Road Trip: BBQ And A Brawl
The Unbelievable Mr. Brownstone™ Book Nineteen
Michael Anderle
This book is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Sometimes both.
Copyright © 2019 Michael Anderle
Cover by Andrew Dobell, www.creativeedgestudios.co.uk
Cover copyright © LMBPN Publishing
A Michael Anderle Production
LMBPN Publishing supports the right to free expression and the value of copyright. The purpose of copyright is to encourage writers and artists to produce the creative works that enrich our culture.
The distribution of this book without permission is a theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like permission to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), please contact [email protected]. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
LMBPN Publishing
PMB 196, 2540 South Maryland Pkwy
Las Vegas, NV 89109
First US edition, May 2019
ISBN: 978-1-64202-315-2
The Oriceran Universe (and what happens within / characters / situations / worlds) are Copyright (c) 2017-19 by Martha Carr and LMBPN Publishing.
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Author Notes
Other series in the Oriceran Universe:
Books by Michael Anderle
Connect with Michael Anderle
Road Trip: BBQ And A Brawl Team
Special Thanks
to Mike Ross
for BBQ Consulting
Jessie Rae’s BBQ - Las Vegas, NV
Thanks to the JIT Readers
Daniel Weigert
Nicole Emens
Dave Hicks
Diane L. Smith
Peter Manis
Jeff Eaton
Jeff Goode
James Caplan
Shari Regan
Larry Omans
Paul Westman
Dorothy Lloyd
Micky Cocker
If I’ve missed anyone, please let me know!
Editor
Lynne Stiegler
To Family, Friends and
Those Who Love
to Read.
May We All Enjoy Grace
to Live the Life We Are
Called.
Chapter One
James paced his living room, Thomas barking at his heels. The dog wagged his tail happily, apparently under the impression this was a fun new game rather than a reflection of his master’s lingering concerns about the new complexities coming into his life.
A man who had defeated five Vax living weapons of mass destruction eight years prior and still managed to capture—or kill—a level four or five once a year had been confronted by a problem he couldn’t solve through the massive application of force or a few explosions.
The whole situation was disconcerting, if not irritating. James had long since given up on life being simple, but that didn’t stop him from growing uncomfortable when it got more complicated than normal, even when the reasons were a blessing.
A kid’s a kid. I can’t order them around for a few years. That’s gonna be interesting. I wonder if Whispy can change me so I’ll need less sleep?
Shay rolled her eyes. She sat on the couch, her legs crossed. “You’re doing it again, James. And it’s really damned annoying. Cut it out.”
James stopped, grunted, and turned toward his wife. “Doing what? I’m not doing shit. I’m just…walking. A man can’t walk in his living room?”
Shay flicked her wrist. “You’re pacing like a high school girl convinced her boyfriend’s not going to ask her to prom.” She clucked her tongue. “And like I said, it’s annoying.”
James stared at his wife, the wheels of his mind grinding on the simile. “I was just thinking about shit. It’s not a big deal.”
Shay patted her stomach. “You mean you were thinking about the kid who’s gonna pop out in July and how it’s going to be complicated, and you don’t know how you’ll handle it because you can’t just armor up and threaten the baby to get what you want?”
James nodded slowly. He wandered over to his recliner to take a seat. “Yeah. Well, not the part where I threaten the baby.”
Thomas barked once before settling beside the chair. He dropped his head between his paws.
James glanced down at the dog. Thomas grew a little grayer around the muzzle with each passing year. James had never been a hundred percent sure how old Thomas was when he found him, but Thomas remained pretty damned spry for a dog who was likely a minimum of ten years old, if not older.
I hope he lives long enough for my kid to appreciate him. I can get a new dog, but it won’t be the same. Just like Thomas wasn’t the same as Leeroy.
Thomas’ change also reminded James that his features had scarcely changed in years, leaving little hint that he was eight solid years into his basic retirement. Whispy had idly mentioned “increased basal mitochondrial and whole-cell regeneration” and implied that meant James would live longer than a normal human. James interpreted that as the symbiont admitting to making longevity modifications to his body, but Shay had barely visibly aged a day either, and she hadn’t mentioned using any magic or artifacts, so maybe the symbiont was just screwing with him. He wouldn’t put it past Whispy.
“It’s like you said. It’s just complicated.” James shrugged. “There’s a lot to think about and do. Babies aren’t like restaurants, bounty hunts, or tomb raids.”
“Sure, but we don’t have to get everything figured out for the next eighteen years right away.”
“We need to get the birth shit figured out.”
Shay snorted. “It’s not our wedding, James. It doesn’t have to be some fucking epic birth. We don’t need an Air Force overflight and big magic displays. We’re sitting on enough money to drown a whole city of leprechauns, and no one has the balls to target us anymore. I’ll just go to the hospital when it’s time and have the kid.”
