by E. L. Todd
“In exchange for money,” I said with a laugh. “That doesn’t count as a favor.”
“It does to me.” Matt gave me an affectionate look before he saw Marie and Axel. “Is that the happy couple?”
“Yep.”
“I recognize her from the bakery.”
“Yeah, that’s Marie. And that’s my brother.”
“I guess I see the similarities…” He squinted his eyes like he was trying to make out a small spot a hundred feet away.
“I don’t think we look anything alike. But we have the same stubbornness.”
“Was your mother a mule?” he teased.
“Actually, my dad was the stubborn one.” I hadn’t realized it until now.
“Well, I didn’t mean to crash the party. I just got home so I thought I would check in.”
“Thanks,” I said. “I really appreciate all the strings you pulled.”
“Anything for you, beautiful.” He gave me one final look before he stood up and left the rooftop.
I didn’t look at Hawke because I didn’t care what his reaction was. Maybe he was jealous. Maybe he was angry.
Maybe he didn’t give a damn.
“He seemed nice.” Hawke sipped his wine again.
“He is.”
“Friend of yours?” He spoke with indifference.
Was he trying to feel me out? Was he trying to figure out if Matt was my boyfriend? Or was I reading too much into it? If he cared about my love life, he would have made sure he was in it. “Yeah. He comes into the shop pretty often.”
He didn’t react, but his fingers loosened on the stem of the wineglass. “Does he own the building?”
“No, I don’t think so. He just said he had connections.”
“That was nice of him to help you.”
“Well, I agreed to cater an event with six hundred people…and I’m still uncertain if I’m going to pull it off.”
“You’ll be fine.” He said it without hesitation.
“Did you hear what I said?” I finally looked at him, and I wished I hadn’t. His handsome face was hypnotizing. I assumed it would have no effect on me, but it did. “Six hundred. That’s a shitload of people.”
“But it’s you,” he said simply. “And you’ll pull it off.”
It irritated me that he spoke of me like he knew me. Two years was a long time, and I’d changed a lot. He had no right to assume I was the same person. I turned away again because I was disconcerted. The bitterness rose in my heart from being close to him, but then the attraction kindled whenever I looked at him. It was giving me whiplash.
“Do you like Manhattan?” Hawke just wouldn’t leave me alone.
“It’s everything I thought it would be.” The traffic was a bitch and the bums were fearless, but the food was fantastic and the people were interesting.
“Give me more than that.”
“I love it.” I swore to Marie and Axel that I wouldn’t have a problem with Hawke, but now I realized how premature my response was. But then again, I didn’t expect him to talk to me. I thought we would say a quick and awkward hello and that would be the end of it. “Do you?”
“No complaints.”
“Give me more than that.”
That old smile stretched his lips. “I like the nighttime more than the daylight, because the city is just so beautiful from my window. I like ordering Chinese food at three in the morning on a Tuesday. I like finding new places to eat on the street I’ve been at for months. Is that enough?”
It was too much, actually. “Yes.” I grabbed my drink and stood up. “I’m going to mingle. I’ll see you around.” I didn’t give him a chance to say a word before I walked away and found a chair beside Yaya.
Yaya’s eyes were glued to my brother. “So beautiful, aren’t they?”
“They are.” My body relaxed now that I was away from Hawke. “They’ll have really cute kids.”
“Awe…” She clutched her chest in emotion. “They’ll be little angels.”
“Not if they behave like Axel.”
Yaya chuckled. “Axel has grown so much. Marie is so good for him. I’m glad he found her.”
“And I’m glad she puts up with him.”
“But he’s so sweet to her now…it’s so nice to see.”
I drank my wine and nodded. Even though Hawke was on the other side of the rooftop, I could feel his stare. I didn’t need to look to see if I was right. His sight burned into my skin and set it on fire.
“You doing okay?”
“More than okay. My brother is finally a grown up.”
Yaya dropped her smile. “You know what I mean, dear.”
“Everything is great with Hawke,” I said without looking at her. “We’re friendly.”
“Good. I saw you two talking.”
“Who says you can’t go from lovers to friends?” Everyone. Everyone said that.
“That’s great,” she said. “I’m sure Marie was worried about it.”
“She worries over a lot of things…”
***
The evening finally ended around one in the morning. People stumbled from the rooftop because of all the wine they had. A few people stayed behind to help clean up, and I was irritated when Hawke was one of them.
Ugh, just go away.
“Let’s stay and help.” Marie could barely stand on her feet. She kept wobbling, and sometime she would bend her ankle in a dangerous way because of her heels.
“Time for bed, baby.” Axel wrapped his jacket around her then scooped her into his arms. He walked to me, carrying Marie like she was weightless. “I would offer to help but my lady is out of it.”
“I wouldn’t let you help anyway.” I gave him a quick smile. “Go home and get some sleep.”
“Thanks for everything, Frankie. Marie and I both appreciate it.”
“Bye…Frankie.” Marie’s eyes were closed and her arms were around Axel’s neck.
