by Modou Fye
True to form it was this same hapless attitude that he espoused when he saw a girl walking in his direction with a backpack slung across her back. She wasn’t staggering around drunk from some party so he surmised that she could only have been up at that ungodly hour for the same reason as he; albeit, he suspected, as a genuine volunteer.
She was casually dressed and sauntering along as though the world were a really wonderful place. Good heavens! It’s 5:11 in the morning. I hope you’re not one of those really happy-go-lucky people that don’t mind striking up conversations with strangers because I really am not in the mood to talk, he thought. Please, please, please! Let’s just exchange pleasantries and then pretend like neither one of us is here. But, as fate would have it, Melanie was a really sweet girl who actually didn’t mind striking up conversations with strangers.
“Hi,” she said then took a sip of her coffee.
Jaden wished he had something hot to sip on in the cold. “Hey!” he said, trying not to sound too terribly aloof.
“Are you here for the trip out to Ayer?” she asked, switching her coffee cup to her left hand.
“As a matter of fact, I am,” he replied, hoping that would be the end of their exchange.
“I’m Melanie,” she said, extending her hand to him.
Great! Just great! he thought. I just wanted to get out there, do whatever it is that needs doing and be done with this. I’m not here to make friends.
While they stood there talking, Melanie seeming not to have taken note of Jaden’s reluctance, they were joined by others before their transportation showed up. Jaden climbed into the van first and made his way to the very back, hoping to kill two birds with one stone; not be bothered by anyone else and get a bit more sleep during the trip.
Melanie, however, had plans of her own. She hopped in after him, sat on the seat that immediately preceded his, turned sideways so that she may look at him and engaged him in conversation the entire trip.
Jaden wasn’t one to indulge anyone for any reason, especially if he didn’t know them, unless, of course, a purpose lay therein. As such, when he did notice his friendliness towards Melanie, he was quite surprised at himself. He actually found himself beginning to enjoy her company.
The van finally arrived at its destination and everyone dreaded getting out of the warmth the vehicle offered to venture out into the cold.
“GOOD morning, everyone,” greeted the lady that came out to meet them. “I see that you all came prepared,” she said, referring to the layers of clothing they all had on. “Let’s get you inside for a cup of coffee, or perhaps some tea, before we get you out there.” They followed her into an old Victorian-styled house. “How is everyone feeling on this fine New England morning?”
“Cold!” was the collective response. Several of the students immediately made their way to the freshly brewed coffee.
“Well, there’s quite a bit to do. That, coupled with your warm clothing, will help keep your mind off the cold,” the lady said. “Actually, it really isn’t all that much but the grounds extend for several acres all around us so it’ll be more like quite a bit of walking. I’m sure strong, vigorous, young people such as the lot of you are up to the task.” She poured herself a cup of coffee before continuing. “First we’ll be raking and gathering the foliage, and then tend to the greenhouses, take a lunch break, clean the aquariums, and then, reserved for the guys, hew a few small trees. Does that sound like fun?”
Most were enthused by this, not so much Jaden, only because he felt forced as opposed to actually truly volunteering on his own.
The group of fifteen students was initially divided into two groups, with each group responsible for one half of the grounds; each group was then further divided into sub-groups, or teams of two, and one of three; Melanie and Jaden made up one. After each team was assigned areas of responsibility, they started out.
Whereas during breaks teammates switched out to get to know each other better, Jaden and Melanie spent the entire day doing things together until it came down to the last chore, that of felling trees.
As he hewed away with one of the other guys, he noticed that Melanie was looking at him very differently than she had in the morning. He had also observed earlier on in the day that as time had passed, Melanie had cast more and more furtive glances towards him. He, however, hadn’t thought anything of it. Not until presently.
She stood several feet away to the left of him but at an angle at which she didn’t seem to realize that he could see her. He believed that the tinted safety eyewear he had on was why she didn’t appear to realize that he could see her gazing upon him as though one smitten. He also thought that she probably expected him to actually be paying attention to the saw being used and not spying on her.
AT THE END OF THE OUTING: Although Jaden hadn’t particularly been thrilled to have been there initially, as the day wore on, he grew to like what he was doing and the people with whom he was doing it with; though he did spend the entire day with Melanie, there were times when their team’s path would cross with that of another and they’d chat a while. And now, as the sun was setting, bringing the day to an end, he actually wished they could stay a while longer.
While awaiting the van, Melanie asked, “Did you have fun?”
“Yes, I did. More than I thought I would. Actually, I don’t know if you could tell but at the onset of the day I really didn’t think that I’d have any fun, let alone as much as I ended up having. Did you?”
“I had a wonderful time,” she said, smiling affectionately.
Was she flirting? He wasn’t sure. “I’m glad you did. Was this your first trip out here?” he asked.
“Out here, yes. But I do volunteer work whenever I can. I’m really happy that I had time to volunteer this time.”
