by Jill Sanders
“Yes, I guess I was just deep in thought,” Bella answered automatically. Whatever happened now, she figured there was no way Ben or Sarah knew what Calvin had done. So, no matter what, she was going to make sure they didn’t find out about Calvin’s dark past. “Ready to head out?” She stood up, dusting off her jeans.
The rest of the day, the knowledge of what Calvin had done loomed over her, darkening her mood. Thankfully, Sarah was so busy with the girls that she didn’t have time to notice. When Sarah dropped her off at Lilly and Adam’s place just a few blocks down from their home, she had worried so much that she had a headache.
“You look tired,” Lilly said as she stepped into their house.
“I guess I didn’t realize how much two young kids can wear you out,” she joked.
“Why don’t you head up to our guest room and lie down for a while. Adam’s in control in the kitchen, and I’ve got to get the kids ready before Calvin gets here.” She motioned towards the stairs. “Third door on the right.” She smiled. “If you need it, there is aspirin in the bathroom medicine cabinet.”
“Thanks.” Bella moved towards the stairs, but stopped and hugged Lilly. “Thanks,” she said again.
Chapter Twenty
When Calvin stepped into Lilly and Adam’s home shortly after he’d gotten off work, he instantly questioned how quiet it was.
“The kids are already down for the night.” Lilly smiled at him as she waved a baby monitor. “We fed them early so we could enjoy a quiet evening.”
“I was looking forward to tickling them,” he joked.
“Next time.” Lilly hugged him. “Adam says dinner’s almost ready.”
As he moved further into their home, he glanced around. He’d been in their place more times than he could count. “Did Sarah drop Bella off yet?”
Lilly glanced towards the stairs. “She went up and laid down.” She touched his arm. “She looked tired when she got here. She made some excuse about how the kids had worn her out, but there was sadness behind her eyes. I think something else happened.”
He stiffened and glanced towards the stairs.
“Third door on the right.” Lilly nudged him towards the stairs.
When he opened the door, the room was dark, but he could just make out a bump in the middle of the bed. Moving over, he sat on the edge of the bed and reached for her.
She rolled over and for a moment he thought she would go willingly into his arms, but then she stiffened and sat up.
“Sorry.” She glanced around then ran her hands over her face. “I must have fallen asleep.”
“How are you feeling?” he asked, wishing for a little more light so that he could see her face clearly.
“Better,” she said as she moved to get off the bed. He helped her stand and felt her stiffen in his arms.
He wanted to ask her what the problem was, but she made her way towards the bedroom door. “I’d better go see if I can help Lilly.”
He stood in the bedroom for a moment, wondering what he’d done to cause her cold shoulder, then followed her downstairs.
Dinner was nice, if he didn’t focus on the fact that Bella pretty much ignored him the entire meal. She talked quietly with Lilly while Adam and he joked about sports, fishing, and work.
Still, he figured she was tired or fighting off a headache.
When dinner was over, instead of letting the couple talk them into staying a little longer, he faked being tired and excused them. Normally, he would have walked to their place, but since he’d read that it was supposed to rain that evening, he’d pulled out his Jeep and had driven the few blocks. Now, he was thankful he had. As he helped Bella up into the Jeep, he realized just how tired she was.
“Tired?” he asked as he got behind the wheel.
“Yes,” she said softly as she looked out the window as he drove. Just as he pulled into his driveway, she turned to him and added. “I didn’t know you had a Jeep.”
“There’s probably lots about me you haven’t discovered yet,” he joked as he parked in his garage and shut off the engine.
The last thing he expected was tears to flood her eyes. “Hey, what’s all this about?” He reached for her, but she jerked back.
“I didn’t know you had a sister either.” It was like a punch to the gut. His hand dropped away, and he felt his pulse jump. “One that you supposedly killed.” She reached for the Jeep door.
He closed his eyes. No matter how long it had been, no matter how many times he’d talked himself out of it, tears still stung his eyes as his breath caught in his chest.
“Calvin?” Bella’s voice broke through the haze of the nightmare that always came with the memories. When she touched his arm, this time it was him that jerked away.
“I told you, there’s lots about me you wouldn’t like,” he spat out, knowing it was for the best. What had he been thinking? He didn’t deserve Happy Ever Afters. Bella was too… perfect. Too good for him.
He knew that he’d screw it up. He always did. That’s what his parents had believed. That’s why they’d sent him away to boarding school. Because he was a fuckup.
“Calvin, talk to me.” She shook his shoulder. Instead of responding, he climbed out of the Jeep and marched into the house with her on his heels.
“What?” He turned around, angry now. Not at her, but at himself for letting down his guard. For believing he deserved being with her. To think that he was good enough that she would move in here with him and he could just ignore the fact that he was the reason his sister wasn’t alive.
“What happened?” she asked, moving over to him.
“Don’t you know?” He walked over to the fridge and pulled out a beer. After a sip of it, he frowned and set it down, reaching for a soda instead. He paced the floor as she watched him.
“No, I guess I don’t,” she answered with a frown. “Maggie—”
He turned on her. “Your agent?”