“I guess I’m not getting that blowjob after all.” He cradled her closer to his chest and carried her from the rooftop.
I got back to work and cleaned up all the plates and utensils. My feet were dying in my heels so I kicked them off and immediately moaned when my feet were flat against the concrete.
The tablecloths were set in the corner, and the tables were broken down and placed against the wall. After people finished their tasks, they walked out and went home. Then I was stuck there with Hawke, unfortunately.
He stacked the chairs in the corner so the catering company could grab them in the morning. If I had to do this without him, it would have put me back two hours.
When he finished clearing the area, he came to my side. He didn’t break a sweat over the work he did. It didn’t seem like he did anything at all. “Is there anything else I can help with?”
“No. I got it.” I put the cake back in the box and closed the lid. There wasn’t much left but I knew Marie would want it tomorrow when she was hung over and miserable.
“That looks heavy.”
“It’s not.” I scooped the cake into my arms. I got it up the stairs without him just fine. I could carry what was left downstairs.
“I really don’t mind.”
“And I really got it.” I didn’t want to snap at him but he was making it difficult.
“I just don’t want you to get anything on your dress.”
Like he really gave a damn. “Just get the door.”
Instead of doing as I asked, he pulled it from my hands. “Still stubborn…”
His comment made me want to snap. But if I yelled at him, he would know I cared. And I couldn’t let that happen. My natural instinct was to fight and snatch the cake away. But that would lead to a fight and the cake would probably be dropped. “Then I’ll get the door…”
We walked down the stairs and headed out of the building. When we reached the sidewalk, I prepared to take the cake from him.
Instead, he waved down a cab.
“What are you doing?” I blurted.
“Are we supposed to walk?” He raised an eyebrow then got inside the car.
I growled under my breath then joined him in the back.
The driver asked for my address.
Hawke turned to me like he expected me to answer.
He was going to come all the way to my apartment? I kept my cool and said the address.
The cab drove through the city, and I kept my eyes glued out the window. I didn’t want to look at him or make conversation. I just wanted to get away from him as fast as possible. At least I wouldn’t see him for a few months after this. There were no other events that I knew about.
The cab driver stopped, and Hawke handed over the cash.
I got out of the car and grabbed the cake box the second Hawke was standing. “Thanks for the lift. Bye.” I immediately turned away and walked inside my building. When I heard the sound of feet behind me on the tile of the lobby, I realized Hawke had followed me. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Walking you to your door.” He had one hand in his pocket.
“Why?” I blurted.
“Well…you’re a little drunk right now.”
I felt the heat in my cheeks from the alcohol. “I can make it the rest of the way.”
“I don’t mind making sure you get there.”
I wanted to punch him in the face. He was lucky I was holding the box. I knew I could sit there and argue, but that meant I’d have to interact with him longer. It would take less time to just let him get his way. “Whatever.”
We took the elevator to my floor then stepped out. I quickly walked to my door and fished out my key. “Good night.”
“Do you need help—”
“No.” I walked inside. “See you around.” I shut the door in his face and immediately locked it. I tossed the box on the kitchen counter then released the air I was holding in my lungs.
The night was such a disaster. I thought I could turn my cheek and pretend he didn’t exist but I couldn’t. He was everywhere, and the closer I was to him, the more I wanted to die.
His footsteps were finally heard as he walked down the hall. Like last time, I listened to them until they could no longer be heard. When the silence stretched, I was reminded of that horrific night.
And I died all over again.
Loneliness
Hawke
She hates me.
Francesca was pleasant enough. She said hello to me and greeted me with a smile. She made eye contact with me instead of pushing me away. When I spoke to her, she responded in a friendly way.
But it was all an act.
When she smiled, I could see the pull of her lips. She was exerting all her energy in trying to make her body do something it simply didn’t want to do. It was like her entire being rejected my presence. When I spoke to her, she responded. But it was clear she didn’t want to.
Whatever love she had for me was either gone or buried deep within. It was so far from the surface that it never saw the light of day. She didn’t look at me the way she used to, like I was the only person who mattered.
It was like I didn’t matter at all.
Could I blame her? I left her so suddenly and made the decision before I even spoke to her. I told her we were forever but I left anyway. She obviously didn’t understand that I left for a good reason. How could I hurt someone I loved so much?
And still love.
No matter how much time had passed, that truth would never change. The short amount of time I spent with her was beautiful and pure. What we had was real. It was rare.
And I would never forget it.
But she had moved on.
It was better this way. If she despised me, then she didn’t miss me. If she didn’t care about me, that meant she had more important things to live for. She wasn’t mourning me anymore. She had a new life—without me.
But I was still miserable.
***
“Yo.” Axel walked into my office like he owned the place.
I was on the phone so I quickly ended the call. “I have a secretary out there for a reason.”
“You know I have selective hearing.” He drummed his fingers on my desk. “So, Chinese? Thai? Burgers?”
“I don’t care.” I didn’t have much of an appetite.
“Chinese it is.”
“You always pick Chinese.”
