by Karen Webb
She went on several local talk shows in New York, answering questions about her book. It would be out in two months she told them. Each anchorperson always tried asking Selena about Matt, but she gave noncommittal answers. She didn’t feel nervous being on TV and answering their questions. She felt numb. Her whole body felt numb and exhausted and she just didn’t care. She smiled brightly for the cameras and seemed completely at ease, but the truth was she didn’t feel anything. Matt had left a gaping hole in her heart and even talking about her book didn’t fill it. She missed him more each day and the best she could do was smile brightly for the cameras and pretend she was enjoying it.
She made it to the interview of her fantasies. Fantasies that now seemed a lifetime ago. She sat on a stool across from her favorite anchor, Seth Roundtree, on her favorite morning news show.
A makeup artist had expertly covered the dark circles under her eyes. She hadn’t had a full night’s sleep since the day of Matt’s phone call.
“So, Selena,” the handsome anchorman was saying. “I understand you have a new book coming out and a new movie soon, starring alongside Paul James?”
“Yes, that’s correct,” she answered, a huge smile pasted on her face. “The book is called ‘Infamous Moments.’ It’s about two young lovers whose parents forbid them to be together. They run away together and—
“Yes, yes,” Seth interrupted. “And tell us, Selena, is there any truth to the rumors about you and your costar, Paul James?”
Selena’s eyes widened. Now she was more alert than she’d been in days. How dare he? She was here to talk about her book, after all. “No,” she said adamantly. “We are good friends, nothing more.”
“And you’ve also been seen out with Michael Sabatino in Hollywood. It’s even been hinted at, that this is how you broke into Hollywood. Tell us more about that.”
“There’s nothing to those rumors, either,” she answered angrily. “Look, I’m here to talk about my book—”
“Okay, that’s all the time we have right now, Selena. Stay with us folks,” Seth looked into the camera now as he smiled brightly. “Maria will give us an update on news from the middle east after the break, and Pat will be standing by with an update on the weather.”
Selena looked at the camera, her smile still frozen in place, until the off-air light came on behind it. Then she hopped off her stool, looking at Seth in amazement.
“Sorry Selena,” he said. “But news is news. No hard feelings, right?”
She didn’t answer as she stared at him for a minute, then turned and walked silently away.
Chapter 22
Matt spent most of his days pacing his mansion in the hills. He couldn’t concentrate on anything and he avoided all his friends. He had a break right now between movies and he just didn’t know what to do with his time. He tried reading, but he couldn’t keep his mind on anything. He thought about Selena day and night, his mind in a turmoil. His common sense told him Selena hadn’t slept with Paul or Michael, although he knew about Michael’s reputation, and Paul was certainly a playboy. He had been sure he could trust Selena, but yet he couldn’t get the picture of her and Michael out of his mind, with Michael leaning into Selena while he talked to her, his arm along the back of her chair. They had looked like a couple of lovers instead of a business meeting. And then there was the picture of her and Paul with her in her pajamas as they stood in the door of her room. He’d seen the way Paul looked at Selena, drinking her in with his eyes. And Megan had told him she saw Selena in Paul’s arms on his balcony at the party. A white-hot rage of jealousy overcame him whenever he thought of it. But aside from all that, he’d fell in love with a poor little country girl and he was afraid she was turning into the same plastic Hollywood type he despised. He had been determined to forget her once and for all, but so far he’d had no luck. He stared at the magazine pictures of Selena with him, at the airport and all the places paparazzi had snapped their picture. He had the fantasy picture of her on the horse in a frame by his bed and he stared at it for a while every night before trying to sleep. He had picked up the phone a hundred times to call her, but he set it down each time, forcing himself not to call. He had ignored her calls when he was so angry, until they finally stopped, but now, he almost wished he hadn’t. He had fallen for her a lot harder than he had realized and he was hurting pretty bad as he did his best to get over her.
