Mara’s feet felt heavy as she neared the kitchen door, though her ankle hardly pained her, thanks to Gideon’s care. After the concern in his eyes and tone, returning to Carina’s felt like stepping from light into darkness, she thought bitterly as she opened the door. Mara stopped short at the sight of Carina, standing at the window, her arms folded across her chest, her mouth an unsmiling line as she stared accusingly at the two of them.
“Good morning, Carina.”
Carina only gave a short nod but remained silent.
Mara helped Dietrich off with his things and then proceeded with her own. “Why don’t you go and play in the parlor, dear?”
With a nod he ran off.
As Mara hung up their things, she could feel Carina stare holes into her back. Finally, smoothing her skirt down, she braced her shoulders and stood to face her stepmother.
“Where have you been all night, or need I bother to ask?”
Every nerve bristled but Mara forced herself to answer civilly, “Mr. Jakeman found me along the road halfway between here and town and took me to his house. He didn’t want to force his horse any farther to bring me all the way here. Besides which, Dietrich was already at his house.”
Carina’s nostrils flared. “I will not have this kind of lewd behavior under my roof.”
Mara stared at her. “I beg your pardon?”
“Staying at a man’s house. Brazen! I don’t know what kind of morals you’ve picked up in Europe, but that kind of behavior is not tolerated here in Down East Maine, I’ll have you know!”
Mara gasped. “I was half-frozen. Believe me, even if it had occurred to me to behave immorally, I doubt if I would have been capable of it!” Her voice rose, and remembering Dietrich in the next room, she reined in her temper with an effort. She clasped her hands together to keep them from trembling.
Carina’s eyes narrowed to slits. “I’ve put up with you since you arrived with your son, only for your father’s sake, but this is too much. I live hardly a quarter mile from Gideon’s. You had no reason to stay there last night. Unless you are trying to catch him, shameless hussy!” She hissed the last words.
Mara’s mouth opened but she couldn’t get the words out, her anger was so great. She took in deep breaths to bring her anger under control. Then she stepped before Carina, jabbing her forefinger in her face, causing her to flinch backward. “You haven’t wanted me here since the moment I arrived. I’ll remind you, this is my house as much as it is yours.” She drew back. “But I have no desire to share it with someone as poisonous as you. I shall be out of your way today.”
Before Carina could say anything more, Mara left her, swishing her skirts away from her, and marched out of the kitchen. Saying nothing to her son yet, she went to her room and began packing her portmanteau. She hadn’t brought much with her and would be leaving with even less. But she could not bear being under the same roof with Carina a day longer.
Forgive me, Father, she prayed, but I spent enough years with someone who didn’t want me or love me. I can’t do it anymore.
Snapping her bag shut, she headed for her son’s room and packed a small bag for him. She picked up his stuffed dog and laid it atop his clothes, her eyes tearing up, remembering when she had sewed it during the last months of Klaus’s life, rocking in the chair beside his bed, which she hardly left in those days.
And, now, once again, she would be a nomad. Swiping the tears away, she snapped the bag shut and took it out into the hall to join the other. She squared her shoulders to face the most difficult part. How to break the news to Dietrich?
At first he was excited. “Are we going back to the Jakemans’? Yippee!” He began to jump up and down.
She sat down on the settee, her hands hanging limply in her lap. This was going to be harder than she’d anticipated.
“No, dear, we’re not going back to the Jakemans’.”
That afternoon Gideon looked across his snow-covered yard and the laden tree branches of the thick maples to the sparkling blue ocean beyond. Sunlight danced on the inky blue sea. A barquetine sailed by, on its way to Eastport no doubt.
Lizzie came to stand beside him, giving him a gentle push. “You’d best get going.”
He smiled down at her, knowing she was anxious for him to return home with Dietrich—and, hopefully, Mara—so they could begin decorating the tree. “All right. I’ll see you in a bit.”
She nodded. “I’ve got to start the baking and a few other things for tomorrow’s dinner.” A brief shadow clouded her gray eyes. “You don’t think she’ll say no?”
He looked down at his gloves, pulling them on. “Well, let’s not borrow trouble.”
Her frown cleared. “You’re right.”
He decided to walk the short way to the Blackstone place. He saw no signs of anyone when he arrived, a little surprised not to see Dietrich outside building a snowman the way he’d talked about at breakfast. Paul was at his own home today, it being Christmas Eve. He’d have to see if they needed any help milking the cow or hauling firewood.
He entered through the shed door, his heartbeat stepping up its rhythm at the thought of seeing Mara again so soon. He’d been calling her Mara in his head for a while now. Of course, he’d never presume to do so to her face unless she gave him permission.
He gripped the edges of his sealskin cap between his fingers, thinking again how right it had been to see her at his kitchen table this morning. It had birthed hopes and dreams in his heart that he hadn’t allowed since the day he’d met her, yet they’d found a way, nevertheless, to insinuate themselves down deep in his heart where he could control them as little as he could the waves lapping against the strakes of his dory.
Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the kitchen door.
A moment later, Mrs. Blackstone answered the door. “Good afternoon, Gideon. Is something wrong?”