Jaden suspected that she had said that because of him. “Sounds like you very much enjoy volunteer work,” he said as he looked around, wondering where the van was. Standing in one place, he was starting to feel the cold again.
“Yep, do it whenever I can.”
The van pulled up just in time; no longer actively engaged, they’d all begun to feel the cold. After an early start and a hard day’s work, within minutes into the trip back, they all dozed off except the poor driver and his front seat passenger. They were the only two designated drivers for the outing. At the end of an exhausting day, that was a task everyone else was glad they didn’t have.
At the start of the journey back, Jim, the driver, had offered to drop everyone off at their respective dorms rather than the central location from which they had all been picked up that morning. As they came into the campus grounds, Melanie’s was the first stop. Approaching her drop off, Jim called out to her. Sitting right behind Jim, asleep on Jaden’s shoulder, Melanie awoke.
“We’re almost there, Melanie,” Jim said.
Melanie was temporarily staying at the Howard Johnson’s Hotel on campus, commonly referred to as Hojo’s. It was where students for whom dormitory rooms weren’t yet available were accommodated.
As the van neared Hojo’s, Melanie asked Jaden, who had also awakened, “So, do you have a girlfriend?”
That caught him utterly off guard, especially seeing as how they had just both woken up and that was the first thing that she said and definitely the last thing on his mind, if anywhere there at all. He suspected that he knew where this was heading and preferred that it not happen. She was a wonderful, genuine, caring and sweet girl, and he’d rather she remained that way. He couldn’t have been any more certain that his conflicted soul – the unfortunate product of a once–turbulent household and his extreme sensitivity to a troubled world – would object to any attempt at anything meaningful with regards to a relationship that transcended the boundaries of friendship. He did not want the scars of his discontented heart to become her burden.
Strangely enough, however, though earnestly he tried to craft an evasive response that would have given her the impression that he did, without him lying out
right by saying yes, his wits failed him and he simply blurted out, “No!”
Jaden had never cared to pursue a relationship but was aware that Boston University abounded with more than its fair share of vanity-stricken girls who, it wouldn’t have surprised him, probably believed that even God was not a good enough match for them; any such character he wouldn’t have had any qualms being candid with, even being rude or obnoxious towards. Melanie, though, as pretty as she was, was very, very sweet and down to earth. He tried hard to devise a means by which he could end this without hurting her.
“Why do you ask?” he inquired, wondering why he could not bring the line of conversation to an end. He wished some of the other students would wake up and start a conversation that would detract from this one.
“Well, I’m not doing anything once I get back, other than get cleaned up of course, and thought, if you don’t have any plans, we could hang out,” she explained.
Desperately he wanted to say no. That which came out instead was, “Yeah, sure we can!”
“Great!” she said. If she was trying, she wasn’t doing a good job of hiding her excitement. She was all smiles and quite giddy.
“Not quite sure I make the girlfriend connection, though,” Jaden said, still bewildered as to why he couldn’t simply say no to what was happening.
“Oh it’s just that some girls are a tad bit jealous and wouldn’t want their guy hanging out with another girl,” she said.
He hoped that perhaps he had misread her, as a lot of guys often do with girls. As sweet and soft-spoken as she was, he couldn’t imagine that she’d be so straightforward about such a thing if she wanted anything more than friendship from him. Still, he wasn’t quite sure; it was just as feasible that under this guise she was gathering intelligence from him in an effort to discern his status, his military mind was thinking. If his own manner of thought was also that of hers then she was playing her cards well, he thought.
Jim was pulling off of Commonwealth Ave into the hotel driveway.
“Well, this is my stop,” Melanie said, grabbing her backpack. “So what time are you coming over?”
“I’d say about a couple of hours from now.”
“Okay. I’ll see you then.”
“Okay. Oh… what’s your room number?”
“Room 103 on the third floor,” she said as she hopped out. “Call when you’re on your way, the number’s 2248.”
“Okay. And you do mean 301, not 103? Unless you meant to say that you’re on the first floor.”
“Oops! Yes, 301. Sorry!”
He understood. “It’s been a long day. See you in a bit.”
“Okay… see you, guys,” she said waving to the lot of them though most were still asleep.
Jaden watched her as she walked towards the revolving doors and thought her a very sweet girl. But there seemed to be more to her. He tried to speculate as to what exactly it was about her that he was drawn to; though attractive, it wasn’t physical. There was certainly something about her that he couldn’t quite put his finger on.
Just as she was about to step through the revolving doors, she turned back, smiled, waved again then stepped through.
“Sounds like you’ve got yourself a date,” Jim said as he pulled off.
“Nah, just hanging out, dude. Beats watching mindless garbage on TV. She’s a really nice girl,” Jaden observed.
“Yeah, she’s cool. We’ve done community service together a few times. She’s always cool to hang out with.”
“Yeah. Should be fun. Oh, seeing as how I’m the new guy, you probably don’t know where my stop is.”
“Where?” Jim asked as he awaited a car to pass before he merged onto the road.
