by Stacey McCoy
She immediately backs away. “Hey I don’t know what you’ve heard about me mate, but I’m spoken for. So are you if I remember correctly. You know you could ask him to come up. I know he would.”
“It’s a nice thought and I’d love Jake here comforting me right now, but I can’t while the kids are here. I haven’t mentioned anything to them yet and today is not the day to have that conversation. I’ll be fine, thanks anyway.”
“Okay then. Let’s go grab a beer and eat heaps of burnt chops then.”
“Oh shit Dad’s on the bar-be isn’t he?”
Dad has a bad habit of being able to burn everything on a BBQ. People sometimes suggest that maybe the meat is done now, but Frank will always tell them that he knows when it’s done and it’s not done yet. We’re always left chewing our meat at least one hundred times before we’re able to swallow it.
We head back outside and Johnno has returned to his post. His skill at the bar-be is being closely monitored by my dad. I approach Johnno. “Are you okay?” I ask as I pat his back.
“Yeah mate I’m fine now. Your little vegemites got me a bit choked up that’s all.”
“Yeah I know, me too.”
“I gotta tell you Kitty Kat, I’ve got some pretty damn good grandchildren there. I’m one proud grandfather.”
My father is the only person alive who can get away with calling me Kitty Kat and he’d be proud of the kids even if they made a mud pie, but I know his sentiments are honest.
As the afternoon rolls on I find myself sitting next to my mother in law, Maggie. I’ve always loved Mags. She has welcomed me into the family as if I were her own daughter. She has always had time for me and she’s always full of good advice, but you only get it if you ask for it. She’s very good at knowing just when to intervene and when to back off and let her kids and grandkids work things out on their own. She’s there for you when you fall and she’ll boast about you to everyone when you’ve done something that has made her proud of you.
“Hello sweetie.” Maggie places a reassuring hand on my knee. I place my hand on top of hers.
“Hi Maggie. How are you holding up?”
“I imagine I’m feeling much the same way as you are my dear.”
Her face has aged a lot in the last twelve months. She’s still very active and sprightly for her age, but there is a shadow that haunts her now. To lose a child before your own time is not natural. She is one tough lady though. She has managed to remain the glue of the family. While everyone else has fallen apart around her, she has stayed strong. Her powers of healing the emotionally weak never ceases to amaze me.
“It’s hard to lose someone you love dear. Even harder to lose a child, but there is a light at the end of all of this you know,” says Maggie.
“I can’t see any light today Maggie.” I take another swig of my stubby in the hope the alcohol will dull my pain.
“Ah, you’re not looking hard enough my dear.”
“What do you mean?”
“When Sam died, we all died inside. You more than anyone. Don’t you think it’s time you tried to find another light?”
“Sorry Mags, it may be because this is my fourth beer for the day, but I’m still not with you.”
“Do you ever wonder why I’ve been able to stay upright throughout this whole terrible experience?”
“Yes actually I do wonder how the hell you do it.”
“It’s because I’ve been lucky enough to still have my great love beside me. Ken is my soul mate. We’ve both suffered a great loss, but we’ve been able to share it together. Doing so has halved the weight which has been placed on our shoulders. When I have a bad day he’s there for me. When he has a bad day I’m there for him. Ken is the light I go to when the darkness tries to consume me. You my dear, need someone here for you. You need to find your light. You’ve carried this weight on your own for too long now.”
I swig on my beer again and drain it as I ponder Maggie’s words. She doesn’t expect me to say anything in reply so we just sit together for a while as I take the time to think.
I come up with the conclusion that she’s telling me it’s okay to move forward. It’s time to let Sam go and attempt to live my life again. I think of Jake. I could see him here surrounded by the people who are my family and friends. I could see Sam’s family accepting him into their family, my family. Would he want to though?
My concerns about our future together are getting weaker everyday as more and more people give me the indication that it’s time to move on and let love into my life again. I need his answer to my question. I need to know if he wants a future with me. I’ll try to make a time when I can to see him soon so I can get my answer. Hopefully his feelings are still strong enough for me that he would want to have a future with the kids and me.
