“Now we’ll talk.” Caleb was smiling, although to Logan’s dismay, the smile didn’t reach his eyes. They seemed shadowed, worried even.
He let himself sink all the way down until he sat on the seat and rested his head on the soft cushion. Caleb was watching him, his expression enigmatic. He made no move to join him in the tub, merely stood tall and erect at the side. All of him.
“Are you getting in?” Logan asked.
“Later. We need to talk first. About us. Is there even going to be an ‘us?’” Caleb sounded worried. “Did you feel that same instantaneous ‘he’s the one?’ I tell you, Logan, it goes against everything I’ve ever believed in. Hell, it scares me shitless, more than lust, something almost overwhelming. I saw a raven this morning, so I knew there would be change.” He must have seen the bewilderment Logan experienced, because he smiled faintly. “Seeing a raven signifies change. There’s been one about a lot these last few days.”
“Do you believe that?” Logan asked.
Caleb nodded. “I do. I believe certain animals appear to give us guidance. No, I’m not crackers; it happens, believe me. And I meditate. But nothing prepared me for this feeling I have about us. And if you feel it?” His eyebrow rose in silent query.
“Yeah, I did, and I do,” Logan replied. “Without any animals or stuff. And yeah, it’s bloody scary for me as well.”
“Whew. Well, in one way ‘whew,’ because now I want to jump in the tub and jump you. But I have things to explain. What I am; what I do. It sounds trite, and I guess somewhat unbelievable.” Caleb was silent for a moment.
Logan held his breath. What was he going to say?
“And my job has nothing to do with my beliefs; I’ve got to say that.” Caleb continued. “Two different sides of my life. Even after what Ally explained to you, you need to know there’s so much more to it than helping people explore themselves and one another, and showing them how to open up and enjoy everything. I’m there as much, or as little, as they want. It varies.”
Logan nodded. He was beginning to suspect as much. “Okay, I get what you’re saying, I think. And I’m listening.”
Caleb smiled, and it transformed his face; he looked both happy and satisfied. “Good. So…open your legs.” Not a command. A plea? An entreaty? Said in a tone guaranteed to make you agree. Logan did. He moved his legs apart, feeling the gentle pressure of a jet of water hit him at the base of his cock. Involuntarily, he moaned.
“What do you feel?” Caleb’s voice was softly insistent. “Shut your eyes and explore your mind. Enjoy the sensations your body is giving you. Move your hands. Cup your cock. Nothing else. Just cup, hold, and feel.”
There was silence in the room, broken only by the sound of the rippling water. Even the birds seemed to be holding their breath. Logan sensed Caleb moving, sensed him moving behind him before touching his head lightly on each side.
“What do you feel?”
“You, your hands. Exploring my mind.”
“And?”
Logan paused. Could he really describe how he was holding himself? He gained the strength of resolution from the sense of Caleb with him. He moved his head slightly from side to side. To feel Caleb still there. The sensations grew even stronger.
“Lift your head. Move forward.”
Water swirled and he was aware of Caleb sinking into the water behind him. Caleb’s legs enclosed him, one on each side of his body. Then he sat on the bench behind him and pulled him back into the cocoon he had created. Caleb’s rigid cock was pressed tightly against him. He wriggled to feel its hardness.
“No,” Caleb insisted. “You don’t need me, not now. I’m your support, but you are your guide. My hands are where they are to help your mind. My cock is where it is because it’s part of my body. No other reason. Not yet. Focus. Feel you from you. What’s your body telling you?”
That I want to fuck you? Maybe not the right thing to say at the moment. Logan tried to clear his mind of everything except feeling. “Um, warmth. Happiness. Arousal.” Logan struggled to put his feelings into words. “Jeez, my cock feels incredible. Hard and soft. Steel and velvet. Your hands seem to hold my heart. My emotions. Fuck, Caleb, it’s incredible. I can feel our heartbeats echoing each other. I want to come, but then again I don’t. I want to watch you come.”
“Not yet. Explore yourself some more. Use your hands now if you want to. That gorgeous cock knows your touch. What other parts of your body would like to feel your hands? Your nipples? Try them and see. Let the sensations build. Tell me what you sense.” Caleb’s voice was mesmerizing, but Logan knew he wasn’t in a trance. He knew he was in charge of his own body, his own mind. But he was being given the chance to explore both, something that, if he was honest, he hadn’t taken the time to do.
