An Ever Fixéd Mark

by Jessie Olson

  She saw a blinking icon on the top of the page. She pulled her eyes away from his profile and clicked it, switching her over to a mailbox. The top message was a reminder for his missed appointment. She opened it. It was a generic email informing Mr. Cottingham that his appointment with Samantha Wells was canceled. If he was unable to find an alternative, the following sources were available for appointments this week.

  Lizzie clicked one of the options. She was young. Much younger than Lizzie. She was athletic. Apparently the recommendations paid attention to his preferences. Fair skinned. Blue eyes. Blond hair. Lizzie shut her eyes. She reopened them and went back to the inbox. She opened the reminder from a previous week. There was a link to the appointed source, Genevieve Coulson. She had red hair, brown eyes, and was 25. Just like Ben.

  She logged off the website. She paused for a few seconds and shut off the computer. She didn’t want to know any more. She didn’t want to think about what Ben wanted. About what she never was. Young and athletic. He didn’t want her until she ran that half marathon. He always knew where she was, but he never cared for her until her body fit his preference. All those women… she only saw two… but she knew all the rest fit his profile. She knew they were the ones he would unofficially date. The ones whose blood he wanted to drink. The ones with whom he was surrounded as he screened sources for the Chicago clinic. When he was far away in another city and didn’t have the time to talk to her, not even to tell her to stay away from Oliver. So she wouldn’t.

  *****

  Lizzie received Oliver’s email at work. He didn’t mention lunch at all, but simply encouraged her to come to his talk at UMASS that evening. She thought very quickly about inviting Andrew, but immediately talked herself out of it. She wanted to keep Ben’s brother out of any part of her life that involved Ben.

  She was intrigued by the topic. It appealed to both her professional world in museums as well as her passion for the environment. She would have gone if it weren’t Oliver Cottingham. She would have gone if there wasn’t a chance that the evening could end with another piece of the Lily mystery colored in. That’s what she kept telling herself as she took the train ride across Boston.

  They were in a small lecture hall. She was impressed by the full audience. She noticed a crowd of giggling coeds in the front row. Were they fascinated by the topic or by visiting Professor Ol? She wondered if anyone knew what he was. Could one of them be a willing source? Maybe one was even a vampire, for all Lizzie knew.

  She hid in the back row and found herself compelled by his statistics. Her thoughts focused on his topic and didn’t wander to speculation about vampires or Lily. She was impressed that he was a good teacher as well as politician. She wondered if that was the lawyer coming through.

  Lizzie got up slowly from her seat and waited in the back of the room as Oliver greeted all the eager young women. They left in a flurry of giggles. She caught his eyes following them until they met hers. She waved slightly as he turned to a handful of professors. Lizzie collected her coat and approached slowly. He turned his eye to her in between breaths of conversation. After several minutes, the professors headed out of the hall.

  “Hi,” Oliver smiled warmly with a direct look at Lizzie.

  “Hi,” Lizzie returned as Oliver gathered his papers and shut down his laptop.

  “I’m very glad you came,” he said with the same extra charm he offered the giggling girls. “Shall I take you to dinner?”

  “I’m not hungry.”

  “At least a drink,” he zipped his carrying case.

  “Very well,” Lizzie agreed. It was just a drink.

  *****

  “You know, truth be told, sometimes I think I am just full of it,” Oliver cast his eyes up as the waitress set down two glasses of wine at their table.

  “No, it was really fascinating,” Lizzie hastily took a sip. “You know your material well. You know how to make it interesting. Not just some flat scientific facts. You could give Al Gore a run for his money.”

  “I doubt that,” Oliver laughed. “I’m glad you liked it.”

  Lizzie set down her glass gently. She looked at Oliver’s enthusiastic expression. She was surprised he was so pleased by her good opinion of his lecture. After her pathetic excuse of a tour she gave him, he couldn’t be much impressed by her notion of good public speaking. He was very upbeat, energetic. Lizzie expected there was a sense of accomplishment. She also imagined he fed before the lecture.

