by Ali Parker
I pressed my fingers to my eyes and tried to fight against the next wave of tears that were headed my way. To cry in front of my father would only solidify just how much of a child I still was, at least in his own mind.
"Hey, butterfly." Pauly leaned over the bed and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "You okay?"
"I think so. Get rid of him for a minute, please." I turned my face toward the window as a few wayward tears dripped down to wet my pillow.
"Sure." Pauly moved back. "Mitch, there are some reporters from CNN at the far end of the hall. I've been holding them off forever. Daniel is out in the hall, watching for anything suspicious. Just take him with you, okay?"
My father's sigh sounded practiced. "All right, but keep an eye on my baby. I want her guarded at all times, Pauly."
"I'm aware, boss." Pauly sat down on the bed next to me as the door closed.
"I hate him." I turned back to face my father's bodyguard. He was more like a father to me than my own had ever been.
"No, you don't. You're just mad right now, and that's okay. We failed you."
"No one failed me. Jeremy planned out what he was going to do in advance, and it worked out in his favor. It's no one’s fault but my own for dating the asshole. He was far more in love with my father than me anyway." I brushed my fingers under my eyes and let out a shaky breath. "I want to see Ian."
"That's not happening, kiddo. He walked on the job, which was the respectable thing to do." He ran his hand over my shoulder and squeezed softly as another wave of tears blurred my vision.
"Why would he leave me?" Sadness like I hadn't experienced in a long time wrapped around my insides and squeezed tightly.
"He didn't leave you, Chloe. He turned in his notice for the job. I'm sorry that the job is intimately tied to protecting you, but you can't take this personally."
"We slept together, Pauly. It's personal." I pushed the button on the side of the bed and groaned a little as the top of the bed lifted up. I was tired of laying on my back. It left me feeling helpless and young.
"And that was his first mistake. It's not professional to get involved with your keep. We all know this. Ian did too." He dropped his hands into his lap and studied me. "We're going to assign Daniel to watch over you for a little while and then I'll find someone new."
"I don't want anyone else." I tugged at the top of my hospital gown as it threatened to choke me. "I want Ian. Get him back. Tell him that I'm fine and that you guys appreciate all he did. This wasn't his fault, and you both know it."
"It was his fault, and it was mine too. I should turn in my notice and help Mitch find someone much better suited for keeping you both safe, but I can't." His sad smile caused her heart to ache even more than it already did. "I love you guys too much."
"Stop it." I tugged the covers up and wiped my eyes. "I need to see him. Can I at least have a few minutes with him to see that he's okay?"
"He's fine, and you're not going to see him, butterfly. He's gone back to his life, and we're going to get you healed up and help you get back to living yours. Your father leaves in a week for New England. You and I will be going with him."
I released an aggravated sigh and rolled my eyes. "I don't want to leave the beach. I've been waiting all damn year to get down to the beach so that I could lay on the sand and soak up the sun. I worked my ass off this year in school. I deserve a goddamn break."
"Watch your language, and I agree that you do. The trip is only for two weeks, and we'll get back down to San Diego. That still leaves you most of July and all of August to enjoy." He tugged on a strand of my hair. "I need you to leave the situation with Ian alone. Your father has agreed not to press charges against him, but anything you do to agitate the situation could change that, and Ian doesn't have a pot to piss in. Mitch suing him would put him completely under. Leave it alone."
"Suing him for what? Saving my life? Is that a fucking joke?" I didn't care what Pauly thought of my language. Nothing he said made sense. Ian had come after me, broken down the front door to get to me and held me while the cops got there. It wasn't his fault that I'd jumped in front of Jeremy's gun to make sure he didn't get shot. It was my fault.
What little bit of time we'd had together left desire and need etched across my soul. I wanted him in my life, in my bed and eventually in my heart.
"No. He broke the contract to protect you. We take that seriously."
"Get out." I closed my eyes and covered my face with my hands.
"Chloe."
