“Jade, I’m sorry; I must be dense here, but it sounds to me like those are good things, right?” Declan asks, his confusion clear on his face.
I feel like I’m a fish out of water as I flail around to try to explain my chaotic mental gymnastics.
“Look, I don’t know if I can explain all this to you, but you may have noticed that I don’t have a whole lot of boyfriends — despite all the chronic couple-ness that’s spread like a virus at Ink’d Deep.”
“Trust me, I’ve noticed,” Declan responds with a sheepish grin. “Is it wrong of me to admit that I cheer every time you go on a date and don’t end up with the guy?”
I try to muster up some offense over that; but I guess if I’m honest with myself, I’ve been pretty relieved over the years that he hasn’t hooked up with some random groupie too — but then again maybe he has and just hasn’t brought her around the shop.
“Come on J, you can’t clam up on me now. I can’t begin to guess where you are going with this,” Declan cajoles.
“I suppose you think it’s because I can’t get a date?” I challenge.
“No!” Declan protests. “A person would be crazy to think that. If anything, people might be a little intimidated by Jett. Your dad is pretty scary when he wants to be. Anybody else might assume that you already have somebody. You are pretty drop-dead gorgeous to be single.”
Jade sighs as she admits, “It always comes down to that, doesn’t it? People can’t seem to get past what I look like to bother to figure out who I am as a person. It only got worse after Onyx died and I started to get famous in tattoo circles. After Over It started gaining popularity in the ratings, reporters and paparazzi started trying to go out with me to see if they could dig up any dirt. At first, I was naïve enough to believe that they were interested in me. As the old cliché goes, I started to believe my own press. As the stories about me got wilder, so did I. There was a time after Onyx died that I almost didn’t care what people thought of me. I lost my internal compass for a bit. I became whoever the tabloids wanted me to be. I’m not really that person but somehow I started believing that it was good for business for me to be edgy, wild and impulsive. The more I became that person, the more uncomfortable I became. I stopped socializing altogether and just threw myself into work. I seem to have a hard time balancing who I really am with who people expect me to be. I have this reputation for being hard and emotionless — people think that I don’t care about what other people think. The reality is that I really care far too much.”
Declan nods slowly as he says, “I think I get it now.” He pulls away from me and walks toward the front door. He grabs his lyric notebook off the kitchen table as he mutters, “Damn J, you had me all kinds of fooled. I thought we were different.”
I’m watching this unfold in front of me with a sense of bizarre detachment. It isn’t until his hand is on the door handle that I come crashing back to reality and blurt, “Wait! What are you doing?”
Declan turns back toward me with a savage expression on his face as he sneers, “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m leaving. You made it clear enough. I don’t have to be asked twice.”
“What are you talking about?” I retort incredulously. “You weren’t even asked once. Was that not me climbing your body a few minutes ago? I definitely want you here.”
“So I’m good enough to warm your bed, but not be your boyfriend?” he counters sarcastically, “Of course, who would want to date some stupid street musician?”
Instinctively, I protest, “No, That’s not what I’m saying. I’m not ashamed of you. I know how hard you work. Geez Declan, get real. I’m a tattoo artist. Do I really have room to judge anybody’s career choices?”
“Then tell me what the hell you meant,” Declan challenges.
I hug Inkblot close to me for comfort as I struggle to find the words. This conversation is part of the weird dichotomy of me that I’ve been trying to explain. I’m known for being upfront and bluntly honest with people — but there’s a huge caveat to that. I’m also reluctant to cause chaos and pain. When being honest is likely to hurt someone’s feelings, it’s very hard for me to say anything, but I know that Declan needs to know.
“Okay, so this is about your job — but, it’s not in the way you think it is—” I start to explain.
Declan rolls his eyes as he responds, “This should be good. I can’t wait to hear you talk your way out of this mess.”
His flippant response pisses me off and I retort, “If you’re not really interested in what I have to say, you can keep heading out the door.”
