“By Jove, it’s nippy,” said Wilkinson, when Molly had settled beside him, her books on her lap.
What made her do this – accept a lift from a murderer of schoolgirls? First, she had seen him somewhere safe once – at Mr. Cranefield’s. Also, she was wet through, and chilled to the heart. Barbara kept refusing or neglecting or forgetting to buy her the things she needed: a lined raincoat, a jersey the right size. (The boys were wearing hand-me-down clothes from England now, but no one Barbara knew of seemed to have a daughter.) The sleeves of her old jacket were so short that she put her hands in her pockets, so that Mr. Wilkinson would not despise her. He talked to Molly as he did to everyone, as if they were of an age, informing her that Major Lamprey and his mother were flying to Malta to look at a house. A number of people were getting ready to leave the South of France now; it had become so seedy and expensive, and all the wrong people were starting to move in.
“What kind of wrong people?” She sat tense beside him until he said, “Why, like Eric Wilkinson, I should think,” and she laughed when his own laugh said she was meant to. He was nice to her; even later, when she thought she had reason to hate him, she would remember that Wilkinson had been nice. He drove beyond his destination – a block of flats that he waved at in passing and that Molly in a confused way supposed he owned. They stopped in the road behind Lou Mas; she thanked him fervently, and then, struck with something, sat staring at him: “Mr. Wilkinson,” she said. “Please – I am not allowed to be in cars with men alone. In case someone happened to see us, would you mind just coming and meeting my mother? Just so she can see who you are?”
“God bless my soul,” said Wilkinson, sincerely.
Once, Alec had believed that Barbara was not frightened by anything, and that this absence of fear was her principal weakness. It was true that she had begun drifting out of her old life now, as calmly as Alec drifted away from life altogether. Her mock phrase for each additional Lou Mas catastrophe had become “the usual daily developments.” The usual developments over seven rainy days had been the departure of the cook, who took with her all she could lay her hands on, and a French social-security fine that had come down hard on the remains of her marble block of money, reducing it to pebbles and dust. She had never filled out employer’s forms for the people she had hired, because she had not known she was supposed to and none of them had suggested it; for a number of reasons having to do with government offices and tax files, none of them had wanted even this modest income to be registered anywhere. As it turned out, the gardener had also been receiving unemployment benefits, which, unfairly, had increased the amount of the fine Barbara had to pay. Rivabella turned out to be just as grim and bossy as England – worse, even, for it kept up a camouflage of wine and sunshine and olive trees and of amiable southern idiots who, if sacked, thought nothing of informing on one.
She sat at the dining-room table, wearing around her shoulders a red cardigan Molly had outgrown. On the table were the Sunday papers Alec’s sister continued to send faithfully from England, and Alec’s lunch tray, exactly as she had taken it up to him except that everything on it was now cold. She glanced up and saw the two of them enter – one stricken and guilty-looking, the other male, confident, smiling. The recognition that leaped between Barbara and Wilkinson was the last thing that Wilkinson in his right mind should have wanted, and absolutely everything Barbara now desired and craved. Neither of them heard Molly saying, “Mummy, this is Mr. Wilkinson. Mr. Wilkinson wants to tell you how he came to drive me home.”
It happened at last that Alec had to be taken to the Rivabella hospital, where the local poor went when it was not feasible to let them die at home. Eric Wilkinson, new family friend, drove his car as far as it could go along a winding track, after which they placed Alec on a stretcher; and Wilkinson, Mr. Cranefield, Will, and the doctor carried him the rest of the way. A soft April rain was falling, from which they protected Alec as they could. In the rain the doctor wept unnoticed. The others were silent and absorbed. The hospital stood near the graveyard – shamefully near, Wilkinson finally remarked, to Mr. Cranefield. Will could see the cemetery from his father’s new window, though to do so he had to lean out, as he’d imagined passengers doing and having their heads cut off in the train game long ago. A concession was made to Alec’s status as owner of a large villa, and he was given a private room. It was not a real sickroom but the place where the staff went to eat and drink when they took time off. They cleared away the plates and empty wine bottles and swept up most of the crumbs and wheeled a bed in.