"Get out. Now. Go find Jeremy and prosecute him seeing that he almost killed me." I opened a few fingers to peep through them.
"It's not that easy." Pauly stood and shook his head. "You know we love you. We'll figure it-"
"Get out!" I stifled the grunt that tried to break free from my locked jaw as he turned to walk toward the door. If I could have mustered up a scream, I would have.
Not only was my dad being the dick of the century, but his bodyguard was backing him up. Ian was probably going to be prosecuted for shooting me and the guy that did it was probably having a milkshake with his burger and fries down the street.
Things could not get worse.
"Chloe?" A dark-haired guy with buggy eyes and crooked teeth poked his head in the door.
"What the fuck do you want?" I balled my hands into fists, ready to blast the idiot at my door. Why wouldn't everyone just leave me alone?
"I'm Daniel. I'll be watching-"
"Awesome. Get the fuck out. Now." I turned to face the window as the door closed. Good, at least the idiot wasn't going to argue or stand up to me. He was nothing like Ian. Hell, no one was.
I reached for my cell phone, which lay on the pop-up table next to the bed and pulled up Ian's last text. I typed in a quick note to check on him and got an error message. The text wasn't sent. I tried again and growled in frustration.
"Fine. I'll just fucking call." I dialed his number only to hear a disconnection notice. "You have to be kidding me."
Not only had he walked away from being my bodyguard, but he'd changed his number too? Why? Was it not enough that I risked my life for him? I'd opened my body to him and offered him friendship and warmth in the only way I knew how. Guilt and anger burned deep inside my chest, the pain of the tumultuous emotions far greater than the stitched up hole in my chest.
Maybe my father was right. Maybe he was just a piece of shit, and I was trying to make him into something else. Into the type of man I could fall in love with, and give myself over to completely.
"Well, you were wrong." I tossed the phone across the room and closed my eyes, finding comfort in the sound of the glass breaking as it hit the floor.
Everything else in my life was broken... it always had been.
Chapter 3
Ian
The processing went fast seeing that I didn't have shit with me when we reached the station. My bike keys, my wallet and a condom I carried around just in case. The assholes that processed me had a bit too much fun with the contents of my pockets, but life was dull, they had to find something to focus on. Lest they realize how depressing their own lives were.
Depressing or normal?
Some part of me pleaded for normal, but I knew I would never survive it. Where I was tired of death and danger, I still couldn't see myself finding peace in a four-bedroom house and the promise of children. Too many people to be responsible for. Too many people to disappoint, or lose.
No thanks.
"This way, asshole." The cop beside me grabbed my wrists and walked me to the back of the station, depositing me into a small white room and forcing me to sit down before removing the cuffs from my wrists. "You get one call. You wanna make it now?"
"Yep." I kept my eyes on the table in front of me as I rubbed my wrists. My brother was going to flip his shit, but better to get it over with and get him to start working to regain me my freedom. Someone had to find Jeremy, and I had very little hope in the boys in blue.
The guy walked out only to ret
urn with a hand-held phone, which was a new procedure. Things were changing, and I was almost glad that I was out of the loop. I hadn't been to the police station in a handful of years, and hopefully wouldn't be coming again anytime soon.
The phone rang twice before Cole picked it up, his tone pissy at best.
"What?"
"It's me, man. I need you to come down to the station and check on posting bail for me."
"What? What the fuck are you talking about, Ian?" The horror in his voice matched the emotions bubbling up in me. I'd never tell him in a million years, but disappointing him was worse than being kicked in the nuts ten times in succinct fashion.
"Chloe was taken from the rally at UCLA and I went after her. The guy shot her in the chest, and they think it was me. Please just get up here and see what you can do. The fucker that did this got away, and I highly doubt," I glanced up at the cop beside me, "that these bastards are doing anything to find him."
"Unbelievable. Is she... is she-"
"No. I don't know, actually. Check for me. Just call Pauly and find out if she's okay." I let out a quick puff of air and turned my attention back to my hands, which were crusted in Chloe's blood.
