by Modou Fye
What was it this time? Who did what, when and where? But more importantly, from the cadets’ perspective, what hell would they all have to suffer for the transgression of some cadet whose light bulb was perhaps more like a ten as opposed to 75 watt. It had to be stupidity because even day-one cadets knew to keep in line immediately after their first encounter with the demon-spawned captain.
As far as Ronan was concerned, being in the army was all about the team, not ever about any single individual. The adage “All for One and One for All” was truer nowhere else than in Ronan’s army. The hapless cadets couldn’t be any more confident that this was definitely going to be more of an “All for One” kind of deal in that all cadets would soon be hurting on account of one’s failing.
“Whose responsibility was it to police up the office building and its grounds last night before lock up?” the Captain growled. All knew better than to offer a response, especially the guilty party. Not that anyone would have ventured an answer but he then barked, “I don’t want to hear it because I know whose it was. Cadet Dipshit!” roared the Captain, “front and center!”
Cadet Dipshit was whatever unfortunate junior-year cadet fate had scorned and placed in the senior leadership role during a leadership rotation in which all hell had broken loose, as was now the case.
Jaden couldn’t be any happier that, though a junior, his responsibilities hadn’t grown extensively yet. He was ever so grateful to fate that he had joined the Reserve Officers Training Corps program later than most of his cadet peers, and as such was given additional time to understand the program and what was expected of him should he choose to remain a participant. This excused him from leadership roles.
Poor Cadet Phillips, thought Marcus. He’d be getting it more than the rest of them behind closed doors. What was really awful, Marcus was thinking, was that Cadet Phillips’ rotation as battalion commander was scheduled to end right after the hour was up. How unlucky can one be? he wondered. Cadet Phillips might have been wondering the same thing.
“Cadet Phillips, how can you expect to be a leader in the world’s greatest army when you can’t even enforce the duty roster among cadets?” Captain Ronan bellowed.
Cadet Phillips found himself in a most uncomfortable predicament. He knew that no answer he could give would appease the captain. It would simply be dismissed as the excuse of an unmotivated plebe who took the nation’s defense as a joke. On the other hand, if he didn’t offer a response, and quickly, he’d be adding a significant amount of fuel to the fire. As far as Ronan was concerned, not to answer a question put forth by him in a situation like this was tantamount to saying that one need not explain his actions and was above reproach.
“No-” Philips started to say when the captain cut him off abruptly. In so doing he startled the cadet and this made some of the other cadets giggle. Everyone who had been under the captain’s tutelage knew that finding mirth in such a situation was completely unacceptable, to say the least. Jaden, along with all the others who knew the captain only too well, feared that today might very well be among the darkest days of their military lives. Whatever the punishment would have been had just quadrupled all because a few of the cadets had found humor in what was far from humorous as far as those who had lived through other times when the captain had morphed into Beelzebub were concerned.
“Shut up! I don’t want to hear it!” the Captain shouted. “I am sick and tired of you wannabe hardcore, or rather should I say you hardcore wannabes, excusing everything with “No excuse, sir.” And the rest of you think this is funny, do you? Huh!” he roared. “Extend to the left, march!” he commanded.
“Oh shit!” Jaden heard the cadet behind him whisper, and for good reason.
The Command Captain Ronan had given meant that all the ranks would extend out to the left with both arms fully outstretched, with enough space in between cadets that permitted only their fingertips to barely touch.
“Arms downwards, move! Even numbers one step to the left, uncover!” He skipped the command for them to count off starting from the first rank. “Front leaning rest position, move!” He barked the commands in rapid succession. He then walked out of the building, leaving the cadets in the up position of the push-up exercise, and in that stance they were to remain for the rest of the hour. They all knew that if anyone tired, as was bound to happen, they’d better have spent the rest of the time earnestly trying to get back into that position. Heaven forbid the captain were to walk back in unexpectedly through any of the numerous entrances to the building and caught someone resting. If anyone were caught disobeying his orders, hell would be far safer for that individual than remaining there at his mercy. Even God might not have been able to help that poor soul, some cadets suspected.
Based on past experiences, everyone knew that the punishment had been quadrupled, which now meant that the next three workout sessions would all be spent in the exact same manner; the front leaning rest position.
“Dude, one of these days I’m going to piss hot,” Marcus said while maneuvering his posture in a manner as to alleviate some of the muscle ache in his arms.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Jaden asked, agitated over the quandary they found themselves in.
“If this shit continues, I don’t think any of us will actually make it into the army without help. At this rate, only steroids will get any of us through this. Our muscles just might become jelly at some point.”
Jaden laughed. “It’s funny, but you’re right.”
4
Not My God
JADEN had grown up a sweet, loving, gentle and deeply caring child whose very loving heart was, perhaps, not well-suited to a world forlorn; as such, he had great difficulty reconciling his emotions with the stark reality of life. Never had it been the intention of his parents to shelter or protect him any more from the world’s woes than any other parent; however, because his was a very sensitive soul, when he awakened to the ways of the world while still yet a boy, the depravity of the hearts of men made his own heart begin to grow cold. Thus began his hatred of God and men and it was the power of this hatred that birthed self-destructive demons within his soul.
