by Adrian Birch
The minimart door was open, but the cash register was locked. I looked around behind the counter for the key, but I couldn’t find one.
I took another look around the gas station to make sure I was alone, then I slid the register off the counter. It slammed down onto the floor. I could hear change inside jingling around, but the drawer didn’t budge.
I lifted the register, then I heaved it up above my head. I did my best to slam it hard against the floor. It crashed down, spun over, and rolled against a bank of glass-windowed refrigerators.
Some of the register’s keys broke off and scattered across the floor, and the receipt ribbon spooled down the aisle, but still the drawer stayed locked.
It was only then that I noticed a cardboard donation board for Huntington’s disease patients on the counter. It was the kind with little quarter-size slots for people to leave their change in. Most of the slots were empty, but people had stuffed a total of eight quarters into the cardboard pockets.
With only passing guilt, I plucked each of the quarters from the donation board. I promised myself that if I ever made it out of this alive, I’d donate at least a couple of dollars to Huntington’s research.
I went straight into the men’s bathroom. I found exactly what I was looking for: a wall-mounted vending machine selling condoms. The boys in my middle school class used to buy them here, though the only pleasure their use brought was laughter at the names, like French Tickler. Luckily, there was also a box of garden-variety Trojans. I bought a pack for $1.50, tossed out the box, and stuffed the three foil-wrapped condoms into my pocket.
I did my best to freshen up at the sink. I hadn’t showered for more than a day, and I’d spent all night outside. I washed my face and armpits with hand soap, brushed my teeth with a travel toiletry kit that I stole from the mini-mart shelves, and ran water through my hair. That was as good as it was going to get.
It occurred to me that I was truly homeless. I’d slept in a gully, stolen spare change from Huntington’s donations, and now here I was, bathing in a dingy gas station bathroom.
I was also starving.
My weird craving for a cheeseburger and a milkshake had morphed into a craving for anything with lots of calories, preferably sweet. This was strange, because normally I never had much of a sweet tooth.
I grabbed a plastic bag from behind the counter and stuffed it with whatever I could find on the shelves: teriyaki jerky, Pop Tarts, Snickers bars. Not exactly a square meal, but my options were limited.
I had two quarters left. That meant I would be able to make two phone calls.
I had no choice but to use one quarter to call Jason now and save the last one to call Chris later, hopefully after I’d stolen Jason’s access card.
I put one quarter into the pay phone, slipped the last one into my breast pocket along with the pills, and dialed the number listed next to Jason’s name in the phone book. I hoped to God it was the number for his cell, and that he’d actually pick up.
The ringback tone whirred once.
Jason picked up right away. I could tell by the sound quality that I’d reached his cell.
“Who’s this?” he demanded.
“Are you on duty?” I asked.
“Yes, I’m on duty. Who is this?”
“You stood me up.”
“Ashley?” Right away Jason’s voice hushed. “Shit. Give me a second.”
There was a series of shuffling noises, then the sound of a car door closing.
“Ashley, yeah. Look. Sorry about that, but it just wasn’t going to work out. They’re kind of cracking down on unregulated intimate relations around here. It’s just way too risky.”
“Unregulated intimate relations?” I parroted.
“Well, yeah,” he said sheepishly. “That’s what they call it. Having sex with a positive is amazing. It’s like fucking on ecstasy. And a lot of guys haven’t been careful enough. Now, if you get caught fooling around without an intercourse license, it’s not pretty. I shouldn’t even really be talking to you.”
I pretended to be hurt. “Have fun jerking off for the rest of your life, then,” I said. “I should have known all that shit about you being down to party was bullshit. I was even saving my last two grasshoppers.” I tried to sound as disappointed as possible, but it was hard. I kept remembering Jason climbing behind the wheel of the swather.
“You have grasshoppers?” he sounded genuinely envious.
“I was going to surprise you, but whatever.”
“Shit,” he said wistfully. “I haven’t had grasshoppers since before the plague. Where’d you get grasshoppers?”