Declan stops in his tracks and turns around and flops down in the side chair next to the couch. “By all means, feel free to enlighten me.”
Taking a deep breath and ignoring his goading tone, I continue, “Before you came into my life, I wasn’t really looking for anybody. After our conversation at the restaurant, I really wasn’t looking for you. You stomped on my dreams and dismissed them as silly and unimportant. I don’t need another voice like that in my life. Honestly, had fate not intervened, I’m not sure if we would’ve seen much of each other anymore. I was completely disappointed in the way you mowed right over me. When you came to live with me, I was introduced to a whole other side of you — a side I like very much, by the way. I was left to figure out which Declan would show up if we were in a relationship. Would it be the one who would question my hopes and dreams or would it be the one who is nurturing and supporting?”
Declan leans forward and buries his face in his hands for a moment. When he finally straightens, his eyes are red and his jaw is tight. If I look carefully, I can still see yellow bruising around his jawline and eye socket. “That day is really fuzzy for me, but I remember being confused about why you were upset with me. Now that I’ve spent some time with you, I understand. I apologize for not understanding back then. I shouldn’t have spouted off about stuff I didn’t understand. From the outside looking in, your job looks like what I dream of having. You have financial security, artistic freedom and a team of family and coworkers that support and love you. If I were in your shoes, I couldn’t imagine giving that up for the unknown,” Declan explains.
“But you did just that,” I counter. “How is my going to school to become a teacher any different than you leaving your family’s car business to become a musician?”
“It’s not,” he admits. “I was just being hardheaded. I stupidly felt like my artistic calling was somehow better than being a teacher and helping kids. I know — you don’t have to judge me. I’m kicking myself for being such an idiot.”
I study Declan carefully. He seems genuinely remorseful. It is true, we had a lot of preconceptions about each other before this unexpected social experiment threw us together — or perhaps as my grandmother believed, it’s the universe giving us a chance to find each other. One more thought occurs to me so I ask, “After all we’ve been through together, why were you so quick to believe that I was asking you to leave? Why would you believe that I, of all people, would be ashamed of you?”
Declan flushes and stammers, “I don’t have a whole lot of people in my life who believe in what I do. Most people treat me like I’m an overgrown teenager who hasn’t really found myself yet. I guess I thought you were going to be ashamed of me because most people are.”
I get up from the couch and walk over to Declan’s chair and kiss him gently on the lips. “I can’t say that I totally understand why you do what you do, but I’m trying. Does that count?”
THIS WAIT IS ABSOLUTELY KILLING me, but I hope it’s worth it. I can’t believe I was able to score this treat for Jade. Sometimes, bartering has its advantages. All I had to do was agree to perform for two day cruises and this guy gave me an evening cruise in exchange. Hopefully this will help make up for me being a total nimrod and almost ruining our relationship. Today Jade’s doing a mastectomy cover-up tattoo. She’s explained to me before that she never knows how long it will take because the scar tissue can react differently
.
Jett walks by the break room table and catches me writing in the lyric notebook. “Your cast is off. My daughter doesn’t need to be your nursemaid anymore. When are you taking off?”
“I’ll be around for a while. I’ve got physical therapy. I’ve got some residual damage. Those punks got me good with a pipe,” I remark with a nonchalant shrug.
“Maybe you should go into a safer line of work,” Jett observes dryly.
“Says the guy who rides a motorcycle and goes skydiving,” parries Jade as she walks over and kisses me soundly.
I almost fall out of my chair, I’m so shocked. I wasn’t aware that we had announced the change in our relationship status to our parents yet and this is a rather in-your-face way to go about it.
“Jade Crystal Petros, I thought you had better manners than to lie to your parents—” Jett bellows.
“Daddy, relax. This is the first time I’ve seen you in a while, Declan really was just my roommate until recently. I didn’t lie. What was I supposed to do, send you a text message when you and mom were on your anniversary trip?”