Departing home for college revealed an even greater misery he had been still somewhat oblivious to. Though quite aware that misfortunes do befall mankind, he had never really been exposed to it. Perhaps had he cared to watch television or keep abreast of current events, he might have been better adept at accepting and dealing with the degree to which life is indeed troubling. It was as though a veil had been cast over his eyes, somewhat limiting his ability to see life exactly as it is. This growing awareness continued to twist a once warm and loving heart into a dark, calculating, and destructive soul. Sadly he reached a point where, as far as he was concerned, people had become meaningless trifles of life with absolutely no more worth to them than serving as a means to an end, rather than an end in and of themselves. His disdain for humanity grew to a degree where he began having difficulty differentiating between the truly depraved souls that had initially invoked such hatred, and the kind-hearted people, such as friends, who meant him no harm.
And while anger had blinded his eyes and darkened his heart, a knack for deception enabled him to conceal the nature he had now assumed from his friends, for even they were worth no more than the company they afforded him. He neither valued nor appreciated their companionship beyond that, with the exception of his best friend Alex. Jaden was conflicted. His heart knew that Alex was a friend most dear to him; however, because of his recalcitrance and general lack of faith in humanity, he was determined not to allow himself be swayed by his heart but rather approach life, as best he could, from perspectives that were not influenced by positive emotions in the least.
Jaden believed that all who held any notion of a God with loving attributes were hopeless fools and because he had hardly any tolerance for the concept of a caring God, he found it rather interesting that he had for himself a roommate for whom God was everything. The irony o
f life.
Kevin was a Theology major, and though very open minded and considerate of others’ views, he was very passionate about his own. They had been roommates long enough for Jaden to know that nine times out of ten, when Kevin had a long day it was because he had been wholly engrossed in a theological debate, usually with fellow students of differing beliefs, and had expended most of his energy in the engagement. Jaden had watched him a couple of times and marveled at the whole lot of them. He found it amazing that as animated as they all would become, no one ever lost their temper. It was not uncommon for tempers to flare and people to even kill each other over politics and religion, but not Kevin and his peers. The debates were lively, to say the least, but they always kept their composure, and this always amazed him. Given his roommate’s predisposition, it was inevitable that God become a subject of discussion between them.
Their debate about God was ongoing, each arguing why the other’s beliefs were utterly foolish and unfounded; Jaden arguing in favor of a Deist God while Kevin that of the Judeo-Christian God. Kevin, at times, even argued other faiths’ perspectives of God but Jaden simply could not be convinced, regardless of whichever perspective Kevin chose in his unending attempts to convince Jaden of faith. It was always a stalemate; neither party could ever convince the other. What both found inexplicable was that it was all too certain that neither one would ever convince the other yet the subject of God somehow always found its way between them. Often, lighthearted conversations about absolutely nothing sooner or later became about God. Kevin was almost always the initiator. If ever Jaden brought up the subject, it was usually in a most unflattering manner as he’d heap endless curses and insults upon God and label Him callous and cruel. Such outbursts were usually roused by something heartrending he had either seen when Kevin had the television on or an occurrence he had witnessed on the streets of Commonwealth Avenue; for instance, a homeless person he had seen sleeping out on the streets right in front of the campus chapel in the dead of winter; a few days later, he saw the same individual rummaging through garbage for leftovers discarded by others while some students, he was certain, were trashing food that they had barely touched in the food court.
During his tirades he’d always bring that up and ask Kevin how he could possibly believe that God is aware of anything in the world if He missed the homeless guy right outside a chapel. Kevin never had an answer to such questions and Jaden wasn’t sold on the phrase ‘God has a plan for everybody.’
“That’s a crock of shit! Why the hell do people always make up excuses to try to justify the misery of the world?” he’d say to that.
Kevin never took any offense at these rants. He understood everything Jaden said and admitted that he, too, often wondered and had questions but chose not to let any of the world’s afflictions impede his faith.
*
DAY’S END ONE WINTRY EVENING: “Thank goodness the day’s come to an end,” Jaden said as he slid his rucksack off onto the floor and fell backwards onto the couch. It had been a long day of mostly classes after spending a couple of hours running through simulated exercises in the blistering cold and deep snow with Captain Ronan at the helm. The exercises could just as well have been held indoors in one of the buildings the university let the Cadet Command use; however, Captain Ronan’s choice of venue out in the open made it plenty obvious that his anger was still yet to subside even though it had been several weeks since Cadet Phillips’ failing.
“Did I get any calls?” Jaden asked his roommate.
“Not while I’ve been here. I haven’t checked for messages yet though,” garbled Kevin, who was sprawled out on the futon with his face half-buried into a pillow. “I’ve been here like this for the past hour.”
“Long day for you as well, huh?” asked Jaden.
“Yeah, too long.”
Kevin planned on attending Bible Study later that evening and, though he knew better than to ask, still he did. Barely raising his head from out the pillow, he said, “Dude, later on, after dinner, I’ll be going to Bible Study. You want to come with?”