The building was small for a hospital, large for a house. It had been the winter home of a Moscow family, none of whom had come back after 1917. Alec lay flat and still. Under a drift of soot on the ceiling he could make out a wreath of nasturtiums and a bluebird with a ribbon in its beak.
At the window, Will said to Mr. Cranefield, “We can see Lou Mas from here, and even your peacocks.”
Mr. Cranefield fretted, “They shouldn’t be in the rain.”
Alec’s neighbors came to visit. Mrs. Massie, not caring who heard her (one of the children did), said to someone she met on the hospital staircase, “Alec is a gentleman and always will be, but Barbara … Barbara.” She took a rise of the curved marble stairs at a time. “If the boys were girls they’d be sluts. As it is, they are ruffians. Their old cook saw one of them stoning a cat to death. And now there is Wilkinson. Wilkinson.” She moved on alone, repeating his name.
Everyone was saying “Wilkinson” now. Along with “Wilkinson” they said “Barbara.” You would think that having been married to one man who was leaving her with nothing, leaving her dependent on family charity, she would have looked around, been more careful, picked a reliable kind of person. “A foreigner, say,” said Major Lamprey’s mother, who had not cared for Malta. Italians love children, even other people’s. She might have chosen – you know – one of the cheerful sort, with a clean shirt and a clean white handkerchief, proprietor of a linen shop. The shop would have kept Barbara out of mischief.
No one could blame Wilkinson, who had his reasons. Also, he had said all those British-sounding lines in films, which in a way made him all right. Barbara had probably said she was Irish once too often. “What can you expect?” said Mrs. Massie. “Think how they were in the war. They keep order when there is someone to bully them. Otherwise …” The worst she had to say about Wilkinson was that he was preparing to flash on as the colonel of a regiment in a film about desert warfare; it had been made in the hilly country up behind Monte Carlo.
“Not a grain of sand up there,” said Major Lamprey. He said he wondered what foreigners thought they meant by “desert.”
“A colonel!” said Mrs. Massie.
“Why not?” said Mr. Cranefield.
“They must think he looks it,” said Major Lamprey. “Gets a fiver a day, I’m told, and an extra fiver when he speaks his line. He says, ‘Don’t underestimate Rommel.’ For a fiver I’d say it,” though he would rather have died.
The conversation veered to Wilkinson’s favor. Wilkinson was merry; told irresistible stories about directors, unmalicious ones about film stars; repeated comic anecdotes concerning underlings who addressed him as “Guy.” “I wonder who they can be?” said Mrs. Massie. “It takes a Wilkinson to find them.” Mr. Cranefield was more indulgent; he had to be. A sardonic turn of mind would have been resented by E. C. Arden’s readers. The blond-headed pair on his desk stood for a world of triumphant love, with which his readers felt easy kinship. The fair couple, though competent in any domain, whether restoring a toppling kingdom or taming a tiger, lived on the same plane as all human creatures except England’s enemies. They raised the level of existence – raised it, and flattened it.
Mr. Cranefield – as is often and incorrectly said of children – lived in a world of his own, too, in which he kept everyone’s identity clear. He did not confuse St. Damian with an Ethiopian, or Wilkinson with Raffles, or Barbara with a slut. This was partly out of the hab
it of neatness and partly because he could not make up his mind to live openly in the world he wanted, which was a homosexual one. He said about Wilkinson and Barbara and the blazing scandal at Lou Mas, “I am sure there is no harm in it. Barbara has too much to manage alone, and it is probably better for the children to have a man about the place.”
When Wilkinson was not travelling, he stayed at Lou Mas. Until now his base had been a flat he’d shared with a friend who was a lawyer and who was also frequently away. Wilkinson left most of his luggage behind; there was barely enough of his presence to fill a room. For a reason no one understood Barbara had changed everyone’s room around: she and Molly slept where Alec had been, the boys moved to Barbara’s room, and Wilkinson was given Molly’s bed. It seemed a small bed for so tall a man.
