His steely blue eyes met hers. “I didn’t ask you for that reason.”
Her heart beat rapidly in her chest. “Then what deal did you make with your brothers?”
“Come on, didn’t I just tell you last night how ridiculous brothers can be?” He reached out and grabbed for her hand. “Whatever went on between the three of us doesn’t matter.”
If she’d had any doubts about how serious this revelation was going to be, he’d just confirmed it. “It matters, or you wouldn’t be trying to avoid telling me.” One look into his serious expression and she knew she was right.
“I came home because Mom was rushed to the hospital with chest pains, remember?”
She nodded.
“She told us that the doctors said she had to avoid stress on her heart. And she had one wish that we all knew we had to make come true.”
Charlotte swallowed hard. “A grandchild.”
“Right. But since none of us were in a serious relationship with a woman—”
“Or planned to ever marry,” she added.
He gave her a sheepish grin. “Since none of us were in the position to make it happen, we had to decide who would take that next step.”
“So you flipped a coin to see who would give Raina a grandchild, and you lost.” Bile rose in her throat.
“I know it sounds bad—”
“You don’t want to know what it sounds like,” she said bitterly. “What happened next? I threw myself at you and became the lucky candidate?”
“If you think back, I pulled away. I tried like hell to stay away. Because you were the one woman I couldn’t do it to.” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair.
“You couldn’t do what to me?”
“It’s going to get worse before it gets better,” he warned her.
“I don’t see how.”
“I said I’d never outright lie to you and I won’t start now. But you need to hear the whole truth before passing judgment.” He glanced downward, then spoke again without meeting her gaze. “I thought I could find a woman who wanted kids. Get married, get her pregnant, and head on back abroad. I figured I’d honor my commitments financially and come home whenever possible, but not change my lifestyle much at all.”
“Just like my father.” He was more like Russell than Charlotte had ever imagined Roman Chandler could be. A true wave of nausea rushed over her, but before she could catch her breath or speak, he rushed on.
“Yes, and because of that, I immediately ruled you out, no matter how strong the attraction. I couldn’t do that to you. Even then, I cared too much to hurt you. But I figured with any other woman, if we were both in agreement on things, no one would get hurt.”
“Another woman.” Charlotte could barely get the words past her lips. “Just like that. You could go from saying you care about me to accepting the idea of sleeping with another woman. So easily.” She blinked back tears.
“No.” He held onto her hand and squeezed tight. “No. I was a mess when I came home. I haven’t even thought all this through until now. But I was jet-lagged, worried about my mother, and I’d agreed to this life change all in one night. I wasn’t thinking clearly about anything except about not wanting to hurt you. So I pulled away.”
“How noble.”
He paused. Only the clock ticking loudly from the wall behind them broke the silence, but she wasn’t about to make it easier.
He cleared his throat. “But I couldn’t keep my distance. Every time we went near each other, things exploded. Not just sexually but emotionally. In here.” He pointed to his chest. “And I knew I couldn’t be with anyone else.” He raised his head and his stare locked on hers. “Not ever again.”
“Don’t.” She shook her head, finding it hard to speak, the pain lodged in her throat and chest, overwhelming. “Don’t say all the right things in an attempt to make this okay when it isn’t. It can’t be. So you chose me,” she said, trying to regain the thread of conversation without emotion getting in the way. “Because the attraction was so strong. And what happened to that caring you spoke about?”
“It turned into love.”
Her breath caught in her throat. But as badly as she wanted to believe, she also was facing the truth. “The perfect words to convince me to marry you and give your mother the grandchild she wants.”
“The words I’ve never said to anyone before. Words I wouldn’t say unless I meant them.” And he did. But Roman knew she wouldn’t believe him. She’d heard him out; however her conclusions weren’t based on his emotions, but the cold, hard facts.
What irony, he thought. As a journalist, he lived and died by the facts. Now he wanted Charlotte to throw away those facts and invest her future happiness on the intangible. He wanted her to believe in him. In his word. No matter that the facts pointed in the opposite direction.
