But then, something else was there, in my body, like in a physical reaction. Emotion, and since everyone thought I was a heartless bitch, emotion was not in my repertory. Closing my eyes helped, the only thing I was thinking about were his hands on me, his mouth on my mouth. Mystery solved darling! You want him! WTF! I WANTED HIM! I wanted his kiss, his hands, his touch. But it was something more, I needed him! You are sooo fucked up baby!
My initial reaction was to act like always, numbed, not letting him know I wanted him. But then that particular line of thinking hadn’t gotten me anywhere for the last 25 years; so a stupid thing came to my mind. I had only a couple of hours before he would get to NY.
So the idea of wearing my jeans and pink shirt was dismissed, my new black Victoria Beckham dress was the right thing for the night. V neck, black silk and wool blend dress, backed with a lace and satin bra. It was obscenely tight and dangerously short, but I wanted to give him a reason to call me Long Legs. The perfectly visible zipper that covered the entire back of the dress was just a plus.
I looked in the back of my closet for the lingerie I had bought at a bachelorette party. A Stella McCartney nude bra covered with black lace, with a little black bow in each strap; matching briefs. Black lace Agent Provocateur suspender belt, and lace top net stockings. If I was going for a slutty look, I was going to do it well. I dressed my hair in that sultry Victoria’s Secret runway kind of way, all bangs in my face, soft curls in the tips. Pearl earrings as always and my new solitary pearl. To top it all off, my nude Loubis.
Of course, I covered myself with a Burberry trench coat and put my hair in a bun. I wasn’t sure of what I was going to do when I would meet him, but at least I was sure I would be looking fine. Joe took me to Berkeley’s apartment, but it was empty. I would have to wait for him which gave me enough time to freak out. How was I thinking he would react? I was just looking slutty, not hot, maybe a little fat and the stockings were just too much. Shut up and wait! To distract myself I researched the apartment.
It was beautiful and posh, but yet so clinical. No personal references, no pictures, no mess, no Dylan. Just when I thought this could be a fake apartment I found a picture, it was in his night table, yeah, I went that far, his parents were in it with him. He looked so happy, so innocent and relaxed that I wondered how I could make him feel like that again. He was so young, and so absolutely beautiful in it, I would have had the biggest crush on him if we had met then. He was right, his mother shone, she had the most beautiful smile, one that I knew well, it was the same smile of Dylan. And his dad, he was responsible for those perfect blue eyes. I wanted to steal the picture really bad. But my brain won the battle and I put it back.
I decided to stop being nosy and sat down at the table watching the city, shaking like a crazy woman. I had lived in this city my whole life, but it seemed really different from these windows, it was Dylan’s view and I was having second thoughts about my stupid plan.
I couldn’t see the door, but I knew exactly when he entered the apartment. It was not the noise, it was his energy, his smell, just his Dylan thing.
He didn’t talk, just walked to me and put his arms around my waist, his face over my shoulder.
‘God, I missed you.’
‘I missed you too.’ I whispered still watching through the window.
‘So the lady can say it.’
I put my hands over his.
‘The lady can do many things.’
I stood up and turned around to see him, the distance that the table provided gave the perfect dramatic effect when I loosened my hair and opened the trench coat.
His jaw hit the floor, his eyes were dark and he was licking his lips.
‘I forgot to take my coat off.’
‘Katherine…’
‘Yes.’
‘You look…I…how…Oh God…’
I walked to him, my knees shaking, this was the most nervous I had been in my life. I put my finger over his mouth hushing him. I kissed his cheek, in that, too close to his mouth kind of way, then the other side, and went to his ear whispering.
‘Dylan…I want you.’
That was all he needed, he took me in his arms and kissed me like a mad man. Moving, biting, licking, sucking, tongue, lips and his heart beating like a wild machine. He laid me on the sofa, staying on top of me, one hand on my neck, one on my hip, as he liked.
He stopped kissing me and stared at my eyes deeply. He was corroborating I was there, trying to see if I was serious about my declaration, but mostly he was trying his limits. His doubts went away when I pulled him to me by his tie and bit his lower lip.
He stood up, carrying me with him.