He touched one of his nipples tentatively. It blossomed. Then he moved to give attention to the other with the same incredible reaction.
“See how your body reacts to itself, Logan?” Caleb spoke softly, not breaking the mood. “That’s you, making yourself respond. No one else; not me, just you. Are you thinking of someone? Have a picture in your mind?” Logan shook his head. “Exactly,” Caleb said. “Your body is responding to you. Let’s get out of here.” Caleb put his arms under Logan’s and helped him to stand up.
Logan could feel himself swaying.
“Steady. Let me help you. Here, climb out.” Caleb held his hand until they were both out, and then enveloped him in a towel.
“Okay?”
He nodded. “More than.”
Caleb laughed. “Oh, it will get better than this, I promise you. Let’s go.”
Go? Go where? But he followed Caleb nevertheless to the tiny, enclosed garden outside of the bedroom. Two wide daybeds, with intricately carved head- and footboards, and thick, soft-looking mattresses on them were placed facing each other.
“You choose which one you want to be on.”
He considered. They both looked the same. Being left-handed, he moved to the left. There was a tug as Caleb removed the towel that was around him.
“Totally private with only the elements to cradle us,” he was told. “So, unless you feel you have a need…?”
Logan shook his head, sat down on the side of the bed, and waited. Bloody hell, he was so horny. Wanted nothing more than to feel Caleb’s cock in his ass. That was scary in itself. Not the wanting to be fucked by Caleb, but the intensity of his feelings. This total need was alien to him. Up until then, he would have said he was reasonably self-contained, happy-go-lucky, and could take or leave having a partner. Now, in the space of a few short hours, his whole focus had changed. He knew without a shadow of a doubt Caleb completed something he hadn’t even known was missing. A thought struck him. They hadn’t discussed it, and even though there was incredible sexual tension between then, would it matter to Caleb that he was gay?
“I know,” came the amused answer. “It’s irrelevant at the moment. We need to keep any thoughts of us, as in ‘you and me’ us, out of the equation. All that’s pertinent at the moment is you, your body, and what you’re going to do for it. Turn and put your legs on the bed. Lie down, keep your eyes open. Look at me.”
He watched as Caleb moved to the bed opposite and lay down, his body now a mirror image of his own. He realized the beds must be higher at the head than the foot as, even lying down, he could see Caleb perfectly. He waited, senses on high alert, for what was going to happen next.
“What do you want to happen?”
Shit, That non-mind-reading stuff again. “For you to fuck me. Then for me to return the favor. Learn together.”
He watched in disbelief as Caleb slowly shook his head. “It won’t happen. Now come.”
“What? You’ve just said you won’t fucking screw me, and you want me to come? Just like that?” Logan couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You’re mad. Don’t you fancy me? Is that stiffy only on your own behalf?” He knew he was ranting like a maniac, but hell, he was craving the man. And was calmly told
it wasn’t going to happen. No way. He went to stand up, but a look from Caleb stopped him.
“Logan.” The knowing and sympathetic tone made him relax onto the mattress again. “I care. I want. I promise I’m going to come, too. Together, yet apart. Not together as one. Trust me. I’ll explain more later. Now look at my eyes.”
Logan felt Caleb’s gaze concentrating on him. He was sure all of Caleb’s attention centered on him. His cock, already hard, seemed to swell even more. He watched as, slowly, Caleb touched himself.
“Copy me; follow my lead. Your cock craves your touch. Like this.” Gently, it seemed, Caleb began to work his hands over his own engorged cock. Logan mimicked each stroke. One hand moved, briefly cupped balls before touching first one nipple, then the other. And all the time, their gazes held.
“Faster now, harder, tighter. Feel the ripples, Logan, feel the power.”
Logan watched as Caleb began to pump his cock. He was aware that his own cock responded, and knew that… “Oh, jeez. I’m coming now. Shit, Caleb, now, now.” He heard a high keening noise as his cum spurted over his hand and realized the noise came from his mouth. He saw Caleb’s head roll back, heard his shout of “Yesss,” saw his hands slow, stop, and rest.