She pulled her hand back and held her head in her hands. He waited, giving her time to think and regain her composure. When she glanced up, he didn’t like the cool look in her eyes or the taut expression on her face.
“Tell me something. Did you plan to leave me behind in Yorkshire Falls while you went back to your beloved job?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know what I planned except that I want like hell to make it work. I’ve had a job offer from the Washington Post that would keep me based in D.C. I thought I could go check it out—we could go check it out,” he said, inspired by the sudden idea. “And together we’d come up with a livable working arrangement.” His heart pounded in his chest as he realized just how much he wanted that.
The fear he’d experienced earlier over changing his lifestyle was gone, replaced by a new and much more credible fear—of losing Charlotte forever. At the thought, he broke into a cold sweat.
Sad green eyes met his. “A livable working arrangement,” she repeated. “In the name of love or in the name of the lost coin toss?”
He narrowed his gaze, hurt despite it all. “You shouldn’t have to ask.”
“Well, forgive me, but I do.” She leaned back and folded her hands in her lap.
He leaned closer, getting into her personal space, inhaling her scent. He was irrationally angry at Charlotte for not trusting him, though he hadn’t done anything to earn her trust. He was also furious at himself and ridiculously aroused all at the same time.
“I’m going to say this once.” He’d already thought it through in his head when talking to Chase. “The coin toss led me to you. It was the catalyst for everything that’s happened since. But the only reason I’m here with you now is love.”
She blinked. A lone tear trickled down her face. On impulse, he caught it with the tip of his finger and tasted the salty water with his tongue. He’d tasted her pain. Now he wanted to make it go away. She was softening. He could feel it and he held his breath while he waited for her reply.
“How will I ever know?” she asked, taking him off guard. “How will I ever know if you’re with me because you want to be, or you’re with me because you promised your brothers you’d be the one who gave your mother a grandchild?” She shook her head. “This whole town knows Chandler family loyalty is strong. Chase is the prime example, and you’re following his lead.”
“I’m proud of my big brother. It’s not a bad lead to follow. Especially if it takes me in the right direction.” There wasn’t anything more he could say. He’d already told her he was only going to state his case once. Nothing he said now would change her mind unless she wanted to believe.
“Take a chance on me, Charlotte. Take a chance with me.” He held out his hand. His future stretched before him—would it be full or as empty as his palm was now?
His guts shook with real fear as he watched her clench her fists tight. She couldn’t even meet him halfway.
“I … I can’t. You want me to trust while I know damn well you Chandlers are confirmed bachelors. None of you wanted commitment. You had to toss a coin to decide who’d have to give up his life for the family this time.” She rose to her fee
t. “And I can’t even claim to be a prize you won, but a penalty for losing everything you held dear.”
She’d put up walls he doubted he could breach. At least not now. He stood and grabbed her hand one last time. “I’m not your father.”
“From where I stand, I don’t see much difference.”
And that was the problem, he thought. She couldn’t see past her family’s troubled history. She was obviously afraid. Afraid of repeating her mother’s life, her mother’s mistakes. He’d damn Annie and Russell to hell and back, only he couldn’t blame them any longer. Charlotte was a grown woman capable of seeing the truth and making her own decisions.
The urge to pull her into his arms was strong, but he doubted it would do any good. “I never figured you for a coward.”
She narrowed her gaze and glared at him. “You’re an equal disappointment.” She pivoted and ran from the kitchen, leaving him behind.
“Son of a bitch.” Roman walked into the outer room and kicked the first garbage can he saw across the room. The heavy metal clunked across the floor and hit the wall with a dull bang.
“I take it things didn’t go well.” Chase met him at the bottom of the steps that led to his upstairs office.
“That’s an understatement.” He let out a groan. “This isn’t the way it was supposed to be.”