Molly had always slept alone, until now. Some nights, when Wilkinson was sleeping in her old room, she would waken just before dawn and find that her mother had disappeared. Her feeling at the sight of the empty bed was one of panic. She would get up, too, and go in to Will and shake him, saying, “She’s disappeared.”
“No, she hasn’t. She’s with Wilkinson.” Nevertheless, he would rise and stumble, still nearly sleeping, down the passage – Alec’s son, descendant of civil servants, off on a mission.
Barbara slept with her back against Wilkinson’s chest. Outside, Mr. Cranefield’s peacocks greeted first light by screaming murder. Years from now, Will would hear the first stirrings of dawn and dream of assassinations. Wilkinson never moved. Had he shown he was awake, he might have felt obliged to say a suitable one-liner – something like “I say, old chap, you are a bit of a trial, you know.”
Will’s mother picked up the nightgown and robe that lay white on the floor, pulled them on, flung her warm hair back, tied her sash – all without haste. In the passage, the door shut on the quiet Wilkinson, she said tenderly, “Were you worried?”
“Molly was.”
Casual with her sons, she was modest before her daughter. Changing to a clean nightdress, she said, “Turn the other way.” Turning, Molly saw her mother, white and gold, in the depths of Alec’s mirror. Barbara had her arms raised, revealing the profile of a breast with at its tip the palest wash of rose, paler than the palest pink flower. (Like a Fragonard, Barbara had been told, like a Boucher – not by Alec.) What Molly felt now was immense relief. It was not the fate of every girl to turn into India rubber. But in no other way did she wish to resemble her mother.
Like the residue left by winter rains, awareness of Barbara and Wilkinson seeped through the house. There was a damp chill about it that crept to the bone. One of the children, Will, perceived it as torment. Because of the mother defiled, the source of all such knowledge became polluted, probably forever. The boys withdrew from Barbara, who had let the weather in. James imagined ways of killing Wilkinson, though he drew the line at killing Barbara. He did not want her dead, but different. The mother he wanted did not stand in public squares pointing crazily up to invisible saints, or begin sleeping in one bed and end up in another.
Barbara felt that they were leaving her; she put the blame on Molly, who had the makings of a prude, and who, at worst, might turn out to be something like Alec’s sister. Barbara said to Molly, “I had three children before I was twenty-three, and I was alone, and there were all the air-raids. The life I’ve tried to give you and the boys has been so different, so happy, so free.” Molly folded her arms, looked down at her shoes. Her height, her grave expression, her new figure gave her a bogus air of maturity: she was only thirteen, and she felt like a pony flicked by a crop. Barbara tried to draw near: “My closest friend is my own daughter,” she wanted to be able to say. “I never do a thing without talking it over with Molly.” So she would have said, laughing, her bright head against Molly’s darker hair, if only Molly had given half an inch.
“What a cold creature you are,” Barbara said, sadly. “You live in an ice palace. There is so little happiness in life unless you let it come near. I always at least had an idea about being happy.” The girl’s face stayed shut and locked. All that could cross it now was disappointment.
One night when Molly woke Will, he said, “I don’t care where.she is.” Molly went back to bed. Fetching Barbara had become a habit. She was better off in her room alone.
When they stopped coming to claim her, Barbara perceived it as mortification. She gave up on Molly, for the moment, and turned to the boys, sat curled on the foot of their bed, sipping wine, telling stories, offering to share her cigarette, though James was still twelve. James said, “He told us it was dangerous to smoke in bed. People have died that way.” “He” meant Alec. Was this all James would remember? That he had warned about smoking in-bed?
James, who was embarrassed by this attempt of hers at making them equals, thought she had an odd smell, like a cat. To Will, at another kind of remove, she stank of folly. They stared at her, as if measuring everything she still had to mean in their lives. This expression she read as she could. Love for Wilkinson had blotted out the last of her dreams and erased her gift of second sight. She said unhappily to Wilkinson, “My children are prigs. But, then, they are only half mine.”
