by Sasha Winter
“So you’re not keeping a sneaky pride somewhere then?”
Marcus chuckled at her joke. “No, I’ve got no secret lifestyle. I know the press likes to think of us all as meeting up in the forest for rampant mating sessions when everyone’s asleep, but I’m not that exciting.”
“I’m not sure I could hold myself back, in truth,” Ashley responded, drawing a raised brow from Marcus. “Oh! I don’t mean the mating thing, I just mean if I had the shifter gene. I think I’d want to change the moment something dull happened. That’s it, I’d be off.”
“I can’t imagine your life to be dull, Ashley.”
“It has been until I met you,” she replied with a shy smile. “Is it frustrating, though, when you meet a non-shifter like me who just wants to ask question after question about it?”
He smiled. “You haven’t asked that many, don’t worry.”
“I know, but that’s sort of a warning that I’m going to ask you question after question, until you run off into the forest having changed your mind about shifting.”
“Seeing as we met on a lion shifter dating site, I don’t suppose I can complain if you’re interested in that aspect of me.”
“So I’ve got special permission?” she asked with undisguised glee, slipping her hand under his arm.
“What is there to know?” he asked.
“Everything!”
“Try me.”
“Well, just… what does it feel like to shift and what is it that gives you the desire to? Do you change mentally as well as physically? Do you see the world differently?”
Marcus laughed. “All something of a mystery, huh?”
“Absolutely… sorry, I guess there’s no obvious question to ask. I’m just fascinated, that’s all.”
“That’s okay. Let me see if I can illuminate some things,” Marcus replied, delighting Ashley in that he was fine to engage on the subject. “The first obvious point to make is that all mammals are a cousin species, meaning we feel the world by exactly the same template. We don’t shift into crocodiles or something—I’ve no idea how other animals like reptiles feel the world, but cats and man are cut from the same cloth of evolution.”
“So your mind doesn’t think any differently?”
“It does, but only because our senses are heightened to suit a certain train of thought. When I shift I have a better sense of hearing especially, but also of sight and smell. It makes me more of an instinctive creature, but I still have the ability to choose and understand what is right and wrong.”
“There’s no danger of becoming carried away with it then? Becoming completely wild I mean?”
Marcus hesitated. “No, that would be through choice, but there is danger in everything. Nothing’s that simple.”
“How is there danger if you’re always aware you are also a human?”
“The best way to describe shifter nature is to compare to other things men and women do. You and I—and everyone in this park—looks very civilized, but all of us choose to act out of character at times. Often through necessity.”
“How do you mean?”
“Like how when a couple make love they are acting out of character. In effect they are giving themselves over to a certain part of their nature and indulging in its extremes: lust; passion… whatever. It’s a part of who they are but does not sum up their entire character in itself.”
“I know all about acting out of character at the moment,” Ashley replied with a wry grin, recalling all the shots she’d done at the bar last night.
“Another good example is sportspeople. A footballer, for instance, might give in to a more aggressive and ultra-competitive side of their nature, but it doesn’t mean that how they act on the football field sums up how they act in their own living rooms or with their families. Except maybe the very stupid ones.”
“So when you shift, it’s not so much about changing character but about giving yourself in to something else?”
“Absolutely right. Giving myself into a more primitive and instinctive version of what I am, only unlike the footballer I don’t need to dress up in a kit to indulge in that version. For some reason nature has gifted us with a gene that takes our physical being back to the form that matches the characteristics.”
“Fascinating twist.”
“Yes, and I’m sure that’s not the end of it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, just that I think other transformations will be possible in future. Who knows what, but nature has the ability to offer physical change; that much we know now. If those people in the world who aren’t used to us yet don’t catch up—well, it’s only going to change more painfully for them.”
“Is this a published theory or something?’
“Oh, no! That’s just my opinion. Sorry, I’m getting carried away with my thoughts.”
“All I’ve thought about so far is how sexy the idea is,” Ashley admitted.
“Is that why you chose PurrfectMatch?”
“Yep—I haven’t been on any other dating sites. I know you don’t do it much these days, but I’d love to see you in your lion form someday. Even if only just the once.”
“For you, Ashley. Maybe I will,” Marcus replied. “I’ve never shifted on request before.”
“Then I’d be quite privileged.”
“Tell you what. If you fix this leg of mine like you say you’re going to, then I’ll pay you a visit in my lion form. Maybe I’ll feel like king of the beasts again when I’m better. It’s considered an…”
“An honor, I know. And I know the superstition, I wouldn’t be supposed to tell anyone.”
“Actually, that’s for white lions.”
“Is it? Oh! Well I wouldn’t tell anyway.”
“You wouldn’t be scared?”
“Terrified! But it would be worth it,” she said. “Were any of your fellow soldiers shifters or was it just you?”
