by Adrian Birch
Chris shrugged. “It’s not any different. Not really. That’s why I defected from the hospital when the Home Guard took over. That’s why I’m stuck hiding out in this fucking granary. I don’t see how it’s okay to go around whacking innocent people SS-style. Even if they are dead.”
Now that Chris had finished his explanation, Ian touched my arm solemnly.
“Ash, I have to show you something,” he whispered. “I didn’t think you’d be ready for this, not after everything you’ve been through today, but now I’m thinking maybe you are.”
I braced myself. I’d thought I couldn’t be affected by anything else after what I’d seen, but seeing Mr. Hershel split open and pulled apart had proved me wrong. I wasn’t actually so sure that I could handle any other surprises today.
Ian reached into his pocket and took out a white plastic applicator, just like the ones the Home Guard used to test for infection.
“I know what that is,” I said. “I watched Jason use one.”
“It’s an instant-read applicator—an Insta-Read. Unfortunately, this was our only one,” Ian explained. “They’re hard to come by. They work by taking a urine sample.”
He pressed a button, and a three-inch needle extended from the applicator with a click.
“They’re designed to take a quick sample from the bladder by piercing the abdomen in case someone refuses to give urine. But they work just as well by peeing on the needle. You don’t actually have to stab anyone.”
He clicked the button again, and the needle withdrew.
“This one is Morgan’s.”
Ian handed me the applicator. He and Chris both waited silently for me to read it.
Just like a pregnancy test, there were simple instructions. One blue line meant “stage one TGV.” Two blues lines meant “stage two TGV.” Three blue lines meant “stage three TGV.”
Morgan’s test had two blue lines. Stage two TGV.
I had to have known on some level, listening to Chris’s explanation about how the pathogen worked, that Morgan was infected. She’d been sleeping with Mr. Hershel for weeks even before he’d raped her. She’d gotten sick, and I’d watched her stop breathing and lie still without a heartbeat for at least ten minutes before waking back up. But I hadn’t really let myself accept it until now—until seeing the brute fact of two blue lines on the applicator.
“Sometimes stage two can progress pretty quickly,” Chris said ominously.
I looked back at the granary door. “She’s here, isn’t she? Somewhere?”
“I’ll take you to her now,” Ian said.
I followed Ian and Chris outside.
Bryce was sitting beside the granary, his back against the corrugated tin wall. He stood upon seeing us. I handed him the applicator.
“It’s Morgan’s.”
He read it and nodded slowly.
Chris lit a cigarette—a Camel Light—as he led us all toward the second of the six round silos. He offered the cigarette to me, and after a moment I accepted it, taking a long, trembling drag before handing it back over.
Ian took a few cautious steps toward the long row of silos and somberly motioned for us to follow him.
He whispered, “Before we go in, you should know that Chris has been trying to help Morgan. He’s been giving her a cocktail of antibiotics.”
“It’s still early,” Chris broke in. “So we really don’t know how well it works. But, for now, it seems to have some effect halting the progression of the disease.”
This was good news. I needed good news. It gave me a little hope for Morgan. Maybe if there was a way to slow the disease, there was a way to cure it completely.
“But the cocktail’s a combination of some pretty powerful antibiotics,” Ian said. “It has some side effects. Morgan’s gotten pretty weak. Chris says it’ll probably get worse before it gets better. She’s also not sleeping because of the hallucinatory nightmares the antibiotics have been causing. She’s exhausted. And the kicker: we’re already running low on the antibiotics Chris needs. Problem is, I don’t have clearance at the pharmacy even as a medical officer. They keep it pretty closely guarded. Jason is one of the only rangers in the Home Guard with an access card because the pharmacy falls in his squad’s residential patrol zone. And he’s not exactly going to do me any favors, not after today. I can’t even order him to give it over because I don’t outrank him in that way. And if I ever tried to just take it from him, his squad would back him up.” Ian gave me a stern look. “Look, Ash. I’m telling you all this so you know why Morgan’s in the state she’s in. I don’t want you to get your hopes up. We’re doing all we can, but there’s not much more we can do for her. Our hands are pretty tied.”
