A gentleman Alicia knew instantly from Pete’s description must be Maitland, rose from his seat nearby, holding out both arms to her.
‘Welcome, welcome, welcome, my dear Alicia. We were beginning to think you didn’t exist!’ Maitland took hold of her shoulders and kissed her on both cheeks. ‘I had in fact decided your husband was so thick and so ugly, no one could possibly have wanted to marry him, so my dear, you are quite a surprise,’ Maitland beamed at her. ‘Do come and sit just here,’ Maitland pulled a chair closer to his own. ‘And you, old boy,’ he addressed Pete, ‘go down there and don’t bother me.’
Everyone laughed at Maitland’s games; obviously, this was par for the course Alicia thought, watching her husband squeeze his way around the other side of the large table and to the far end of the room.
As he did, he passed behind a familiar face that nodded and smiled her way. Alicia returned the smile, trying to position the older gentleman in her universe.
‘And this is Nigel,’ announced Rose, indicating the same man. ‘Maitland and I met Nigel the other day, frequenting, as he does, a particular watering hole, which … oh goodness me, I can’t remember …’ She was chuckling herself at what she knew most of her guests would know was a reference to The Magna Carta.
‘According to Rose, Nigel “looks interesting”,’ Maitland added. ‘Personally, I think he looks rather ordinary, but he has extraordinary taste in Scotch. That is why I invited him.’
Rose, Loraine, and a few others rolled their eyes at Maitland’s not-so-false attempts at arrogance, while their new guest simply smiled in such a way as to acknowledge what others already knew was Maitland’s general approach to relaxing the atmosphere.
‘And while we’re congratulating Maitland … ,’ added Loraine, smirking, ‘… he also deserves some praise I think for his adventures into interfaith understanding and development.’
Alicia continued to ponder the new guest Nigel, as Loraine then Rose and then Maitland talked about the suggestion for a project with the Jewish community, to commemorate the death of Jews wrongly executed for the murder of the child now known as Little St Hugh..
Alicia had heard the story of the child from Pete and since visited his small shrine in the Cathedral. Her hosts were pleased with the project, and she thought it sounded both humanitarian and practical to create a historically unifying project such as this.
The discussion brought congratulatory comments from around the table, and Alicia noted the real humility evident in Maitland’s demeanour; one who otherwise preferred to feign arrogance.
At a pause Nigel spoke, and it was then Alicia remembered him as her brief companion at the lakeside a few days earlier. She warmed to his presence immediately, almost as if he were her best and only friend, his voice instantly as comforting as it had seemed then.
‘What divine poetry,’ he said, in a voice so assured that everyone looked towards him.
‘How so?’ Loraine asked, instantly engaged.
‘Oh, an old man’s amusement mostly,’ he replied with ease.
How was it, Alicia wondered, that an old man such as this, might command an instant rapport?
Nigel continued slowly and philosophically as if in answer to her question. ‘I’ve been many places. I’ve served in wars and witnessed many more. I’ve seen innocents killed in peacetime through ignorance in the main – and fear, in this town and those nearby and afar. I’ve also seen miracles. Things you could not imagine. Things I could not explain in words but that I know in my soul. And at some points, in my long life, I have experienced a few moments, when what’s going on around me comes together at some particular point, where I can see the Divine movement of time, and the spiritual taste of God’s mercy. And I can tell you,’ he continued slowly and softly, ‘that those moments come, not in the face of some beautiful sunset, or the pounding of an ocean, or the touch of the most beautiful woman.’ He raised an eyebrow in acknowledgement. ‘Although, those can be moments one senses the Great Beauty …’ Nigel smiled. ‘But that crispest coming together of the great and complex matrix of a universe, both Divine and Earthly, most often occurs at the simplest of all moments … just as one sits at a table of strangers-become-friends..’
Not a hair’s breadth of movement followed, as the old man continued his beaming smile. ‘Please forgive an old man.’ He nodded to his hosts.
‘No such thing is necessary,’ Loraine responded, surprised at her guest’s charismatic monologue. ‘I do believe you have quite honoured us, and I thank you.’ A few murmurs made clear the group’s agreement. ‘And I think I can say … I believe, I understand of what you speak. This … coming together. Can I prevail on you, perhaps, to tell us, what those compass points are that have given you this brief moment of awareness?’
Alicia noted a half, unspoken conspiracy between host and guest, as the one sensed a worthwhile thread to pursue, and the other graciously obliged.
‘Well, I shall be happy to try …’ Nigel bowed his head briefly to Loraine, before looking up at Alicia, smiling. ‘You, my dear,’ he said, looking directly at Alicia still. ‘You are a compass point.’
Alicia raised her own eyebrows, while others turned to look at her, and then back to Nigel.
‘I really cannot put into words the synchronicity that combines your presence … Alicia … , that you have a most extraordinary young son ….’
