by Piper Rayne
“I was terrified.” I clench my hands to try to stop them from shaking. “When I found out she was in labor early, I was worried.” I blow out a breath.
Kingston sits beside me on the couch, putting his arm around my shoulders. “No one would’ve guessed you were scared. You handled yourself like a pro, and because of you, they have a healthy baby boy.” He squeezes my shoulder.
My muscles were so tight with anxiety that my appreciative moan slips out before I can stop myself.
“Turn around.”
“No.” I shake my head.
“Yes. A massage as a thank you for delivering my nephew isn’t even close to payback.”
I smile and position myself so my back is facing him. His hands squeeze and mold to my shoulders, and all the tension that’s been taking up residence like a squatter disappears. I close my eyes and enjoy the sensation. If his hands can do this, I wonder what else they’re good at. I mentally reprimand myself.
“Hey, Stella.”
The room is so quiet, and the tone of his voice is so serious that I fear what he’s going to ask me. “Yes?”
“How come you didn’t tell me you were back?”
I let out a long breath. He wants to do this now? But I guess if he had the guts to ask, I should have the guts to answer. “Honestly?”
“All I’ve ever wanted from you was honesty.”
“You scare me, Kingston.”
His hands stop momentarily but continue a second later. “I scare you?”
I put my hand on his to stop him and turn around. “We live our lives very differently. I play it safe. You play it crazy. I lost my dad when I was nine and now my mom is sick. I get that I’ll lose my mom before I die. It’s all part of the cycle of life. But if I lost you because you fell off a mountain or you get swept into an avalanche… I couldn’t bear it. It would have been preventable.”
“But…”
I know he wants to argue. I’ve tried to prepare myself the best I could for his arguments about why we should be together. Still, when I look at him, it’s hard to deny this burning feeling inside me that’s only there when he’s around. The one that makes me want to hop in his truck and have him take me anywhere, as long as we’re together.
“It’s hard enough for me to love someone else to begin with,” I say. “To bring them into my life without the fear of experiencing that loss again. But to allow you in feels like I’d be waiting for the inevitable. The wild way you live your life… it works for you, it’s how you cope, and I never want that to change. Ever. It’s part of who you are. But I can’t expose my whole heart to it because believe me, Kingston, if I’m still alive when you die, I’ll grieve you no matter what. But if I allow myself to make a life with you and have kids with you? I’m not sure I’d ever recover. I’ve watched my mom’s life sit at a standstill since my dad passed and I don’t want the same for myself. So keeping you out of reach is how I deal with it the best I can.”
I suck in a breath, thankful I didn’t break down and cry even if I feel like sobbing. I want to beg him to change his ways. To not want to do all the dangerous shit he does that puts him at risk for no good reason.
“Anything can happen to anyone at any time,” he says.
I stand. I’d love if we could see eye to eye on this, but I know we won’t. “But you increase your odds. If someone did a risk management analysis on your life, you’d probably be ten times the risk factor other people are.”
He leans forward and puts his forearms on his thighs, looking up at me. “So that’s it, huh?”
“That’s the reason I didn’t tell you I was back. I was resisting temptation.”
“And if I didn’t live my life doing crazy shit like helicopter skiing and smoke jumping, you’d give us a shot?”
I crouch and put my hand on his. “No, because then you’d resent me down the line and that would kill me too.”
His knuckles graze down my face and I close my eyes. “So that’s it?”
I gather the strength I need to walk away. “That’s it.”
When I reach the door, he calls my name and I turn around.
“You know I love a challenge.” His cocky smirk I know well appears, and my stomach flips.
“I’m not trying to be a challenge.”
“I just have one more question. Do you think about me?”
I shake my head. “King—”
“Just answer the question. Do you think about me when you’re alone? When you’re in bed at night. Am I the man who fulfills those fantasies of yours?”
My cheeks heat. “Stop it.”