As evening draws near people start to say their goodbyes. Simone and Johnno are the last to leave. As always.
The dishes have been done and the outside area is cleaned up. It’s as if no-one was even here today, as if nothing ever happened. It’s late in the evening when I put the kids to bed. I tell them again just how proud I am of them.
Aiden tells me, “You’ll be happy again tomorrow mum.”
“I’m happy every day when I’m with you my darling boy. I love you so much.”
“I love you too Mum.”
Ashley is already asleep by the time I go to tuck her in. A crumpled piece of paper lies under her head. I lift her sleepy head careful and retrieve the paper. It’s the poem she and Aiden wrote for Sam. I don’t cry when I see it. Instead I take it to the office and laminate it so we can keep it forever. I take it out to the dining room and stick it on the wall so everyone who comes over can read it.
As I head to my bedroom I begin to turn off all the lights and lock up the house. If Sam were here I wouldn’t bother, but now that I’m on my own, I feel safer knowing no one can get in when the house is locked up tight.
My head hits the pillow and I’m out for the count.
***
I wake suddenly. It’s just after midnight. Something’s not right. My protective motherly instincts are on high alert, but I don’t know why as yet. I get up and run to the kids’ rooms. Aiden is sound asleep in his bed. Ashley is also sleeping peacefully as she lays tucked away under her blankets.
There’s a noise outside. It sounds like it’s coming from out front. I race back to my bedroom and get the shotgun out of the gun safe which is in my walk-in-robe. I take two cartridges and head for the front yard, in nothing but my night shirt. I’m careful not to make much noise. If it’s a roo eating my roses again I want to get a good shot at it. I leave the lights off and as quietly as I can, I open the front door.
The tall, white, fragrant rose bushes in the garden bed hinder my view. I hear a bang like a rock hitting glass. With my heart beating fast I silently make my way across the width of the veranda and down onto the grass.
The night is dark. There is no moon tonight, but I can see the black outline of a man standing only meters away from me. He pulls his arm back and throws another stone at my bedroom window. I cock the shotgun, place it against my shoulder and take aim at him. I have taken this man by surprise and I know from his instant reaction that he recognises the sound of a shotgun being locked into position. He straightens up and slowly places his hands on his head. He’s frozen still. Unable or not game to move.
“Move a fucking muscle and I’ll shoot your dick off,” I say in the toughest voice I can muster.
Truth is I’m shitting myself. I don’t know what I would do if he lunged at me.
“Fuck Kat, don’t shoot!”
“Jesus Christ. Jake!”
“Yes Jake. Bloody hell Kat who did you think it was?”
“Well fucked if I know, but I never thought it’d be you. Christ I nearly shot you. I thought you were a roo.”
“Well I’m not, so can you please put the gun down.”
Oh shit. I still have the gun pointed at him. It’s not loaded. I forgot to do that whe
n I realised the roo was actually human. Luckily. I must have dropped the cartridges when I moved the gun into position. I wouldn’t have been able to shoot him even if I wanted to or needed too. Great protector to my children I am.
Jake still hasn’t moved. He must be scared that any sudden movement might make me pull the trigger.
“It’s okay. It’s not loaded.”
“Well how the fuck was I supposed to know that.”
“Stop screaming at me will you.”
“You’re screaming at me!”
Suddenly the outside light goes on and we’re lit up. Ashley steps outside. Rubbing her eyes she says, “Mum. What are you doing?”
I frantically gesture for Jake to go around to the back of the house. I hear him run off.
“Nothing honey. Go back to bed. I just thought a roo was eating the roses again that’s all.”
“Bloody roos,” she says as she heads back inside.
I follow her and make sure she heads back to her own bed. Ashley has a bad habit of sleepwalking. She ended up in the linen closet one night. I knew she couldn’t get out of the house as I lock it up tight every night. It took me ages to find her.
