A defensive move, perhaps, but necessary. It was that or grab something like a shield from the wall. Odds were, Kateb wasn’t going to react well to what she had to say.
Not that fear would stop her. Yusra had been right. In the end, not knowing would be worse than rejection. At least that’s what she would tell herself later.
Unless Kateb surprised her. Unless he had feelings for her, as well. The possibility and hope gave her courage. It would have to be enough.
“I don’t want you to find me a husband,” she said quietly, staring into his dark eyes and wishing being around him didn’t make her heart beat faster. “I don’t want your money. You’re not responsible for me. When I leave, I’ll be on my own. It’s better that way.”
He frowned. “What do you want?”
She sucked in a breath. “You. I want this to be real.” She glanced around the room. “I’m not interested in being your mistress. I want it all, Kateb.”
She could feel herself shaking. She did her best to hide it. “I’ve fallen in love with you. I didn’t mean to. It just happened. You’re not what I expected at all. You’re a good guy. I like being with you. You make me laugh, even when you don’t mean to, and that’s pretty cool. I want us to be together. I want—”
“Stop,” he commanded, darkness invading his eyes. “Do not say any more.”
“Kateb?”
“No.” He stepped back. “No. This is not allowed. This is not to be. Love between us is impossible.”
Knowing this could happen still hadn’t prepared her for the pain that sliced through her. Her heart fell still. And yet she was able to stand before him.
“I don’t have a choice,” she whispered.
“Neither do I. I don’t want your love. I have never wanted it. Not from you or anyone.”
She swallowed. “Why does it have to be bad?”
“Because I will never love you and I will never seek love. We’ll never be together. You’re the last woman I would ever marry. It is over. Done.”
He walked out of the harem. She waited until she was alone, then sank onto the floor. The stone was cold and hard, just like the man. She curled up and waited for the tears.
She told herself that at least she knew and in the knowing there would be peace. Eventually. Just not today.
Chapter Eleven
Kateb had little interest in meeting with the elders before the ceremony that would make him leader, but there was no way of getting out of it. While his father, the king, could be difficult, Mukhtar was only one man. The elders were many, opinionated and stubborn. Although they wanted to discuss several issues facing the village, he knew there was one major topic on their collective minds. Getting him married.
While the position of leader was earned rather than inherited, having a wife and children was a statement about a man’s character. Kateb understood the importance and intended to comply with tradition. What he didn’t like was having to talk about it. Especially now.
Although he hadn’t seen Victoria in two days, she was with him every moment. Her words taunted him, angered him, left him unable to sleep. He was furious with her and he couldn’t say why.
He made his way to the elders’ chamber and was announced by the guard at the door. Once he was named leader, he would take his place at the head of the table, but for now he stood, a mere visitor in the room where all important decisions were made.
Zayd, the spokesman for the group, acknowledged him with a nod and rose.
“You are well, Prince Kateb?” he asked politely.
“Yes. Thank you. The elders?”
“We are old,” Zayd grumbled. “And getting more so by the day. We summoned you here to speak of your future, and by association, our own.”
Kateb said nothing. When it was his turn to speak, they would tell him.
“We have reviewed your plans for the village. Your economic policy is aggressive. Perhaps too aggressive.”
“The old ways still work,” another man said, glaring at Kateb. “You think you’re going to change everything in a week? It doesn’t work that way.”
Kateb waited for the nod from Zayd, indicating he could respond.
“The old ways are the backbone of our way of life and our financial success,” Kateb told him. “I have no desire to change that. I seek only to add muscle to an already strong economy.”
He explained a little of what he had in mind, then outlined his goals for his first year. They listened, which was the first step in getting them to agree.
“This is all fine and good,” another man said, his voice wispy with age, “but what about getting married? Cantara was a flower of the desert, to be sure, but it has been five years, Kateb. You mourn her and those emotions speak highly of you. But it is time for you to marry again. Tradition demands it and so do we.”
“I agree,” he told them. “I am ready to take a wife.”
The elders looked at each other. Usually they were expert at keeping their opinions to themselves, but they were obviously surprised by his agreement.
“Do you have a preference?” Zayd asked. “Have you chosen someone?”
He thought of Victoria, who had proved to be an unexpected treasure. Until a few days ago.
“No one,” he said clearly.
Zayd raised his eyebrows. “I see. Then appropriate candidates will be brought to the village.”
“I will choose from among them.”
There were a few whispered comments between the elders. One of the old men stood.
“What of Victoria? Does she remain in the harem?”
Not if she wasn’t pregnant, he thought, still angry at her and still unclear why. It didn’t matter that he wanted her, that she pleased him in so many ways. It was impossible for her to stay.
Unless she was pregnant. If she carried his child, then he would have no choice but to keep her. The law was clear—a royal child could not be taken from the country without permission of the king. And Mukhtar would never give it. Victoria would never leave her child, trapping her in the village until the child was an adult.
