by Jessie Olson
Lizzie softened her eyes. She knew from her father that there was no way for her to comprehend the horrors of war. No matter how many movies she saw or books she read, she could never fully know how terrible the death of battle was. She knew from her father those images did not fade away. Lizzie looked at Ben and wondered if a near century eroded the visions of mustard gas and machine guns. “Did you … use your ability against the enemy?”
“It isn’t a weapon,” he said with all severity. “I put a man out of his misery once…” Ben’s eyes wandered towards the sound of the rushing water.
“I’m sorry,” Lizzie broke the silence. “It isn’t fair for me to make you remember awful things.”
Ben fixed his eyes back on her. She didn’t understand to what memory his mind shifted as he looked at her, but she could tell that it wasn’t any more comforting than the echoes of Verdun. “It isn’t fair for me to make you feel guilty for asking,” Ben returned quietly.
“What did you do after Verdun?”
“I went back to Princeton and earned my medical degree,” he smiled.
“How many times have you gone to college?” Lizzie started walking again.
“Three.”
“Princeton, MIT, and…”
“Harvard. It was my first degree.”
“Of course,” Lizzie laughed. “You must know many things.”
“The world changes and there is always more to learn. Plus, it helps one change professions.”
“Right,” Lizzie paused. “You didn’t like being a doctor?”
“I liked it very much.” Ben saw a bench and led her over to it. “I was doing something very important.”
“Then why did you change?”
“I wanted to,” he looked at her and let out a deep sigh. “I was a doctor for nearly sixty years. Most men retire after so long.”
“So you retired by going to high school?”
“Pretty much,” he laughed.
“Why go to high school? Why go back to high school when you can clearly pass yourself off as a young man? Why put yourself through all that emotional agony?”
“It gave me a history to get into college.”
“Yes… but that doesn’t make sense.”
“I never went to high school before Springs. I didn’t know that it was miserable… or why it was so wonderful that people have reunions every five years.”
Lizzie laughed to herself. “I guess … but why be such a … well, you could have easily been a jock or someone popular. You can’t be that inept at sports.”
“I’m not,” Ben sat slowly on the bench. “Participating wouldn’t have been a good idea. All those endorphins running rampant would have been a difficult challenge.”
“Endorphins?” Lizzie sat next to him.
“That runner’s high you get courses through your blood stream. It’s intoxicating.”
“You don’t like a high blood alcohol level… but you like endorphins?”
“Mm hm,” he nodded, not looking at her.
“Well, I guess I was safe company then. I couldn’t run and I certainly wasn’t getting any other sort of endorphin rush in high school.”
“I liked your company,” Ben pushed some of her loose strands behind her ear.
Lizzie wasn’t affected by his tenderness. “But if you were going back to high school… why did you choose Springs? In the middle of nowhere? Why not choose a better school system, with more educational opportunity? With a more diverse student body to seem less… obviously different? Why did you pick Springs?”
“Going to high school helped immerse me in culture and learn current vernacular. It wasn’t just about the classes I was taking. I needed to fit into a younger generation. I chose Springs because I liked Coldbrook,” he kissed the top of her forehead.
“What about Oliver?” Lizzie asked abruptly and looked up to his eyes.
Ben dropped his hands at his sides and sighed. “He is like me.”
“He’s a vampire?”
“Yes.”
“Your parents?”
“Did you ever meet our parents?”
“No.”
“That’s because we didn’t have parents.”
“Are you really brothers?” Lizzie suddenly realized Ben’s red tinted hair and greenish eyes didn’t match Oliver’s darker colors.
“We were both changed by the same vampire,” he said slowly.
“Where is he?”
“She is dead.”
“You said you were immortal.”
“No, I did not.”
“But you… can’t die.”
“I never said that,” Ben shook his head. “I assure you I can die.”
Lizzie’s mind filled with another hundred questions. It was difficult to decide which was more important to understand. “How did she die?”
Ben looked at her, hardening his gaze. “Her heart stopped working,” he said coldly, confusing Lizzie and discouraging her from continuing the pursuit of that subject.
Lizzie paused and allowed the sound of the water fill the air for a few minutes as she let her mind stop buzzing. She wanted to stop, breathe, and simply appreciate the fact she was with Ben. It was overwhelming … and yet, as she saw his eyes shift back to her… amazing. “Is Oliver really older than you?”
“Younger,” Ben’s voice was warmer, but not as light as her question.
“I really was an idiot in high school,” Lizzie laughed at herself. “I had no idea.”
“There is a lot of self-absorption in high school,” he lightened.
“But what of the teachers? The principal?”
“They have enough to worry about with teenagers without suspecting there are vampires. Besides, Oliver and I kept a pretty low profile.”
“Mm,” Lizzie mused, thinking of her more outrageous classmates. Dan Stewart was definitely a bigger handful than a geeky closeted vampire. “So, really… after all those years of being alive, you liked my company of so many other choices at Springs?”
“I did,” Ben put his arm around her.
