After the bishop pronounced the couple married, the entire group of table waiters stood up at once and hurried back to the kitchen to get ready for the rush of the big crowd.
I was honored to be a table waiter in the same room where Jacob and Anna sat. Traditionally the bride and groom sat in a corner called the eck. It was a special place where every newlywed couple sat and was served before anyone else. Rhoda and Enos sat on the Jacob’s side. Sarah and Abe sat on Anna’s side. After the bride and groom took their seats, the rest of the table in the living room filled with fifty or more married men and young single men. The wives and girls ate at a big table in the basement and kitchen. Some of the tables had to be filled twice to feed everyone.
After everyone took their seats, they all bowed their heads, the bishop said silent prayer, and the rush of eating began. Being a table waiter was so out of place for me, I was sure I would drop something. I carried bowls of mashed potatoes, gravy, dressing, salads, big plates of fried chicken, and cheese slices. For dessert, we served peaches, two kinds of cakes—a white walnut cake and a chocolate cake—and blueberry and pecan pies. The men gulped the food down as if they had not eaten anything for a week.
It was loud: everyone talked and laughed, celebrating the joy of two people getting married. Some of the men even wanted to talk to me; they were not nearly as critical and judgmental as the women were. I began to relax, and I talked to as many people as I could. I was glad I could still speak German very well. It proved I had not yet abandoned all of my Amish blood.
Jacob and Anna looked radiant as they visited with the people surrounding them. During that moment, I was happy I had come back to celebrate with them, even if it meant being looked down upon. I wished I could have taken pictures of them, but in their minds, they did not need pictures to remember this special day. It would be forever ingrained into their memories. I stared at Jacob. His dark brown hair was perfectly cut for an Amish man. He had started to grow a beard, but it was not visible unless I looked closely. I wondered if his beard was going to grow out thick and long like most other men. I hoped not. For the first time I realized I really loved my brother. If only I could tell him, but I knew it would embarrass him.
§
The moment everyone finished eating, the women stacked piles and piles of dishes together to be washed and dried with towels. It seemed like an endless job, and I began to feel worn out from the stress of being around so many people. It was late in the afternoon before we finally finished washing the dishes, and only then could we take a short break before it was time to start cooking supper.
After we cleaned up the living room, the men gathered to sing hymns. Jacob and his two best men stood outside and handed out cigars to the men, while Anna and her maids of honor handed out candy bars to the women and children. I went upstairs thinking I could find a place to relax a little bit, but no such luck: it was so crowded it made my head swim. All at once I was ready to get out of this noisy place. I realized I did not belong there anymore. I began to panic and thought this place was just way too Amish for me. Fear of getting stuck and not being able to leave crept over me.
I searched the house for my mem but could not find her. I felt like a lost little girl. Suddenly she appeared out of nowhere and asked me how I was doing.
“I want to leave and go back home,” I said. “This place is getting to be too much for me, I’ve had enough for today.”
“Well, it’s almost time for Noah to go home and do the chores; you can maybe go with him,” she said calmly.
About that time, Datt showed up too. “I am sending Noah home to do chores in a little bit. Are any of the girls going too?” he asked Mem.
“Yes, I want to go,” I piped up.
He looked surprised. “Are you coming back again for supper?” I shook my head. “You don’t want to be here till midnight then?” I could hear the sadness in his voice. Maybe he was sad because he thought I would suddenly be overcome by some young man and would want to stay Amish so I could marry him. I felt like I was letting Datt down.
“No, I don’t want to stay that long,” I answered quietly. “And I especially don’t want to go down to the basement with all the young guys and girls.” I did not want anyone else to hear me.
Usually after supper was over, all the young unmarried folks old enough to date would go down to the basement to chat and play games. Then, at midnight, the single guys and girls would pair up and march upstairs in a single file with the dating couples to sit around the living room table and sing songs. It was a big deal for the married people to see who was sitting with whom at the table. What if no guy wanted to be my partner? I thought. I decided I did not want that embarrassment, so I pressed the point of wanting to go home. Besides, my used-to-be friends were not talking to me, so I decided I did not need to be there to be the butt of their silly game.
“I don’t blame her,” Mem chimed in after an awkward silence. “But you will be at home by yourself because Noah is coming back after he is done with the chores, and we are all staying till midnight.”
“That will be fine with me,” I answered. “I am so tired I will be going to bed early and will be asleep anyway.”
Datt said, “If you are sure about going home, then go get your bonnet and shawl. I am going out to the barn to let Noah know you are going with him.”
I was so relieved Datt was being a good sport and did not try to talk me into staying. This was the first visit home that Datt did not start an argument with me. The ride home was much more pleasant than the morning ride to the wedding. After Noah finished the chores, I gave him two bags of candy I had in my suitcase. He stuffed a few handfuls into his pocket, and he was delighted I had brought candy all the way from Texas. After stuffing his pockets, Noah drove back to the wedding place.
I was now all alone in my parents’ house, just what I needed. I went to the room that used to be mine before I left home and lay on the bed. It brought back so many memories I started to cry. I realized I missed my family more than I could have ever imagined, but my life was different now and I would not surrender. My heart and soul longed for my parents’ love and acceptance, but I was not born to remain Amish, and I knew the Good Man had plans for me in the outside world.
Finally, after an hour of reminiscing, I got up from the bed, took off my long, uncomfortable dress, and put on my own comfy night pajamas. I was so ready to hit the bed, even though it felt like a sack of rocks. I felt relieved knowing that when I woke up again I would be heading back to Texas where I belonged. I did not care that living independently was hard work and a huge responsibility. Even though I was homesick for my family, I knew I could not have the best of both worlds. My new world, though far from perfect, suited me just fine.