“Did you have to settle for the homeless drifter?” he asks.
Diamond Petros comes around the corner with a stack of books for me and nails her husband with a dark look as she says, “Peter Petros, I’m sure I must have misunderstood you because I’m sure you could not have said what I thought you said.” Diamond and Jade look like formidable twin goddesses of strength and wrath as they angrily stare Jett down.
He looks back and forth between us defensively as he sputters, “What? It’s true. As far as I can tell he doesn’t really have a discernible job. How is he going to support our daughter?”
Diamond’s eyes widen as she responds, “In case you haven’t noticed, our daughter is fully capable of supporting herself. You sound just like my father. Are you going to be as prejudice too? As I recall, I worked swing shift while I went to school so that you could get your shop up and running. If it wasn’t for the generosity of our families, we would’ve never made it. We would probably still be living in some rickety old walk-up apartment somewhere. No offense Jett, but back in the early days you were no prize catch yourself. If I didn’t have loyal customers at the pancake house, we would’ve been much hungrier, trust me.”
“Sir—” I start to respond, but Jade beats me to the punch.
“Daddy, Declan doesn’t try to tell you how to do your job, don’t tell him how to do his. You have no idea what goes into what he does. He’s an incredible musician. His songs are hauntingly beautiful. His work is pure poetry. Not only that, he can cover virtually anyone else’s stuff. Do you know how hard it is to know past and current music trends and know when it’s appropriate to play what? He has to read the mood of the crowd and respond accordingly. He takes requests and plays songs from memory. He plays music for kids that are five and adults that are eighty-five. He plays in churches and in gay bars and everywhere in between. Do you know that he goes and plays for people that are confined to hospital beds? He doesn’t charge anything for that and doesn’t accept tips for those performances. He plays at the VFW and he donates his time for that too. Were you aware that he does that — do you even care?”
“It’s true, he donates his time for the Young Readers Camp as well” Diamond interjects.
While their impassioned defense of me is embarrassing, it’s also one of the coolest things that’s happened to me in quite some time. I am so used to having to justify my very existence that it’s very humbling to have someone else assign value to what I do — especially with such fire and passion.
Jett narrows his gaze at me as he demands, “How do you expect to earn a living if you sing for free?”
Diamond lays her hand on her husband’s shoulder as she remarks, “Honey, you are being unfair. You and Jade donate a fair amount of your work hours away too.”
“Yeah, but we can afford to put roofs over our heads,” Jett argues.
“So can I, when I choose to make it a huge priority, but right now I’m focused on other things,” I respond firmly as an alarm rings on my phone. “Jade, we need to go or we’re going to be late. Mr. and Mrs. Petros, if you’ll excuse me, I would like to take your lovely daughter on an evening cruise. She’s had a long day and could use some pampering.”
It feels strange not to be the one playing the music. However, the owner of the cruise line told me not to worry about it and just enjoy myself. The band tonight is actually pretty decent. They’re playing some light jazz music and Jade seems to be enjoying herself. Dinner was delicious and the chef did me a solid and fixed some bread pudding made from croissants. He even left the raisins out of mine. I felt terrible after our disagreement the other night because Jade lost her appetite and didn’t feel like eating dessert. When Jade noticed that our desserts were different from everyone else’s, she started to tear up and mumble about how much I spoil her. I felt ridiculously accomplished because I was able to pull off that one little surprise. Not for the first time recently, I wondered what it would be like to be able to do stuff like that every day just to be able to elicit that same watery grin and trembling kiss of joy.
At the moment, we are staring out of the big picture window at a big flotilla of boats with Christmas lights. I’m standing behind her as she sways in time with the music. As Jade leans closer to the window to get a better view, I whisper in her ear, “You know the only true way to experience this is out on the deck.”
Jade spins around in my arms and looks at me with her mouth agape as she responds, “Do you realize that this is the end of December? It’s going to be freezing out there!”