Once I know she’s settled back in her bed I go looking for Jake. I find him standing out in the backyard. I slide the backdoor open and he comes inside. “Hi,” he says as he comes towards me.
“Hang on a minute Casanova. How the hell did you get here?” I’m yelling at Jake in my loudest whisper hoping that neither of my kids fully wake.
“I drove of course.” Jake takes my lead and yells back at me in a whispery, sexy voice.
Geez, get a hold of yourself girl you’re angry remember. I mentally slap myself and continue my line of questioning.
“Where’s your car? I didn’t hear you pull in?”
“I parked it out front, but just up the road a bit, so that I could surprise you.”
“Well you certainly did that. Hang on, you mean to tell me you parked a hot car on the side of the road in the long dry grass!”
“You like it? It is pretty hot isn’t it?”
“That’s not what I mean Jake and besides I can’t see it from here. What I mean is your car’s engine will be hot from the drive up and you’ve gone and parked it in long dry grass, you’ll start a bloody fire! You’ll have to go and move it.”
“Fuck. Okay, sorry. Where do I park it then?”
“Put it out back behind the big shed. The kids won’t see it there.”
“So I can stay?”
“If you haven’t started a fire yet, then yes you can, but don’t for one minute think you’re getting lucky mate. I’m too pissed off to be able to fuck you right now.”
“Okay. I’ll go move the car then.”
“Fine.”
I return the shotgun back into the gun safe in my room. Then I storm into the kitchen and pop the kettle on while Jake moves his car. I see the headlights shine through to the backyard. I can’t make out what make, or model it is, but I can tell it sits low to the ground. I wonder how it handled the creek a little further down the road.
I can’t see Jake until he reaches the light from the kitchen that shines through into my backyard. My heart skips a beat as I take in the stormy look on his gorgeous face. He’s wearing his tight black jeans again and I wonder if he’s chosen to wear them just for me. His tight, white t-shirt hugs every muscle in his upper body and a black leather jacket tops off his male model look perfectly.
He enters and I instantly feel his sexual energy fill the room. He kicks his shoes off like a good boy and places them by the back door. Jake’s eyes slowly rake across my body, head to toe, as I stand in the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil. His gaze returns to the hem line of my t-shirt. I swear he knows I’m not wearing any knickers, but he’d have to have x-ray vision to be able to tell.
“Kat. You’re not wearing any underwear are you?”
His voice is deep, hot and completely laced with sexual intent.
“No. I’m not.”
Jake takes three steps and instantly lifts me up into his arms. I wrap my legs around him and we begin to devour each other with our mouths. With Jake’s hands grasping my behind he holds me up and pulls me close to his waist. He grinds his erection against me so I can feel him through his jeans. He starts to walk and I quickly realise he’s heading towards the kids’ rooms.
Frantically I whisper, “No Jake, other way.”
“Oh right, sorry.”
He turns on his heel and makes a quick beeline for my bedroom. He kicks the door closed behind him and fumbles his way through the dark in search of my bed. Once his knees hit the edge of the bed he throws me down and lands gracefully on top of me.
I forget about the fact that I’m mad and I start ripping Jake’s clothes off him. Jake tugs my night shirt off and I’m left completely exposed in the dark.
“Kat I need to see you. Can we turn a light on please?”
I reach over and turn on my bedside light. It has a nice low, orange glow. Sam insisted on nothing too bright when it came to the lighting beside our bed. He too wanted to see me naked while we were being intimate, but he didn’t need to be blinded by a stark white light while he made love to me.
“Christ Kat, you’re so beautiful.”
Jake stands up and makes quick work of ridding the clothes off his gorgeous, perfect body. I pinch myself and I’m pleasantly rewarded with pain. This is not a dream.
“Jake.”
The sight of Jake standing naked at the edge of my bed takes my sexual fantasies to a place I never knew existed.