‘What are you doing?’
‘I need you in my bed.’
He walked to his bedroom and I decided I was already too involved, this was my chance, I needed to speak my mind. My dirty, kinky mind.
‘First against the wall, then your bed. I have on something you’ll like.’
‘Oh doll…’
He put me against the wall and started kissing me, I took his hand in mine and put it over my right leg, sliding it up. His hips crashed with mine when he felt the garter. He moved my face with his hand, stopping our kiss and looking my eyes.
‘I want to see you. I want to see you now!’
‘Sit down.’
He sat on the bed and I straddled him, but instead of making contact with him I kept myself up with my knees. I took his hand and put it over the long zipper. Without losing eye contact I undid the zipper with his hand. He took my dress down to my hips and gasped when he saw the lingerie. My eyes were fixated on his reactions, everything was fine until his eyes went down. I remembered how fat I looked without clothes, maybe if I would ask him to shut the lights, he would, he was too turned on to give me a reason to leave.
‘You are wearing it…’
‘What?’
His fingers were on the pearl, barely touching it but sending shocks all over my body.
I looked down to his hand. ‘Yes, I am.’
‘I want to see you like this forever.’
‘You haven’t seen me complete.’
I stood up and let the dress melt on the floor. With a heart attack face he took me in his arms and carried me back to the bed, his hands started exploring my legs. One finger, just outlining my legs in the slowest pace. His finger went to my hips, then my waist, my ribs, my boob, my neck and stopped on my face.
‘You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.’
I kissed him, he was being rough as always, but also sweet, maybe he had really missed me, because he was all over me. He started again, this time with his mouth, kissing me slowly, every place his finger had been at. Taking him by surprise, I turned him around, now I was on top. I kissed him backwards from his own tour. First his face, his mouth, his neck, his perfect pectorals, each rib, his abs, and then I licked his hipbones. If I were a little braver I would have gone down, but I wasn’t , so I came back to face him, though my hand stayed down.
I grabbed him, slowly at first and watched his reaction. He started breathing fast, but his eyes were on me, he didn’t look down, just stared directly at me. Hand up and down, up and down, feeling the heat beneath the fabric between us. I knew he was big, like good big, but having him in my hand made him seemed even bigger. He took my hand and whispered in my ear.
‘I am not coming anywhere but inside you.’
And with that he kissed me, more strongly this time, he bit my neck and sucked my skin as if he was hungry, a different kind of hunger. His hand undid the garter and started taking each of the stockings off. His left hand was cupping my breast and just after the stockings were off I removed his tie and undid the first three buttons on his shirt, but I didn’t take it off, I went for his pants instead.
My bra and the garter accompanied the already dismissed clothes. Kissing me, his hand went to that perfect place where he could control me. I started feeling heat through my veins.
‘Say
it again Katherine.’
‘I want you Dylan, I want you now.’ His hand was moving, and my hips started on their own rhythm. ‘Take me…now Blue Eyes!’
I took his shirt off and his briefs, my knickers were the last barrier between us, but they were already conquered. Distracting me with rough kisses he entered, he had already prepared the conquest, this was just the raising of the flag. With one hand on my hips and other on my neck he lifted my back from the bed, getting himself deeper. I gasped from pain and the best sensation in the world.
‘Put your legs around me.’
As I did it, he was even deeper. This was too much, our faces were just millimeters apart, my breast was completely dug into his chest, both of his hands were gripping mine and he was as inside of me as anyone could be. He started moving, for the first time we didn’t kiss, we just stared at each other. Both of our breathings were crazy, but we knew what we wanted, testify what we provoked in each other.
‘Say it.’
‘I want you.’
‘My name.’
‘I want you Dylan.’
The energy inside me was building quickly and he noticed it, in this short time he already knew my body better than I did. He released my hand and put it over his neck and then his free hand went to my face.
‘You are perfect, the most beautiful woman.’
Those words made the stars come down, he gripped me harder and exploded inside me. He kissed me and remained inside me while laying me on top of him over the bed.
I did it, I said what I wanted, and he gave it to me, in the most perfect way possible. This was getting better and for the first time I was feeling safe with this agreement.
