“Of course, I’m not going to help that moron. But, I will always help you. This entire enterprise is a waste of time, in my opinion. I care about discovering who trapped us in this book and, since I know Slade wasn’t smart enough to do it, I don’t see why he matters, at all.”
“He matters because, if he dies, the book won’t end correctly and we’ll all be screwed. We’ve been over it a thousand times!”
“I know you feel that way, so what choice do I have but to stay at your side? I must ensure that you don’t kill yourself rescuing that fool.”
“You can’t…” Before she could continue her protest, Damien zapped them down into the fray. As usual, the teleporting left Kara’s insides churning. “Shit.” Her knees went watery and she had to grab onto Damien or fall flat on her face. “I thought you needed consent to do that?”
All around them, the dragons were doing a super job with the distraction. Green men battled Vamps in puffy shirts. The Vampires who weren’t fighting, were running for their lives. Fire erupted and diamond swords flashed. Kara wasn’t really processing any of it, though. She was just trying not to throw-up.
“Just the first time.” Damien reached over with his free hand and brushed it over her face. “Are you alright?”
Instantly, the seasickness faded and the world stopped spinning. “Yes.” Kara drew in a cleansing breath. “Thanks.”
“No wonder you dislike traveling that way.” Damien blinked rapidly. “It is… dizzying.”
It took her a beat to realize how he’d make her nausea stop. “Damn it, Damien!” She switched her grip so she could steady him. “I told you not to heal me, anymore. You take it all into yourself and I’d rather just stay sick than have you suffer.”
He looked pale, but his mouth curved. “I love you, too, cari.”
“Idiot.” Unfortunately she didn’t have time to call him any worse names than that.
To’kel was screaming orders from his raised dais. Standing on the red velvet seat of his throne, he bellowed at his men to kill the dragons.
Beside him, Eugene shot wild sprays of bullets into the crowd. He still didn’t seem to be hitting anyone, but then it must’ve been difficult to practice expert marksmanship with your trusty submachine gun a hundred years before they were even invented.
You can lead an anachronism to water, Tanya, but you can’t make it drink.
“The Witch is behind this!” Eugene grabbed hold of Melessa’s arm, anchoring her to his side.
“I know that the fucking Witch is behind it, you idiot!” To’kel shrieked. “Do something! Do something!”
“Slade, help!” Melessa cried.
“Witch, help!” Slade cried.
Kara ignored them all and rushed towards Fibos. She was still handcuffed to Damien, but he wasn’t slowing her down. He willingly followed along, sending every dragon, vampire, or ‘other’ who crossed their path flying into the air. No one was getting within ten feet of her.
“Damn it, Damien. I said, no fighting.”
“And I’m not.”
Two Vampires rushed towards her, swords drawn. Before they even got close, they were unceremoniously jerked off their feet and careened into each other like billiard balls. Unconscious, they toppled backwards to the ground.
Kara glanced up at Damien with a scowl.
“Oh, that does not count as a fight. It was just a reflex.”
“Can’t you even take the climactic battle scene seriously?” Kara headed across the gravel courtyard towards Fibos. She was totally doing a Die Hard with the shoelessness and every damn pebble she stepped on hurt. No wonder Bruce Willis had cursed so much.
“I am taking it seriously.” Damien’s cuffed hand caught hold of hers, winding their fingers together like they were strolling together along a moonlit beach and not racing through a battlefield. “Why do you keep saying I’m not?”
“I keep saying it, because it’s true. You’re in this devil-may-care mood, because you refuse to believe that keeping Slade alive is keeping us alive. You’re not listening to a word I say.”
“I always listen to you, cari.” Another would-be Vampire attacker soared into a stone wall, bones snapping like toothpicks. Damien blinked like the most innocent sorcerer in the world.
Unbelievable.
“Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch!” Slade shrieked as the Vampires stationed on the guillotine platform wrestled his head through the slot beneath the blade. “I am the king! You must protect me, Witch! Protect your mighty king!”
Kara kept on ignoring him. “For the last time, Damien, cut it with the magicks. I will save Slade on my own.”