I nodded. “I understand,” I said. “Just let me see her.”
Ian took a key from his pocket and stepped toward the silo door. I hadn’t realized it was locked.
“You locked her in?”
“It wasn’t our idea,” Ian said. “She made us promise to lock her in. She was terrified of what she’d do as the disease progressed. She was worried she would leave.”
Ian pushed the door open.
Morgan was sitting on the concrete floor beside a little, unlit kerosene lantern. She smiled at me sadly. She tried raising a hand to motion for me to sit beside her, but she was obviously weak. She struggled to hold her arm up.
I sat beside her and hugged her for a long time.
“What the hell, kid?” I said, holding back my tears. “We’re going to get you better.”
Morgan shrugged and nodded without much hope. She wasn’t saying anything.
I suddenly realized that she couldn’t speak.
I knew that she’d be in a bad state, but I hadn’t fully prepared myself for her to have completely lost the ability to talk to me.
She grabbed my shoulder, pointed toward the ground, and gave me a sad, terrified look. Then she hugged me again.
“I told her what happened to you the other day,” Ian said, “in the coffin.”
I understood. I hugged Morgan back. “Thanks, kid.” I said. “I’m okay now.”
Morgan tried to tell me something else. She pointed at me and then Bryce. When she couldn’t express herself by pointing, she tried to speak, but only hollow gibberish came out of her mouth. It was like her lips were numb, and her jaw seemed stiff. She couldn’t form words or sounds at all. She started to cry in frustration.
“We’ll get you something to write with,” I said.
Morgan gave me yet another look of despair.
Ian said, “Writing’s not so easy for her, either. We tried that. Her fingers are getting pretty numb.”
Morgan turned away and slammed her hand against the tin wall. The loud bang resonated in the silo’s confined space.
She started to cry miserably, still without making any sound. I moved closer to her and held her while she cried. She started to rock herself back and forth, and I let myself rock with her.
Then, slowly, Morgan started to breathe more deeply.
She turned her head so her lips were against my ear, and I could feel the warmth of her suddenly tense inhalations. She moved her leg just a little over mine. Then she pressed her pubic bone into my hip, rotating her pelvis. She let out a soft little moan of something close to pleasure. It was the first understandable sound I’d heard her make. Then she started grinding even harder into my hip. She gently bit my ear lobe, breathing even more deeply and moaning again.
She was trying to get off on me.
“Morgan,” I said. I pushed her away as gently as I could.
Ian stepped over and helped me up, pushing Morgan back as he separated us.
As if waking from a trance, Morgan suddenly realized what she’d been doing. She looked mortified. Suddenly she slammed the tin wall again, curled up into a little ball with her head between her knees, and started sobbing.
Ian pulled me farther away from her.
“She can’t help it,” he reminded me.
Morgan look
ed up. She waved us away, tears spilling from her eyes, then made a locking motion at Ian, reminding him to make sure to lock her inside.
We all stepped out.
There was nothing else I could do.
It was getting late. The sun was setting over the mountains. I felt completely hopeless. For a moment, I didn’t see the point of living. What were we all going to do?
Ian quietly closed the door and locked the padlock.
“That’s the thing about this disease,” he said. “It takes any outpouring of emotion, even sorrow, and turns it into sexual attraction. Not just love and affection, like normal, but anger, gratitude, humor—everything. It all comes out as lust.”
Bryce and Chris walked on ahead. I wasn’t sure, but I think Chris may have been hooking Bryce up with some weed.
“We better get going,” Ian said. “I registered your official residence as your parents’ house, so you’ll be able to stay there. It falls in the residential patrol zone that Jason’s squad has, though. I couldn’t do anything about that. They usually arrive at the house around noon. Your mom’s even been making them lunch. But, really, they could come at any time. If you’re not there, they’ll put your warrant back out, and I won’t be able to stop them. Morgan obviously has to stay here.”