Selena flew to Chicago next, where she did another endless round of interviews on TV and radio shows. She was still numb and unable to feel nervous, but as each interviewer asked her about her book, Selena’s face would come to life as she talked about the two young lovers in her story. She had enjoyed writing it more than anything she’d ever done, and the two teenagers had come to life in her mind as they struggled through their lives, fighting for their right to be together. She didn’t give away too much to each interviewer, just enough to cause them to want to read the book. She didn’t know it, but millions of teenagers across the country had been following her story in the rag mags. The movie she’d made with Paul and Jennifer was due out the following week and now she had a book coming out soon too. Teenage girls were enthralled with her rags to riches story in such a short time and they had loved the magazine layout, with the mysterious girl on the fantasy horse. The perfume was flying off the shelves as Selena’s name became known in every household in the country. Teenage boys were falling in love with her beautiful face and her quiet poise as they watched her in interviews. They were already making plans to see her movie when it hit the theaters. And luckily, none of her interviews had gone as badly as the one in New York. She hadn’t even been able to watch the morning news show anymore. She was just to hurt and angry at Seth Roundtree. She hadn’t watched herself on TV, either. Her mother called her daily, telling her how wonderful she looked on TV and how everyone at work was talking about her, everyone in the town even. Selena put a bravado in her voice when she talked to her mom, but it was false—as false as the stories in the rag mags. She just wanted to go home and disappear back into her stories, far away from the public eye.
She still cried herself to sleep each night. She had given up trying to call Matt weeks ago, but her pain had never lessened. She moved through each day like an automaton, smiling politely for the cameras, but at night, she suffered silently in her hotel room. She finally picked up her laptop and escaped each evening, back into the world of the girl lost in the desert. The desert in her story was real, but also a metaphor for the young girl’s life. She wandered through sand dunes, searching for her way, just as Selena herself was searching for the path her life should take. The more she could bring the young girl to life and lose herself in the story, the more she could block out the pain of her own life. She didn’t realize it at the time, but her ability to bring her characters to life was why Sam had signed her book contract. Sure, it helped that she was already making a name for herself, but when he read an excerpt from each manuscript, he saw that Selena had a real talent as an author. She pulled the reader into her stories just as she pulled herself into them.
Selena flew to L.A. next, wondering if there was any chance she would run into Matt. She knew she couldn’t make him believe her and trust her, but she thought if she could just see him, maybe they could at least be friends. Not speaking to him at all was just too much; she felt as if it was literally killing her, as if she was being eaten away from inside. She had never know that a broken heart could be so painful. Not just emotionally, she felt physical pain in her stomach and she was barely eating. Her slim figure was becoming gaunt and her jeans were hanging loosely from her hips.
She went on several local TV shows in L.A., discussing her book with each interviewer. “I understand you have a movie coming out right away too,” Greg Stevens, from a local channel said.
“Yes, it’s called ‘Dream Legacy,’ and it also stars Paul James and Jennifer Waring.”
“So, tell me Selena, is it true what’s been said about you and Paul James? Is there a spark t
here?”
“No.” Selena forced her smile to remain in place. “Paul and Jennifer and I became great friends during filming, but nothing more.”
She politely turned the conversation back toward her book, keeping her smile frozen in place.
Matt was flipping through channels in his living room, his mind still on Selena, when he saw her face. She was larger than life on his big-screen TV and the remote control slipped from his hand and slid across the floor as he stared. He could see that her smile was not genuine and he could tell from her eyes that she wished she were somewhere else. He smiled as he watched her. She had so much mystery in her huge violet eyes, he could certainly understand why every man she met quickly became smitten. She didn’t need the white dress or the horse; she gave off a mystical aura regardless of her setting. Her eyes still had the faraway, dreamy look to them. As if she were looking into a different time and place. It lent an air of mystery to her that he found very alluring. As he watched her on TV, he found himself falling in love with her all over again, as he knew most young guys across the country must be doing right now. He caught himself flipping through local channels over the next few days, searching for a chance to see her again.
