“I must ask myself that same question.” His voice was hoarse, deep, and strained. I sensed more emotion radiating from him than I could remember ever witnessing before. Regardless, I wasn’t thrilled to know that he so cavalierly got inside my bedroom without asking me first. “You know, breaking and entering is against the law,” I started to tell him.
He stood up quickly. So quickly, I didn’t even see him do it. One second he was sitting, and the next, he was standing. The strain on his face confused me. Sinjin had always been so calm and controlled, but right now, he seemed preoccupied and pensive, like something serious was bothering him.
“Is everything okay?” I asked with a frown, feeling slightly disarmed since I’d never seen him like this before.
“Yes,” he answered quickly while shaking his head. “And no.”
“Okay-y-y …”
“I am compelled to discuss a certain matter with you,” he said in the most businesslike manner.
“Okay-y-y …”
Then he began pacing from one side of the room to the other. If I hadn’t felt nervous before, I definitely did now.
“This is not easy for me to articulate,” he began after three more paces back and forth.
“Yeah, I can see that,” I replied before sitting in the chair he just vacated. I leaned back as I watched him. “I’ll even wager that you’re more uncomfortable with your emotions than I am, despite the impossibility of that!”
He glanced at me but didn’t say anything, he just scowled. But his scowl and the ensuing silence indicated that he agreed with me. Well, at least it was nice to know that in the emotional category, I wasn’t lying at the bottom of the maturity list.
When he began his fourth trip back from the far side of the room, I intervened. “So, are we going to talk now, or are you just trying your best to wear out the wood floors?”
He turned on me and his eyes narrowed. “These feelings that continually haunt me are new and disturbing. I have been a vampire for a long time, devoid of all human emotions, yet I am befuddled by everything that is currently plaguing me.”
I smiled, trying to make lighter of the moment by saying, “Am I to believe the master vampire does possess a heart after all? I’ve wondered if such were the case.”
But when he didn’t even break a slight smile, I realized how serious he was. He looked back at me and his gaze was like a predatory beast, angry even. I sensed that after tonight, things could be different between Sinjin and me. I didn’t know why, but it was a certainty, one I couldn’t refute.
“I’m sorry,” I said in my attempt to keep the peace. “I didn’t mean to sound insensitive.”
Shoving his hands into his pockets, he stared hard into my eyes. The ice blue of his irises seemed intensified under the moon’s rays that illuminated the room. His remarkably handsome facial structure, with a chiseled, square jaw and such penetrating eyes, did something to me, causing a wave of nerves that coursed through my entire body.
There was something uniquely magnetic about Sinjin that I couldn’t put my finger on. It unsettled me, but at the same time, also attracted me. But there was more to it now. He was very different from the Sinjin I first met. There was an awkwardness about him now that I’d never seen before. He was awkward yet still irresistible.
“You,” he began before he frowned, shaking his head. “You … you do something unusual to me.”
I waited for a few more seconds, hoping he would explain his comment, but he didn’t. Instead, he just looked at me as if I should understand what the hell he was talking about, but I didn’t.
“Sinjin, I’m not any better at this emotional stuff than you are,” I sighed as I shook my head. “Which means, it’s equally difficult for me to understand you as it is for you to understand me. We don’t speak the same language.”
He chuckled and it sounded like heaven. Nodding, his lips melted into a smile and he replied, “Perhaps we require a translator.”
It was my turn to laugh, but I was cut short when he took a couple of steps toward me and abruptly stopped, leaving plenty of room between us. I shivered in spite of myself.
“Bête noire, are you cold?”
I shook my head, only then realizing that my whole body was trembling. I wanted to close my eyes and savor the rich sound of his voice as he used his pet name for me. Wrapping my arms around myself, I took a deep breath to gain control of the moment. “No, I’m fine.” The words barely escaped my lips.