Chase swung the door shut. “That’ll keep out any more stragglers. So whoever told you life would go easy? You’ve just been lucky for a while. But no more coasting, little brother. You’re going to have to work for this.” He turned and leaned against the doorframe. “If it’s what you want.”
Roman should want to get the hell out of this town and away from the pain and aggravation. From his mother’s heart condition to Charlotte’s broken heart. Unfortunately there was nowhere left to run. The emotions dredged up would follow him wherever he went. This trip back had taught him Yorkshire Falls wasn’t just a place to visit, it was home, with all the baggage that word entailed. All the baggage he’d been running from his entire life.
“You’re damn right it’s what I want. She’s what I want.” Yet after avoiding burden and responsibility for years, now that he was ready to shoulder all the ups and downs of a committed relationship, the woman he desired wanted nothing more to do with him.
“So what do you plan to do about it?”
He had no idea. “I do need to look into D.C.,” Roman told Chase, at the exact moment Rick let himself into the front office, keys dangling from his hand.
“What about D.C.?” Rick asked.
“Roman’s going to look into a desk job.” Chase’s tone held surprise and he pinched the bridge of his nose as he obviously digested the information.
“Don’t get carried away,” Roman muttered. “I’ve been offered a senior editor position at the Post.”
“You’re leaving town?” Rick shoved his hands into his front pockets.
“He might as well. No one here’s going to miss him,” Chase said with a grin. He slapped Roman on the back.
“Shut the hell up.”
Rick laughed. “Charlotte problems? Then I guess she can’t vouch for your whereabouts last night?”
Roman’s head began a steady, dull throb. “Don’t tell me.”
His middle brother nodded. “Panty theft number six. So once again, I have to ask. Just where were you last night?”
Chase and Rick chuckled aloud, always enjoying a laugh at Roman’s expense. He didn’t answer, knew he didn’t need to. But despite the ribbing and laughter, Roman wasn’t fooled. Like him, neither of his brothers were thrilled to know they still had an unsolved crime spree in Yorkshire Falls.
Charlotte left the Gazette at a run, slowed when she got winded, and began a slow walk back to town. A twisting pain in her stomach made the pickup truck bumping down the road a welcome sight.
Charlotte stuck out her thumb and hitched her first ride ever. Fred Aames, the town’s only plumber, offered to drop her off at her doorstep. She was halfway back to her shop and away from Roman when she realized she hadn’t taken an ad in the paper. She’d just have to call Chase later. No way in hell was she going back to face the Chandler brothers and their stinking coin toss. She wondered if they were laughing about it, then shook her head.
Roman wouldn’t be laughing. He was out a candidate and would have to start over. Find another woman he could screw and leave behind, pregnant.
Her stomach churned and it took all her willpower not to ask Fred to pull over so she could puke in someone’s rhododendrons.
“So did you hear?” Fred asked. Before she could respond, he continued, obviously used to talking from beneath cabinets as he worked on plumbing, oblivious to the outside world. “Marge Sinclair had her panties stolen.”
Not again. She began a steady massage of her temples. “Marge? I just delivered those myself yesterday.”
He shrugged. “You know what they say. Here today, gone tomorrow.” He let out a laugh that was interrupted by his old pickup truck hitting a pothole and jarring her shoulder into the door. “I don’t put any stock in old man Whitehall’s comments about Roman Chandler, though.”
At the mention of Roman’s name, Charlotte’s stomach twisted in pain. Small-town life, she thought. She loved it, but sometimes it meant she couldn’t escape no matter how badly she wanted to. “No, I don’t suppose Roman Chandler would steal panties,” she said, holding up her end of conversation.
“Or, he’d steal panties if it were a prank, but he wouldn’t pilfer ’em the way the papers are saying.”
“Mmm.” Maybe, if she didn’t outright respond, Fred would catch on and change the subject.
“He’s got too much character.”