Paul called Selena when he found out she was in town and he took her and Jennifer out to dinner. They slipped easily back into their friendly chatter, joking and laughing over dinner. Paul could see that even though Selena showed an outward smile and laughter, it never reached her eyes. He still found her attractive and he held her tight when he dropped her at her hotel after dinner. “I know you’re going through some hard times, but I’m here if you need to talk,” he whispered in her ear as he held her.
“Thank you Paul,” she said. “It’s good to know I have real friends.”
He left her at the hotel and took Jennifer home. Selena went back to the story she was working on. She was typing away on her laptop when she heard a knock at her door. She opened the door a crack, with the safety chain in place, until she saw Paul’s smiling face. She quickly removed the chain, opening the door for him. She wondered as she let him in, if this was going to be a repeat performance of the last time, when she’d thrown him out of her room.
“I thought you might like a beer,” Paul said as he sat on the edge of her bed. “No funny business, you just seem like you need a friend right now.”
“Um…yeah, okay.” She knew he was right. She did need a friend. Someone who knew that the stories about her weren’t true. She opened a beer and gulped it quickly, feeling almost dizzy as it quickly took effect. They chatted easily as they each had another beer, then Paul asked her about Matt and he saw her shoulders stiffen.
“I can’t believe he would pay attention to those stories,” she said. “I thought he knew me better than that.” She told him what Megan had said to Matt and how angry Matt had been and, as he watched her face, he saw huge tears roll down her cheeks. She quickly dipped her head, her long hair hiding her tears. Paul slipped his arm around her and pulled her into his chest as she cried. She hadn’t talked to anyone about Matt and the weeks of pent-up emotions tumbled out in a rush as she leaned into him and cried. Paul handed her a tissue and she finally dried her eyes. He put his hand under her chin and turned her face up to his. “It will get better, Selena. Soon the magazines will be onto another story, someone else’s life to ruin, and they’ll forget all about you.” He stared into her eyes, which still had a glassy look after her tears and a sadness that made her seem even more beautiful and mysterious. He leaned down and kissed her before she knew what was happening. Selena was kissing him back before she realized it. She was responding to the chemistry they’d always had between them, but even more, she was responding to a friend, a closeness that she had been without. It felt so good to have someone hold her and kiss her after weeks of loneliness and visiting city after city by herself. They kissed for a couple minutes, until Selena came to her senses. She put her hands against Paul’s chest and pushed him away. “I’m sorry Paul, I can’t,” she said. She stood up and walked to the windows, her back to him. Paul sat on the bed, trying to quell his emotions. He had seen his opening with Selena, sure that he had a shot now that Matt had broken up with her.
“I’m sorry Paul, but it’s not going to happen,” she said, her back still to him.
“You really love him, huh?”
“Yes. Even though he doesn’t want me, it will never change how I feel about him.”
Paul walked over and put his arms around her, hugging her tightly. “I understand, Selena. I’ll be your friend, okay?”
“Thank you Paul.” Selena said, feeling the tears coming again. “I really need a friend right now.”
They sat down and opened another beer as Selena described what she’d been through, with horrible TV interviews and modeling offers.
“And what do you want to do?” Paul asked.
“I don’t even know anymore. I’m not interested in modeling or acting; I guess I can deal with the interviews that go along with promoting my books. I just want to go back to my small town and ride my horse and write my stories, and yet, if Matt wanted me, I would want to be wherever he is.”
“Would you like me to talk to him for you?”
“Would you?” Selena’s eyes brightened at the thought. If there was any way to make Matt see that she was trustworthy, she was willing to give it a shot. And Paul could tell Matt the stories weren’t true.
“I’ll make him see the truth. He’s never believed all the garbage those magazines print. Why would he start now?”
“Thank you, Paul.”