I have to hide my grin. “First of all this is Florida; this isn’t cold compared to Vermont, as my dad would say. Secondly, we are officially a couple now. I’m pretty sure of it, given what you did in front of your dad today, so that means that we can share our body heat and I have a big wool jacket on, see?” I respond, pulling my jacket open and wrapping it around her.
Jade leans into me and drops a kiss on my Adam’s apple. The surge of desire that courses through me is so intense that if it hadn’t been for the chair rail I’m propped up against, my knees would have buckled right there in front of a dining room full of people. My breathing quickens as I draw in a breath. Jade is quick to pick up on my reaction. She grins slowly as she remarks, “You’re right, I totally forgot about the perks of having a hot, hunky boyfriend. Sorry about this afternoon, I probably should’ve given you a heads up. That little display was a little bit of payback. When I was about thirteen, I told Onyx that I was going to kiss my first boy. Onyx thought that this was a momentous occasion that should be witnessed by the whole family, so he told my parents.”
Jett is overprotective now, I can only imagine what he would have been like when Jade was a teenager. “That must’ve been a tad awkward,” I comment with a chuckle.
Jade laughs as she responds, “You have absolutely no idea. Rod Thomas may never be the same. He never looked at me again, even in high school.”
I grimace as I ask, “What did your dad do to him?”
Jade blushes and shakes her head as she recalls, “It wasn’t so much what they did, as much as what they threatened to do in front of him. My dad said that if he was so intent on making out with me, he was going to show Rod how to make out with a woman correctly. I’ve never seen a guy move so fast in my life. Rod was up and off my couch so quickly, his tennis shoes left streaks of rubber on my parents’ carpet. It was too bad too, I had a rather large crush on him. Onyx knew that too — so that means the whole situation was incredibly funny to my big brother.”
“You waited all these years to pay your parents back? I’m a little scared,” I joke.
“No, I’m not really bent on revenge. It’s just that the perfect opportunity presented itself. I couldn’t resist needling my dad just a little,” she replies. “I hope you don’t mind.”
I hug her a little closer as I answer, “I guess it depends on how long your dad stays mad at me.�
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“I think he’s well on his way toward forgiving you. I saw a thumbs-up as we were headed out the door. I think you won some brownie points by taking me on a dinner cruise. This is really nice; I’ve never done one of these before. I was a little afraid I might be seasick.”
“You haven’t seen anything until you’ve gone out on the deck,” I say, as I grab Jade’s hand and pull her toward the exit.
She laughs as she responds, “I still think you’re crazy! Do you see how I’m dressed? I am wearing a dress and high heels.”
I wrap my coat around her and murmur in her ear, “What’s the matter? Don’t you trust me to keep you safe?”
Jade leans back against me and says, “I don’t know — I trust you more than I’ve trusted anyone in years and maybe that’s what scares me the most.”
Her stark honesty makes me smile. I often feel the same way about our relationship. Many times it feels like the exhilaration I get from bungee jumping. Sometimes, we have the pure excitement of a free-fall, only to be stopped short when we reach the bottom and start over again. It’s an exciting ride, no matter how you look at it.
As I open the door to go out onto the deck, a large gust of cold wind hits us and her dress billows. She starts to turn around as she asks, “Is it too late to change my mind?”
After we walk toward the railing, I rearrange my coat so that it covers both of us. “Better?” I ask, as I capture her hands between mine to warm them.
“Maybe… but I think my lips are still cold,” she teases.
I let go of her hands and cup the back of her head as I kiss her deeply. I feel bit like the star of a romantic drama as the wind whips our hair around. I remember seeing the movie Titanic in my English class and snickering with my friends in the back row, but I’m beginning to see the appeal as Jade snuggles close and clutches my waist.
I’m lost in the moment so it takes me a second to process what Jade’s saying when she pulls away. “Not to be a mood killer here, but something is vibrating, and I don’t think it’s you.”
Hearts of Jade (A Hidden Hearts Novel Book 3) Page 10