He nodded and grew quiet for another few seconds before he looked at me closely and I looked back at him. Finally, he spoke. “I am a confident man—a man who knows himself extremely well. The many centuries have managed to teach me who and what I am. Yet I will be the first to admit that I am not all good,” he said, and his eyes gave nothing away. The spotlight remained entirely on his words. “I have taken human lives when necessary, and also when unnecessary. I have used my supernatural vampiric powers for good and for bad. I have conducted myself in many situations in a manner that I am not proud of.” He paused, but I knew better than to comment. He was struggling enough as it was. “I have survived one century after another, and that has never been easy for me. And yet, I find myself completely at a loss when it comes to sharing these confessions with you. I am as timid as a frightened pupil on his first day of school.”
I nodded, listening carefully.
“I do not know the source of what ails me, Bryn. But whenever I am in your company, I become very aroused in so many different facets of my being.”
Raising my eyebrows, I desperately hoped he could give me a better explanation than that! Maybe aroused wasn’t the best choice of words. “I’m not sure what you mean exactly,” I answered, stalling for time.
“Aroused,” he repeated the word before growing quiet and, apparently, pondering its definition. “Sexually aroused, you are thinking, and yes, I must admit I do become sexually aroused in your presence. But it is so much more than that.” He paused for another moment, and an expression of deep contemplation appeared on his face. Then he continued, “When the queen first brought you here as her prisoner, I must admit I did not trust you,” he began.
“Yeah, I could tell,” I muttered with a little smile. I wondered why our conversation suddenly created a strange fluttering inside my gut. Maybe it was only because Sinjin was making me nervous.
“I will not deny,” he continued, “that even from the beginning, I wanted my way with you, although I still did not trust you.” He paused and a faraway expression appeared in his eyes. “After you sacrificed yourself in order to save your sister and her baby, my mind changed about you. You inspired me to consider the possibility that you could become one of us.”
A smile tugged at my lips when I remembered our first meeting. He questioned every move I made, and was always so suspicious of me. He took a step closer, and the sound of my pounding heart filled my ears and became so loud, it seemed to echo in the room. I didn’t know why I felt so nervous, but his sudden proximity made me anxious.
“Now, however, I have come to realize that you, bête noire, belong here perhaps more than anyone else. You have proven yourself in more than one way, my little imp.”
I missed Sinjin’s unique terms of endearment. In the beginning, they were no more than terms of irritation. Now they felt like anything but. “Thank you, Sinjin.”
“There is more,” he said in his business voice, and I worried that more would not be something I’d want to hear. “I never cease to find you fascinating and intriguing,” he blurted out before a silence descended again that lasted for a few seconds. “Whenever we trained, I secretly admired your fierce determination and unbending desire to be the best. You always strive to be the ultimate warrior, and I cannot help but venerate you for your enthusiasm and strength of mind. I have also observed your passionate loyalty and dedication to your sister. Despite whatever you were when you came here, you are an honest, kind, and good person.” He held up his hand to silence me when I began to thank him
. “And, I cannot deny how intrigued I am with your secret. It absolutely mystifies me.”
“Secret?” I asked, clearly at a loss.
“Your ability to spontaneously combust,” he answered with a shrug like I should have known what he was talking about.
“Oh yes, that,” I said, glancing at the floor. I felt embarrassed because I didn’t know what to make of it either.
“But despite all your mystery, I no longer fear that you will harm the kingdom in any way, Bryn. Quite the contrary, actually. I am”—he hesitated before taking another step in my direction, adding—“utterly captivated by you.”
Sucking in a deep breath to calm my raging nerves, I became painfully aware of an unyielding desire to taste his lips on mine. It was so sudden, it didn’t make any sense to me.
He took another step closer, and his eyes narrowed on me. “Shall I dare to suppose that I see the same desire unfolding inside you?”