  “So how is Ben?” he broke her concentration with a sudden, but still friendly question. “I’m almost surprised that you didn’t drag him down here with you.”

  “Really?” Lizzie coughed and stifled it with another sip of wine.

  “Almost.”

  Lizzie bit her lip and lingered with the wine glass not too far from her lips. She breathed and set it back on the table. “Actually, Ben is out of town.”

  “Hm.”

  “He’s been,” Lizzie looked about to measure the noise of the surrounding crowds. “He’s been helping with the final stages of a clinic that’s opening outside of Chicago.”

  “He’s gone back to that?”

  “He still has his computer company. I don’t know how he is managing both right now.”

  “Ben works very hard,” Oliver rested his fingers on the base of his neglected wine glass. “He always has.”

  “Yeah,” Lizzie hoped her discouragement wasn’t obvious.

  “You know, I think I got an invite to their opening,” Oliver looked up to try to catch a memory in his thoughts. “Yes, it’s on my desk in San Fran,” he laughed to himself. “It’s next weekend, right? Is he taking you to that?”

  Lizzie shook her head and swallowed almost half her glass.

  “Yeah… probably not,” he looked at her. “That would be an interesting party. The who’s who of the vampire world. Some of the guests might surprise you.”

  “I’ve had enough surprises this year,” Lizzie met his eyes. “I’m not sure how amazing the next one might be.”

  “True enough.”

  “Do you go to the clinic?”

  “Not very much,” Oliver said slowly. “I prefer a more organic method.”

  Lizzie’s eyes widened as she reached for her glass. “Oh?”

  “Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate the importance of the clinics. Everything that Ben and his friends achieved is really very important. Especially with the escalation of AIDS and malaria and … all those diseases. But it isn’t… it isn’t natural.”

  Lizzie took the last large swallow from her glass, not even tasting the wine. She let out a deep breath as she landed the empty glass on the table. Oliver leaned a little closer and lowered his voice. “Ask any vampire and they will tell you that they prefer teeth to needles.” Oliver sat back and slid his full glass towards Lizzie. “It’s like your wine. It’s as much about holding the glass and taking a sip – savoring the flavor and feeling the burn. It wouldn’t be the same if someone hooked you up to an IV and just put the alcohol into your bloodstream.”

  “No,” Lizzie put the stem of the glass between her fingers. “If you don’t go to the clinic… and your partner is already a…” she lowered her voice under the hum of the bar conversation. “… a vampire – what do you do?”

  “I have loyal sources. I go to the clinic on occasion. But I’ve been around long enough to know the good from the bad.”

  Lizzie took a sip from the wine glass. “I suppose that’s true,” she managed a smile as her mind wandered to Ben’s office in early September. “Do you like endorphins?”

  Oliver couldn’t stop the grin creeping across his cheeks. “Of course I do.”

  “Then… if your wife isn’t a source… do you,” Lizzie stopped herself from finishing the question she didn’t censor herself from starting. “I’m sorry. That was very inappropriate.”

  Oliver looked away from the conversation towards the bar. Lizzie felt naïve and foolish. She was still so new to this world. Ben was only one
personality of vampire. Apparently they weren’t all as he was. The definitions of their right and wrong altered, even amongst brothers… or whatever they were. Oliver turned back from the bar, the smile still evident in the corner of his lips. “Do you have to work tomorrow?”

  “What?”

  “I’m heading to New York on Saturday. I thought I might do a few tourist things tomorrow. Somewhat research. Somewhat genuine curiosity.’

  “The Freedom Trail?” Lizzie realized how absurd that would be for Oliver who fought the British.

  “There is a pretty interesting exhibit at the Science Museum.”

  “I haven’t been there in ages.”

  “You have to work?”

  “I’ll see how I feel in the morning,” Lizzie answered coolly. “I should probably head home.”

  Oliver disappeared briefly to take care of the bill. Lizzie had her coat on and purse ready by the time he returned. “Can I walk you to your car?”