He laughs. “I think I am.” He walks over to me and cages me against the door. “I think you have it all wrong. I think you like my wild streak. I think it turns you on when I do crazy shit, because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t go after my best friend’s girl. I’d sit back and let him win.” His chest radiates heat that makes me want to tear his shirt open and run my hands down those hidden abs.
“You’re crazy,” I say, my voice sounding too breathy even to my own ears.
“Am I?” He inches closer.
I could push him out of the way and walk out, but I stay put because the truth is, I like the feel of him this close.
“You’re thinking too practically for love,” Kingston says. “Sometimes the heart wants what it wants regardless of the consequences or whether it makes sense. Maybe it’s time to test my theory.”
I inhale, and all I smell is his cologne. “My decision is final.” I push back with my ass and open the door.
He grabs my wrist. “I didn’t fight for you once. I won’t make that mistake again.”
I pull my arm from him and walk out, hoping to escape this entire wedding before I change my mind and jump in his truck.
Thirteen
Kingston
After the reception finishes, Sedona, Denver, Cleo, and I take Rome’s other three kids home and tuck them in. Denver and I are downstairs in the living room while Cleo and Sedona are upstairs reading bedtime stories.
“What’s up with you and Stella?” Denver asks, wiggling his tie from his neck. He’s already shed his jacket and hung it on the back of the chair in the living room.
“She thinks I’m too dangerous to love.” I sit down in the chair.
He sprawls out on the couch, kicking his feet up on the table. “What are you, Maverick from Top Gun?” He chuckles to himself, grabbing the remote for the television, but he doesn’t turn it on.
I shake my head because of all the reasons she could have given me, the one she did cracked me in two. If what she said is true, it means maybe she does love me, but she loves me too much to risk heartbreak.
“Seriously though.” He glances over as if he’s worried Cleo will overhear him. When we hear Phoebe run down the hall and Cleo call after her, he continues. “She’s worried you’re going to kill yourself?”
I shrug. “I guess so.”
He clicks on the television. “I can see her point. She lost her dad, so she’s probably fearful of losing someone else she loves. Can’t say none of us have felt that way.”
“That’s the thing.” I lean back into the chair. “It’s always been Stella for me. I was invested so young, I never really feared loving and losing someone. Not losing them to death anyway.”
He lays the remote on the armrest of the couch. “Have you ever tried to figure out why you do the stupid shit you do?”
“What do you mean?”
He chuckles and holds up his hands. “Listen, I’m a survivalist. Have I found myself in shitty situations? Yeah. But I trained to get out of those. It’s not the thrill I’m seeking, it’s the challenge. Now that I have Cleo.” He glances at the ceiling and a sly smile crosses his lips. “I’m extra careful. That doesn’t mean I plan on just sitting around on my ass. I love the uncharted territories, but you bet my ass I’m gonna do anything needed to make sure I return home to her. Can you say the same?”
I roll my eyes. “I’m not trying to kill mysel
f.”
His eyebrows draw up. “You sure about that? Because from where I stand, I agree with Stella—you have no regard for your life.”
“Says the man who picked fights, raced cars, and did how many other stupid things back in the day.”
He pats my knee and stands. “Back in the day. When I was stupid and young. You’re twenty-five now. Eventually you’ll need to figure out your priorities and where they lay.” He disappears into the kitchen and returns with a beer for me. “I don’t know, King, maybe Cleo just settles me. I still have the urge to do the Alaska Adventure thing you talked about. But you can bet your ass I’ll make sure I’m trained and ready for anything we’d face, because coming home to her is my first priority.”
I crack open my beer and guzzle down a hearty amount.
“Do you love her?” he asks. “Like really love her? You’re sure this isn’t because of Owen and some sense of competition between you guys?”
“Hell no.” That’s one thing I know for certain. My feelings for Stella have not and never did have anything to do with Owen. They were there before he ever asked her out and he knew it.