I nodded. “We better get going, then,” I said. “But first, tell me something.”
Ian folded his arms against the evening chill, waiting for me to speak. Way off in the distance, the Rocky Mountains were growing darker. The first stars were appearing in the sky.
“I’ve just had this feeling…” I said. “I’m sorry to ask—I shouldn’t, I know—but did anything ever happen between you and Morgan? Ever?”
Ian sighed. For a moment he looked away.
“That night at the bar,” he began, “after you and Bryce left, we went off looking for you together. I’ll be honest and tell you that Morgan came on to me. She tried to kiss me, but that was it. She was pretty drunk. I stopped it. Nothing else happened.” He shrugged. “I swear that was it.”
I nodded, relieved. I knew he was telling the truth. And I felt awful for Morgan. It was true she slept around, but I knew under normal circumstances she wouldn’t ever have come on to my brother-in-law.
I thought about my best friend alone in that silo, and how she was selflessly insisting on being locked in just to protect other people. I would have done anything to help her.
Then I thought of a way that maybe I could.
I turned back to Ian. “You said Jason and Shawn and those guys have lunch at the house, right?”
“Yeah.” Ian shook his head, annoyed that my mom was being so hospitable. “Your mom’s keeping them well fed while they’re on patrol.”
“And Jason’s the only one you know of who has a pharmacy access card?”
“Well, yeah.” Ian looked at me warily. “Why?”
“Because I think I could get it from him.”
He was surprised at my suggestion. “Ashley, I couldn’t even get it from him. He has his whole squad to back him up.”
“But what if he didn’t? What if I got him alone? He’s been coming on to me nonstop since the fair. And I’m pretty sure I could get him drunk or high on those pills of his. If I could talk to him alone for even just a minute at the house, I could set something up with him to meet somewhere. I’m sure I could get him to agree if he thought I wanted to sleep with him. It’s worth a try, right?”
“No way.” Ian shook his head emphatically. “That’s way too dangerous. You, alone with that psycho? Come on, Ashley, no way.”
“What other way is there?” I asked. “You said yourself you can’t get the pharmacy access card from him, right?”
Ian didn’t respond, but gave me a look of frustrated helplessness.
“Well then?” I said, trying to keep my voice low so Bryce and Chris wouldn’t hear me. “What’s the other option? You don’t have enough antibiotics to keep Morgan stable. What’s your plan? Just do nothing and let her progress to stage three?”
“Ashley, come on.”
“Give me a better plan.” I stepped in front him, forcing Ian to stop walking back to the granary and listen to me. “Give me a better plan, and I won’t do this,” I said. “Otherwise I’m getting Jason alone tomorrow and making him think I want to fuck him. I can get his access card. I know I can. I can do this.”
Ian didn’t say anything. He waved good-bye to Chris and walked Bryce and me back to my parent's house along the river. He didn’t agree one way or another to my plan. But as we made our way through the growing darkness, I could tell he knew I was right.
There wasn’t any other way.
January 26th, 2014
3:21 p.m.
Author’s Update
Part 4 is finally finished! I had so much fun writing about the transformation of Ashley’s town and all the changes in her life. Some crazy stuff happens during her escape, and a lot of details about the plague are explained. Ashley has some big decisions to make about her role in forming a resistance movement against the Home Guard, and in Part 5 her choices are going to play out in some pretty unexpected ways.
In other news, I have to report that Kyle finally got back to me.
I was feeling more and more sick to my stomach with every hour that passed when he wasn’t responding to my text, but then I got a long email from him totally unexpectedly.
He actually apologized for getting me in trouble. Then he wrote about how what happened between us really meant a lot to him. He said he was sorry that he’d been out of touch for a while, and that I’d just taken him by surprise in the car. He told me he wanted me to be a part of his life and that he wanted to see me again. I felt SO much better.
And I told him that I wanted to see him again, too.
Of course, that won’t exactly be easy. My dad’s really been keeping an eye on me lately, especially after he caught Kyle parked outside our house.