“There were a few shifters, but not a great many… and no lions that I met. It’s become untrendy to be cliquey these days since society is supposed to have accepted us for what we are.”
“Why’s that?”
‘There’s a general feeling it will make non-shifters feel threatened if we’re seen to group together all the time. Because of that all the great shifter minds are urging us to integrate and act more like humans than ever. A strange development really, but other than those in my family with the gene I hardly know any other lion shifters.”
“One last stupid shifter question and I’ll leave you be,” Ashley then said.
“What’s that?”
“A lion shifter who is also a dog lover? How does that come about? I mean, you know what they say about cats and dogs…”
“Ha! Now that I can’t explain. Seemed to be Max’s choice, not mine. He took a liking to me one day when I happened to be visiting a dog sanctuary with friends and managed to convince me that leaving him behind would break his heart.”
“Your pets choose you, not the other way around,” Ashley replied. “That’s a saying I’ve heard before.”
“Maybe it’s true. But if so, he’s now chosen you as well.”
Suddenly Marcus stopped in his tracks and announced that they had reached their destination. Ashley was confused, but on turning to look through a nearby gate bordering the park she recognized that he had walked her all the way to the street of her offices. She’d been so caught up in the conversation that she was completely unaware of where they were in the city.
The close proximity to work felt like a sudden intrusion, though at least the walk had done wonders to cure her headache. They were even early enough to give her time to prepare for her next patient, but knowing how to close the conversation was difficult. What was happening between them? And could it happen?
“Thanks for breakfast,” she said instead of the million questions she wanted to ask.
“Been a pleasure, Ashley,” Marcus replied, his eyes twinkling. “For Max too.”
Max was indeed
practicing the ‘don’t leave me’ eyes that had caused Marcus to become his owner in the first place. Once she had given the hound some fuss, Ashley thought she would like to hug Marcus as a thank-you, but remembered that he was a client. Some of her fellow professionals might have even been in close proximity.
“I um…I guess we’ll have another appointment soon,” she said instead.
“Just a few days away,” he replied. “I’ll keep up my exercises, don’t worry.”
“I’ll see you then. Take care for now.”
“You too.”
He turned to go, and that was all it took for Ashley to realize she didn’t want him to. But unfortunately, she had to get to work, and she couldn’t risk another moment of possibly being spotted with him by a colleague, so she watched him walk away, a faint smile playing on her lips as a thought occurred to her.
I barely know him…but I think he might be the one.
Chapter 10
A blissful morning came to an end, but the day was still beautiful and Marcus seemed to notice it more for a change.
Spending time with Ashley made him feel like a new man. Usually he hated walking slowly, but he had embraced the languid nature of their pace and would have put up with a hundred more questions about being a lion shifter if she had them. He hadn’t been quite sure what to say at the end of their walk, though, having just about resisted asking her on a date. His mind was made up that he would, even though it risked making their therapy sessions awkward again if it turned out she was only being friendly, but in the end he had decided to give her mind some time to recuperate. There had been several revelations that morning, and he thought Ashley could do with some time for her thoughts to settle, so she didn’t feel pressured into taking a firm step towards something more serious than accidentally waking up in his bed.
There would probably be a tense few nights ahead while he wondered whether she really liked him and would say yes, and it might also be hard to resist calling her before then. For the time being, however, he only apologized to Max, saying “We’ll see Ashley again soon”, and made his way back home. His leg was not hurting nearly as much that day, but he knew it would need rest just as much as exercise in order to recover. The plan was to go home and let the rest of the day go by without doing much. Watch some sport maybe, but otherwise do very little.
That was until his peace of mind was interrupted by a buzzing in his jeans pocket and Marcus received a phone call that would throw his plans for the rest of the day—and indeed his life—back up in the air.
“Hello?” he said to the unspecified number.
“Private Marcus Wilson?”
“Speaking, but not Private anymore, erm…?”
Military habits die hard, and he was struck by the need to know what rank to refer to the man calling him as. Fortunately the caller filled in the gaps.
“This is Captain Forrester of the 5th Battalion,” came the response (none other than his former commanding officer). “And we’ll see about the private rank.”
“Is there a problem?” Marcus asked. His heart had sank when he realized he was being contacted by the army again, despite the fact that Captain Forrester had been one of the officers who had the trust of the men. Was there some kind of development that meant he might be court martialed?
“Private, I need to speak to you in reference to a special shifter unit the Pentagon has agreed to establish.”
“A special shifter unit, Captain?”
Marcus had never heard of such an idea.
“Yes, this last week I’ve been involved in evaluating the suitability of current and former infantry men to fill the roles. Private Wilson, your name is one of those to make our preferred list we hope to make up the team.”
“Captain, you were there when I was dishonorably discharged.”
Marcus knew officers could be forgetful about specifics, but was surprised that his former captain had overlooked his own lack of suitability.