I had never been comfortable with physical contact, but this was something different. I was in his arms, over him and being caressed by this perfect Mr. Bastard and yet I was comfortable, relaxed, happy. Maybe this could be something good, maybe I was not about to be a lonely crazy cat spinster. For the first time I felt I could have someone in my life. And this gave me peace.
My eyelids started to win the battle, his heart beat was relaxing me.
‘Katherine.’
‘Mhm…’
‘You are moving to Chicago, I already have the apartment, it is close to mine. You’ll be there all the time, you don’t have to work anymore, we’ll see each other every day. We’ll have this every day.’
Oh baby don’t! please don’t! I fought with myself not to kick his ass in that moment, I just stood up, put on my clothes as fast as I could and didn’t even turn to his way.
‘What are you doing?’
‘Leaving.’
‘Why?’
I gave it a long thought, but I had made a promise, I was not running, I was leaving him and I needed to explain to him why. ‘As you should have read on my Harvard application, I’ve never wanted to be a high class escort.’
‘Katherine, this won’t be like that.’ He was stubborn about this, his voice commanding me.
‘How it will be, Dylan? Because to me it sounds as if you want your booty call as close as you can have it; available all the time to please you whenever you like. Will you leave money at my bed every day? Sorry, Berkeley, but I am not that girl.’
He got angry, even more bitter than me. ‘You are so goddam’ impossible! Why are you so fucking closed!?’
‘Because I don’t want to give up my life to be your sex conquest, I am closed?’ I raised my voice to his same level, neither of us was going to give up.
‘What do you want Katherine?’
I stayed quiet for a while, but since this was it, I could speak my mind with no shame.
‘I want it all, not today, but I know at some point I will want a ring, the big wedding and the kids. I.want.it.all!’
‘I can’t give you that.’
His eyes were cold, he didn’t even think about his answer, he already knew that.
‘And I am not asking it from YOU! I thought we had an agreement; that it would work for a while. But what you want now is not going to happen. If I am closed because of that, so be it.’
‘No, you’re closed, because you’re so afraid to feel something that you always choose to run, this is not about Chicago, this is about your fucking closed self!’
That one hurt, it burned my soul, but I was too proud to let him know that. I just walked away with the little dignity that I had left, hearing him in the background.
‘Max, take Ms. Bianchi home please.’
The last words I heard from him, and he was calling me Ms. Bianchi again. This time he was not following me, he was not running behind me. I knew this had an expiration date, it had been a hell of a long one night stand, but it was over, this was goodbye.
Coming Soon
Ice Series 2
The end of Katherine’s and Dylan’s story
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I can’t believe I did this! After being against reading my whole life, Miss E.L. James changed my point of view about the literary world. Kudos to you ma’am!
Of course I have to thank the most important people in my life, my dear family who I dedicate this few pages and my whole life. Also the bunch of friends who accepts my crazyness. Nin and Qk my Grey’s sisters and best friends, Ale who never asked what that picture was for; and my amazing bro’s who probably will never know about this. Also Bibi, my copyright guru and spiritual guide into bitchiness.
My betas! When I was being rejected by the agents’ world as a fat kid in the friend zone, you were the ones who encouraged me to keep going. Specially, Sabrina, Leta and Christie, you are my girls, and I hope you’ll still be there for the ones to come, I can’t thank you enough.
My favorite writers, you helped me without even knowing it. The time you took to answer an email (Sylvain Reynard, Jamie McGuire, H.M. Ward), to tweet me back (Jodie Ellen Malpas, Rachel Van Dyken), or just to make me laugh (Alice Clayton, Kristen Proby, Samantha Young); makes me admire you.
And to you, who read this and hopefully like it (if you didn’t, just act as if you did). I love you for trying!
Un beso,
C.
PS: Yes, this is stupid, and yes, I am going to do it: To MY Blue Eyes, perfect Mr. David Gandy. (He’s too perfect not to do it.)
MORE INFO
For more info on Carolina’s books.
http://mscarolinas.com/
She can’t wait to hear from you:
@Ms_CarolinaS
www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolinaSoto
BLUE ICE (ICE SERIES) Page 20