“I’m just making sure because you and Owen’s competitiveness is next level. You do know Stella could be thinking the same thing—that she’s the prize for winning the fight.”
“No.” But shit, he might be right. That’s what it always appeared to be from the outside. It’s what the townspeople thought. Stella in the center and Owen and me always tugging from either side.
“Maybe it’s time to find some neutral ground. When you offered friendship, I thought you’d finally grown up. Don’t get me wrong, I get the ‘fight for the one you want until you win her’ thing, but you and Stella have always had such an intense relationship, even as friends growing up. I think friends is where you should start, if you want my opinion.”
Cleo walks into the room with Sedona and slides onto the couch. Denver wraps his arm around her, pulling her close. Sedona sits on the other free chair, and I think we’re both staring at them with envy.
Maybe Denver’s right. Maybe if I really want Stella, I need to calm all this down and get to know the new Stella. The one she’s grown into over the past eight years.
“Cleo, do you know you’re engaged to a brilliant man?” I say before tipping back my beer.
Sedona narrows her eyes as Cleo laughs. “What advice did he give you? I might have to rebuke it.”
Sedona laughs and Denver mocks offense, so Cleo kisses his cheek.
“I told King he should just concentrate on being Stella’s friend right now.” Denver points the neck of his beer at me.
“Isn’t that what you were already doing?” Sedona asks, adjusting on the chair to try to get comfortable, which with the size of her belly, seems like an impossible feat.
“Yeah, but for real this time,” I say. “Put the past behind us and just get to know one another as adults.”
“Well, well. Sounds like Denver gave you some good advice. You really have matured, haven’t you, babe?” Cleo kisses him again.
“So can he go on the Alaska Adventure Race then?” I ask.
Cleo whips around so fast, her blonde hair sticks to her lips. “Ugh. That race. I’m getting a glass of wine.” She stands. “Are you hungry, Sedona?”
Both women head into the kitchen and Denver switches the channel to a football game. “She’s breaking slowly. I’m in if you want to register,” he whispers.
I shake my head and chuckle quietly. Is this really the guy I should take advice from?
The next day, Lou and I wheel an elderly man exhibiting flu-like symptoms into Memorial Hospital. Allie takes the particulars and walks in with us, getting the man set up in a room. She’s adjusting the oxygen mask on his face, but her eyes are on me.
“What?” I finally ask.
“Nothing.” She smirks.
I drop the clipboard on the bed and stare at her.
The man removes his oxygen mask. “Did someone tell my girlfriend I went to the hospital? She’ll be looking for me tonight.”
Allie’s eyebrows rise.
“What’s her name? I can call Healthbridge Nursing Home,” I say.
He leans in closer. “It’s a secret. She’s kind of a shy girl and doesn’t want anyone to know we’re… you know.” He waggles his eyebrows.
“Awesome,” Lou says behind me, getting the stretcher ready to go back out to the ambulance. “Never too old for some reverse cowgirl action.”
“Lou!” Allie rolls her eyes.
He holds up his hands. “How am I in the wrong here?”
“Her name is Marge, and she’s on the fourth floor,” the man says.
“Okay, I’ll say that you two are friends and you don’t want to worry her.” I pat his shoulder.
Stella walks in a second later and the room suddenly feels crowded. Our eyes meet and it’s clear, at least to me, that she’s uncomfortable with the two of us here.
“Hey, Stella,” Lou says, way too cheerful and way too familiar.
I haven’t asked him if they’re still seeing one another for a reason—I’m concentrating on building a friendship with Stella.
“Mr. Glassman, you were just in last week. Are you still not feeling well?” She pulls her stethoscope from around her neck. “Let’s listen to your lungs.”
Allie helps Mr. Glassman sit up, and Stella glances our way before placing the stethoscope on Mr. Glassman’s back. “Thank you, Lou and Kingston. We’ve got it from here.”
We nod and leave the room. Once we’re in the hallway, we sanitize the stretcher and I get the sense that he’s stalling, waiting for Stella to come out, the same way I am.