What would that be like? Having her so close? What would he do with her?
The most logical solution was to retain her as his mistress. To keep her close and…
No. That was not his way—not when he was to marry. Which meant the easiest solution was for her not to be pregnant. That would be best for everyone. But if she did have his baby, all her strength, her determination, her intelligence would flow through to that child.
“I have not yet determined what will become of her,” he said, unwilling to explain the reason. They should know about the pregnancy within the week. “I will decide after the final naming ceremony. If she is to leave, the potential brides must wait until she is gone.”
He might not trust her, but he wouldn’t insult her by having to live with them in the harem. If she was pregnant…he would deal with that problem later.
The elders spoke to each other, then Zayd stood again. “Do you wish to marry the American? While tradition and political expediency suggest you take a desert bride, Victoria has proven herself many times over. Her work with Rasha has already brought glory to the village. She was wise about Sa’id when others didn’t see anything but a shamed child. She is strong and compassionate. If you wish to marry her, we have no objections.”
Marry her? Impossible. To marry her would be to…
And then he understood the anger burning inside of him. He knew why her words had offended him and made it impossible to speak of anything else.
She wanted to stay here. She’d finally found a place she could call home. But instead of coming to him and saying that, instead of discussing the possibility of changing their deal, she’d tried to trick him with words of love. She’d thought that he would believe her.
She didn’t love him—she only wanted the security he could provide. This wasn’t about him at all.
“I will not marry her,” he said clearly.
Zayd sat back do
wn. “I see.” There was disappointment in his voice. “As you wish.”
“If she wants to stay in the village, we can find her another man to marry,” one of the elders said.
“No.” Kateb would not allow that. “No one else may have her.”
He understood the ridiculousness of his position. He didn’t want her and he didn’t want anyone else to have her. To explain would be to give too much away. But she was not to be trusted—he knew that much. Love. How dare she claim that emotion? How dare she try to trick him with her perfect face and body, with her humor and intelligence. It was just like a woman.
But he was too smart for her and he would find a way to punish her. Then he would walk away and leave her with nothing.
Victoria sat in the harem garden and wished there was a way to get a really big lock on the door. One that would keep her trapped inside forever. She could live out her life here, just her and the parrots and maybe a dog. A dog would love her, no matter what. A dog wouldn’t walk out on her after she told it she loved it. A dog would care.
Unlike Kateb, who had casually ripped out her heart, then set it on fire in front of her. She’d never been in love before, she hadn’t known how much it could hurt. She’d told the truth, offered him all that she had and he’d walked out on her. He’d brutally rejected her and the hell of it was, she couldn’t just walk away. Not yet.
But soon.
That morning, she’d felt the first dull ache, low in her belly. Right on time, she thought sadly, knowing that in a couple of days she would get her period and have the proof Kateb required to let her go.
Once she told Yusra, how long would it take until she was gone? An hour? Two? Then she would face the drive back to the city and the endless plane ride home. Once she arrived in the States, where would she go? She didn’t have any family except for her father and she didn’t want anything to do with him. There was no reason to return to Texas. She could go to Los Angeles or Denver or Seattle. Maybe she could get lost in New York.
Possibilities that should have excited her, but all she could think about was how much she would miss Kateb. She ached for him, would do anything for him and didn’t have a clue as to how to get him to listen.
She raised her face to the sun, then stiffened when she heard footsteps in the harem. They were fast and determined. Her heart began to beat quicker as anticipation raced through her. She had it bad, she thought sadly. She would rather see Kateb, knowing he was angry and would hurt her, than be without him. Apparently she was going to have to spend some quality time with self-help books when she got home.
He swept into the garden, then stalked toward her.
“We must speak,” he announced.
“As you wish.”
His dark eyes seemed like weapons as he glared at her. She ignored that and his obvious fury, instead studying him so that she would never forget the breadth of his shoulders or the scar on his cheek.
She thought about offering him a seat, but he seemed to have too much energy to be still. She waited as he paced on the stone path in front of her. He would have to be the one to speak first—she’d said everything she could think of already.
“You should have talked to me,” he told her, his gaze narrowed. “You should have said you were interested in staying here. If you’d been honest with me, we could have come to terms.” He stopped and looked at her as if she’d called down a tornado to wipe out the village. “Instead, you tried to deceive me.”
For a few seconds, she thought he might be speaking some alien language with clucking sounds and squeaks. Then the words rearranged themselves in her head and she was able to make sense of what he’d told her.
The meaning sank in slowly, forcing her to her feet. The ache disappeared behind a big wall of mad.
“Are you saying that if I’d come to you and said ‘hey, big guy, I’m thinking this is working for me. Let’s get married,’ that you would have been fine with it? That you would accept a business deal from me but because I told you that I was in love with you, all bets were off?”
“Yes,” he said tightly. “Of course.”