"Fuck, man. All right. I'm on it." Cole dropped the call, and I handed the phone back to the cop.
"Can I wash my hands?"
"Not yet. Soon." He walked out and left me sitting alone in the horrid silence of the room around me. The vision of her on the floor, scared and shaking wouldn't leave me alone. It should have been me with a bullet in my chest. I wanted it to be me. Anyone but her.
The first wave of agony ripped through my insides, crippling me. I groaned and pressed my forehead to the cold table below, taking a ragged breath as all of the emotions I'd pushed down came bubbling back up. The numb was wearing off, and the terror of her being gone was almost stifling.
Somehow over the last few weeks Chloe had started to whittle her way into my heart, working herself deep inside of me, just like I'd worked my way deep inside of her tight body. I needed to know she was okay - had to.
I stood up as the door opened and the big guy standing just outside the room shook his head.
"Sit down. Now."
"I need to know if Chloe Moore is okay. I didn't shoot her. I was her fucking bodyguard for shit's sake. Just find out if she's alive. Please." I dropped back down in my seat as the door closed without the guard agreeing to help or not. The chances were slim, but worth the hope.
I folded my arms together on the table in front of me and laid my cheek on my hands, ignoring the smell of metal. I wanted to see her, wanted to touch her, to know she was going to recover fully and give her a whole earful of shit over saving my life.
"Please. Anything. I'll give anything. Just don't let this happen again." I turned and pressed my forehead to my hands as bile stung my throat. "Shit."
I jolted up and barely made it to the small trashcan on the other side of the room before I lost my breakfast. She had to be okay. There was no other option. Losing her would unleash something inside of me that I prayed would never see the light of day again.
A cold-blooded killer.
*
"Matthenson, you're out on bail. Get your ugly ass up and come on." I stood and walked to the front of the holding cell as it opened. The cop in front of me motioned for me to turn. "Hands behind your back. We're not taking any chances with you."
"You're wasting your time, but what the fuck ever." I shrugged and complied with the asshole as he barked various comments about my looks, my wit, my past, in my ear. He didn't matter. Nothing did at the moment.
He unlocked the cuffs as we reached the front of the station, and I was surprised to see Pauly standing there. He looked like a rocker from the seventies had a kid with a midget wrestler. Short, stocky and mean as hell.
"Come on, man." He held the door open for me, and we walked in silence until we reached his car.
I glanced around to see if my bike had somehow made it back to the station.
"It's not here." He walked around to the driver's side door. "Get in and I'll take you back to your bike. You got the keys from those pigs?"
"Yeah." I got in and turned to face him. "Tell me she's okay."
"She's going to be. They got her out of surgery about an hour ago, and she's doing good. The bullet went in just under her right breast and went straight through, so it was a patch up job more than anything else. It did hit her lung, so most of the excess blood in her airway was due to that. They got it out and she'll be able to come home in a few days."
I let out a long sigh and pressed my palms to my face as I let my head drop back. "Thank God. Fuck me, man."
"Scary shit." Pauly's voice was tight with tension and hard emotion. He seemed to be holding himself together, but I had no doubt that he'd have a long-ass cry in the shower over something almost happening to Chloe. The man seemed to think of the girl as his own daughter, which was good. Mitch was never around, and Chloe's mom was dead.
I sat up and exhaled loudly as my heart shuddered in my chest. She was going to be okay.
"Can you take me up there to see her first? Have you talked to Mitch? Is someone looking for Jeremy?"
"Put your seatbelt on, and no, I can't take you up there."
I pulled on the seatbelt as confusion swelled in my belly. "What do you mean you can't take me up there? You got somewhere you gotta-"
"Hey, pipe down, okay? I know your adrenaline is pumping like crazy, but chill the fuck out. I'm still trying to process everything."
"Yeah, all right, shit man. I just want to see her."
"Well, you're not going to, Ian. Mitch wants you off the job and is filing a restraining order against you." Pauly shrugged and pulled out a cigarette, offering me one too.