“Yes, and the truth is, we have been re-evaluating that too. The board has decided to fully reinstate you; seems we’re looking at shifter related cases a bit differently from now on.”
“Reinstated? I don’t believe it,” Marcus replied. The military was not known for changing its mind very often, so he could not imagine what had happened to cause such a review of his case.
“I’ll have the papers confirmed today,” Captain Forrester replied, “and you’ll receive confirmation in the post very soon. Private Wilson, I can’t say too much here and now, but we’re putting together a special shifter unit that will focus on carrying out covert missions. We need to take it to these extremists in every way possible.”
“Captain, this is all very sudden…” he began, not knowing what to say.
“Of course, I don’t expect an immediate answer. Give yourself to the end of the week, then get back to me with your decision. If I’m not here, leave a message. Operations will start soon if you’re in.”
And with that, Captain Forrester put the phone down and Marcus felt like he was back in uniform already—short and sharp conversations that lasted no longer than they needed, at the end of which he was supposed to give the officer the information he wanted.
Could life really be that simple again?
Coming completely out of the blue, his captain’s offer felt very surreal, and he had to wait until he got home and had showered and eaten before it really sank in. After the shame of a dishonorable discharge, the army still had the temerity to suppose it could take him back just like that. A part of him felt like sticking his middle finger up and never having anything to do with the forces again, but any insolence he could muster was balanced with an acknowledgement that he had not really adjusted to life without a uniform. Marcus had been a good soldier, had taken real pride in each day and each order, and would certainly never have gone to the press to complain about his treatment. That his superiors judged his actions to have been ‘dishonorable’ hurt; a tragic mistake he had admitted to making, but only in the middle of intense battle when a soldier had to depend on split second thinking.
It was the shifter aspect of him that had caused his dishonorable discharge. A soldier without the gene would’ve been given the benefit of the doubt, but it was because too many of the judging panel did not understand shifter nature that they had edged towards making an example of him. Some strange development had occurred while he had shut himself away, however. A ‘special shifter unit’, his captain had said. Never had he heard of such an idea, and in what capacity the army had suddenly decided it could use covert shifter missions in a warzone he was yet to learn. Amid all the technological advances the US had brought in since the Second World War, suddenly they had a place for him shifting into his lion form and prowling over enemy lines. It was an amazing conversion, signaling both a change of strategy and attitude.
They were hypocrites, though, that much was very clear. So they had a use for him now, which meant their judgment of his actions had changed. He almost felt like refusing them the convenience of removing the black mark on his record, knowing they had the power to restore it at a whim whenever they chose to. One thing was for sure, and proved the first conclusion he reached as he confronted the decision-making process—they were not going to charm him back into action. Marcus had lost all respect for the army’s administrative system and would not be crawling back for the sake of a respectability that was theirs to manipulate in all kinds of oafish ways. They could offer him sergeant, lieutenant, captain… he would not move for any pathetic stripes.
Unfortunately, his dilemma was not that simple. Always a soldier is drawn by the plight of his buddies. There would be a new and specialist shifter unit and a number of his kind would carry the mantle for others to follow. If it was his skills the army wanted, then who was he to decide that someone else should brave the bombs and guns instead? When a soldier refuses to put his luck on the line, he does so knowing that another young recruit stands in his place.
Perhaps Marcus wou
ld be the only lion shifter in the unit and be able to carry out a role no other could.
Guilt works in any number of ways, and he felt torn. If only there was something pulling him unanimously in one direction, he could make the call and live—or die—with the consequences. Otherwise there was no clear road ahead. Military life had come to an abrupt end, but there was also that famous saying, ‘What is past is past, never go back’. Though he had failed to move on with his life, he did not want to be the numpty that made the same mistakes all over again. A shifter unit might just as well turn out to be another embarrassment quickly put together, especially if it was poorly funded or organized by buckaroos who didn’t really know what they had.
Torn in both thought and feeling, Marcus decided it would be absurd to move on without getting Blake’s opinion. His friend would probably be as amazed as he was at the turnaround in the army’s perspective, but usually, chatting on the phone wasn’t his thing. He would prefer to meet up in a bar and have a long, unrushed and easily distracted discussion about the offer, during which he pretended not to give a damn, but there wasn’t enough time for that. Really he needed the day to prepare, if he was going to take up the offer, so making a decision before it came to waking up the next morning was imperative.
Blake, who had used his gift of the gab to get a job in sales, didn’t answer on the first call but rang him back ten minutes later.
“Hey, buddy. What can I do for you?” came his voice on the other end of the line.
“Blake, I’m not interrupting an important sale, I hope?” he asked.
“Marcus, my job is boring as shit most of the time, and I sit here all day praying for just such an interruption to fill a bit of time. What’s the issue, you after some info on Ashley?”
“No…”
“I can ask Veronica what her favorite chocolates and flowers are, if you like.”