She nodded slowly as she bit her bottom lip. He could see the concern in her eyes, which had replaced the weariness from earlier. “She… well, after the picture was leaked of us on the sailboat… your sailboat,” she corrected with a tilt of her head, “she didn’t want the press to be able to find any dirt on you…”
“So, she found it herself?” He set the can of soda down and walked over to the back doors and slid them open. He stepped out into the cool night air, just as the first raindrops hit. Thankfully, there was enough overhang on the roof that he would stay dry as he gulped in the fresh air.
“She wouldn’t have had to say anything to me if you’d told me yourself,” she said from behind him.
He turned and looked at her. The light from the kitchen behind her cast a glow around her as if reaffirming that she was untouchable. He turned away from her and leaned against the railing to look out over the stormy water below them.
“I told you from the beginning this wouldn’t work.” He closed his eyes on the pain of losing her. He’d lost so much early on in his life; he should have been used to it by now.
Her arms wrapped around his waist as she turned him towards her. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.”
He shook his head. “Whatever you’re thinking, it’s probably not as bad as what really happened.”
Her eyes narrowed, then she shook her head. “You could never harm someone on purpose. You don’t have it in you.”
“How do you know?” he asked as her arms tightened around him.
“Because…” She reached up and touched his chest. “It’s in here.” She smiled up at him. “I was blindsided and I’m sorry I didn’t defend you.”
“There’s nothing to defend.” He wanted to push her away, but she was holding onto him too tight and, besides, it felt too good.
She asked. “Does my brother know?”
He sighed. “Yes, it happened months before we met. He was the only one who wanted to be friends with me at school when all the other kids had labeled me a baby killer.” He shook his head on the painful mem
ories. “She wasn’t a baby. Kelly was…” His throat closed as love and loss battled in his mind. “She was smart. She was so smart, and she was running around, everywhere. So full of energy.”
He hadn’t realized tears were sliding down his cheek until Bella reached up and wiped them away with her fingers.
“You loved her,” she said with a slight smile.
“Of course, I did. We all did. She was the best of the family.” He sighed. “She was the only thing that held us together. After her death… things changed. Everyone changed.”
“You were shipped across the world,” she supplied.
“I deserved it.” He frowned down at her.
“Why?” She shook her head.
He glanced back out at the darkness beyond his deck and thought about the day that had changed his life.
“I was twelve years old. I was stoked about my upcoming thirteenth birthday party. I’d been told I could invite girls.” He looked down at her. “I was really excited.”
She nodded with a slight smile. “I get that.”
“Well, the parents had asked me to watch Kelly for a few hours while they ran to the country club for lunch. They often did that. Even though they loved Kelly, they liked socializing without a five-year-old asking them a million questions. I was on the phone with my friends, trying to come up with a list of girls we were going to ask to the party. Kelly wanted to play outside on the new swing set the folks had gotten her for her birthday. You know, one of those tree fort things with swings, slides, and a little fort on top.”
She nodded. “I know the kind.”
He took a deep breath. “I just ran inside for some paper and a pen. To make the list of everyone my friends and I wanted to invite. When I came back out… well, I thought she was still up in the fort part. It wasn’t until I got off the phone and started looking around that I realized she wasn’t in the yard.”
“What happened?” she asked with a frown.
Instead of answering, he took her hands and walked them over to sit on a swing closer to the house so the rain, which had grown heavier, wouldn’t splash them. After they sat down, he continued.
“I searched everywhere. I got my little brother, who had been inside playing video games, to help me search the house, the yard, and even run to a few neighbors to make sure she hadn’t wandered over there to play. When we didn’t find her, we called the folks. At first, they were upset that I’d interrupted their lunch date.” He laughed, remembering how annoyed his father had been. “Then I told them Kelly was missing.” He closed his eyes and shivered at the memory. “The police came and started searching. I must have told my story more than a dozen times. At one point, they even hauled me into the police station, separated me from my folks, and grilled me.” He took a deep breath. “I had never been more afraid in my life.”
He glanced over at Bella and could tell she was hanging on his every word.
“It took less than a week to find her body across town in a dumpster. Someone had…” His voice broke and he shut his eyes again as another fresh tear slipped down his cheek. “They’d abused her and left her like a piece of trash. At first, everyone was blaming me for not watching her. Some even believed I had something to do with her disappearance.”
“Calvin.” She wrapped her arms around him and held on. “I’m so sorry.”
Just feeling her next to him eased the pain of the memories. “I should have…”
She surprised him by pulling away and taking his face in her hands.
“They left a preteen boy in charge of a five-year-old to go socialize,” she said, her eyes burning into his. “Predators will always find a way. You couldn’t have known. Did they catch the person?”
He nodded. “Thanks to DNA. It was a worker my parents used a few times around the house. They had hired him to paint Kelly’s bedroom for her birthday, and he even installed her new swing set. The one he took her from that day.”
“I’m so sorry,” she said again. Then she tilted her head. “They shipped you off to boarding school after that?”
He nodded and looked down at their joined hands. Suddenly, she stood up and started pacing in front of him. Then after a moment of that, she turned on him.