  “I took the train.”

  “Then let me give you a ride home.”

  Lizzie followed him quietly back to the UMASS campus. There was a cold November wind distracting her thoughts from saying anything other than how frigid the temperature felt. Within ten minutes they were in a parking lot beside a silver Jeep Wrangler. “Rental?” she asked as he searched for the keys in his pocket.

  “Actually, it’s mine. I keep it here for the few times I visit,” he unlocked the car.

  “How often do you visit?” Lizzie shuddered as the wind leaked under her coat.

  “Not as much these days,” he got in the car and leaned across the seat to open her door. “But… things change. Eventually I’ll be too young to stay in California.”

  Lizzie sat herself beside him and shivered again as she pulled the seatbelt across her. “Are you planning to come back soon?”

  “No,” Oliver started the ignition. “Although, a colleague wants me to come to UMASS and fill an open position next fall.”

  “You’re not considering it?” Lizzie’s teeth chattered.

  Oliver paused before pressing on the gas. “No. I like my work right now. I don’t look too shockingly young. I like California. I’m glad I went back.”

  “You were there before?”

  “I was there until…” he stopped and cast a glance at Lizzie. “I was in LA until Charlotte was gone. That’s when I came back here.”

  “Oh,” Lizzie looked out her window into the blackness of the Charles River.

  “Where am I taking you?”

  “Cen… to Newton,” Lizzie decided that she didn’t want to lead him to Ben’s apartment. “Can you find your way to Storrow?”

  “Sure can.”

  Lizzie let the silence fall between them as she slowly recovered from the chilly wind in the warmth of his car. She only spoke to give directions to Jefferson Park.

  “You guys live in Newton?”

  “My apartment is here,” Lizzie said quickly. “I… didn’t want to stay at Ben’s place tonight. There was a murder across the street the other night.”

  “Really?” Oliver pulled in front of the house.

  “Yeah,” Lizzie looked down at her purse. “A crime of passion.”

  “He’s still in that place near the hospital?”

  Lizzie lifted her eyes back to look at him. He gazed out the window with disinterest, as if he was just making small talk before she decided to get herself out of the car. “Yes,” she unbuckled her belt and felt the exhaustion of a long day suddenly mingle with the glass and a half of wine. “What did you do to Melissa?”

  Oliver snapped his head to look at her. His eyes were very sad, as if he didn’t have the ability to summon a mask to hide it. “I didn’t kill her, Lizzie.”

  Lizzie shut her eyes. She was waiting to hear that answer. She knew… she always knew that was what it was. Ben never had the determination to quiet her insane doubt. “You know what happened to her,” Lizzie said with a calm of which she didn’t know she was capable.

  Oliver hardened his grip on the idle steering wheel. “I do,” he returned with equal calm but no apology.

  “Will you tell me?”

  Oliver looked at her briefly and then back through the windshield of his Jeep. “I am responsible,” he continued that calm tenor of his voice. “I don’t deny that.”

  Lizzie looked down at her hands. She knew there might be some reason she should be afraid and want to leave the car. He wasn’t keeping her there. He wasn’t forcing the story into her mind. She asked the question. She was the one hesitating before going to the apartment. Lizzie lifted her focus back to his concentrated stare through the window. Oliver turned his head quickly and offered his gentle grin. “I used to give her a ride home every once in a while. She was a good kid. Smart. Definitely very pretty,” Oliver hid his smile from Lizzie. “She knew what I was.”

  “Did you tell her?”

  “She figured it out. She paid a lot of attention … she had a crush on me.”

  “Oh,” Lizzie fiddled with the strap of her purse.

  “I liked her. I…” Oliver shut his eyes. “I indulged her. We had a quiet affair the summer before I went to Amherst.”

  “You went to Amherst?”

  “Just for the freshman year,” Oliver breathed out. “I intended to stay close to help Ben with the property, but…”

  “Melissa died.”