Hiding his astonishment at her abrupt greeting, he dipped his head. “Good afternoon, Mrs. Blackstone. I just wanted to make sure Mara and Dietrich were all right, none the worse for wear.” He tried to chuckle but it came out flat in the face of Mrs. Blackstone’s disapproval. “And to fetch Dietrich, who promised to help us decorate our tree.”
Her lips pursed. “I’ll have to be frank with you, Gideon, I was very displeased by her comportment.”
He blinked. “How’s that, ma’am?”
“I’ll have you know I cannot countenance such behavior.”
What was she talking about? “If it’s about the storm, I found Mrs. Keller halfway between here and town and brought her home. We decided it best that she stay at my place with Lizzie since Dietrich was already there.”
Mrs. Blackstone said nothing, her nostrils pinched as if he brought in an unpleasant odor.
He fiddled with his cap. “Is Mrs. Keller or Dietrich about? I know they must have been exhausted from yesterday. Did she tell you how I found her?” He felt as if he were trying to fill the silence as Mrs. Blackstone continued staring at him.
“Mara is not here, nor is her son.”
“Pardon me?” He smiled nervously. “I would’ve expected them both to be too tuckered out to go anywhere today.”
The moment became more and more awkward, Gideon wishing he’d never come. But then he wouldn’t have had a chance to see Mara again. He and Lizzie had decided to invite them to Christmas dinner tomorrow. It would be the first time they’d have a guest—any guest, but particularly a female guest—to such an important family dinner.
Mrs. Blackstone looked down at her folded hands. “My late husband’s daughter no longer resides here. She and her son have decided to move to town.”
His chest felt as if it had been crushed under a great pine log. “Move to town?”
Mrs. Blackstone took a step back into the kitchen, her thin lips straight and un
yielding. “That’s right. I have no other information about her. Now, if you’ll excuse me, Gideon, I don’t want to let the cold air in.”
He reached out as she was closing the door. “Wait—do you know where she is staying?”
“I really couldn’t say.”
“But why would she leave here on Christmas Eve?”
She stood as if debating whether to say anything more. “She refused to live by my rules—the rules of any God-fearing woman. Now, good day, Mr. Jakeman.”
The door was closed quietly but firmly in his face. He could feel his ire rising but he took a step away, struggling to make sense of things.
Finally, he stalked out of the shed and headed home. It would do no good to get upset without knowing anything. He’d hitch up the sleigh and head to town. Lizzie would understand when he told her.
By the time he got to town it was late afternoon. The streetlamps and storefronts were decorated with evergreen boughs and red ribbons, the freshly fallen snow covering rooftops and awnings, giving everything a festive cheer, but Gideon saw little of this, too anxious to find Mara.
He began at the hotel then proceeded to the most prominent boardinghouse. An hour later, he finally located her at the last rooming house on a side street at the farther end of town.
He stood outside the wooden door on the second floor, once again clutching his cap in his hands, unsure what he would say when he saw her. He’d had a lot of time to think on his way over.
He lifted his hand and knocked, the noise sounding louder than he intended in the silent hallway, his mouth feeling as dry as chalk.
Chapter Nineteen
Mara sat staring at the faded, water-stained wallpaper surrounding her. Finally, after much whining, crying and a temper tantrum, Dietrich had fallen asleep.
More than the grueling trudge through the snow-packed road to town had been the emotional struggle of trying to make Dietrich understand why they were moving to town.
Thankfully, a farmer had given them a lift halfway there. She wasn’t sure if Dietrich would have made the trek otherwise. He was worn-out from his late night and now the emotional upheaval of leaving the only home he knew.
He had finally fallen asleep shouting, “I hate you! I hate you!” No matter how much she told herself he didn’t realize what he was saying, the words had pierced her to the core. What damage was she inflicting on her son after his months of steady progress in the hamlet under Gideon’s patient tutelage?
She hugged herself, shivering against the drafty room. She had taken the only room she could find, anxious to get Dietrich out of the cold, but this place, with its higher rates for every fire she burned, would not do. But for the next day or two, until the holiday was over, it would have to be sufficient.
She went into the bedroom where she would have to share a bed with Dietrich and put another blanket over him. Finally, she climbed in beside him. Her head hurt, her ankle was sore from walking and there was absolutely no reason to stay awake and fight off her gloomy thoughts.
Dear Lord, please grant me Your grace to endure this new episode. Please help Dietrich adjust to living here.
Mara awoke with a start, having no idea at first where she was or what time it was. A few seconds later, eyeing the brown stains on the ceiling above and shivering under the blankets, she remembered everything. But before she could process it, she realized what had awakened her. A loud knock sounded on the door in the other room.
“Wait a moment, I’m coming,” she called out, struggling to rise and find her shoes.
A hand to her hair, she straightened her bodice with the other just as she reached the sitting-room door. Prepared to find her landlady, she stopped short, her mouth dropping open at the sight of Gideon standing there, looking so big and imposing.
He clutched his sealskin cap in his hand, a question in his eyes. “Mrs. Blackstone said you had moved to town.”