Mademoiselle, whom the children now called by her name – Geneviève – still came to Lou Mas. Nobody paid her, but she corrected the children’s French, which no longer needed correcting, and tried to help with their homework, which amounted to interference. They had always in some way spared her; only James, her favorite, sometimes said, “No, I’d rather work alone.” She knew now that the Webbs were poor, which increased her affection: their descent to low water equalled her own. Sometimes she brought a packet of biscuits for their tea, which was a dull affair now the cook had gone. They ate the biscuits straight from the paper wrapping: nobody wanted to wash an extra plate. Wilkinson, playing at British something, asked about her aunt. He said “Madame la Comtesse.” When he had gone, she cautioned the children not to say that but simply “your aunt.” But as Geneviève’s aunt did not receive foreigners, save for a few such as Mrs. Massie, they had no reason to ask how she was. When Geneviève realized from something said that Wilkinson more or less lived at Lou Mas, she stopped coming to see them. The Webbs had no further connection with Rivabella then except for their link with the hospital, where Alec still lay quietly, still alive.
Barbara went up every day. She asked the doctor, “Shouldn’t he be having blood transfusions – something of that kind?” She had never been in a hospital except to be born and to have her children. She was remembering films she had seen, bottles dripping liquids, needles taped to the crook of an arm, nursing sisters wheeling oxygen tanks down white halls.
The doctor reminded her that this was Rivabella – a small town where half the population lived without employment. He had been so sympathetic at first, so slow to present a bill. She could not understand what had changed him; but she was hopeless at reading I faces now. She could scarcely read her children’s.
She bent down to Alec, so near that her eyes would have seemed enormous had he been paying attention. She told him the name of the scent she was wearing; it reminded her and perhaps Alec, too, of jasmine. Eric had brought it back from a dinner at Monte Carlo, given to promote this very perfume. He was often invited to these things, where he represented the best sort of Britishness. “Eric is being the greatest help,” she said to Alec, who might have been listening. She added, for it had to be said some time; “Eric has very kindly offered to stay at Lou Mas.”
Mr. Cranefield and Mrs. Massie continued to plod up the hill, she with increasing difficulty. They brought Alec what they thought he needed. But he had no addictions, no cravings, no use for anything now but his destination. The children were sent up evenings. They never knew what to say or what he could hear. They talked as if they were still eleven or twelve, when Alec had stopped seeing them grow.
To Mr. Cranefield they looked like imitations of English children – loud, humorless, dutiful, clear. “James couldn’t come with us tonight,�
� said Molly. “He was quite ill, for some reason. He brought his dinner up.” All three spoke the high thin English of expatriate children who, unknowingly, mimic their mothers. The light bulb hanging crooked left Alec’s face in shadow. When the children had kissed Alec and departed Mr. Cranefield could hear them taking the hospital stair headlong, at a gallop. The children were young and alive, and Alec was forty-something and nearly always sleeping. Unequal chances, Mr. Cranefield thought. They can’t really beat their breasts about it. When Mrs. Massie was present, she never failed to say, “Your father is tired,” though nobody knew if Alec was tired or not.
The neighbors pitied the children. Meaning only kindness Mr. Cranefield reminded Molly that one day she would type Mrs. Massie said something more about helping in the garden. That was how everyone saw them now – grubbing, digging lending a hand. They had become Wilkinson’s second-hand kin but without his panache, his ease in adversity. They were Alec’s offspring: stiff. Humiliated, they overheard and garnered for memory: “We’ve asked Wilkinson to come over and cook up a curry. He’s hours in the kitchen, but I must say it’s worth every penny.” “We might get Wilkinson to drive us to Rome. He doesn’t charge all that much, and he’s such good company.” Always Wilkinson, never Eric, though that was what Barbara had called him from their first meeting. To the children he was, and remained, “Mr. Wilkinson,” friend of both parents, occasional guest in the house.
From the Fifteenth District Page 12