“He’s got character, all right,” she muttered. She’d rather not get into Roman’s character right now or she’d give Fred an earful that would quickly travel through the town’s grapevine. She didn’t want that any more than Roman would.
“He stood up for me back in high school. I’ll never forget it and I won’t let anyone ’round here either. You can bet I’m telling everyone I meet Roman Chandler’s no thief.” He slammed on the brakes in front of her shop.
She rubbed the bruised skin on her shoulder and gathered her bag. Who could be stealing the underwear? She mentally ticked off the victims so far. Whitehall, Sinclair … all over fifty, she realized and wondered if Rick or anyone else on Yorkshire Falls’ police force had come to that same conclusion and whether it meant anything at all. Odd, Charlotte thought. To say the least.
“Did you say something?” he asked, rising in his seat.
“I said I wonder if you realize that you’re a life saver. Thank you for driving me back here.”
“My pleasure.” He leaned over and placed a hand behind her seat. “There is a way you can repay me, though.”
“What would that be?” she asked warily.
“Move my Marianne up on your panty list.” His full cheeks colored a furious shade of red. “At least in time for our wedding night.”
She grinned and nodded her head. “I think that could be arranged.” Charlotte hopped out of the pickup before she could laugh out loud and embarrass the man further. “Thanks again, Fred.”
“You’re welcome. And when your customers come in discussing these thefts, remember to tell ’em Roman Chandler wouldn’t steal anything.”
Except her heart, she thought, sadly.
Fred drove off, leaving her standing on the sidewalk. She stared first at her business, then at the upstairs window leading to her apartment. Neither place beckoned to her right now. Since Roman had spent the night, her small apartment was no longer a safe haven to which she could escape. Her office smelled too vile for words, and in her shop, Beth’s chatty presence would have Charlotte revealing painful secrets in no time. And her mother’s house was off limits because Russell was home.
She felt like a displaced person with nowhere to go— until she realized there was one place she could curl up and be alone in peace. She stopped by
the shop only long enough to tell Beth she was taking the day off, detoured into Norman’s for a sandwich and soda to go, before going up to her apartment, changing her clothes, and ducking out onto the fire-escape-cum-terrace, her treasured book, Glamorous Getaways, in hand.
Some people chose comfort food. Charlotte chose comfort books. One in particular. A breeze fluttered the pages and she turned to the one she studied most, the famous HOLLYWOOD sign. She sat back against the wall, legs out in front of her, book resting on her knees. She sighed and traced the letters she knew by heart, then propped her chin in her hands and stared at the glossy pages.
Ironic, that this same book that gave her peace also represented her greatest pain. Charlotte understood why. Glamorous Getaways brought her back to a simpler time. A time when she still believed in Prince Charmings and happily ever afters. A time when she thought her father would come home and sweep Charlotte and her mother off their feet and onto an airplane to Los Angeles. To join him and give her back the security she’d lost. He never had.
So this book should be unsettling, yet it soothed her in a way only innocent childhood beliefs could. Charlotte didn’t delve deeper. Life was complicated enough. And the Chandler brothers’ coin toss had certainly mixed up her life and emotions in a way she’d never imagined possible.
Charlotte wasn’t into pity, nor did she believe she’d done anything to deserve this twist of fate. But, all things considered, she couldn’t say she was surprised. Psychiatrists had a field day with the notion that girls fell in love with men who reminded them of their fathers. A statement she’d once have disputed with a vengeance, but of which now she was living proof.
The Chandler brothers were many things: dedicated bachelors, devoted sons, and intensely loyal men. She knew Roman had never set out to hurt her. She believed he’d discounted her from his list of available women because of her family history. But she’d certainly simplified his life by falling into his baby-needing arms.
After finishing with his brothers, Roman locked himself in Chase’s office and got lost in what he did best. Writing. He tuned out everything and everyone else and spent the late morning and better part of the afternoon typing up an article on small-town life. Slice-of-life articles weren’t his thing, but somehow, this time the words poured from his gut.
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