I keep scrolling. A picture of me and Dylan playing floor hockey with my brother and his team at Thanksgiving; we both have our hands up and it looks like we’re screaming goal and all the kids are laughing. Then there’s one of Dylan and I laughing with a million shoe boxes in our hands while Tegan and Anderson fought some teenage girl for the last pair of striped wedges. Then there’s some selfies of me and Tegan that we randomly took while we’re in class, at the rink cheering for the guys, or sitting at the Starbucks drive through.
There’s over a hundred pictures in this folder. I look at Tegan who’s watching me, and she smiles. “Elli, you’re so quick to help everyone else and make them happy, you forget about yourself. You make so many people happy and never ask for anything in return. It’s time you start taking care of yourself, and realize how amazing you are.”
Again with the tears. Seriously? I need to get this thing under control. It’s getting ridiculous. But Tegan is right. I need to take care of myself. I put down her computer and walk over to where she’s sitting on her bed. I hug her tight and just say “Thank you”.
“I’m here for you Elli. Never forget that. Now call your boyfriend so he stops texting me.”
“First things first. We need a movie night. So pick one out while I go call him.”
“Harry Potter?”
I smile and look at my amazing best friend. “And that is one of the many reasons why I love you.”
“I know. Now go on. I’ll make some cookies. And by make cookies I mean get two spoons and the tub of cookie dough.”
“I love you Tegan.”
“I love you too El.”
I go grab my phone in my room and sit on my bed while I call Dylan. He answers on the first ring.
“Elli?! Are you okay? What happened?”
“I’m fine Dylan. Just a mental breakdown. Nothing a little skate can’t fix. Oh and Harry Potter.”
“Elli what’s wrong? Talk to me.”
I might as well explain what’s going through my messed up head right now. “I was overthinking everything Dylan. I had an anxiety attack after my dad called me, and everything just came at me all at once. Me moving in with you and you realizing I don’t fit into your life anymore, my weight, getting a job, graduation, loans, the possibility of having to move back in with my parents and getting bad again. I didn’t know how to handle it all. But I need to learn how to take care of myself without you here.”
“Well I can wipe away that first fear. Don’t you dare think you won’t fit into my life anymore. You are my life Elli. I want to experience all these new things with only you. It’s killing me how we’re so far apart. Never think any differently.”
I pause for a few seconds before I answer. “I knew you would say that.”
“Then why would you stress out over it?”
“I don’t know. I guess I’m just so used to thinking of the worst case scenario.”
“I want you here with me Elli. It doesn’t feel right without you here.”
“It doesn’t feel right without you here either Dylan. I miss you. And hopefully I’ll be better when I finally see you.”
“I know you will. You’re the strongest person I know. Now talk to me about these other worries. We’ll get through them together.”
We talk for a long time, and he calms me down a lot. Yes, my worries are still there, but they’re not so dominant anymore. When I finally make my way into the living room where Tegan is waiting with spoons, I laugh and we bum out on the couch watching our favorite movie series.
We talk while we watch and come up with a plan. We decide every morning we’re going to go to the park to start our day. We’re going to continue eating healthy, and we make a meal plan, that includes cheat days. We’re going to go to the store after the park tomorrow and get everything we need for food prepping. It’s going to be a positive change, and I’m looking forward to the last few months of school. Which is drastically different from the way I was feeling only a few hours ago.
CHAPTER 29
Elli
“Let me see Elli!”
“I don’t know about this Tegan!”
“Get out here!”
“Ughhh fine.”
I open the door to the fitting room and wait for Tegan’s reaction. Graduation is next week and we’re dress shopping. I’ve lost 23 pounds since that night we decided to make positive changes. I’ve only had two or three anxiety attacks since then, but they weren’t that bad. One was from when I told my mom my plans for after graduation. She was happy for me, but when she told my dad, he had quite a lot to say about the matter. But I stood up for myself and said it was my decision. He’s not happy, but I’m not worried about it.
I’m starting to feel good about myself. I feel healthy, I’m starting to like the way I look in the mirror, and I’m more confident everyday about my future with Dylan. I’m extremely excited for it actually.
When he called me last week and said he may not be able to make it to my graduation
because of his schedule, I was upset, but not at him. I just would have loved him to be there. Mia and Will are coming and they’re going to record my speech for him because I’m the class Valedictorian. My family is flying in the day before, but I haven’t told them the news yet. I want it to be a surprise.
But I need an outfit to wear, which lands us in my current situation. A sleeveless cream colored v-neck top with a flowy high-low mint green bottom, separated by a gold belt. I loved it on the mannequin, and Tegan forced me to try it on. It’s not something I would usually wear, but it looks kind of nice. My chest fits nicely which makes me happy, and it’s not totally revealing, but it’s summer and a hoodie just isn’t going to cut it.
“Oh My Gosh. Wait here, don’t move.”
“Wait, Tegan!”
But she’s gone. Where the hell is she going? And just like that, she’s back with cream colored heels. They match perfectly.