“I knew this guy at the trucking company who used to come in from Denver,” I lied. “How does it matter now? I’m so fucking bored, Jason. Seriously. My whole family’s cut me off. And now Morgan’s gone, so I don’t even have her. You heard about Morgan, right?”
“Yeah, I heard.”
He said this with utter disinterest. He was so gross.
“Well,” I said. “I’ll just have to find somebody else to party with now that you’re out, asshole.” I knew I had to start flirting with him. “The thing is,” I said, “I’m so fucking lonely right now. I can’t believe you stood me up. You owe me. You know? You owe me at least one night. Honestly, I’ve wanted you to fuck me ever since that night at the fairgrounds. Can you really not get away? I thought you were the sergeant. I thought you didn’t answer to anybody. Was that really all bullshit? I should have known you’d pussy out.”
“I am the sergeant,” Jason insisted idiotically. He actually sounded hurt. He was also starting to sound a little tempted. “It’s just dangerous, that’s all,” he whispered. “I mean, we’d have to be really, really careful. Honestly, I’ve been thinking about you, too. You have no idea how bad I want to fuck you, Ashley!” He laughed. “I really regretted not being able to make it last night.”
I couldn’t believe he was already taking the bait. All I had to do was question his masculinity, and I could get him to do anything. This actually had the effect of making me hate him even more.
“Well, where’s a safe place?” I asked cautiously.
“I don’t know. Like, a field. Someplace way out in the middle of nowhere. Someplace where I can be sure no one else is around to report me.”
“I know a place,” I said, “but look—if you don’t show up again, I’m finding somebody else. You have no idea how many of these rangers from outside have been coming on to me. I’ll be behind the fairgrounds tonight just after sunset. There’s a cottonwood tree in the middle of the first field behind the rodeo grandstands. I’ll be there. You know where I mean?”
“Yeah, I know where you mean,” he said tentatively. “Look, Ash. If we do this we have to be really careful. We’re totally out of Insta-Read tests, so I can’t test you. We have to use protection. Okay?”
I laughed. “Whatever you say, Sergeant. I’ll bring a pocketful of rubbers with your name on all of them. Don’t worry about it.”
“And you still have the grasshoppers?”
“You fucking bet I do,” I said. “Don’t be late. I swear to God this is your last fucking chance, Jason. Don’t pussy out on me again.”
* * *
Jason wasn’t late.
I’d spent the rest of the day walking all the way to the fairgrounds. I’d reached the field behind the grandstands just before sunset and sat against the cottonwood tree to wait in the last of the light.
And as soon as it was dark, Jason drove up alone in a small military SUV. When he turned into the field, he cut off his lights and slowly drove toward the cottonwood tree in the dark. He was being extra careful.
“Get in,” he said.
“Where are we going?”
“Just get in.”
I climbed in. Without turning the headlights on, Jason slowly drove along an irrigation channel until we were four fields away from the fairgrounds. I could barely see the lights of town.
He cut the engine.
&nbs
p; For a moment he just sat there in the dark, not moving or saying anything. He wasn’t comfortable with this. He was nervous.
I reached into my pocket and took out one of the condoms. I slipped it into his hand.
“Well, Mister Safety First,” I said. “What are you waiting for?”
He took the condom. He shined a tiny flashlight into my face, then turned it off again.
“This is crazy, doing this without testing you,” he said. “But you look pretty good. You don’t look infected. I guess we’ll be okay with just the rubber…I guess.”
I leaned close to him and whispered softly into his ear, “Since when are you the worrying type, Sergeant?”
I gently bit his earlobe.
“Jesus Christ,” he whispered. He took a deep breath and sighed.
He reached into the back and grabbed what I could just make out in the dark to be a pint of vodka. He opened it, took a drink, and handed it over to me.
