Standing, I fix Amber with a warning look. “Give her room to breathe.” She bats her eyelashes at me, the look of mock innocence laughable. “I missed you, Am.” I press a kiss to her head and turn to Ruby one last time. “I’ll be out as quick as possible.”
***
I turn off the shower as laughter fills the apartment, easing my nervousness at leaving Ruby behind. Pictures of my siblings quizzing her about her entire life flashed through my mind the entire time I washed up. You’re paranoid, Pratt. The laughter kicks up a notch. What’s so funny? I slip into some shorts and tug my shirt on as I listen through the door.
“So, there I was sitting on the bathroom floor covered in baby powder, and a concoction of perfumes and body lotions, when Mom walked in—”
“What the crap, Amber!?” I pull the door open, glaring at my twin. “You traitor.”
“What? We were sharing stories.” The traitor lifts her shoulders and smiles sweetly. The story of me pretending to be a chef in my parents’ bathroom using Mom’s toiletries isn’t a story Ruby needs to hear.
“Oh really? Can I share some too?” Ruby’s face is no longer nervous. She’s reveling in my embarrassment. “Don’t pay attention to anything coming out of her mouth. She’s a liar.”
Cole’s expression mirrors Ruby’s. They’re all traitors. I punch him as I pass his seat.
“Oh, c’mon,” Ruby giggles. “I bet you looked so cute and innocent all covered in toiletries.” Her eyelashes bat. Oh, she’s enjoying this way too much. “This is the plus side to being an only child. I have no one to spill my embarrassing stories to you.”
“Well, Miss Only Child, the more you coax out of my sister, the more likely I will be to call up your dad—or your Polish cursing Nana—for details,” I threaten, throwing my arm around her shoulders. “I bet Nana’s the one who’d spill everything.”
“It’s true. You won’t get her to shut up, so be careful what you wish for.”
“The stories would be worth it.” I smile. Yeah, they would. I want to know everything about her. If I have to listen to Nana for hours, so be it. “In any case, we should probably get going.”
“Already?” Amber’s face falls as I stand, dragging Ruby with me.
Cole rises with us. “Let them have their fun.”
I raise a brow, and Amber silently caves in. The twin code still works.
“We’ve got a few places to go today and this evening, but what if we do dinner together?” I look to Ruby. I should have asked her first. I’m torn between wanting her all to myself and letting her get to know the only other people who mean anything to me.
“Yes! You should meet us for dinner in the city.”
Amber claps happily—she and Ruby have so much in common.
Cole’s shakes his head, his smile drooping. “You don’t have to do that—”
“I’m serious. You guys should come,” Ruby insists. “It’ll be fun!”
He looks to me and I nod.
“Fine, if you’re sure. Why don’t you call later with a place to meet, when you know what time works best?”
I agree as Amber throws herself at me, hugging my neck. “I like her, B,” she whispers. “You did good.” I smile like a madman.
“Thanks to you and your meddling.” My hands squeeze her waist affectionately. I’m grateful for her interference.
Making an effort to remain reserved, she turns to Ruby. “It was so nice to finally meet the girl behind the letters.” She rocks on the balls of her feet. She wants to hug Ruby so badly. I bite back my laughter. “I’d say I’m sorry for never replying to you, but then you wouldn’t have met Brett. Sooo.”
“I was actually going to thank you for never responding. As rude as that sounds.” She peers over at me. “I think in the end it turned out the way it was supposed to. No hard feelings.”
“Good.” Amber’s control snaps and she lunges for Ruby’s neck, hugging her. “You’re both welcome.” Her eyes gloss over with suppressed tears. “Now go have fun.”
I take the cue before she melts down. Cole can take care of her this time.
August heat suffocates me as we exit Cole’s building. “I’m so sorry I didn’t ask you about doing dinner with them before inviting them.” I take Ruby’s hand and head for the nearest subway station.
“No, I think it’s a great idea.” She swings our arms back and forth. “I want to get to know your family. Besides, you know I’m a horrible liar. If I didn’t like the idea you’d have seen it written on my face.”