“And Sara, of course,” Lizzie tensed her shoulders with the memory.
Ben lifted his hand and turned her chin to make her face him. “I never had a thing for Sara,” he met her eyes.
“Never?” Lizzie felt her head spinning with a truth more dissembling of her reality than any of the other things Ben told her in the past two days.
“Never,” Ben caught her next breath in a passionate kiss, silencing her questions to the sounds of the birds and the Connecticut River rushing in the distance.
*****
Lizzie shut off the television as Ben walked into the room with two paper bags. He set them on the small table. “I got you some dinner,” he removed a Styrofoam carton.
Lizzie smiled uneasily. “Thanks.”
He pulled out the chair and waited for her to take the seat. She sat and lifted her hands up awkwardly as he slid her closer to the table. “You can’t wait a week until you eat again.”
“I can’t believe got me a hamburger,” Lizzie lifted the lid of the container.
“You don’t like hamburgers?” he sat down in the chair opposite.
“No, I love them. I just… I didn’t run today.”
“You just hiked through the gorge and back. You need iron. Red meat is a good source of iron.”
“I know,” Lizzie lifted it to her mouth and set it back down. “I feel weird eating while you just… sit there.”
“I’m used to it.”
“Yes, well… I am very self conscious about eating more than other people.”
“Elizabeth, this is something you will need to get used to. Besides, you watched me eat the other night.”
“That was… different,” Lizzie pulled apart the layers of the burger. She found the pickles and pulled them off of the roll. “Have you ever had a hamburger?”
“No,” he shook his head in amusement.
“So you missed out on the whole McDonald’s thing?”
<
br /> “I bought some of their stock,” he continued his amusement.
“There’s something very odd about a vampire making money on what people eat,” Lizzie shook her head as she put the burger back together and took a bite. It was lukewarm, but tasty. She realized how hungry she was. She only ate a few protein bars since leaving Newton. She took another slow bite and was aware of him watching her. “You said there was a clinic.”
He softened his gaze with a short smile. “I did say that.”
Lizzie set down her burger and reached for her half empty water bottle. She took a drink, watching his eyes to see if there would be any more answers during her silence. She set it on the table and decided to prod him before taking another bite. “How does that work?”
“The clinic?” Ben asked as though she could just as easily be discussing her hamburger. “There are a number of sources who come in and provide blood. It’s a lot like the Red Cross. There is even juice and cookies for them.”
“Do you bite them?” Lizzie felt a burn of jealousy more than anything else. Was it something over which she should be jealous?
“Sometimes there is that option. It is frequently a transfusion.”
“With needles?”
“That’s how it works,” he shrugged as if it were obvious. “Is it not a good burger?”
“No,” Lizzie shook her head and forced herself to take another bite. “Are the sources… do they do it for… pleasure?”
“I imagine some do,” Ben looked at her plate, prompting another bite before he spoke again. “They all are compensated. I suspect a fair number do it for the extra cash.”
“How can there be enough people who know about this and… yet vampires are so unreal?”
“Most sources find out about the clinic because they had a connection with a vampire. Some come as referrals. Everyone is discreet.”
“You must pay them well.”
“Very well.”
“How did you find out about this… clinic?” she took another bite so he would answer her swiftly.
“I helped create it,” he answered very nonchalantly. “It was based on a model in Europe that I discovered in France. “
“Clinics for vampires.”
“Think about it. It’s an opportunity for us to screen the blood and regulate intake. It’s a very good service.”
“So is that why you became a doctor?”
“No, I had a practice for about fifteen years. Then when my youth became obvious, I decided to do something for vampires as well as their sources.”
“What do you screen blood for?” Lizzie didn’t think she could force herself to eat any more of her hamburger.
“Drugs. Alcohol. Cholesterol. Metals. Diseases. The healthier the blood, the less likely a vampire is to go out and drink irresponsibly.”
“What happens if you drink blood with AIDS?”
“It makes us weaker. Same with diabetes. It takes a while to flush it out. AIDS sometimes stays for years.”
“People die from it,” Lizzie was almost irritated with his matter of fact tone.
“I know.”
“Is there anything in our blood that can kill you?”
“Not directly,” Ben looked at his hands. “Lead has the most severe consequences.”
“Lead?”
“Yes,” he hesitated. Lizzie could see he was editing the information before he began to speak. “A lot of the superstition and myths about vampires come from our reactions to lead poisoning.”
“Really?”
“The mutation of our DNA has weakened our defenses to lead. In addition to human reactions of pain and insomnia, we are at high risk for developing intense porphyria. This leads to a sensitivity to light and severe mania.”
“Lead was in so many things. It’s still in so many things. Lead paint was everywhere.”
“Yes it was,” Ben nodded. “A number of vampires were infected as a consequence.”
“Did they die?”
“Most of them,” he nodded. “Some became monstrous and were killed as a result. Some were able to purge the lead from their system. If they drink quality blood now, the symptoms do not recur.”