But in his last email, Kyle asked me if I thought I could sneak out again.
I probably shouldn’t, but I think I’m going to. I haven’t decided for sure yet. But I really want to. I really want to see him again. Even if my dad catches me, I think it’ll be worth it.
…What do you think I should do?
Anyway, in the meantime, I’m already starting to plan out Part 5. A lot of exciting ideas came to me when I was taking pictures of dripping honey for Part 4 cover image. Much more to come soon! Tweet or message @BaileySimms if you want to get in touch.
Thanks for reading!
xxBailey
February 2nd, 2014
8:20 p.m.
Part 5
Don’t Catch the Plague
My mom wouldn’t stop knitting.
When I came in through the door, she said, “So you’ve decided to grace us with your presence.”
She refused to look up from the scarf she was making for Haley. It had grown by an arm’s length in the days I’d been gone.
All I’d wanted was to come home to my parents’ house, spend a semi-normal evening with my family, maybe have one of my mom’s home-cooked meals, and then sleep in an actual bed. I really needed some sanity after everything I’d been through. And considering that I was going to try to seduce and drug Jason Gibbs tomorrow, I was hoping to get some rest so I could prepare.
But apparently Shawn and the rest of Jason’s squad had told my family that I was wanted for hiding infected refugees. They all thought that I’d been with Morgan somewhere, concealing her from the Home Guard. I thought about telling them what had actually happened, but how could I? I didn’t think anyone would really believe that I’d been buried alive and then locked in a stripped-down U-Haul for the better part of a week.
“I don’t see why you don’t just tell them where Morgan is,” my mom scolded.
I hadn’t realized that she was in such deep denial about everything that was happening.
“They know what’s best for her,” she went on, fiercely knitting at the kitchen counter w
hile she lectured me. “They’re keeping us all safe. I don’t know why you have to go and disrupt all of that. They’re all such nice boys. And Shawn! You should be so proud of him! This has been so good for him. You need to be more grateful. We’re all just so lucky that the good guys are on our side, watching out for us.”
We’d missed dinner. Ian was having a beer with Bryce on the porch, and I’d told them that I’d make some sandwiches. My dad was washing the dishes. As I opened the fridge, he dried his hands and put an arm around me.
“It’s good to see you,” he said, softly, so my mom wouldn’t hear him. “I was worried. I’m glad you’re home.”
At the dining table, Danielle was playing cards with Tyler and Haley. My sister hadn’t said a word to me since I’d arrived at the house. When I went to grab the bread knife from the table, she scowled. She stood up, placing herself between her children and me, and then whispered fiercely into my ear.
“I know you know where that little bitch is,” she hissed. “She’s probably the one who brought that disease in from outside. You need to tell Ian where she is. No more fucking around, Ashley.”
I hadn’t realized how much Ian wasn’t telling Danielle.
She didn’t have a clue what was going on. He obviously didn’t trust her to keep the granary a secret. And judging by how my sister was acting now, he was absolutely right not to trust her. She’d never been the most easygoing person, but I’d never seen her behave this way. The stress was really getting to her, I could tell. It seemed like she suddenly hated me.
“Play with us, Aunt Ashley!” Haley peeked around her mother and looked at me expectantly.
Even after all I’d been through, I felt really bad having to say no to my niece yet again.
“Next time,” I told her, mussing her hair. “I’ve got some important things to take care of. And we have a guest,” I said, nodding in the direction of the porch.
Tyler couldn’t have heard what his mother whispered into my ear, but he looked at both of us apprehensively. He was still in that awkward stage; he was probably going to be good-looking when he got out of adolescence, but his nose had suddenly gotten too big for his face, and his forehead was ringed with acne from wearing his football helmet. Poor kid. He just wanted life to be normal, to play football, and to meet girls his age. He’d been helping Haley fan out the cards in her hand, and I could tell right away that he was terrified at everything that was happening, even though he was putting on a brave face and trying to help his little sister through it. I think he just wanted everyone to stick together and make it out alive.