They hung out and talked for a while, slipping easily back into their friendly relationship. Paul left her finally, after promising again to talk to Matt for her. He stared at her longingly before he left, wishing he had met her first, before she’d had a chance to fall for Matt. Sure, he was a Hollywood playboy and he didn’t stay with one girl very long—but Selena—there was something different about her. Something that made him feel like he would like to settle down with one girl. Aside from her mystical beauty, she had a purity and an honesty about her that was hard to find in Hollywood. He wondered as he left her hotel, if maybe he was a little in love with her.
Selena flew home the following day, happy to be back to the peace and quiet of her desert. She took Rusty out for a long ride along the river, letting him pick his way between the huge cottonwoods. She cried silently as Rusty wandered along. She missed Matt so much; it had been weeks and the pain in her heart was as strong as ever. She thought about what her life might have been like if she had never went with Beth to be an extra in that movie. But then she would have never known how sweet love could be. Even though it hurt so much now, she wouldn’t trade the times she’d shared with Matt for anything.
Chapter 23
Paul banged on Matt’s huge door a few days later and rang the bell repeatedly. He was sure Matt was there, but was ignoring him. He had called repeatedly, but Matt’s phone seemed to be turned off. He finally walked around the house and climbed the stairs to the balcony. He found Matt sitting there, a warm bottle of beer in his hand and a bottle of whiskey by his feet.
“Why can’t I forget her?” Matt said by way of a greeting. “I’ve tried everything, but I just can’t seem to forget her.”
“Maybe it’s because you belong with her, buddy.” It was hard for Paul to say the words, his craving to be with Selena himself almost overshadowed his promise to talk to Matt for her.
He dropped into a lounge chair beside Matt. “You know all that crap in the mags in not true, don’t you?”
“I thought I did—I didn’t want to believe it, but there were just more and more pictures. And now this Michael Sabatino—you know his reputation. And did you see the picture? What kind of business meeting is that? Two people cuddled together on one side of the table.”
“Yeah I know the reputation he has. But I also know Selena—maybe even better than you—at least I’ve been spending more time with her than you the past few month
s, and you know what I’ve found out? She loves only you and she won’t even look at anyone else.”
Matt stared at his friend, his eyes bloodshot and haunted from lack of sleep, his hair tousled and his face scruffy and unshaven.
“Come on,” Paul said, standing up and going through the sliding glass door. “Let’s get you cleaned up and on your way to New Mexico.”
Selena rode Rusty every day, sometimes with Beth, but most times alone, enjoying the peace and quiet of the river and the shade of the cottonwoods alongside it. Beth had invited her to the local rodeo this coming weekend and she was trying to get herself motivated to practice for it. She rode a little more every day, but she never did get around to practicing on the barrels. She just couldn’t seem to concentrate on anything and she was having more trouble than she’d thought with slipping back into her old life.
She went to the rodeo anyway, after Beth begged her on the phone. “You need to get out of the house, Selena. You’ve done almost nothing since you’ve been back.”
“Okay, okay.” Selena finally gave in. She loaded Rusty up on Saturday morning and stopped for Beth and Tripp on the way. They warmed their horses up in the large arena and Selena watched as crowds began filling the stands and even standing along the rails of the arena. She was near the last to have her turn at the barrels and she rode Rusty around at the back of the arena, keeping his muscles loosened up before making the mad dash through the arena. She heard her name over the intercom and she turned Rusty toward the gate. Rusty began dancing as she went through the gate with him, his weeks of pent-up energy seeming to break free in an instant. She circled him to the right and as he danced, she leaned forward and yelled, “Go.” Rusty was off like a shot and he turned into the first barrel beautifully, dropping his shoulder as he circled it. Keep it up, Selena thought, and we’ll have another first place. They raced for the second barrel and Selena slowed Rusty for the turn. He fought for his head, unwilling to slow down, and her knee hit the barrel, tipping it, but thankfully, she thought, it didn’t fall over. She leaned over the horse’s neck as they dashed for the remaining barrel, where once again she tried to check his speed.