“Thank you. I have a selfish reason for suggesting dinner.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, as your boyfriend—” I stop. “I am your boyfriend, right?”
Ruby throws back her head, laughing.
Glad we’re on the same page, I swoop in and kiss her soundly. “Sorry, continue.”
She sighs, her eyes remaining closed like she’s savoring a memory. They dance with humor when she reopens them. “If you’re not my boyfriend, I’m really confused as to who I confessed my love to last night.”
“Oh? So, you don’t plan on taking it back then?” I tease.
“I couldn’t if I wanted to.”
“Good, ‘cause I wouldn’t let you anyway. As I was saying. As your boyfriend I feel as though it is my duty to make sure you’re safe in this crazy city when I’m not here to protect you. Now you’ll have Cole, and I’ll feel better.”
“Whatever eases your mind. Though, I think I’ll do perfectly fine on my own.”
DO YOU BELIEVE IN US
Ruby
SATURDAY, AUGUST 13
“Take me to NYU and show me around.”
“I can, but I’ll spend most of my time at Tisch for dance.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize—” His mouth twists. “Okay, then let’s do both. Let’s check out NYU, and then you can show me where you’ll be. I need a mental picture to visualize when I miss you.”
I’m not ready. I don’t want to go back to missing him. I pushed aside the fact that we only had days together, but days turned into one day—today—too quickly. Can’t we have one more day?
***
“This campus is so different from Penn. There’s more green there, and football. College without football, that’s gonna hurt.”
Brett and I stroll around Washington Square Park. This is surreal. I’m walking around the NYU campus. It’s my school. I belong here now. “Doesn’t really bother me. I don’t care about college football.”
Brett stops walking, his eyes wide. “Shoot, I should’ve known you were too good to be true.” He shakes his head as though I’ve committed a cardinal sin. “And I wasn’t talking about you, I was talking about for me.”
“Why do you care if NYU has a football team or not?”
“I suppose I’ll have to make do,” he continues like I didn’t respond. “Having you around all the time outweighs the lack of tailgating and football.”
What? I lift an eyebrow, questioning him.
“Do they tailgate before dance recitals or Broadway shows?” His face is serious.
I stop in the middle of the pathway, next to the large fountain. “What the heck are you talking about?”
Brett exhales loudly and clasps his hands behind his back. “Did I not tell you? Huh, I thought I did. I’m applying to NYU.”
“Shut up.” I roll my eyes at his joke. Doofus. But his eyes are serious, he’s . . . my stomach flips. My heart rate sprints, catching up to my brain. I place my hands on my hips. “No, you’re not.”
“Well, if I shut up I can’t tell you I already picked up the application. Your call.” He holds his hands up as though it’s nothing, like this won’t change everything.
“You’re not funny, Brett.” It’s becoming hard to breathe.
“I’m not trying to be.”
“You’re serious?”
“Nah, I’m playing. Psych!”
I punch his shoulder. “Brett, knock it off! Seriously, you picked up an application?”
>
He grabs my wrist. “Yes, I’m serious, twinkle toes. I picked up an application. I’m applying to NYU. Now inhale before you pass out on me. My brother’s the doctor, not me.”
My palms are sweating. He’s serious. My chest is caving in on me. I really can’t breathe. “But what about your dream school? You’re not going to give up on Penn State. And what about Amber? You can’t leave her in Pennsylvania alone. And if you’re doing this at all for me . . . Brett, I can’t handle that kind of pressure. This is a big deal. Are you sure you’re thinking this through? Thoroughly thinking this through? Maybe we need to step back and go over the pros and cons. Make a list. That always helps me.”
His hands settle on my shoulders. “Slow down. State was my parents’ dream school. Not mine. I mean, sure I grew up thinking I wanted to go there, but I also grew up thinking I’d go to med school. Things change, Ruby. And I know the pros and cons. I’ve thought about them all. Cole and I talked about them all. I know what I’m doing.”