Harsh breathing mingled with the noise of the waves, which suddenly seemed louder, announcing their presence and their power.
Neither spoke. At last, Caleb stirred. “Next time you’ll come without using your hands,” he said lazily.
“Because I’ll be inside you?”
Slowly, like an old man, Caleb sat up. “No, it won’t happen, Logan. You say you want to work with me. That means fucking people for a living. That’s what I do. I help them to achieve total sexual satisfaction. Okay, sometimes I can show without doing. Sometimes I help couples that need guidance and encouragement and no actual physical showing. But other times it’s up to me to be the hands-on, or rather cock-in, tutor.”
“Do you honestly think if we became lovers, it wouldn’t mean something?” Caleb continued. “We wouldn’t be serious? Because I sure as hell don’t. And do you think you’d be happy knowing that while one of us was watching TV or sending out e-mails, the other was fucking the balls off a customer, having his balls sucked off? Knowing his cock was deep in some ass or pussy? Could you hack that? I bloody well know I couldn’t. Not with you; it would mess with my mind and my happiness.”
“So, if you want to learn the job, there will be no us. Even if you don’t want to learn the job, don’t want to be fully involved, think very carefully what you would be letting yourself in for. I’m committed to my work. What you’ve learned today is such a tiny part of it. Enjoyable for both of us, but still part of my job.”
There was silence. Logan knew he had had the stuffing knocked out of him. Did that mean Caleb hadn’t gotten any enjoyment from seeing him come?
“No, you asshole. That’s not it at all. I got too much enjoyment.”
Chapter Three
Running his hand down his braid wearily, Caleb felt ancient. Although when he had chosen to use his gifts he knew it would be hard at times, he hadn’t really considered just how hard it might get. In Logan, he had sensed a common awareness. Something he had not experienced with anyone for a long time, if ever. It was crucifying to have to deny them the chance to explore that certain something. But it would be much worse if they did explore it and then turned love to anger because of how he lived. He waited anxiously to hear what Logan’s reply would be. He knew just how easy it would be for him to fall for Logan big time. And how destroyed he would be when his job, as it inevitably would, came between them. He had been honored to be gifted with his, well, gifts. He would not besmirch that honor, or lessen it, by not using them.
Logan exhaled noisily. “Hell, Caleb. I mean…”
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” he said with a sad smile. “I don’t need my gifts for that.”
Logan continued. “You really think that we could have something, but can’t?”
He nodded. “I really do.”
“Well, fuck me.”
Caleb shook his head. “That is just what I’m not going to do. Unfortunately.” In spite of himself, he laughed. It was either that or cry.
Logan grimaced. “Certainly gives me plenty to think about. Would I prefer you, even if it means sharing, or share your work? Bloody hard decision.”
“I know, believe me, I know.” Caleb smiled sadly. Tell me about it. “No need to decide in a hurry. Stay a while, learn skills. Then decide.”
He waited as Logan seemed to consider, then nodded. “Okay. So what shall we do for the rest of today?”
A big belly laugh of relief erupted from him. It might just work out all right. “Well, considering it’s halfway through the afternoon, do you fancy getting dressed and going for a pint?”
He watched a smile spread over Logan’s face, replacing the hopelessness he had sensed there. “Beaut. You’re on, mate. Where’s my duffle?”
Half an hour later, properly attired for a visit to the village, if one called ragged and faded T-shirts, cut-off jeans, board shorts proper attire, they sauntered along the beach.
“Can we at least hold hands?” Logan asked. “Even if it is just this once?” He sounded so forlorn.
Shit, how can I get him to realize I just can’t hack the idea of loving and losing him? Caleb was in despair. Even at such short knowledge, he instinctively knew Logan could mean too much to him. With a wry smile he took his hand, pulled him close, and kissed him.
“You will never know just what you mean to me. It almost makes me want to give up my work.”
Logan looked shocked at his statement. “But you can’t.”
“No, I can’t.”
They walked on, each deep in his own thoughts. Caleb didn’t try to see what Logan was thinking, suspecting it would be very similar to his own thoughts, and those were dark and depressing.