"I don't want that shit." I pushed at his hand as I tried to process his words. "Mitch wanting me off the job is understandable. I fucked up... bad, but a restraining order?"
"He thinks Chloe has feelings for you, and he's not okay with that." Pauly glanced over at me. "He's good with our kind protecting his family, but that's it. We're far too different from them to expect anything to come out of a quick romp in the sheets."
"What? Our kind? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I pulled my phone from my pocket as it buzzed.
"You know what I mean, man. I'll take you to your bike, but don't go to the hospital. Just lay low for a while and let your brother take care of breaking the contract with Senator Moore. That's his job, not yours."
"Whatever, man." I ran my fingers through my hair and tried not to bark at the guy. It wasn't his fault that everything was crumbling around me. "What about Jeremy? Have you heard anything about them finding his ass?"
"No, and I'm telling you to let that go."
"What?" Anger burned through me as I jerked around.
Pauly jerked the car over to the side of the road and turned to face me. "This isn't the fucking streets, kid. Shit doesn't add up in this new world that you just got your fucking walking papers from. Stop acting like everything should make sense. Jeremy is a liability we will take care of on our own. I'm sure you know good and damn well what I mean by that."
"Of course I do. Why the fuck wouldn't you just let the cops deal with it, Pauly? He's got Chloe's blood on his fucking hands. He's got the smoking gun. There's no reason to be under the table about this shit and dirty your own hands over it. Just point them in the right direction."
He growled and turned back to face the front of the car as he gripped the steering wheel and let out a sardonic laugh. "It's not that easy. I wish it were."
"Whatever. Take me to my fucking bike, and I'll go find the asshole myself." I texted my brother that I would call him in a few minutes just to get the damn phone to stop buzzing.
"You're not going after him. Leave it alone. Seriously." He turned and pressed me with a hard stare. "We'll prosecute you if you get near him or Chloe."
"Right." I nodded and crossed my arms over my chest as I let my eyes move al
ong the city. "And what are you guys going to tell Chloe about me not being her bodyguard anymore?"
"That you walked. It was too much for you, and it's over. Period. She's not going to know about the restraining order, and you're not going to tell her."
"And if I do?" I glanced his way and lifted my eyebrow as we pulled up to the old house where my bike sat.
"Then you are a bigger fucking idiot than I thought. Get out and pick up your life where you left off a few weeks back. You'd be best to pretend none of this happened."
"Right. Fuck you too." I got out of the car and slammed the door hard before walking to my bike and pulling out my phone to call Cole. He picked up on the first ring.
"Where the fuck are you at?" he barked.
"I'm at the old house where all this shit went down today. Pauly got me out on bail. I'll be at your place later today. I'm going home to sleep."
My brother growled loudly. "How do you always get yourself mixed up in these situations?"
"I'm a cyclical fuck-up, bro. It was that time again. Thanks for being willing to help me. I'll catch you later."
"Ian-"
I dropped the call, tucked the phone in my back pocket and drove the long way back to my shitty apartment. Chloe was all right, and nothing else mattered. The rest was evidence that I didn't belong in her life anyway.
Good. Keeping up pretenses is bullshit anyway.
Chapter 4
Two Weeks Later
Chloe
"Pumpkin, make sure you pack some long-sleeve shirts. I know it's summer, but sometimes New Hampshire weather can surprise you. The evenings can get cold up there from time to time." My father stood at the door to my bedroom.
I'd been staying at his large house in Santa Barbara for the last few weeks. The beach house we'd rented in San Diego was still ours for the summer, but he wasn't willing to let me get back to my independence just yet.
"I've got a bunch of different outfits, but thanks for the weather report." I kept my back to him and tried to ignore the pinch of guilt for being such a bitch. I was too old to be acting like an asshole teenager, and yet I couldn't help myself. Some attention was better than none, and when I behaved and acted my age, I went completely unnoticed by any of them.