“They shipped you off after someone they let into their home stalked, kidnapped, then murdered your little sister.” Her voice rose and he watched her cross her arms over her chest. “They blamed you?”
He swallowed and nodded slightly. “It was my…”
“Don’t you dare say it was your fault.” She moved closer to you. “You are as much a victim as your sister was. You were twelve,” she said, dragging out the word as if it would explain everything. “You didn’t kidnap her. You didn’t let your sister go willingly with the man. You didn’t murder her. You were just a kid. A boy who had just lost his little sister and blamed himself for not watching her. Then they shipped you off like… like…” She threw up her hands. “Like you were a murderer yourself.”
He sighed. “I was, in some way.”
“Calvin Winters, you are no more responsible for your sister’s death than I am. Your parents shipped you away because they couldn’t stand their own guilt. They threw the blame solely on your shoulders and then pushed you away to cover it up.”
He stood up and wrapped his arms around her, then placed a kiss on the top of her head. “You’re amazing.” He took in the feeling of her, the scent of her and knew that it would probably be the last time he’d hold her. After everything he’d just confessed, he knew that with her life, they couldn’t be together. Part of his heart broke, just like it had the day they’d found Kelly’s body.
Chapter Twenty-One
She could tell that Calvin was struggling with what he’d told her. He didn’t see it the same way she did. The more she thought about it, the angrier she was at his parents. How could parents let a kid believe he was at fault for something so far out of his control?
Did they still treat him as if his sister’s death was on him?
The way he was holding her as the rain fell a few feet away from them told her that he believed she was going to leave him. That thought broke her heart.
He was so damaged by his selfish parents that all of her problems with her own self-absorbed parents seemed minuscule.
“Calvin.” She pulled back and leaned up on her toes to place a soft kiss on his lips. “Know that I don’t blame you at all. In fact, if I ever get a chance, I’m going to have a serious talk with your parents about their treatment of you.” She touched his face, enjoying the softness of the light beard he’d grown out. “I’d be happy to set them straight. We all have things in our past. Albeit yours is pretty… heavy. But as I said, I don’t believe your sister’s death was on you at all. I’m sorry your parents made you believe you’d done something wrong.”
He sighed and nodded. “As a rational adult—which I would like to think that I have become—I agree with you. But it’s taken me years to finally come to terms with that.” He shook his head again. “I found it easier to never talk to my parents about it since we don’t see eye to eye on the topic.” He shrugged and glanced over as lightning filled the sky. “Come on, we’d better go inside.”
She took his hand and tugged him inside. He locked the door and shut the blinds behind them. Before he could move away, she wrapped her arms around him again.
“You aren’t going to use this as an excuse to not allow me to move in here with you, are you?” She smiled up at him.
He looked a little shocked, then asked. “Are you sure you want to? I didn’t mean to pressure you into moving in with me. I had planned on asking you… before blurting it out to Ben.”
She laughed. “Try and stop me from moving in here.” She kissed him again and could feel that the dark mood was gone even though outside the storm grew stronger.
He shook his head as his hands started moving over her hips. She’d pressed her body close to him and wanted more than anything for him to carry her upstairs and make love with
her all night.
She’d had enough rollercoaster emotions for one day. Now she wanted to fall asleep in the arms of the man she loved.
Realizing that she hadn’t actually said those words to him yet, she smiled.
Taking his hand, she pulled him towards the stairs. “You know that sexy little pink lace thing I bought the other day?”
His eyebrows shot up quickly and a smile lit his face. “The one with the straps?”
She chuckled. “I’m wearing it…” She dropped his hand and started up the stairs. “Under this outfit. If you hurry, you might just get to help me peel it off…” He picked her up in his arms and carried her the rest of the way upstairs as she laughed.
After he shut them in his bedroom, he slid her down as he kissed her. She felt her entire body melt as his hands pulled her clothes aside. Her fingers shook as she unbuttoned his shirt. She slipped the tie off him, then pulled the shirt wide so she could appreciate his tanned, toned chest.
“Mm.” She smiled before leaning in and running kisses over the play of muscles that covered him. “I could get used to seeing this every day.” She ran her fingertips over him, letting her short nails scrape lightly over his skin. She noticed small little bumps raise all over him and smiled. “You like that?” she asked.
“God,” he said in a burst, “you make me so hard.” He took her hand and moved it to his crotch. She rubbed him as her smile grew. He began to peel off her blouse. When he exposed the pink silk, he groaned and bent his head to run his mouth over the material.
She arched back and watched as he sucked the material over her nipple, making it harden for him. Her fingers slid into his hair, holding him as he ran his tongue over her skin and the edge of the silk.
“You taste like spring,” he said as he reached for her jeans. When they pooled at her feet, she stepped out of the jeans, and he nudged her closer to the bed.
“Bella,” he said when his mouth returned to hers, “I can’t imagine what I’ve done in life to deserve you.”
“Nothing.” She smiled at him. “We’re just lucky to find each other I guess,” she said as he ran his eyes slowly over her. She was standing before him in nothing but pink silk, feeling like the most beautiful woman on earth.