“You missed your shot at the house?” Lou says, pointing at the flyer on the wall by the nurses’ station.
“Guess so.” Though I want to ask him who else is going, I don’t.
“Samantha’s in. I heard Allie took a spot. Tank and Stump are both going. It’ll be a lot of fun.”
I nod, continuing to wipe down the metal on the stretcher, willing myself to keep my mouth shut. Oh, who the hell cares at this point? Lou knows my history with her. “Is Stella going?”
He dodges eye contact. “No. She said she couldn’t this year.”
I nod. Now that I’ve asked and I know Stella isn’t going, I’m envious of the ones who took the spots.
“So what are the two of you going to do?” I ask as we roll the stretcher out to the ambulance. “If you’re gone every weekend?”
“We’re not, like, exclusive, Romeo. We’re just talking, nothing big. Plus sometimes she’ll be working while I’m up there.”
I nod and we load the stretcher. I don’t know why I asked. It’s hard to act as if I don’t care, and I’m over talking about it right now.
“Lou!” Allie runs out of the hospital doors.
He crosses the short distance to her while I climb into the ambulance to get it ready for our next patient.
“Fuck, seriously?” Lou says. “That sucks. No, he’s been out for a while. Sure, yeah. I’m cool with it. I tried but…”
A loud truck with a bad muffler pulls in making it impossible for me to hear their conversation anymore.
He climbs into the truck. “That fucker Dr. Tiller pulled out of the house because he found his own rental. I never understood why he took a spot to begin with.” He starts the ambulance to drive us back to the station.
I secure myself in the passenger seat. “So what does that mean?”
“It means we each have to pay more. We were already short one person so unless we can find two people to fill the spots it’s gonna cost us. Someone mentioned something about renting out the spots for the weeks we don’t have as many people there or something, since we’re all on different shifts. I don’t want to deal with the specifics. I just want to drink, ski, and hot tub.”
I laugh, and we pull up to the fire station a few minutes later. Tank and Stump are sitting in the kitchen, playing cards.
“Slow nigh
t?” I ask, pulling a Gatorade out of the fridge and sitting down with them.
“Yeah.” Tank looks over and shrugs.
The fact that these two are close friends is comical. They’re like Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger from the movie Twins. They act alike but look nothing alike.
“Did you hear about Dr. Tiller?” Tank says to Lou.
“Yeah, I heard.” Lou’s cell phone rings. “Give me a minute.” He puts up his finger and jogs upstairs.
“Why aren’t you coming?” Stump asks me. “You could be the meat the women come for, and then when you turn them down, they’ll come looking for some consoling. And these arms are like magic.” He holds out his arms.
“What can you fit in them? A Smurf?”
He throws a chip at me, and I laugh.
“That’s the difference between you and me, Romeo. I’ve perfected my game because I have to. You get by on those good looks, but your game is pathetic.” He puts his cards down face up on the table. “Gin Rummy, motherfucker.”
Tank shakes his head and brings all the cards into reshuffle. “Seriously though, Romeo, come on. I was all up for speed skiing and I can’t do that without you.”
Tank’s a smoke jumper with me in the spring and summer. The two of us are probably the biggest daredevils in our group. The entire summer while we fought forest fires, we talked about going speed skiing.
“Well…”
I mean, Stella won’t be there and Denver’s right. I shouldn’t go full steam ahead in my pursuit of her. Just figure out how to be friends first. Fuck, my mind is such a clusterfuck right now.
The only thing that really ever clears it is jumping out of a plane or something equally as crazy, so I look at Tank and say, “I’m in.”
“Fuck yeah, that’s awesome.” He smacks my hand with the handshake all the smoke jumpers have.
“Now you need to give all the women our address and tell them you’re single,” Stump says.
“I am single.”
“That’s not what I heard.” His eyebrows practically hit his hairline.
Lou comes barreling down the stairs. “Guess what?”