With no experience in love or relationships, I was sadly unprepared for any of this. But I was very aware that Sinjin needed to hear how I felt about him. And that was a tall order! Even I didn’t fully know how I felt about him, much less understand it. I recalled several times when he drove me to near insanity; but there were other times, like now, when I longed to feel closer to him—and yearned for his touch.
“Sinjin, I—”
“No, please! Allow me to finish my train of thought,” he interrupted with a brief head shake. “I need to tell you everything I came here to say.”
I nodded, swallowing hard.
“I followed you into your vision. When you insisted that I see your sister to safety, I did as you asked. But I had no intention of touching the flame myself. Your sister touched it, and somehow, I went back with her. In all honesty, I had every intention of turning around and finding you.”
“Sinjin, don’t worry; it’s not your fault. You did exactly what you should have done. Your primary duty is to protect the queen, first and foremost.”
He shook his head. “I consider my duty is to protect the queen, the princess, and you, first and foremost,” he replied, and I shook my head but he wouldn’t allow me to argue. “I could not overcome my pervasive sense of guilt and regret after I returned through the flame and you were lost. I sat by your bedside night after night, and that was how I realized what you mean to me.” He paused and cocked his head to the side, appearing as surprised by his touching words as I was. “I refused to believe that you would not awaken,” he continued, “and if the slightest chance existed that you would someday awaken, I had to be the first face you saw.”
“And you were!” I answered with a smile. “I never got to fully thank you for what you did. I’ve never experienced such kindness and devotion before. It means a lot to me.” The words sounded awkward and were not easy to say.
A scowl appeared on Sinjin’s handsome face. “However, when I failed to return and rescue you …” He shook his head and his jaw grew tight. “I am still struggling with my shame. I failed you in your hour of need, and he took the opportunity to win you.”
“That’s not how I look at it at all,” I protested.
“He is a stranger to us all and someone I did not and still do not trust,” he replied, his voice growing louder with anger. “When I chanced to see you with him, and dressed as you were …” I could hear the raw pain in his voice.
“I’m sorry,” I started to say as I shook my head, but I didn’t know what I should or shouldn’t say.
Taking the last step between us, he completely closed the gap. The scent of his natural aroma made me feel suddenly dizzy, or maybe it was due to his close proximity. I didn’t know. I was too busy aching for his touch—and dying to feel his lips on mine. Although I vowed to never fall into the arms of any man, Sinjin was no ordinary man. He was more than that, and I finally recognized it.
At each and every turn, I’d been trying to convince myself that Sinjin was arrogant and egotistical, but he was not even close to that. He reached down and pulled me up until I was standing right in front of him. His large, six-foot-four-inch frame dwarfed my stature, and it required all the strength in my body for me not to fall into him.
He ran his hand through his hair again. I’d never seen him so flustered, and it seemed so out of character. It surprised me more than anything. But I was even more taken aback when he brought his fingers to the side of my face and ran his thumb along my jawline. A spark of electricity shot through my body, causing my nipples to pucker. A sudden, stinging, tingling sensation stirred between my thighs. I felt my breath catching and my eyelashes dusting the tops of my cheeks before I forced my eyes open.
The next time Sinjin spoke, his words were scratchy. They seemed to be buried under the heavy weight of unbridled passion. “Do you want him?” he asked me. Of course, I had to crane my neck back to look into his eyes because he was so much taller than I was. “Do you?” he repeated.
That was the kicker. Because as much as Sinjin wasn’t just an ordinary man, neither was Dureau. I would have been lying to myself and to Sinjin if I denied having any interest in Dureau, because I did. The connection between us had already survived the path of time, helping me through the toughest times of my young life. It was a connection that had allowed him to enter my mind when I needed him most. Yes, our connection was precious, and I couldn’t just cast it aside.
EIGHTEEN
Bryn
Whatever I said would prove to be a defining moment. If I told Sinjin the history between Dureau and me or my feelings towards Dureau, my relationship with Sinjin would never be the same again. But the truth was: I did have romantic feelings for Dureau, as strange and awkward as they were. I hadn’t had enough time to explore my strange bond with Dureau, and I longed to see what it was really made of. And yet, standing in my room now with Sinjin barely inches from me, I found it hard to remember that Dureau even existed.