Now it was Pete’s turn to look surprised, and he looked from Nigel to his wife and back.
‘… that here we are, only yards from one of the greatest Cathedrals in the world, a scene of so much history, including the tragic death of a young boy so many hundreds of years ago, not to mention the many more besides . A place of worship for kings,’ Nigel continued as though in disbelief at the convergence of events, ‘kings who fought against other religions, in the name of a Christ who had no such wish for their battles. And here you are,’ he looked to Loraine, Rose, and Maitland in turn, ‘bringing together, by such a simple act, the members of two Faiths.’ He paused. ‘My words fail me.’
‘I don’t think so,’ said Loraine softly.
‘You can never know all of the impact of what you do,’ Nigel restarted, seemingly into another story. ‘I can guarantee that every one of you here has done something in this world, at some time or another that was so selfless that its impact changed the world. You do not know what good you do.’
Nigel paused, as though to acknowledge each one at the table, looking around them all.
‘Paradoxically,’ Rose spoke, ‘our question in these get-togethers is really what can we know.’
‘Oh yes, yes, indeed. Indeed. And a valuable thing it is to ask it. Most certainly,’ Nigel responded. ‘But you must also know there is much more you can never know.’
‘Yes, of course,’ Rose replied.
Alicia wondered where the conversation and Nigel were headed, although it was reassuring to her that those present seemed far more insightful to be dreamy, and certainly far less than dull.
‘Do you understand the idea of the butterfly effect?’ Nigel asked, looking around.
‘When a butterfly flaps its wings on one side of the planet,’ Sally responded, ‘it causes an earthquake on the other side. Or something like that.’
‘Yes, that’s it perfectly. It’s an idea of cause and effect, and it’s really talking about what we can’t know.’ Nigel was quietly emphatic, and looked around again. ‘You cannot know. You cannot know that your prayers have changed the course of the lives of the people at this table. You cannot know that your actions have changed the future of the world. You cannot know that your actions have even changed the past.’
Silence reigned. Nigel’s words and presence had such gravitas that no one dared move.
‘And I believe, my dear’ – Nigel looked towards Alicia – ‘that is where you come in.’
His smile gave Alicia a reassurance she’d not known previously; she knew exactly of what he spoke; and further too of the weightiness of her work, which Nige
l’s reassurance bred a new faith in.
‘You know of my work?’ She knew the answer.
‘You’re a physicist, you said.’ Alice knew, that Nigel knew, that being a physicist alone was not in the least sufficient to respond to his statement about the past, but it seemed of no consequence any more that this man, ostensibly a stranger, somehow knew of her particular area of interest..
‘You’re … more or less … addressing Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle,’ Alicia began. ‘At least as I see it. Richard Feynman said that nobody understands quantum physics. And I think he’s right. The majority of our theory is just that: theoretical. Of course, there has also been much application, but …’
Attention was now firmly transferred to Alicia.
‘But, well, effectively that’s precisely what the uncertainty principle addresses: that we can’t know everything. It’s saying that as soon as we bring our attention to something, then that thing changes.’
‘Yes!’ Nigel cried out enthusiastically, making a few people jump.
Alicia smiled good-naturedly; Nigel’s joviality was infectious.
‘And this applies, in theory, to the past as well,’ she added.
‘Of course it must!’ Nigel exclaimed again, and then sat back on his chair a little, dropping his hands into his lap, as if to say, There! You see!
‘But, that’s not possible …,’ Maitland puzzled, looked questioningly at Nigel, and then at Alicia.
‘It’s only theory,’ replied Alicia.
‘No, no, no! You mustn’t say only,’ Nigel offered a correction to Alicia, leaving the room quiet once more.
‘But if we cannot know …’ Maitland proffered cautiously.
‘Exactly,’ said Nigel.
‘Then we’re left simply with belief,’ responded Maitland.
‘With Faith, yes,’ Nigel replied.
‘Faith alone?’ asked Pete.
‘Yes, of course. What else is there?’ Nigel stated.
‘Well, it would be nice if science proved something like this,’ Pete replied.
‘If it was proved, you wouldn’t require Faith though.’
‘And, forgive me, but your point is …?’ Pete continued.
‘It’s not about what you know. You can’t change things by what you know. You know you should exercise more. Do you? But when you believe that you can, when you have Faith in a different you, then you’ll make a difference. Don’t you see?’ Nigel explained.
‘But to exercise more – taking your example – I must take action. It’s not sufficient to believe … to only have faith,’ Pete responded again.
‘Oh, there you go with that only again.’ Nigel chuckled and paused to look at Pete. ‘Then you do not understand what I mean by Faith, my friend.’ He smiled at Pete and then turned to Maitland.
‘Well,’ responded Maitland, eyebrows raised and taking a deep breath, ‘there’s no difference between real Faith and action. Your belief about something will change it.’