§
I made it back to Texas just in time for me to give a speech in one of my animal science classes. The subject was about diseases in pigs, which I had no clue about, but I had prepared a Power Point presentation nonetheless. I thought I was capable of winging my way through it. Boy, was I wrong! I got up in front of the class and went blank. For the life of me, I could not get my stubborn tongue to speak. I almost burst into tears. I was still stressed and emotional from my days in Amish land; no one in the classroom knew I had just flown back home for my brother’s wedding. They did not know I had become Amish again for a few days and had returned to my English life in hopes of giving a speech about pig diseases. Living two lives was wearisome. My teacher saved me from complete failure by asking questions about the information I had found from the research. Afterwards, I went home and slept for thirteen hours straight.
I made it through each semester without any more embarrassing brain freezes. In December of 2009, almost three years after leaving the Amish, I graduated with an Associate’s degree in Agriculture Technology from Texas State Technical College in Harlingen, Texas, and without missing a semester, I transferred to Tarleton State University in Stephenville, Texas, to get my Bachelor’s degree in Science. I moved eight ho
urs away from the few friends I had, to find myself all alone again. I did not know a single soul at Tarleton, but with gratitude, I kept my head up and continued making paths where there was none. Of course, I could not help but wish my Mem and Datt would have shown an interest in my happiness, but I know the Good Man is.
A list of answers to the most
frequently-asked questions
No question is a stupid question…
Are you still considered Amish?
No, I sometimes refer to myself as ex-Amish when people ask why I talk with an accent.
Could someone not Amish join an Amish community?
Yes, people have done it. However, I would not advise anyone to do so, because of the rules imposed by the Amish. If you grow up Amish, at least you have an understanding of them, but an Englisher trying to come in would most likely develop an argumentative attitude toward those rules. If someone has a personality in which being a follower comes naturally, it can be done. You just have to be sure of why you are doing it, and then abandon all other “why” questions after you join. Asking questions as to why something has to be done “this way” instead of “that way” will get you nowhere.
Which gender is easier to join the Amish, man or woman?
I would say it is harder for women than men. For one thing, women have to “submit” to a lot more than men do, including deferring to the husband’s authority. Of course, this also depends on the nature of the person joining, but one basically cannot be resistant to “submission” to the Amish religion and way-of-life and still be accepted into the Amish community.
What is the one thing you love the most now?
Any drive-thru eating place. I think it is just too cool to drive up to a window and pick up food. Healthy or not.
How was it being Amish?
I have told many people, it’s kind of like getting two feet of snow: it looks very pretty when you are in your warm house looking out at it, but if you really need to go out in it, it’s not so pretty any more. It’s different for everyone. Those who are content with being Amish will not have any problems with accepting the rules.
Why did your Amish group not practice rumspringa ?
I don’t know except I would think it is not allowed because it leads to too many temptations. Besides, rumpspringa is blown way out of proportion in the general public. It’s not nearly as common a practice as many people claim.
What are the names of all your brothers and sisters?
Jacob, (me), Rhoda, Samuel, Sarah, Amanda, Noah, Anna, Dennis, Mary, Esther, Lizzie, Fannie, and Levi. Dad’s name is Jonas, and Mom’s name is Katie.
What does the initial ‘J’ stand for in your middle name?
Every Amish family has the tradition of giving their children just an initial for a middle name. The initial comes from the first letter of the father’s name, Jonas. Middle names are not allowed in the Swartzentruber community. All my siblings have a J for their middle name.
What does a typical Amish bathroom look like?
The bathroom (outhouse) is usually built behind the house, and since it cannot be flushed like a toilet in a modern bathroom, it is washed down with water from the garden hose every once-in-a-while. Some of them are not even modern enough to have a hose to wash it out with, so they shovel it out instead. Also, a typical outhouse usually has enough room for two adults and a younger child at the same time. Sometimes, in my family, four or five girls would use the outhouse at once.
Why were you born in a hospital when it wasn’t common for Amish to do that?
I assume my mother was having complications with me, however, I never asked her why I wasn’t born at home. Talking about childbirth never happened in our house. Ever.
Is it easier to cook meals now than it was at home with a wood stove?
Yes, much easier! I can cook a full meal in 30 minutes on an electric stove versus several hours on a wood stove.
Are perfumes or scented lotions allowed?
In my community, perfumes and scented lotions were not allowed. We couldn’t wear anything that would draw attention to us. The same goes with jewelry and rings. However, girls could wear rings made out of pennies.
When you were in the Amish, were you aware of the fascination the “English” have with the Amish?
I was never aware of the fascination the “English” have for the Amish while I was living in the community. However, it did feel like we were a phenomenon, in many ways, but the funny thing is, I did not enjoy the attention from the “English” because I was embarrassed by the way I looked, or especially by my inability to understand and speak English very well when required. I absolutely hated those who made fun of us, and that was more often than you’d think. Since I left the Amish, I have realized how many people are fascinated by that lifestyle, but having lived it for eighteen years, I just don’t get it.
About the Author
Emma Gingerich left her Amish community in Eagleville, Missouri, at the age of eighteen. She went to south Texas, close to South Padre Island, where she lived for almost four years. She received her Associates Degree at a community college and transferred to Tarleton State University located in Stephenville, Texas, to complete her Bachelor’s Degree. She is currently pursuing her Master’s Degree in business administration. Though Emma works full-time as a Billing Coordinator in the healthcare industry and is continuing her college education, she still managed to write her first memoir. She is looking forward to writing a sequel.
Education is important to Emma, and she is happy to have the opportunity to attend college. She hopes to help and inspire other Ex-Amish people to receive an education as well. Her passions are: writing, hiking, traveling, running and helping others.
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