She stepped back, distressed that he had found them here so soon. “Yes, that’s right.”
With a look of inquiry, he stepped across the threshold. Saying nothing, she shut the door behind him.
When she remained silent, he cleared his throat. “I came by this afternoon to fetch Dietrich to help trim the tree and to invite you and Dietrich over for Christmas dinner after church tomorrow.”
His words sounded stilted, which only deepened her awareness of her sordid situation. Was he feeling as uncomfortable as she?
What had Carina told him? She clenched her hands at the sides of her skirt, not knowing what to say. “Th-that’s very kind of you.”
He glanced around, and she cringed at what he saw of her surroundings. “Where’s Dietrich?”
“Asleep in the other room.”
“Oh.” He sounded disappointed. “I could have taken him back with me if he’d been awake.”
“I’m not sure if that would be a good idea. He was quite upset when we left.” She looked away, unable to bear the look of pity in his eyes. “I think going back to your place will only make it more difficult for him to adjust.”
Gideon stared at her, his tongue cleaving to the roof of his mouth so he could hardly formulate the words that clamored in his mind to be asked. She seemed so aloof, as if she would resent any probing on his part. Finally, he just blurted out, “What did Mrs. Blackstone do?”
“What did she tell you?” she asked in a clipped tone.
He could feel his cheeks flush, unwilling to repeat what the old busybody had insinuated. He gestured with one hand. “Not much. Just that…that she couldn’t accept—”
Mara shook her head. “You needn’t say more. It doesn’t matter really.” She folded a pleat into her skirt, not meeting his probing look. “I—I have been intending to leave there ever since I moved out to the hamlet. It hasn’t been working out between my stepmother and myself. You may have noticed a bit of friction at times. But I needed to save enough money.” She sighed. “It has been hard on Dietrich.”
How he longed to offer succor to both her and her son.
She moistened her lips, her fingers working nervously. “I couldn’t bear to have her continuously find fault with Dietrich, even though he is not always the perfect child.”
He took a step closer to her. “If you had to go somewhere immediately, why didn’t you come back to our place? Lizzie would have loved to have you back for as long as you’d like and I…” He stopped, his gaze locking with hers.
But he found his throat too constricted to say what he really wanted. “I…I would have loved to have you stay as well,” he finally managed in a broken whisper.
Neither looked away but she didn’t speak.
He moistened his lips, plunging ahead. “You needn’t move away from the hamlet. Dietrich likes it there. I… That is, I…I’ve been thinking…and yesterday…when you were at the house, it just seemed right.” He stumbled over the words, as if feeling his way blindly. “What I’m trying to say is…I’d like to ask you to marry me.” There, he’d said it, though the moment the words were spoken, he sensed they’d come out all wrong. “Then you and Dietrich can come and live with us. You wouldn’t have to struggle anymore.”
“Mr. Jakeman—Gideon—” She shook her head. “You needn’t say such things. We’ll be all right.”
“You’d be a good mother to Lizzie and I’d do my best by Dietrich.” He felt as if he were falling down a cliff and whatever he did to stop just made him fall all the faster.
She took a step away from him, wrapping her arms about herself as if to fend him off. “That’s very kind of you, but I assure you, Dietrich and I will manage. He’s used to living in boardinghouses,” she ended with a short, bitter laugh.
He wished he could take his proposal back. He’d meant to go slowly. Now, he’d shocked her. Why hadn’t he, instead, offered to take th
em to his cousin’s house?
He crushed his cap between his hands. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Keller, to have spoken out of turn. I should never have presumed with such a lady as yourself. I truly didn’t intend to overstep my bounds.”
She reached out a hand, but stopped short of touching him. “It’s not that. I’m honored by your proposal, but I find…” Swallowing, as if unsure how to proceed, she finally said in a low tone he had to strain to hear, “I cannot accept a union with someone where there is no true love. I know that sounds overly romantic but I have lived too many years yoked to someone who was incapable of loving me.”
He stared at her a moment, comprehension dawning. She didn’t love him. Finally, he nodded once. “I understand.” Slowly, he walked to the door. Wordlessly, he took the doorknob in his hand.
But instead of turning it, he stood a few seconds. He had to tell her the truth, no matter what it cost him.
He spoke in a low tone, his back to her. “I never thought I’d feel this way about another woman after Elsie passed on. I knew since I met you that my feelings for you were wrong, that you’re too much a lady for someone like me, so I didn’t mean to offend you. And I don’t intend to insult you further by telling you that I love you. You were married to an important man, who didn’t treat you right.
“I’m just a lowly farmer. So please don’t take my proposal as an insult. I didn’t intend it so. But I can promise you I’ll never treat you roughly. I’ll honor you the way the Good Book says.”
Not waiting to hear any more polite refusals from her, he opened the door and left, closing it softly behind him.
By the time Gideon ended his short speech, the stony walls around Mara’s heart had not only been breached but lay scattered around her, utterly demolished. Before she could say anything, he turned and walked out the door.
Hometown Cinderella: Hometown CinderellaThe Inn at Hope Springs Page 23