“You didn’t answer my last point, Brett.” My breathing stabilizes.
“I was getting to that part.” He presses a kiss to the center of my forehead. “This isn’t about you, either, or not completely. You sweeten the deal, though.” His strong hands slide down the length of my arms, taking my hands. He tugs me to the stairs of the fountain and sits. “I want to focus on my art—in addition to business and marketing—and what better place is there for art than New York City? I didn’t tell you about the engineer I met when I was hiking—”
Beau. Engineer with Burton Snowboards. Got it. Beau was enthusiastic about Brett’s talent and drawings and thinks he had potential as an art designer. Okay. I can’t believe he kept all of this from me.
“Brett, that’s amazing! Why did you wait so long to tell me? I would’ve been bursting to tell you.”
“I got the feeling all of this—me showing up, making confessions, being in New York alone—was overwhelming enough already. I didn’t want you to feel any more pressure. I guess I was worried if you didn’t share my feelings you might lose it if I told you I was dropping everything to be with you. Not that that’s what I’m doing.”
He’s right. I would’ve. Not because I don’t feel the same way or because I don’t want him here. These last few days have been a tornado of emotions and revelations blowing through, wreaking havoc on my heart and mind. What would I have done if Brett dropped this on me the first night we spent together? I was still trying to get used to seeing his face, appreciating that simple joy.
“You might get tired of me. I know we’ve only had a few days together and it doesn’t feel like it’s enough, but are you sure you’re ready to see me every day? Everything you say you love about me now will turn into things that annoy you. I’m not ready to lose you again, Brett. I can’t do it. Once was enough.”
“First,” Brett angles his knees toward me, capturing my cheek in the palm of his hand, staring intently into my eyes, “it’ll be a few months before I can transfer. I wanted to try for winter, but like you, Cole was worried I’d change my mind, so I’m going to stay at Penn through winter and apply here for spring. Next fall at the latest. I’ll help Amber get settled, take basic, transferable classes, and have time—in case I do end up second-guessing my decision. Second, this will give us plenty of time to do the whole long distance relationship thing and make sure we don’t annoy each other more than every other happily in love couple does.”
He taps the tip of my nose again. I don’t know why he’s so attached to it, but I’m not asking him to stop. It makes me feel doted on, adored. No one has ever made me feel adored the way he does.
“Ruby, I have no intention of letting you go. I know we’re young, but my mother fell for my dad at our age. She was an 18-year-old freshman at Penn and he was about done with med school and already applying for internships. They met when she was knocked out playing intramural soccer. He was there with some buddies, Mom said he was scoping out the girls, and when she went down, he tended to her.”
It’s hard not laugh. That would be me. Ten times out of ten I’m the one to get hit in the head with a ball while trying to play sports.
“One hit to the head and they fell in love. My dad insisted it was because she had a concussion.” Brett grins, a low, sad laugh falling from his lips. “They weathered a lot together, but they knew it was meant to be instantly.”
I squeeze his hand. “They say when you know, you know.”
“Absolutely.” My heart skips. He says that one word as though it’s a confirmation. We’re meant to be.
“Now that I know you’re applying for next year, I feel better. I want you here. Do not mistake my shock and apprehension for lack of excitement. I just wanted to know this was for you, not me. I needed all the facts. I think I can handle the long distance thing for a few more months. I kind of like your letters.” I nudge his shoulder with mine. “It’s a very logical decision, Mr. Pratt.”
“Is it really? Huh, I used to pride myself on being carefree and spontaneous.” The corner of her mouth quirks up. “I guess this means I’m growing up.”
“Or maybe I’m rubbing off on you,” I tease.
“That is far more likely than the growing up stuff.” He concedes. “You know, now that I think about it, you are the only person I’ve ever written a letter to, you’re the first girl to crush me—” My entire body wilts. “It wasn’t your fault, by the way, so don’t look at me with those sad eyes.” His thumb caresses my cheek and I buck up. “You’re also the first girl to make me feel this way. So, yeah, you’re rubbing off on me. And I love you.”