Lizzie looked at her cold burger and pushed the plate away from her. Ben was vulnerable… even if it seemed obscure. She wondered if vampires considered lead paint a pandemic. “Is there a way of knowing quality blood without going to the clinic?”
“Our sense of taste is distinctive,” Ben dropped his eyes to her unfinished dinner. “Everyone is different. If someone has had a bad reaction to something, they are more likely to know the taste of a metal or a disease or lipids.”
“If you taste something bad, do you stop drinking?”
“I do. I can’t speak for all of us.”
“What could you taste in my blood?”
“You are on birth control.”
“You can taste that?”
“Estrogen.”
“Does it taste good?”
“It’s insignificant. It isn’t necessary for you now,” he said quietly.
Lizzie wasn’t surprised at that implication, but felt enough of a sting at the thought she decided not to linger upon it. “What’s the best kind of blood?”
“From someone with a healthy heart. The blood is full of oxygen.”
“And endorphins?”
“Endorphins are… well perhaps a little like caffeine is for you.”
“Wakes you up?”
“Sort of. It feels really, really good.”
“So is that why vampires and sex go so well together?” Lizzie looked at him blatantly.
“It can be pleasurable for both if the timing is right,” Ben answered her stare.
“Do you ever have sex with your sources at the clinic?”
“Not at the clinic. There are other less regulated operations that are … well pretty much a brothel. But they can’t guarantee clean blood.”
“What did you do at the clinic for fifty years?”
“I managed operations and helped to establish others throughout the country based on the same model. I also worked in the lab and tested a lot of blood. Partly, to evaluate sources. Partly as research.”
“Research?”
“On diseases of the blood. In humans and vampire humans.”
“Identifying or curing?”
“A little bit of both. I tried to cure the reaction to lead. Unfortunately, I only came up with a chelation agent, that works the toxic metals through your urinary track. Vampires don’t use their digestive systems, so it doesn’t do much good for vampires.”
“Oh,” Lizzie found the information more confusing than helpful at this point. “Do you miss working at the clinic?”
“I still consult every once in a while,” he rested his gray green eyes on her again. “I left the clinic in good hands.”
“Where is it?”
“Near Central Square,” he answered more readily than Lizzie expected. “I was on my way home the day I saw you sprain your ankle.”
“Oh,” Lizzie smiled, thinking of that afternoon and the tense moment at the top of her stairs.
“I was on my way to the clinic the second time I saw you running along the river,” he continued. “You were very tempting that day.”
“I was running,” Lizzie saw the pieces come together. “You wanted my endorphins.”
“I did.”
“Ben,” she looked down at her abandoned plate. “Did you like my blood?”
“Very much.”
“Even without the endorphins?”
“You were scared,” he smirked. “Fear excites the nerves, too, you know.”
“I was scared,” Lizzie wouldn’t look at him.
“I know…” Ben started but stopped when Lizzie looked up to meet his eyes. He reached across the table and took her hand as he had that night. He turned over her wrist and looked at the marks that were still red. “I also think you were extraordinarily brave. I only saw that fearlessness once before.” He paused
and stroked her wrist, igniting the electric sensations she knew came only from his touch. “I found that more alluring than any amount of endorphins in your blood.”
Lizzie caught the smile that gazed at her. She forced her mind to quiet all the new questions that came into her mind. It seemed every answer ignited ten more questions. She was weary of asking. She relished the smile and the touch of his fingers against the inside of her arm. And the fact he found her alluring.
*****
Lizzie closed the door quietly. She pulled off her sneakers and happily sighed with a glance at him asleep on the bed. His face was so still. His breaths were barely noticeable even with just the fragment of sheet covering his bare chest. She bent down and rolled up her spine for one last stretch and returned her gaze to his open eyes.
“Were you really sleeping?”
“Did you go running?”
“I went along the river. The dewy morning was breathtaking,” she reached for her water bottle.
He smiled at her and slowly sat up. “Will you come back to sit with me?”
“I’m all sweaty and gross. Plus you’ll want my endorphins.”
He restructured his smile and shifted his look towards her. “You don’t sleep much, do you?”
“Not these days,” she smiled. “I’m going to take a shower.”
Lizzie looked into the steam covered mirror. She was satisfied with her reflection. She never gave pause to the fact that she met her goal in the fury of months that passed since meeting Ben. Running became more an excuse to forget him and less a determination to drop the last stubborn pounds that lingered on her body. They were gone, as was the worry he wouldn’t call her again.
She hung up the towel and collected her dirty clothes and went back into the room. Ben was dressed and watching the morning news. “How many days are we going to stay here?”
“How sick do you think I am, Dr. Cottingham?”
“At least through the week.”
“I have to get back by Friday. Meg and I are helping Nora with more wedding preparations,” Lizzie paused at his lack of response. “Weddings must seem ridiculous when you’ve lived through so many different ideas of marriage. When you know that forever isn’t… well, really… could you ever see yourself staying with one person forever?”