Before taking the bottle, I reached into my left pant pocket and took out the pill Chris had given me with the sedatives. I’d taken both pills out of the latex, making sure to keep the sedative in my left pocket and the sugar pill in my right pocket. I slipped the sedative into Jason’s hand and took the vodka.
“I can’t believe you have grasshoppers,” he said. He finally seemed to relax a little.
“Well, they’re the last of my stash. So you better fucking enjoy it, mister.” I took the sugar pill from my pocket.
Jason flashed his flashlight at me again.
Before I could stop him, he took the sugar pill from my hand.
“You sure these are grasshoppers?”
Shit.
I kept my eye on the sugar pill. The capsule was identical to the sedative, and now the two pills lay side by side in his hand. I couldn’t mix them up.
“Of course they’re fucking grasshoppers.”
I reached to take the sugar pill back, but Jason pulled away.
“Hold this.” He handed me the flashlight. “Keep it down. Don’t shine it out the window.”
I cupped the flashlight and kept it pointed at his hands.
“Just in case you’re trying to poison me or something,” he said, uncapping both pills. “Can’t be too careful.”
He dumped the powder from both pills into his palm, mixed all of it together, then scooped half into one capsule, half into the other, and capped them both.
Now, the capsules had half of a sedative dose each.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“Here.” Jason handed me one of the pills. “You first.”
I was totally fucked. I was much smaller than Jason, and if I took even half a dose of the powerful sedative, I’d almost certainly pass out first. But what could I do? I had no choice. I’d have to take the pill and somehow try to get the card from him as fast as I could.
I tossed the pill into my mouth and swallowed it down with a swig of vodka. What had I gotten myself into?
“I knew you liked to party!” Jason enthusiastically popped his own pill, sipped the vodka, and swallowed.
Suddenly, he was all over me. He shoved his hand into my bra and started kissing me hard. His teeth knocked against mine.
I did my best to kill as much time as possible. I tried to get into the back of the SUV, saying we’d have more room, and then I tried to stall after stepping outside. The only chance I had was to wait for the sedatives to kick in, then force myself to stay alert long enough to get into Jason’s wallet. After that, I had no idea what I would do.
But instead of following me into the backseat, Jason stepped around the SUV and grabbed me. He pulled me onto its hood and climbed up after me.
He tore my shirt open, ripping off all the buttons, and, instead of waiting for me to take the shirt all the way off, he jerked at the back of Morgan’s threadbare flannel and tore it in half from the tail to the collar. He flung away the two pieces and started frantically licking my breasts, pulling my bra straps down over my shoulders.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” I said, already feeling a little woozy from the sedative. “Slow down.”
“What do you mean, ‘slow down’?” Jason said, breathing hard and unbuckling his belt.
Before I knew it, he had my pants off, he’d slapped on a condom, and he was inside me.
The worst part was that he was actually really big. It hurt. I fucking hated him.
“Jason! Hold on! Slow down!” I was terrified.
But he didn’t stop. He started pounding into me. I tried to act like I liked it, but it was really hard to be convincing with my back against the hood. He was really hurting me.
I hadn’t ever planned on actually having sex with him. I’d hoped to bide my time until the sedatives kicked in, but he’d moved so fast, I had no choice. He started squeezing my breasts with all of his weight on top of me, grunting. It was like he’d gone into this blank place where he didn’t see me as a human being at all—I was just some object for him to squeeze to the point of suffocation and ram his cock into.
I tried to remind myself that I was the one who had power over him, that his dumb, violent urge to fuck me was his weakness, and that if I just waited him out and kept myself alert long enough, I’d get the better of him.
Still, it’s hard to describe how much I hated him while he had me pinned down like that, grunting into my ear, slamming himself inside me like a crazed bull. He had complete control over me. I’d never felt so tiny and helpless.
“Stop!” I finally screamed. “Jason! Stop!” I thought I was going to die from sheer panic and terror.
All of a sudden, Jason’s frantic thrusts slowed, but not because I’d told him to stop. He slumped a little, dazed.
