-hand combat heals a broken heart better than chocolate ice cream."
"Broken heart?" Light Slayer asked.
I heard a few of his clan members express their disappointment when our conversation moved to a private chat.
"What happened? Are you okay?" Owen asked over chat.
"You would never believe me," I wrote back. "I broke up with Trent today."