She sees my shocked look, and shrugs it off. “Shoes are my super power. Now put them on!”
I take the shoes and slide them on. I look balanced. Like, there’s not one area that I would change.
“Elli, it’s perfect. You look amazing.”
“I actually really love this Tegan.”
“Ahh! Then it’s settled! Now take it off and help me find something that looks that good!”
I reluctantly take the dress off and put the heels back in their box. Tegan mentions checking out jewelry to go with the dress, but there’s only one bracelet I’m going to be wearing, and I’m staring at it on my wrist right now. Except now there’s a new charm on it, and it has a twin that’s on the wrist of my best friend. The blue and white hot air balloon that we gave meaning too. They are silent; soothing. But also loud in color and come in all shapes and sizes.
* * *
Breathe Elli. You’ll be ok. It’s just a speech.
“And you’re Valedictorian, Elli Uccello!”
Showtime.
I make my way up to the podium and am thankful for my heels, or else I wouldn’t have been able to reach the microphone. Before I start my speech, I look out at where my family is sitting, with shocked glances on their faces, along with Mia, Will, Anderson and Dylan.
WOAH WAIT A SECOND. I must be imagining him here because he was in Milwaukee when I talked to him two hours ago. I look more closely, and nope, he’s definitely here, with a big smile on his face, obviously laughing at the expression on my face. I look at Tegan who turns to see what has me stunned and she has to do a double take. Apparently Dylan kept this a secret.
Since I probably look like I’m nervous as hell to make this speech, I take a breath and put a smile on my face.
“Thank you all for coming out today and celebrating such a huge milestone for all of us here wearing caps and gowns. Being in the accelerated degree program is no easy task, and I speak for everyone in my graduating class when I say our teachers have made such an important impact on our lives. No matter where we end up after today, we w
ill always take the lessons we learned here, and carry them with us on our journeys.”
I take a breath and continue. “But I’d like to sidetrack for a moment and say this. Not all lessons come from teachers. The biggest lessons you will learn are going to come from yourself. Through your experiences, through your battles and through the people you allow into your life. It’s the things that change you, whether good or bad that make you who you are. Sometimes it takes some special people that come into your life to help guide you, but everything starts and ends with you. I started Winter Park University in a very different place and mindset. But I am leaving today a better person, on a journey for a life I never thought was possible, with people I love very much. They support me, love me, and want to continue exploring this life with me, and I couldn’t and wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else.”
“To all my fellow graduates; if no one has told you how proud they are of you, know that I am. If no one told you that they believe in you, know that I do. You have one life and you have to live it the way you want to. Let the people who don't make you a better person become a memory, and never let go of the people that support you, love you and want to grow with you. Congratulations class of 2013. I can't wait to see what the future holds for us.”
I made it without throwing up. that deserves like an award or something. Deep breaths Elli. The worst part is over.
As the crowd applauds, Dylan and Anderson being the loudest, I walk off the podium to take my seat next to Tegan. Before I sit she gives me a death gripping hug and when she pulls back, I see she's crying. Thankfully she wore her waterproof mascara. We sit back in our seats and the rest of the ceremony drags by, especially since Dylan is within the vicinity and I haven't seen him in months. When my name is called, I go up, shake the hands of all my teachers, and some people I’ve never met before, grab my diploma and realize this is it.
I made it.
Alive and breathing.
And Happy.
When the caps are thrown, I grab Tegan and we make our way to the stands. Before we even get half way there, Dylan and Anderson are already in front of us with flowers. I don't even look at the bouquet as I jump into Dylan’s open arms. He grabs me and spins me around and the smile on my face is so wide it hurts.
“Surprise!”
“Best surprise ever!”
He puts me down but doesn't let go. He kisses me long and hard, and it’s like he never left.
“Elli look at you! I'm so proud of you!” He kisses me again and then lifts my arm as I spin around. He pulls me back into him, holding the flowers behind my back and my mind is going haywire.
“How was the speech? Not to boring?”
“Not in the least bit. It was perfect.” He kisses me again and then I'm being pulled away.
“Alright, alright my turn.” Dom says as he hugs me.
“Congratulations sis.”
I fiercely hug my brother and watch as him and Dylan talk as I make my way around to everyone and pose for countless pictures. I’m hugged and congratulated, and then yelled at by my mom for not telling her I was valedictorian so she could have prepared herself with more tissues. Then I get to my dad. He’s not big on hugs, so it felt a bit awkward.
“Proud of you kid.” he says. “Now the real world begins.”
Ahh there it is. Dear old dad can never just give a compliment. But I won’t let it bother me right now. He said he’s proud and that’s enough for me. I head back over to Dylan who was watching the interaction with my dad intently, and he puts his arms around me.
“You okay?” he asks.