  “She visited my dorm. Then when I came home on breaks…”

  “But she was dating Kyle Granger.”

  “Yes, I know,” Oliver looked down. “It wasn’t that sort of relationship. If you could call it a relationship. Melissa was attracted to the vampire. If she thought she had a chance with Ben, she would have pursued him.”

  “She thought Ben wanted Sara.”

  “Yeah,” Oliver laughed quietly. “Melissa wanted to become vampire. She didn’t believe Ben would use her as a source, much less change her.”

  “Would you?”

  “She was my source…but I … she was too young and emotional. I didn’t think she knew what she was giving up. Plus, there are so many other…”

  “You changed your wife.”

  “That was different, Lizzie.”

  “So what happened to Melissa?” Lizzie thought of Ben’s comparison of Oliver to Meg. Meg didn’t know her limitations. Oliver’s conversation and demeanor didn’t resemble Meg’s mania at all. Was Melissa something that just got out of control?

  “She knew the science of it. She knew if she lost a certain amount of blood she would only survive if I fed her blood,” Oliver faded and then shook his head back to the present. “I was home for the summer. It was the weekend before the Springs graduation. I hadn’t seen her since March break. I was hungry and stupid and… I didn’t pay attention. She cut herself before coming to see me. She let me feed on her even though she already lost a lot of blood. I stopped when I knew what was happening. She was upset, irrational. She wanted me to finish. I offered to take her home and made a whole bunch of promises about later in the summer. She left the house in a fury. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if I should follow her. I knew she wasn’t well. She lost too much blood. I should have taken her to a hospital. I …”

  “What happened to her?”

  “She used to come to our house by an old wagon road in the woods.”

  “At the start of the state forest.”

  “Yes,” Oliver nodded. “There is a brook that runs through it. It was a rainy night. It was a very rainy spring so the brook was overflowing. I don’t know for certain, Lizzie, but I’m pretty sure she fell or fainted in the brook.”

  “But you don’t know.”

  “I know she didn’t make it home that night.”

  “Do you think she threw herself in the brook?” Lizzie surprised herself with her question.

  “That is a possibility.”

  “They never found a body,” Lizzie kept looking at the strap entwined in her fingers. “So nobody knows for sure.”

 
“I found footprints in the mud very close to the creek. It looked like she skidded at the water’s edge.”

  “Why didn’t you tell the police? Or Mr. Benson?”

  “I thought about it. I still think about it, Lizzie. They searched those woods. They looked in that water. They didn’t find her.”

  “So… how do you know someone else didn’t come and take her? Or… that she didn’t run away?”

  “I don’t know that. But I’m pretty confident that she fell.”

  “Then her body is still in those woods?”

  Oliver nodded quietly.

  “If they found her, they would have seen her bite marks,” Lizzie suddenly realized. “That’s why you…”

  “Ben had his eye on MIT. He was happy at Springs. He was happy to be in Coldbrook again. I didn’t want to take that away from him.”

  “Nobody would have believed that you were…”

  “But any hint of scandal…” Oliver shook his head. “He thought I did it. He still does, apparently. I don’t blame him after… everything else. So I transferred to a college in California and started a new life plan.”

  “But that family… doesn’t know what happened to their daughter. Her falling in the brook is a lot less horrific than thinking somebody raped and murdered her.”

  Oliver met her eyes. Even in the dim shadows of the street lamp she could see the guilt that lingered there. “You’re right.”

  “You and Ben had an opportunity to have a new life. Melissa didn’t.”

  “Ben… he didn’t have anything to do with this. He didn’t even know that I was seeing Melissa. He knew I gave her rides and jumped to the worst possible conclusion because you…” Oliver stopped himself. “Funny thing is, he thought he was protecting me.”

  “No. He was protecting himself, too.”

  “And you.”

  Lizzie felt the cold of the November wind leak through the car door. “Did you think that Melissa looked like…”

  “I thought she was very pretty,” Oliver decided to answer the question he thought he heard.