“I know.” He grabbed my jacket off the hanger and tossed it at me. “Let’s go.”
We headed to his favorite place just down the strip. The place was packed like always, so we had to wait ten minutes before we could get a table. It was in the center of the room, and everyone was talking like they were trying to be heard over a foghorn.
“I have to get the pot stickers,” Axel said. “They’re the best.”
I glanced at the menu and decided to get my usual.
The waitress took our order and returned with our drinks. Then Axel droned on about the game from the other night. “I’m telling you, the Knicks are in the running this year.”
“I hope they have a better season than the last one.”
“They will,” Axel said. “I’d put money on it.”
I raised an eyebrow. “How much?”
“A dime.”
I shook his hand. “You’re on.” A dime was a thousand dollars. I wasn’t sure why we used gambling lingo when we didn’t gamble that much. “The engagement party was fun.”
“It was,” he said. “But Marie didn’t remember the end of it. When she woke up the next morning, she couldn’t figure out how she got there.”
“She had a lot of wine.”
“You had a good time?”
Francesca came to my mind. “Yeah. You know me, I always love a good party.”
Axel watched me with suspicious eyes. “I saw you and Frankie talking.”
I was a master at hiding my emotions. Francesca was the only person who could see through my lies. “Yeah, it was nice.”
“It was nice?” he asked incredulously. “It wasn’t weird? Awkward?”
“No.”
Axel rubbed his chin. “She said she couldn’t care less about you. I guess she meant it.”
Fuck, that hurt.
“Marie and I were worried about it, but I guess she was right. It was two years ago and both of you are over it.”
“Yeah…” I took a drink of my iced tea.
“Frankie did a good job. When it comes to parties, she’s a pro.”
“Yeah. She always does the best when it comes to people she cares about.” I remembered the way she slammed the door in my face. She couldn’t get away from me fast enough. “That Matt guy is her boyfriend?” He was eye-fucking the shit out of her. And what was worse, he stared at her like he was in love with her. He hung on to every word she said and flirted like he was willing to do anything to get her.
It pissed me off.
“Matt?” Axel asked. “Who’s that?”
“Some guy who let her use the rooftop.”
Axel shook his head. “She doesn’t have a boyfriend. That must be some guy she knows.”
That made me feel better even though it shouldn’t. What she did in her personal life was none of my business. I had no right to care or even ask questions about it. I left her, so I forfeited that right.
“Marie has some cute bridesmaids, huh?”
I didn’t get a look at them. All I noticed was Francesca. She wore a champagne pink dress with matching shoes. Her bright green eyes constantly sparkled because of the overhead lights. Her long hair was done in big curls that reached down her chest. “Sure.”
“But they are hideous compared to Marie. I got the good one.”
I smiled for the first time. “Yeah, you did.”
***
Two weeks had come and gone, and Francesca was the only thing on my mind. Over the past two years, I thought about her often. I always wondered what she was doing or if she was thinking about me. But now that I saw her, smelled her, I couldn’t get her out of my head.
<
br /> Every night I’d spent without her had been lonely. Girls came and went, their names never remembered. I went from several one-night stands to threesomes and foursomes. Nothing could satisfy what I’d lost.
I was unproductive at work because she was all I could think about. I browsed through spreadsheets but then recalled a memory of us together. I remembered the way she would lay on my chest while we slept together. I remembered how she would kiss me when we made love. I remembered the connection we felt, constantly binding us together.
I threw it all away.
Axel texted me around lunchtime. Chinese again?
I wasn’t hungry. I hadn’t been hungry in weeks. I already have plans.
Lame.
I didn’t have any plans—until now.
***
I knew exactly where her bakery was. I’d walked past it countless times. Sometimes I walked by on purpose just to get a glimpse of her, but there were so many people in the shop that I couldn’t see anything.
I was there the day The Muffin Girl opened, but Francesca didn’t know I was there. I was in the building across the street, staying in a hotel room on the second floor. I watched through the window as she cut the ribbon. Axel and Yaya were there.
And I kept my distance.
When I arrived, I looked through the windows and saw an endless line of people. No matter what time of day I walked by, it was packed. They were either in love with Francesca or her baking.
Probably both.
Now that I was there, I didn’t know what to do. Do I just stand there? Do I walk inside? Should I order something? Even if I did order something, I doubted Francesca would be at the register. She probably did all the bookkeeping or stayed in the kitchen making her creations.
I hadn’t thought this through.
I walked inside and joined the crowd of people. The counters were lined with glass, and the baked goods were on display. There were pies, cookies, and muffins. Any time I looked at a muffin, all I could think about was her. I stood in line and scanned the place as I looked for that brown hair and those pretty green eyes. My gaze stopped when I noticed something on the wall.
In a glass frame was the pan I gave her. The engraving, The Muffin Girl, was still in the exact same spot. A date was written on a piece of paper next to it. I realized what it meant. It was the pan she used to make her first batch of muffins. She told me she would do that…but I couldn’t believe she really did.