Am I ok? I look around and see the faces of the people I love so much, and that are there for me when I need it most, without asking. I look and see Tegan who is hugging her parents as she introduces Anderson. I look at Mia, Will, and my parents who are laughing their hearts out at something my sister is saying. I look at my brother who is standing next to Dylan and is taking in the scene of graduates celebrating with their loved ones. But lastly, I look up at Dylan as I remember what I wrote in my speech.
Keep the people who want to grow with you, and never let go.
I smile up at the man that I love and finally answer his question. “I’m better than ok.” I hug him around his waist and we walk off the field that our ceremony took place on, into a whole new chapter of our life.
CHAPTER 30
Elli
“Nashville Predators Goal scored by Number 8! Dylan Rath!”
First NHL game, first NHL goal. Tegan, Anderson, my brother, and I cheer on Dylan as he celebrates in a team hug. Then he looks out to our seats, which are right behind the glass, and he winks at me. The crowd is still going crazy as they quickly obtain a new favorite player, and I couldn’t be more proud.
After graduation, I moved out to Milwaukee with Dylan, but talks were already in motion about bringing him up to the Predators. So when a spot opened up and it became official, we made the move, found an apartment, and settled in. Anderson moved in with Tegan in my old apartment and are planning on moving out here after he graduates. He’s getting a degree in sports therapy and Dylan is going to talk with some of his bosses about what he can do to get Anderson a chance with the team. They flew out here for the weekend to see Dylan’s first game and Dylan flew my brother out as well.
I have an interview with a publishing company next week for a Graphic Artist/ Cover Designer position and I’m extremely excited. I know it’s only my first interview, but they liked my work enough to give me a chance, so I hope it goes well.
I lost a few more pounds since leaving school and I’ve come to the conclusion I’m not on a diet anymore. I’m eating well and living a healthy lifestyle, but now, I don’t punish myself when I miss a workout.
Dylan has been nothing short of incredible. We had a little too much fun at Ikea when we went to get things for the apartment, and then even more laughs when we tried putting everything together. But our main focus was the living room. A reclining sofa, a flat screen TV with surround sound that his parents bought us, complete with an infinite movie library. The day it was all installed, the first movie we put on was of course, Harry Potter, and it was like I’ve never seen it before.
We hung pictures on the wall. The drawing I made of him; our paintball picture; a picture of us, Tegan and Anderson from graduation; one of Dylan and Anderson at the game Tegan and I bought them tickets to; a selfie of Dylan, Anderson and my brother the day he won the tournament; one of Dylan and I in front of Hogwarts when we went to Universal after graduation; one of his parents; and one of my family. It completed the room and I didn’t think we needed any other decorations. Dylan agreed.
It felt like a home.
The buzzer goes off, pulling me from my thoughts and back into the 4-3 Predators win thanks to Dylan’s goal. Just as we’re about to leave our seats and go to the spot where we’re supposed to meet Dylan, a security guard comes over and stops us.
“Are you Elli Uccello?”
“Yes sir. Is everything alright?”
“I’ve been asked to escort you. Come with me please. Your friends may stay here.”
I look back at everyone, and they all look like they’re hiding something. They urge me to follow him and I hesitantly go. By the time he stops, the rink is cleared out and he opens the door to the ice. I look at him confused, but he motions me forward.
I slowly make my way onto the ice, being careful not to fall, but also taking in how large this arena is. I get all the way to the middle when Dylan finally skates out, still in all his gear, minus his gloves and helmet. His hair is tousled, but his grey eyes are excited and there’s a grin on his face.
“Dylan what’s going on?”
He closes the distance between us and takes my hands. “Well, you see, there’s this girl, and I’m kind of crazy about her.”
Is this what I think it is? I’m completely paralyzed where I’m standing, and it’s not because I’m afraid of falling on the ice.
He continues. “
She’s beautiful, talented, funny and so, so strong. The strongest person I know, actually. When I’m with her, I feel whole. Like everything is right in the world and my life is worth something more than I ever thought it would be. She let me into her world, and I never want to leave.”
He gets down on one knee, and my heart stops. This is actually happening. I don’t even look at the ring he has in his hand, I’m just staring at him. Only him. That’s all that matters.
“I love you so much Elli. I love everything about you. I never thought I would find someone as perfect for me, but you came into my life and took my heart the moment I set eyes on you in the Wolves rink. We’ve been through so much, and I want nothing more than to keep experiencing this life with you. Will you..”
“YES!”
I put my arms around his neck and get lost in his kiss. I feel him smiling and we part so he can finish his sentence. “Marry me?”
Laughing I start to tear up as he stands and grabs my hand to put the ring on my finger. I still haven’t looked at it. I’m just staring at this beautiful man that I love so much who wears a mirrored expression of mine.
“Don’t you want to look at the ring?”
“Dylan it could be a piece of string for all I care. All I want is you.”
“Well you have me. All of me.”
I kiss him again and then look down at the most perfect ring. I don’t like fancy or flashy, and I wasn’t lying when I said it could be a piece of string, and Dylan knows that. But the ring I’m looking at has a small diamond, and is surrounded by mini leaves.
Thin Ice Page 17