He groaned. “Fucking…Ashley,” he slurred into my ear. “This grasshopper. Is some gyood shyit. Best I everrrrrr had…”
The sedative was finally kicking in.
I pushed him off me, and he woozily let me roll him over onto his back. His legs dangled against the SUV’s bumper. His head lolled back against the windshield.
He gave me an idiotic grin that I could just make out in the dark.
“Wow,” he said.
It was all I could do not to tip over and fall off the hood myself. I was finding it almost impossible to keep my balance. The sedative had started affecting me, too, and it was coming on strong. I felt my weight pitch forward, but I caught myself against Jason’s chest and found my balance.
I took a deep breath.
For a moment all I could do was stare at Jason’s grin and blink my eyes. I slid off the hood and stepped away.
“Fucking cunt,” he slurred, almost as if talking in his sleep. “Put me back insyide you.”
Why would anyone ever say something like that? Even while drugged? Jason had been a spoiled, horrible kid when I’d babysat him, and now he’d grown up into a spoiled, horrible asshole of a human being. He wasn’t even infected and he still acted this way. It was just how he was. Another wave of hatred passed over me.
But, strangely, I felt suddenly alert. My heart raced, and I was overcome with the same weird feeling of limitless confidence I’d had after waking up in the motel room more than a week earlier. My anger and hatred for Jason seemed to have triggered the feeling.
I could barely see in the dark, but I found my pants where Jason had tossed them. Instead of putting them on, though, I searched the pockets, my ears ringing with rage. Right away I found what I was looking for. It was still there. Right alongside my Dad’s topography map, I felt a long, smooth cylinder about the size of a pencil. I grabbed it and jerked it out of my pocket.
It was the knitting needle I’d killed Morgan with.
In the dim starlight, I could see that it was still stained with her dried blood.
Jason grunted and lifted his arm toward me, but dropped it back down against the hood and rolled over, face down, with a dull thump.
“Byiiitch,” he droned woozily.
My heart thudded with yet another surge o
f hateful energy. Jason’s bare, pale ass lay exposed thanks to him rolling over.
Without fully thinking about what I was doing, I stepped forward. I thought about how Jason had executed that poor girl in the car, about his smug grin while driving the swather, and about how he’d heartlessly stuffed himself inside me and groped me to the point where I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to kill him. But even more than I wanted Jason dead, I wanted him to suffer horribly, like Bryce and Morgan had. I wanted to make him sick. Then I wanted his superiors in the Home Guard to recognize his symptoms, execute him on the spot, and put his body on display.
With a quick thrust, I shoved the bloody knitting needle up Jason’s ass.
I jammed it in as deep as I could. I twisted it, then jammed it in even farther. I felt his intestines tearing.
Jason writhed around in furious pain. He let out a low howl that sounded like a rutting buck. He took an unsteady swing at me, but I leapt back and he missed connecting with my jaw. Instead, he lost his balance, fell off the SUV’s hood, and landed with a dull thud on the ground. I heard the knitting needle break.
He groaned. His head rolled around, but he didn’t even try to get up. The sedatives had almost knocked him out completely. He was only half conscious.
I stepped farther away and tried to catch my breath. I couldn’t believe what I’d just done. It was like waking up from a dream. I’d just wasted so much time, lost in my spite for Jason. And no matter how strangely aware I’d felt a moment ago, I was bound to pass out from the pill soon.
Now that I’d caught my breath, the sedatives were hitting me hard. The one thing I absolutely could not let myself do was collapse in this empty field and wake up in the morning beside Jason, just as he himself would be rousing.
I had to move fast.
I knelt and fished Jason’s wallet from his back pocket. I clutched it tightly in my hand, willing myself not to drop it.
I tried to stand, but fell backward instead, scraping my bare behind.
I picked up my pants, but no matter how hard I tried, I was too woozy to put my foot inside them. The burst of energy and clarity I’d had before was totally gone. I was about to pass out. I had no choice but to leave my clothes behind.