“Not saying any of that.” James furrowed his brow. “But the baby might be different. Even if I show up as human on DNA tests, there’s obviously DNA crap their tests can’t detect. That doesn’t bother you at all? You’re not worried even a little bit?”
“Nope. You were human enough to knock me up. I’m not worried.” Shay laughed. “The way you’re carrying on, you’d think you were the one who had to carry this baby. Is that a Vax thing?” She frowned, suddenly looking unsure. “You never mentioned it before if it is.”
James shook his head. “Not that I know of. I’m just saying the baby’s going to change things, and I have a few other worries. Nothing more than that.”
Shay held up a hand. “Look, I get it. Grill or kill it, that’s the James Brownstone way, but we did fine with Alison, so I don’t think adding a few years on the front end is going to
mess things up. We've got the life experience and resources to handle this kid, and I’m not worried at all about the baby’s health. If anything, it’ll just be stronger and tougher than a normal kid. That’s not a bad thing.”
James scratched behind Thomas’ ears. “Yeah, I guess so. I’ve just been listening to baby podcasts, and they’ve been filling my head with ideas. Lots of shit to keep track of. You know, we’ll probably have to say things like ‘shit’ less. It’ll be weird.”
“That’s bothering you?”
“Not bothering me. It’s just something I’m thinking about.”
Shay cackled. “Is that gonna be a problem? Sure, I like a nice curse word or hundred, but it’s not like when I lecture at the university, I can say, ‘Okay, listen up, you dumb fucks. Midterms are coming, and I’ve fucking laid out everything you need on the damned syllabus.’” She shook her head. “You spend too much time hiding in the back at your restaurant instead of dealing with customers. The world’s mightiest bounty hunter, and now the world’s best pitmaster, but damned if you’re not still terrible with most people.”
“Not saying I can’t control my mouth. I’m just saying it’s something we’ll need to worry about, is all.” James shrugged. “And I like cooking barbeque, not talking to people. I didn’t open a restaurant because I wanted to chat with customers. Mack and the rest of the staff are better at that kind of thing, and they actually like it.”
“Fair enough,” Shay agreed. “I forgot to tell you—speaking of Brownstone kids, I talked to Alison yesterday.”
James frowned. “Is everything okay? From what I was told by Johnston and a few others there weren’t gonna be any problems with the Canadian government or ours. I thought the Canadians even said it basically would count as a bounty situation. If they’re trying to start some shit now, they’re gonna be really sorry.” He let out a loud growl.
Shay shook her head. “No, no. No problems with the government, ours or theirs. You didn’t even go full Forerunner, so technically you didn’t violate your agreement, even if you and Alison broke a few laws by just popping over there without filing the appropriate paperwork first.” A wicked grin spread over her face. “And even if you did go full-out, I don’t know if they’d care. You went Forerunner for that Chile thing earlier this year, and no one ended up bitching. Hell, the Chilean government wanted to give you a medal. I guess it’s convenient when you take care of major problems for them.”
“If it’s not a government, then what’s the problem?” James narrowed his eyes. “Did those dark wizard fucks not get the message? Because I’m fine with letting Mack handle shit at the restaurant if we need to bring more pain to those assholes. If taking down one of their bases didn’t make it clear, we’ll just keep going until they get it. Eventually, they’ll run out of people, just like the Harriken. I don’t care if a few roaches survive.”
Shay waved a hand. “Calm down. We don’t need to kill anyone else. Alison told me dark wizard factions are falling all over themselves to explain that they’ll never mess with her again, that the Seventh Order was a ‘rogue faction,’ and shit like that.” She snickered. “I think just whispering ‘Brownstone’ near them makes them wet their pants, and hell, Berens too. The dark wizards get that screwing with her is just going to end up with more of them dead.” She smiled. “No, she mostly was just checking in. I think she’s just dealing with some of the emotional aftermath, but she’s got good people up there, including her boyfriend.” She sighed. “I’m still annoyed that I couldn’t help. Maybe I should have gone up there anyway. As long as I didn’t take a serious hit, it wouldn’t have been a risk, but then again, it sounds like there were enough people kicking ass even without me.”
“It was a good crew.” James nodded. “Everyone did their part, so Alison and Izzie could do what they needed to do to end the crap.”
“There was one thing Alison asked about that I didn’t have a good answer for, and now is as good as time as any to talk about them.” Shay folded her hands on her lap and leaned back against the couch. “Baby names.”
“Huh?”
“Baby names.” Shay offered him a soft smile. “We have to call our baby something other than Baby Brownstone.”