“Straight down Comm Ave to West Campus,” Jaden directed.
LATER THAT EVENING: “You know, now that I think about it, if I did have a girlfriend, this definitely would have been kind of odd. I mean, we met this morning, fast forward to now and we are hanging out in a dimly lit hotel room, your roommate is not around and the only comfortable thing that we can both sit on happens to be a bed. Yeah, perception without regard for circumstances can definitely make for trouble.”
“Those details hadn’t occurred to me but I suppose you’re right,” she agreed.
“Well, since the atmosphere is already set, why don’t we make the most of it?” he joshed.
“Yeah right! You so wish, don’t you?”
Laughing out loud, they did not hear the door unlock.
“Hey, Melanie!” said a voice.
They both looked towards the door. It was Tina, Melanie’s roommate.
“Hey Tina! What’s up?” Melanie introduced them. “Guys, meet each other. Tina, this Jaden. Jaden, this is Tina, my roommate.”
“Community service?” asked Tina.
“Yep,” said Jaden.
“Nice to meet you,” she said, extending her hand out to him.
“Likewise,” he said, reciprocating the gesture.
“They still haven’t replaced the light bulb yet, I see,” said Tina, looking at the light fixture on the ceiling as she plunked onto her bed.
“Have you been waiting on a replacement bulb for long?” Jaden asked.
“A couple of days now,” Melanie told him.
“I’ll go get one from the front desk and replace the burnt one,” he offered.
“You might want to wait a few minutes before going down,” Tina suggested. “When I walked into the lobby area there was a notice on the desk saying that the desk clerk would be back in five minutes.”
“Okay.”
“So, how’d it go today?” she asked Melanie.
“Oh, it was a lot of fun. It was nice to be out there in the peace and quiet, away from city life. It was tranquil, serene; so very peaceful.” Melanie then pulled a cassette out of her nightstand drawer. “While raking leaves Jaden and I found a tape out there somebody must have dropped. It still works, believe it or not.”
“You actually brought that back with you?” Jaden asked, staring at the ancient technology.
“Yep, I did.”
“And it really does work?” he asked, wondering why she had even brought it back in the first place.
“Yep! Not sure who the artist is because the cassette is all faded but other than that, it works just fine. I was curious so I tried playing it as soon as I got in.”
Jaden was still in disbelief. “And you actually still have a cassette deck?”
“Yes, I do,” she said, as though oblivious to the age of CDs. Then she pointed to the small dual-deck player that sat atop the corner of her desk.
“Wow!” Jaden couldn’t help but be amazed. The last time he had seen one of those, he was still a child.
“Sounds like you had yourselves quite a bit of fun,” said Tina.
“Yeah, we did,” he said, smiling. “I wouldn’t mind going out there again, preferably when it’s a bit warmer though.”
“I should get ready. Todd’s expecting me,” Tina said, getting up.
“Where are you guys going?” Melanie asked.
“Not sure yet, probably go see a movie. I really don’t feel like going out, though. I’d prefer if we just got some videos. There’s a video rental store right down the street from his apartment.”
“So are you guys officially dating now or is it still ‘or something’?” Melanie asked.
“I think we still fall into the “or something” category; which neither one of us has figured out yet.”
“If you don’t mind my asking, how long have you two been in this “or something” status?” Jaden asked.
“For a few months now,” she said.
“Is either one of you seeing anyone else?”
“No.”
“Sounds like exclusive dating to me then,” he said.
“I suppose. I just wish we could talk about it and make it official.” She sighed. “But I don’t want to raise the subject and possibly end up messing things up.”
“Then perhaps it
would be best if left unaddressed,” he suggested. “Provided that neither of you is carrying on in a manner the other would disapprove of, rather you’re sharing in activities that bring you closer, though undefined by your own subjective definition, I’d say yours is a safe relationship. Wouldn’t you think?”
“Do you charge by the hour?” Tina asked jokingly. “Are you… like… a couples’ counselor?” Tina continued. “I mean, it makes sense. It’s just that when I woke up this morning and walked out the door, I never thought I’d be coming back to quasi counseling. But you’re right. Why not let sleeping dogs lie, right? Forgive me for not being as eloquent but I agree with you. Melanie, this one’s definitely a keeper,” she teased.
“I definitely didn’t think of it that way either. Are you majoring in some kind of counseling or psychology?” Melanie asked.
“Nah. I suppose it’s all the books I read,” he said, getting up. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to go see if I can get you girls that light bulb.”
7
Denial
SECOND SEMESTER–JUNIOR YEAR: “The phone’s ringing!” announced a flu-afflicted Kevin, his head partly buried into his pillow.
“I know… we are in the same room, dude. I don’t feel like picking it up. You get it.”
“Dude, you’re closer,” Kevin argued. “Besides, I’m sick.”
“Kevin, the phone is as far away from you as it is from me. Just let the answering machine pick up if you don’t feel like getting it.”