“And I fully support that, my love. It will be a pleasure to watch you wreak havoc amongst the Vampires. Bloodlust brings out the sparkle in your eyes.”
Kara mentally counted to ten. If she knocked him out cold, she’d have to drag his body along behind her and he was really big. She needed to remember that, because clunking him over the head sounded incredibly tempting, at the moment.
“Witch!” Fibos’ expression lit-up when he saw her coming. “Quickly! You must save me! We must protect King Slade!”
“Watch as I obediently don’t help you rescue that imbecile.” Damien murmured.
“Which one of them?”
“Take your pick.”
“You’re so sweet.” Kara stalked towards Fibos, pulling out the blue diamond dagger grandma what’s-her-name gave her.
His eyes went wide. “You have found the Blue Blade of Banderouse! Our most sacred weapon. It alone can cut through the golden ropes that bind me.”
“I’m banking on it.” Kara grabbed hold of the glowy bindings with the hand cuffed to Damien and gripped the knife in the other. The sharp edge of the dagger easily severed the golden cord, freeing Fibos and the other Vamps. “Get Slade.” She ordered, gesturing towards the guillotine.
From his position on the throne platform, To’kel let out a sound of pure outrage. He whirled to face the Vampires situated next to the guillotine. “Kill Slade!” He commanded at a roar. “Kill him, now!”
The Vampires trying to off-with-Slade’s-head hurried to obey. One of them dove for the lever to drop the blade, while three others held Slade down.
“No.” Melessa gasped.
“No!” Fibos screamed.
“NO.” Karalynn ordered.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!” Slade screeched.
Damien rolled his eyes towards the sky as Slade failed around like a trout. “Oh… fine.” He heaved a disgusted sigh. “Kara Lynn, you owe me.”
The guillotine disintegrated like it was made of Lincoln Logs. The huge metal blade tumbled to the ground with the reverberating clang. Big, wooden pieces of the structure rained down into neat piles, leaving Slade completely undamaged. The bad guys all paused to stare at the chaos, bewildered. Slade jerked himself from their distracted holds and lunged for freedom, while Fibos and the other good Vamps scurried over to lend a hand.
Damien looked more nauseous than ever. “I can’t believe I just did that. I was so close to getting rid of him, once and for all.
Kara let out a relieved breath. “Thank you, Vlad.”
“You truly are a Witch, Kara Lynn. It’s the only way to explain what you do to me.”
“Sorcerer, you have joined the side of good, at last.” Slade pumped a fist in the air as his men surrounded the bad Vamps. “Congratulations, my friend! You have become an honorary Vampire. One of my loyal subjects and favorite servants!”
Damien gave an elaborate shudder. “I literally feel dirty, right now.”
“Damien, you’re such a fucking asshole!” To’kel raged.
“Damien, you are awesome.” Kara corrected.
“No, To’kel was right. I am an asshole.” He muttered. “I adore you, but that’s all the helping of Vampires I can stomach for one day.”
“Damn right it is.” With Slade’s survival assured, Kara focused her attention on To’kel. Their eyes locked across the mass of fighting men. “I’ll
be taking my book back now, jerk-off!
“Bitch.” To’kel turned to Eugene with a feral scowl. “Shoot her.”
Eugene grinned crazily and raised the Uzi at her face.
“Shit.” Kara hooked her foot around Damien’s leg and tackled him to the ground a half second before Eugene took aim.
“Kara Lynn, you pushed…” Damien broke off with a start as the automatic weapon sprayed the wall behind them with thousands of bullets. “Fuck.” Rolling swiftly, he positioned them behind the base of the huge Slade statute. He covered her body with his own, his free hand coming up to shield her head. “What the hell is that?”
“Uzi.” She panted.
“A what?!”
“Future gun. I told you this book was out to get you.”
He raised his head to gape at her. “Your future world has weapons that can do such things?”
Kara snorted. “Are you kidding? My world has weapons that can blow-up the planet ten times over with munitions to spare.”
Damien hesitated as if waiting to see if she was teasing him. He frowned when Kara just raised her eyebrows “duh” style. “Then, you will not go back to such a time period, without me to protect you from these weapons.” He decided, firmly.