Jake covers his penis in a thin layer of latex with skill and speed. He’s back on top of me in no time at all. I part my thighs to allow him access to my achingly eager vagina.
As he fills me with his large, thick penis he also fills me with an exuberant amount of happiness. The emotional day left behind as Jake thrusts into me at a steady rhythmic pace. Our love making taking us into the early hours of the morning. One sexual pleasure filled session slowly turning into another.
We lay in bed side by side, totally exhausted. I roll toward Jake and loose myself in his ocean deep, blue eyes.
“You truly are very good at sex.”
“You’re not so bad yourself.”
“Hmm. I’m exhausted, but so very happy.”
“Me too, on both counts.”
I’m not sure whether I heard correctly, or not, but just as I give into my exhaustion and succumb to a deep, rested sleep, I swear I hear Jake tell me he loves me.
In my dreams I say it back.
Chapter SIXTEEN
I wake to the sound of my alarm the next day, or should I say, that same day.
As Jake stirs beside me I jump up out of bed and get dressed. If I leave Jake here to sleep hopefully he won’t come out of the bedroom while the kids are having breakfast. I’ll leave a note for him on my pillow just in case. I don’t think the kids would react well to Jake’s half naked body sauntering down the hallway unexpectedly. Especially Aiden.
As I walk into the kitchen to start on breakfast I see Ashley already sitting up at the table.
“Morning sweetheart. Did you have a good sleep?”
“Yep.”
“What are you doing there?”
“Colouring in my homework project.”
“I thought you said you had finished that?”
“Yeah I have, but I thought it needed some more colour.”
That’s my girl, always adding more colour to everything she does. As I turn my attention back towards the kitchen my eyes catch the site of Jake’s shoes by the backdoor.
They are not the usual kind of shoes you would find at our backdoor. They don’t look like Sam’s shoes, and obviously he hasn’t been able to leave shoes at the backdoor for some time now, but they are certainly men’s shoes.
My heart skips a beat as I try to stay cool. Ashley hasn’t noticed them and if she has, she hasn’t asked me about them…yet. If she does, what do I say? If I sa
id they were Johnno’s, would she accept my answer? I have to try and cover them up, especially before Aiden comes out for brekkie. Aiden notices when I purchase different brand items for the pantry, Jake’s shoes at the backdoor would not go unnoticed by him.
I slowly walk over to the backdoor. Ashley is still busy colouring. I take a coat off the coat rack which is next to the backdoor and quietly drop it over Jake’s shoes. I’ve managed to cover them completely. I can only hope now that neither child will offer to pick the coat up and put it back where it belongs. They’re kids, so there’s not much hope of that happening. I think I’m safe.
As the kids sit and eat I take an extra piece of toast and my coffee toward my bedroom. Jake is nowhere to be seen. My bed is made and he must have somehow managed to sneak out.
There’s suddenly a weight on my shoulders dragging me down at the thought of Jake leaving without saying goodbye. I check the windows. They’re still closed. Then I notice the ensuite door is also closed. I hardly ever close it. I enter to find Jake sitting on the bench swinging his legs. He’s dressed and is rather sprightly-looking for someone who’s had such minimal amount of sleep.
“Morning.” I greet him with toast and coffee.
“Morning beautiful. Thanks.” He takes a big bite of his toast and kisses me with a mouthful.
“Did you sleep well?” I ask.
“Like a log thanks. That’s one comfy bed.”
“Helps that we managed to pound all the lumps out of it before we fell asleep.”
Jake stands and embraces me. I love the feel of his safe strong arms.
“Can we do it again tonight?” His voice full of hope and desire.
“Keen aren’t you.” I move back toward the door and listen out for the kids.
“Listen Jake, I haven’t said anything to the kids about you…about us, yet. So I need to keep you in here until I get them on the bus, then I have to go to work.”
“Cool. I’ll stay here, then come with you.”
“Really. You want to come to work with me?”
“Yeah if that’s okay. I mean I know you deliver stuff in a ute so there’d be room for me wouldn’t there?”