“Of course?” she shrieked. “You’re more comfortable with someone who only wants to use you? But someone who wants to give you her heart is a problem? Let me tell you, you’re going to be in therapy for the rest of your life. That’s beyond crazy. It’s twisted on a level I can’t even joke about.”
She walked to the end of the path, then spun back. “Did it ever occur to you that I was telling the truth? That I am in love with you?”
He didn’t say anything, but then he didn’t have to. The answer to her question was clearly visible on his face. It was in the way he wouldn’t look at her anymore and the tension in his shoulders.
“It didn’t,” she said quietly, as the fight went out of her. “You never thought it was possible.”
He started to say something, but she raised her hand. “Don’t,” she told him. “There’s nothing you can say. No. Wait. I take that back. There’s one thing. Tell me one thing I’ve done to you to make you think that. One thing. Give me a single example, because I’m not seeing it. Who have I hurt here? Where was I mean or difficult or so incredibly awful that you can’t even consider I might have feelings for you? Was it with Rasha? With Sa’id? Did I steal? Did I lie? Did I not give everything I had here?”
“I can’t.” His voice was quiet.
She turned away. “Right. You can’t. But that doesn’t matter because this isn’t about me. It’s easy to make me the bad guy because then you don’t have to look at yourself.”
“Victoria, do not go there.”
She tried to laugh and couldn’t. “You can’t stop me, Kateb. I don’t care that you’re the prince. What I care about is that you’re the man I fell in love with. But you’re still caught up in what happened five years ago.”
She spun to look at him. “It was bad. Probably the worst thing anyone could go through. The death of a loved one is devastating. I know that. I respect that you loved Cantara. But you’re not dead yet and you still get to have a life.”
“That is not for you to say,” he yelled. “I don’t want this. Any of it. I will marry again because it is my duty, but it will be different. A marriage of convenience.”
“Is that what Cantara would have wanted? Would she be proud of you right now?”
“Do not speak of her!”
“What do my words change? She was your wife, Kateb. You knew her best. Is this her doing or yours? Not loving again won’t bring her back.”
“Nothing about this concerns you.”
“Of course it does. I love you and you don’t believe me. How is that not my business? I’ll accept that you don’t share my feelings. I get that maybe this isn’t what you wanted. But that’s not what you’re telling me. You’re turning your back on the rest of your life because you’re afraid of getting hurt again.”
“No!”
“Yes. That’s all this is about.” The more she said, the more she knew it was true. “I love you, Kateb. You can refuse to listen, but that doesn’t change the truth. I love you enough that I want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me. But what you’re doing…it’s wrong. Worse, it’s cowardly. You’re afraid to try again because you don’t want to risk losing someone else you love. But what is life if not taking chances? Those who try the most get the most. You’re sentencing yourself and your future wife to years of mediocrity, all because you’re terrified.”
She drew a breath. “I thought those in charge were supposed to lead by example. Apparently that’s not you. Do as I say, not as I do? Is that what you’ll tell your children?”
He didn’t fight back. Victoria would have taken him on but he didn’t give her the chance. He simply left and she was alone, again.
It hurt just as much as it had before, but it wasn’t as shocking. She wanted to believe that he would get it. She wanted to trust in love and hope and everything good. But how could she fight a man who wouldn’t try?
She supposed the good news was that he had to have some feelings for her or he wouldn’t be so angry about her telling him she loved him. If he didn’t care at all, he would probably keep her around. Having her love him would feed his ego, if nothing else.
But knowing he had feelings and refused to acknowledge them only deepened her sadness. She touched her aching stomach. She had days, maybe hours, and then it was finished. In the beauty of the warm, sunny afternoon, she heard the ticking of an invisible clock. One that counted down until everything was over and she would never see Kateb again.
Bowing to the inevitable, Victoria started packing that afternoon. When it was time, she wanted to go quickly. No lingering, no regrets. Then the healing could begin.
She would have to go to the market one last time. She wouldn’t tell anyone she was leaving, but the visit would be her private way of saying goodbye. Maybe she would spring for another pair of earrings from Rasha’s store. Something to remember the village by. She wouldn’t need anything to remember Kateb. She had a feeling she would never forget him.
She’d filled one suitcase and was starting on another when Yusra burst into the harem. The old woman looked wild-eyed. Victoria’s first thought was for Kateb.
“What’s wrong?” she demanded. “What happened?”
“There’s a challenger. I don’t know who.”
Victoria looked puzzled. “Challenger for what?”
“Kateb as leader.” Yusra grabbed her arm. “We have to do something.”
“I don’t understand. What does a challenger matter?”
Yusra pressed her free hand to her chest, as if trying to catch her breath. “It is tradition. Kateb was nominated and in the time up to him being named, someone can challenge the elders’ decision.”
“That can’t make the elders feel good,” Victoria said, still not sure what the deal was. “So how do they decide? Do people vote?”
“No. This is a challenge, not an election. They fight for the position.”
The Sheikh and the Bought Bride Page 15