“You think you can protect me from an Uzi? That’s very sweet.” She patted his arm. “Just stay down.”
Damien eyes narrowed, apparently taking her tone as a challenge. “Armed necromancer or not, that accountant is still just a human, Kara Lynn.” He raised his head to peer at Eugene over the edge of the Slade statue’s foot.
She lifted her face up so she could stare at Eugene, too. “A human with a submachine gun is not ‘just a human.’ He’ll run out of bullets in a minute. In the meantime, don’t do anything dangerous or magical, Vlad. I mean it.”
“Whatever you say, cari.” He agreed, dutifully.
And then the Uzi was somehow ripped out of Eugene’s hands.
Eugene gave a shout of alarm as the gun was yanked away from him and crumpled in midair. The whole thing just folded in on itself like a wadded up piece of paper and then fell to the ground with a hollow clunk.
Kara slowly swiveled her head to stare at Damien. “What did I just say?”
“Be fair, my heart. There are numerous supernatural beings here who could have done that.”
Unbelievable.
Melessa’s eyes went wide as Eugene was disarmed. “Ah-ha!” She promptly gave him a two handed push, sending him flying backwards off the raised platform. He tumbled from the dais and hit the gravel with a stream of cursing. Melessa pointed down at him. “You’ve been a real jerk today, Eugene. I hope you know that.” She gave her blonde hair a toss. “Our engagement is completely off. And I’m keeping the ring.”
“See that? Even Melessa got a ring.” Kara muttered, sourly.
“Aren’t you still unwilling to admit that we’re even mated?”
“We’re mated, yes. Married? No. Married people have rings.”
“So, if I get you a ring, you will consider me your husband?”
She already considered him her husband. Not that she was telling him that, given his recent insubordination. “How big a ring?”
Damien smiled. “There is a mercenary streak to you that I admire, Kara Lynn.” He casually got to his feet and helped her up. “I’ll see what kind of caret weight I can afford, once the dragons submit their bill for hazard pay.”
“Just be warned, I don’t think less is more.”
“Melessa!” Slade bounded towards his bride. “I am coming, my sweet blossom.”
“Slade-y!” She clasped her palms to her chest and fluttered her eyelashes like Olive Oil. “Save me, my handsome hero!”
Kara made a disgusted sound. “Oh, to have that Uzi.” She shook her head and refocused on To’kel, who was now hiding behind his throne. “Hand over that manuscript, give Slade back his crown, and get the hell off of this island.” She jabbed a finger at him. “I’m the only one who rewrites the plot of this novel and gets away with it, buddy.”
“Bitch.” He hissed, again. “Take your magic book.” He tossed it at her, the manuscript landing between them like an accusation. “It matters not. I’ve read all I need to and I know I’ll still triumph.” His eyes burned into hers. “Your sorcerer will die today. We’ve both seen that.”
Kara felt her insides turn cold.
“I will not die, cari.” Damien said, confidently. “Don’t worry.”
“But, you will die, Damien. It’s all right there in the book.” To’kel’s eyes cut around the courtyard for some avenue of escape. The dragons had done a bang-up job of subduing his evil henchmen, so no one was rushing to his aid. Slade’s men were moving closer, surrounding the throne platform. Even the crowd was turning on him, beginning to chant Slade’s name instead of To’kel’s. His frustrated gaze flashed back over to Kara. “Damien might have ensured that Slade survived this time but, once he’s gone, no one will be able to defeat me. You know that, don’t you? Without Damien to fight me, I’ll be unstoppable.”
“I will stop you!” Slade strode forward, unceremoniously grabbing the blue dagger from Kara’s hand as he passed. She gave a shout of protest, trying to hang onto the weapon, but it was too late. Vampire strength and speed had Slade easily winning the quick tug of war. “Prepare to die, you ungrateful demon!” He leapt up onto the dais and gave the blade a jaunty spin.
“You see what a thief he is?” Damien almost sounded pleased. “I told you he was the villain. Do you wish me to get the dagger back or shall we just watch them stab each other?”
“We’re getting the damn thing back, before he gets himself killed!”
“Slade won’t die. I’m not that lucky.”