James grunted. “Sure. I know what I want if it’s a boy.”
“James Junior?”
He shook his head. “Thomas James Brownstone.”
Shay’s gaze dipped to the dog and then back up to her husband. “If we name our son Thomas, he’ll technically have the same name as the family dog. Are you okay with that?”
“I don’t give a shit. The dog’s named after the closest thing I had to a father in this life, a servant of the Church who gave his life to help protect me. I’ve got no problem naming my dog after Father Thomas, or my son, or anything else. Shit, for that matter, Thomas is a great dog. And if anyone starts trouble with our son Thomas, he’ll finish it. That’s the Brownstone way.”
“I eagerly await calls from kindergarten. ‘Excuse me, Mrs. Brownstone, your son took down half the playground today while shouting, ‘Don’t disrespect my dad’s priest!’ That’s before they start going off about how we need to have a discussion about proper restraint.”
“Don’t start shit if you don’t want shit. Simple.” James shrugged.
Shay smirked. “He’s not even born yet. Let’s dial it down. Fine, I get how important Father Thomas was to you, so I don’t have a problem with the name, and it’s not like I have some perfect name in mind.”
James’ shoulders and neck relaxed. He hadn’t even realized they’d tensed up so much. He’d expected Shay to push back more on the name.
“One thing, though.” Shay narrowed her eyes. “If you get a middle name, I want a middle name.”
“If it’s a girl, sure. Why not?”
“Got any first-name preferences?”
James rubbed his chin and furrowed his brow. “How about Mary?”
“You’re so Catholic. Naming her Mary’s not going to guarantee anything, you know.” Shay winked. “They both sound good. Mary Shay Brownstone or Thomas James Brownstone. We in agreement?”
“Yeah.” James smiled. “We are. I thought you were going to suggest something crazy.”
Shay arched an eyebrow. “Crazy?”
“Some archaeology shit. Like ‘Hatshepsut.’”
Shay laughed. “Since when do you pay attention to pharaohs from ancient Egypt?” She eyed him. “Did someone tell you the Egyptians had a secret barbeque recipe?”
Shit, how did she guess so easily?
James averted his eyes. “Maybe.”
Shay sighed contentedly. “I love you, James, but I sometimes wonder if you would have sold out the planet if the Vax had shown up with a book of sauce recipes.”
James grinned. “Nah. Whispy could have just absorbed it from the other symbionts.”
“Always thinking, huh? Since we’re discussing baby names, we should talk about if we’re going to find out the gender of the baby. I’ve still got several weeks before they can do that, maybe more than a month, but it doesn’t hurt to talk about it now.”
“What do you think?” James asked.
“I think…” Shay furrowed her brow and licked her lips. “I’ve never been much for surprises, but that’s because surprises used to mean I might end up dead, but it’s been a long time since that was a real concern, and this is a nothing but a good thing. It might be fun to not know.”
“People might get pissy if we don’t find out.”
Shay scoffed. “Yeah, like either you or I give two shits what other people think. You know how I feel. The question is, how do you feel about all of it?”
James stared at his feet for a moment as he considered the possibilities, then looked up and nodded. “Fuck it. Let’s wait. You’re right. It’ll be fun.”
Shay grinned. “Yeah. It is fun, isn’t it? Now that Alison’s little dark wizard problem has been taken care of, this is the perfect time to add someone new to this family. I just ne
ed to take it easy. It doesn’t hurt if I don’t do a tomb raid for a while. It’s not like we need the money or the artifacts.” Her smile faltered, and she pointed at him. “You got your exercise with the dark wizards, but you need to get back to what you were originally planning.”
“Huh? I’m at the restaurant all the time. What are you talking about?”
Shay shook her head and gestured back and forth. “The pacing, remember? Sure, we just had a nice conversation and you’re calm now, but I know you’re still worried about the kid deep down. Before Alison called you, you were planning a road trip, and I think you should take one so you can have some time to process things without me in your face or having to deal with the day-to-day concerns of running the restaurant. I know you barely pay attention to the agency, so that’s always a fun time for you when you do decide to do something, but I don’t think ass-kicking will relax you this time.”
James frowned. “I’m handling shit all right.”
“I’m not saying you aren’t.” Shay let out a long sigh. “We’ve been married for a while now, and all that time, you’ve been great about being open with me, but that’s because we haven’t had anything like this happen. A level five showing up? Big deal. That’s just another notch for the Brownstone Victory belt, but a baby? That’s actually new. So I think you should go on a road trip. When you’re not pacing, you’re staring into the mirror and muttering about kids.”
Road Trip: BBQ And A Brawl (The Unbelievable Mr. Brownstone Book 19) Page 1