Sinjin’s fingers caressed the skin on the sides of my neck with just the right amount of pressure to send waves of heat radiating through me. And because I still hadn’t answered the question of the century, he asked me again. “Do you want to pursue him?”
I didn’t reply because I couldn’t. I felt inextricably trapped. Like my body was stuck on pause, and I couldn’t speak or move. My mouth couldn’t even form words. Almost like an involuntary reflex, my fingers reached up to touch the soft skin of Sinjin’s cheeks. As soon as I made contact, his mouth crashed down onto mine with so much force that it nearly knocked me off my feet.
My back hit the dresser behind me, and before I could utter a moan against his lips, he had me up in the air and my legs were straddled around his waist. With one fluid motion, Sinjin moved me to the bed where he gently laid me down. Seconds later, the weight of his massive body came down on top of mine.
Breathless, I lifted my hips upwards, and he growled before he kissed me with an open mouth, his tongue lapping mine. One of his hands was wrapped in the strands of my hair while the other one masterfully kneaded my upper thigh.
He kissed me with a passionate fury that I’d never seen before, a hunger that practically defined him. But I shouldn’t have been too surprised knowing that Sinjin was ultimately a predator, one that resided at the top of the food chain.
I pulled away from him, my chest heaving as my heart pounded harder and I struggled to catch my breath. We both could only stare at each other, locking our gazes in silence.
“Are you unwell, Bryn?” he suddenly asked, his fierce eyes glazing over with care and compassion. “I do not want to rush you into anything you might later come to regret.”
I opened my mouth, getting ready to tell him that we couldn’t continue on the path we were on, not until I answered his question about Dureau, but a timely knock on my door temporarily saved me.
Sinjin sat up and immediately turned to face the door. Seconds later, he was jumping to his feet. At the increased distance he established between us, I felt suddenly relieved. I didn’t know what could have come over me. We
ll, actually, I did—Sinjin overcame me, but what happened between us shouldn’t have. I still hadn’t told him the truth about Dureau. I hadn’t told him my feelings towards Dureau. And, there also was that promise I’d made to myself that I would never allow another man to touch me. Somehow, now that vow didn’t seem as important or serious to me as it had once upon a time …
Sinjin approached the door and I sat up, quickly trying to register in my mind what just happened, and another knock echoed through the room. “Who is it?” I called out.
“Betta.”
“This had better be good,” Sinjin grumbled as he reached for the doorknob.
“Wait,” I called after him in a loud whisper. “She can’t see you in here with me … not at this hour.”
He cocked his head to the side and nodded before he simply disappeared into thin air. I figured he probably reappeared in his own room. Sure enough, seconds later, I heard the sound of his voice down the hallway.
“Betta, what the bloody hell is going on?” he asked just as I stood up and started for the door. Reaching it, I pulled it open and Betta looked at me in obvious distress. Her eyes were wide and beads of sweat covered her brow.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Rachel is having the baby!” At the sound of those words, Sinjin narrowed his eyes and my mouth dropped open as I stared at her blankly. Jolie had told me about Rachel’s arrival at Kinloch Kirk and said she was pregnant. But to deliver a full-term baby so soon was beyond belief. It had been nowhere near nine months! Not even three months! Neither Sinjin nor I said anything for several seconds.
“Something must be wrong with her then?” I asked. “Is she miscarrying?”
“No,” Betta started as she shook her head. “It’s a bit complicated.”
Neither Sinjin nor I made a move to follow her. We both just stood there, taking turns in staring at Betta and at each other. I was still suffering from a case of total shock that was taking its sweet time in wearing off.
The Gentleman: A Vampire Romance Series (The Bryn and Sinjin Series Book 4) Page 30