“Oh, Slade!” Melessa rushed to his side. “Kick To’kel’s ass, my prince.” She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and stepped back so he’d have room to fight, smiling like a smug ware-cat.
“Shit!” Kara couldn’t believe how oblivious everyone was about Slade’s chances. The moron didn’t know how to actually fight. He just knew how to win, because the book said he did. Since she’d started messing with the plot, he’d lost every confrontation he’d been in. To’kel was going to cheat and there was no way Slade could adapt.
“Slade!” Kara lunged for the platform, feeling like she was stuck in a nightmare and everything was moving in slow-motion. “Get down from there before you get killed, you idiot!”
Slade turned to give her his patented condescending smirk. “I am the mightiest swordsman of my people, Witch, I always wi…”
He never got to finish that boast.
To’kel shoved the massive throne at him, catching Slade off guard. The Vampire King leapt out of the way, off-balance and shocked that someone would fight dirty. “Hey! You can’t do that!”
But, To’kel wasn’t done. “Just as the book foretold. You’re so fucking predictable.” He took advantage of Slade’s distraction, stepping forward and high kicking his cousin right between the legs like a center with soccer ball.
Even Damien cringed as Slade doubled over. The blue dagger fell from the Vampire’s hand and he clutched his groin with a shriek of pain.
“Stop!” Kara yelled, scrambling up onto the wooden boards and pulling Damien along behind her. “To’kel, don’t! You’ll kill us all!”
He didn’t listen to her. His eyes bright with triumph, he scooped up the dagger. “Who’s the fucking stable boy now, cousin?” He raised the knife to plunge it into Slade’s chest.
“No!” Kara crosschecked him, her shoulder slamming into his side before he could finish Slade off. She quickly got between the two Vampires, protecting Slade with her own body.
To’kel stumbled back a step, his furious eyes fixing on her. “I’ve had enough of your interference.” He spat out. “Everything that’s gone wrong, you’ve instigated.” The blue diamond blade slashed towards her throat. “You will not rob me of this moment!”
The blow would have sliced clean through Kara’s neck i
f Damien hadn’t yanked her out of the way. Using their cuffed hands, he pulled her sharply to the side and caught her against his chest. It saved her life…
… And inadvertently sent the dagger straight into Slade’s heart.
For one terrible instant, the whole world went still.
Then, Slade fell.
“Shit!” Kara reached him a second too late, grabbing hold of him as he collapsed. His massive body sprawled against hers, going limp and spewing blood. The weight of him drove them both to the ground. “Slade! Slade, look at me!” She smacked his cheeks with her free palm, her other hand stretched up above her, still attached to Damien’s wrist. “Slade, stay awake and focus.”
Confused blue eyes met hers. “Witch… I think… I have been… defeated.” He sounded like he couldn’t believe it.
No one could.
Fibos screamed and sank to his knees at his king’s words. All the other Vampires were shell-shocked, not even moving as they tried to process what had just happened. Melessa’s mouth parted in astonishment, her black hair swinging around her face as she shook her head in denial. Several people started crying.
Damien just looked confused. He blinked down at Slade and then over at To’kel. “You killed him?” He sounded astonished. “How did that happen? And why don’t I feel… happy? Something is very wrong here.”
“Of course, it’s wrong!” Kara pressed down on Slade’s wound, trying to stop the bleeding. “Oh, God.” No matter how hard she pushed, the blood seeped out between her fingers like a faucet. “Slade? Try to do something Vampire-y and heal yourself.”
“He can’t.” To’kel chortled. “I have won!” He raised his hands up over his head, the dagger still clutched in his palm. “I’ve won!” He threw his head back with a delighted laugh, dancing around in glee. “I’ve finally rid the world of that pompous jackass. Soon Damien will be dead, too. And then, Witch, you’ll learn what it is to bedded by an actual king, before you join them in Hell.”
That jolted Damien out of his bewildered daze. His head snapped around to pin To’kel with a hard stare. “I will return in a moment, Kara Lynn.” The handcuffs disappeared from their wrists and, unrestrained, he stalked towards To’kel. “You’ve killed Slade, you fucking idiot.”
Not Another Vampire Book Page 32