At the end of the beach, still hand-in-hand, they crossed the narrow bridge over a rippling stream hurrying across the sand to the sea beyond. Turning away from the beach, they headed down a short, narrow alleyway and through a gate into a tiny pub garden.
“Locals only,” Caleb commented, nodding to the only other couple there. “Insider information. Beer?”
“Please. I’ll leave the choice to you.”
“’Kay. Grab that table there. In about ten minutes we’ll be overrun.” He saw Logan’s look of incomprehension and laughed. “Footie finishes. It’s a nice evening. This is a suntrap. QED.”
“Right, Einstein, will do.” Caleb watched Logan settle himself before turning to the hatch that opened on to the bar. A roar from inside showed they had arrived at the perfect time. By the time he returned to Logan with their beers, the little garden was full.
“Shove up.” He put the beer on the table and, against his better judgment, sat next to Logan on a long bench. I’m a glutton for punishment. Already there were two other couples sharing their table. “Cheers.” Caleb proffered his pint.
“Cheers. Cozy, isn’t it?” Logan saluted him before taking a long swallow, a man with a thirst.
Watching, Caleb’s mouth was dry even though he was drinking. What he wouldn’t give for just one night with Logan. To feel that mouth on him and those arms around him. Ah well, he could dream. And get mighty uncomfortable in his cut-offs.
He wriggled and saw Logan glance at him.
Understanding flooded his face. “You too, mate? Fucking shit, ain’t it?”
Caleb nodded.
“Hey, Cal, how’s it going?” One of the escapees from the bar saluted him.
“Fine, Johnny. You?”
“Apart from we were robbed, going well. That manager needs stringing up. Know what I mean? You here long?”
Caleb shook his head. “Away tomorrow, so no doubt Rex will be visiting.”
Johnny laughed. “No problem. I’ll do the usual.” He moved to the other end of the garden with his friends.
“Cal?” Logan queried.
/> “Mm, Johnny is insistent I’m Cal. He runs the farm next to the cottage, sort of caretakes it for me. Doesn’t bother me what he calls me, as long as it isn’t rude, so Cal it is.”
He watched as Logan glanced around; he assumed he was checking if anyone could overhear their conversation. It seemed unlikely.
“Later,” he said mildly before Logan could speak. “I’ll show you later.”
“I’ll never get used to you doing that. Bloody unnerving to know you read me.”
“You wait. After I’ve shown you how, you’ll be reading me as well as I read you.” He ignored the yeah, yeah. “You want another pint, or shall we wander back? There is beer in the fridge.”
Logan smiled, and the tingles went all the way along Caleb’s spine. Fuck, shit, and bollocks. Life sucks at times. He hurriedly stood up. “Home?” He watched with relief as Logan nodded, drained his glass, and followed suit.
He indulged in the luxury of his arm around Logan’s shoulder while they strolled back. There were a few people on the beach as they left the village, but after a few hundred yards, the beach was deserted except for the two of them.
“Swim?” he asked, unzipping his cut-offs and pulling his T-shirt over his head.
Logan looked at him in amazement. “Are you mad? The water looks bloody Baltic. I’m used to St. Kilda and Bondi, not St. Freezing and Ball-Shriveling.”
Caleb hooted and ran toward the gentle surf. “Wuss. Aussie wuss.”
“Who are you calling a wuss?” Logan laughed at him.
Turning, Caleb stood waist-deep in water, while Logan ripped his clothes off and followed him into the surf. He heard the sharp intake of breath as the water hit Logan.
“Good grief, you might not want my balls, but I sure as hell do,” Logan spluttered. “I was right. It’s bloody, fucking Baltic.”
Caleb smirked. “You need to get right under.” He hooked his leg around Logan’s thigh and pulled. They both fell and landed facedown in the sea. Spluttering, laughing, he rolled over and over, taking Logan with him, before getting up onto his knees and standing, then helping Logan to do the same. “Still there.” There was happy satisfaction in his voice as he patted his balls and looked down at Logan’s. “None of them dropped off yet. Come on, warm-water boy, I forgot you only swim in a lukewarm ocean; let’s go and get you thawed out.” They ran, giggling like a pair of schoolkids, picked up their clothes, and headed for the path through the gorse.
Riding Ryder Page 2