Of course, as expected, his roommate wasn’t the least bit interested. “You serious, dude?” Jaden asked half seriously, his face askance. “Buddy, your God is just that, yours. Not mine, nor most of this world’s,” quipped Jaden while scratching his cheek.
“Lord, I’m trying but this obstinate child just isn’t budging,” Kevin said as he floated off into dreamland.
Jaden smiled before jabbing him and bringing him back from his drift. “Dude, your God probably doesn’t even know that you exist. The machine was turned on a long while ago and now we are simply mass produced. Let it go! Are you ready to head down to dinner?” he asked, motioning to get up.
“Roger, that’s an affirmative, cadet. Let’s move out,” Kevin joked. “And don’t worry, o’ prodigal son, I’ll be praying for you.”
“And I’ll be hoping for you,” countered Jaden.
“What do you mean?”
“Hoping that you wake up from your deep slumber where you live in the bliss of deluded dreams and expectations; and hoping that you get with the program called ‘Life! It is what it is!’ No angels here, my dear friend, just demons, more demons, and yet still even more demons. If ever your God was around, He sure isn’t now. Yep, he lost the fight to the devil a long time ago, a very long time ago. And He can’t recover.”
5
An Unexpected Visit
Cassandra’s room was directly above Lydia’s, both with windows overlooking the courtyard. On warm evenings, and even in the cold, they spent countless hours at the windows admiring the garden flowers and talking the night away; and though hardly ever in bed when they were expected to be, neither ever had any difficulty being up in time for school. They’d sometimes stay up even past when their parents would go to bed chatting, albeit whispering, late into the night. And on weekends it was quite normal for the pair to carry on a conversation into the wee hours of the morning.
Though almost fourteen, both Lydia and Cassandra still loved to play with dolls and tea sets, unlike most of their peers who carried on as though mature adults who knew all about life. And when any of their friends came to visit either of them, they’d hide the toys that the other teens would have considered childish and act as teen-like as the rest of their friends. However, with each other, they were always the souls they really were.
Today Lydia was hosting a tea party to which Cassandra had been invited; enjoying pretend afternoon tea was one of her favorite things to do with Cassandra.
“Would you care for some tea?” she asked lovingly.
“How very kind of you. I’d absolutely love some,” replied Cassandra. They giggled. Sitting at the table Lydia’s father had built for her and pretending to sip tea, they discussed the difficulty they were having getting their dolls’ hair just right.
“I’ve tried everything but just can’t figure out what to do with Tina’s hair,” Cassandra complained of one of her dolls.
“Maybe a little color and then braid it,” suggested Lydia.
“Okay. And then we can do the same with Kimberly’s.”
Just then Cassandra’s mom called out from the window above. “Sweetie, would you please come up and give Mommy a hand with getting dinner ready?”
“I have to go,” Cassandra rued. “I have to make sure that Mom doesn’t send Dad and me to the hospital,” she joked about her mom, who was not much of a cook. “But same time, same place tonight, okay?” she said, picking up her favorite doll and leaving the rest there.
“Okay, I’ll be there,” Lydia assured her. “Bye.”
“Bye.”
They couldn’t even begin to imagine what their world would have been like had they not had their windows.
*
LATER THAT NIGHT: “Heeeeeeellooooooo!” said a familiar voice.
Lydia could scarcely contain herself and jumped out of bed, looking around for him. It had been over a year since last he visited. Lydia loved him. He meant ev
erything to her. His was the presence of love, caring, peace, happiness, and all that was good. It was the presence of the one who helped her get through a lot: helped her cope when her parents fought; when kids, jealous of her kind and loving nature and the grace about her, teased her; and even punished those who got a little too mean.
Though she no longer asked, she did still continue to wonder if he’d ever become human. She wondered because she wanted to be with him always, just as her mommy and daddy were together. In jest he had once asked her as a younger child if she’d marry him when she was old enough, to which she had said no. When he had asked why, she’d simply said, “I dunno.” Until he had stopped visiting, she hadn’t realized just how fond she had grown of him. She loved to be around him not because he took her to places even science fiction writers couldn’t even begin to imagine but because of how sweet, kind, gentle and loving he was.
“Where are you?” she asked excitedly.
“Right here!” he answered as the whitish amorphous matter that suddenly appeared before her slowly took on a form her cognition could grasp.
His glow seemed to be even more radiant and beautiful than when last she had seen him. Oh, how I wish I could marry you, she thought, thinking back to when he had asked her as a younger child. She understood now that he meant it in jest then but wished that he would ask her again now and actually mean it this time. When she realized her thoughts, she blushed and brushed them away.
He smiled.
She wondered if he knew what she had been thinking; she couldn’t be sure as, despite all the power and magic that was his being, he had never given her any indication that he could read her mind. Though she was now tempted to ask, she chose not to. She didn’t want the answer to be one that would embarrass her. She suspected that she already knew the answer; a being who could simply think the universe into oblivion, yes, of course, he could read her mind; she just did not want to admit it to herself.