“Gosh, I love you, too.” Linking my hands around his neck, I draw Brett into me, kissing him and showing him with my lips what I can’t eloquently put into words.
SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST
Brett
SUNDAY, AUGUST 14
“I’m glad I let you talk me into getting up before the sun,” I whisper in Ruby’s ear as she sits tucked between my legs on the cold sand.
“Sunrises are always worth it.” Her head nestles into my shoulder. “Before we lost my mom, my dad would get us up on Sundays to watch the sunrise together on our back deck. As I got older I resented him when he’d drag me out of bed Sunday after Sunday. Us teenagers need the weekend to sleep in, you know? But whenever I saw the sun coming up over the hill, peaking its bright light across the landscape, I was always grateful.”
“Anything I do with you would be worth it, but to be here and share in this moment? That’s perfect.”
One perfect last visit. So much truth in that statement. I’m not sure I’ll come back to this island for a while. I’m ready to say goodbye. Not to Mom and Dad, but to the crash, to the pain it brought. They’re not here. The dead live on in our hearts and memories, in our dreams, and in the stars. I look heavenward.
A stripe of orange peaks at us from the horizon, coloring the sky ever so slowly with fire. The rays hit the ripples on the water. An ocean of beveled glass. I grab my sketchbook and set it on Ruby’s knees, reaching around her and making notes for reference. I want to record this moment using my pencils and paper later.
“For a second, I thought you were going to start sketching. I was getting excited to see the master at work.”
Ha. I rub my chin against the top of her head. “I’d be happy to let you watch me work, but when I draw I concentrate all of my energy on it, and this morning ‘The Master’ simply wants to concentrate on us.”
The fingertip flames of the new day slowly burn away, leaving the sky pale shades of pinks and blues. The puffs of clouds billowing above us resemble cotton candy. I smile. Amber and I used to call cotton candy “clouds.” Mom and Dad wouldn’t correct us. They never crushed our imagination, we were 17 and we still asked for clouds when we went to the fair. They were the best parents ever. I close my eyes. I miss you guys so much.
Opening my eyes, I flip the page in my sketchbook as the sun finishes waking up, and outline a heart. Inside the heart, I doodle
a little plane, and on the plane I write “Ruby + Brett” and I add “4EVA” with a silent laugh that shakes my shoulders. Ruby giggles with me. I set the book in the sand once more and slide back.
Ruby glances over her shoulder as I stand. “What are you doing?”
“C’mon.” I reach down, pulling her to her feet with no explanation. Ripping the heart drawing from the book, I grab Ruby’s hand and we walk closer to the shoreline. “We have one more paper plane to dedicate.”
“These two folds are for my mom and dad,” I explain, bringing the corners of the paper to the center and creating a triangle point. “And this—” I fold the triangle tip back, “—is for your mom.”
My fingers create three more folds, and Ruby smiles. “Those are for the parents, siblings, and spouses who lost their loved ones.”
Yep, she’s perfect.
I fold the sheet lengthwise, running my thumb and pointer finger over the crease multiple times to make it good and tight. “This one is for the other kids, like us, who lost so much.”
She sniffles, nodding.
I study the half-built plane. Two folds left. Two wings. So many things lost. Hugs, kisses, hopes, and dreams. We’re not the only ones who lost things, though. There could have been trendsetters, preachers, or future leaders of the world on that plane. There were promises never realized, and passions never played out.
Ruby watches me closely, silently standing by. Carefully, I fold the right wing. “For everything they missed out on.”
And last, I fold the left. “And for all of the other things we lost.”
“I think this might be the best plane you’ve ever folded.”
“You ready to let it go?” It’s a symbolic gesture, letting their plane—their deaths—go. I don’t want paper plane letters full of ‘what if’s’ and ‘why’s’ anymore. The next letter I write to Ruby will be about making plans with each other and discussing where our lives are going, together.
Paper Planes and Other Things We Lost Page 28