‘If you believe enough … ,’ asserted Pete.
‘There is no enough,’ Nigel explained. ‘There is belief, and there is no belief. Belief exists. If there is no belief, there is no belief. And what is more, you hardly know everything you believe. In fact, you know but a fraction of what you yourself believe. It’s why your life is created as it is. Not entirely to your satisfaction probably. You’re a walking, talking, and breathing sack of beliefs that shape everything in you and around you. You shape your own future. You shape the future of people in this room. You’ve shaped the future of everyone you’ve met, and indeed many you have not met. And you don’t even know it. You don’t know your own power. But then nor do you need to, in fact.’
‘Is it possible … ,’ Sally piped in, ‘ could you … summarise that?’
Nigel laughed.
‘No,’ he replied to her.
‘But … ,’ Sally went on.
‘Why? Because you need to know it? But I just told you that you can’t know it. But still you persist. You don’t need to know. There is no knowing.’
More quiet.
‘Here it is for you.’ Nigel stood up. ‘The full lesson of everything I can give you. I will put it on the table here before you, in all its golden glory, a crown of the finest jewels, for all to see,’ and he mimed an extraction and tugging of something from within his head, pretended to mould it into a large shape, feigning admiration for the invisible thing, and placed it delicately on the table. ‘You see, there it is, the great unknown, the answer to everything. Now that you can see it, you can know it. Right? Does that make a difference?’ He sat down again and paused. ‘My dear,’ he addressed Sally, slowly and without patronising, ‘you will understand this whether I’ve explained it sufficiently for your mind or not. It is a spiritual foundation of the Universe and therefore your soul will give it life within you.’
Alicia noted that Rose and Loraine exchanged the briefest of looks, that all at once said this is brilliant and where did you find him and let’s just let this run its course.
‘But, Nigel … ,’ Maitland started, opening and closing his mouth twice, before he saying, ‘I believe you,’ and he smiled. ‘But we are so inadequate to the task.’
‘Oh good heavens, no. You just think you are. Indeed, you believe you are, so …’ Nigel pulled a face and gestured suggesting on the other hand. ‘My boy, God hears all your prayers. And by the way, you think far too much.’
‘But then what part does Faith play?’ Maitland asked.
‘Young man,’ began Nigel to Maitland, raising a few smiles about the table, ‘you are about to get yourself very confused, and that would not be good for you.’ He paused. ‘You want to understand whether it is your Faith in God that may move mountains, or Faith in your own belief that mountains may be moved. Or is it whether you have sufficient belief in your Faith, or sufficient Faith in God, or … ?
Nigel waited again.
‘Faith,’ He continued. ‘Simply what is Faith? Is it belief? Yes. In God? Yes. In yourself? Yes. Can you know? No. Do you need to know? No. Can you move mountains? Yes. What else? As I told this dear lady recently,’ he glanced at Alicia, ‘you make your lives so complicated. It’s really not necessary.’
‘Then why does life feel such a burden sometimes?’ Alicia chimed in, raising a glance from her husband, but feeling herself quite a part of this group by now, and sensing some of the heaviness of Nigel’s words upon all, herself included.
‘Because you believe you’re alone,’ Nigel replied.
It was not the answer any expected, but the realisation of its truth showed on most of their faces.
‘But we’re never alone,’ Rose asserted. ‘Not for a moment are we alone? Not for a second are we left to ourselves?’
‘Such is your belief,’ said Nigel conclusively. ‘You’ve lived within the Church for some years, and I can understand that you would not have chosen such a path had you not believed this to be so.’
Rose smiled in acknowledgement.
‘So what’s it all about then?’ Pete asked, almost with impatience, and certainly with some frustration, and a pleading look towards Nigel.
Nigel’s calm, pleasant manner took in Pete’s concern with obvious kindness.
‘Well, you know, I do think perhaps I should hog the floor a little less, and I’m quite sure our hosts have an answer to that,’ he said, turning to Rose and Loraine.
‘Oh, my friend, we are most comfortable with you holding the floor,’ Loraine responded graciously. ‘But since you ask … what’s it all about?’ She looked to Pete. ‘I agree with Nigel that we can make it much too complicated. So to make it very simple . Faith. Love. Unity. These three. With these three you will move mountains. There is nothing more. Of course our evenings here explore much more … what we can and can’t know principally. And in that exploration some will find frustration, some will find emptiness and disbelief, some will find Faith, and others …’ She shrugged. ‘We have free will. We can choose these things. I
choose these three and no more, although I must say, after so many years, I think they choose me as much as anything. I’m less able to choose in the same sense, as perhaps I could when I was younger.’
‘I thought it was faith, hope, and love, my dear,’ responded Maitland.
‘Yes, indeed. Corinthians 13, and the greatest of these is love. Of course. But I have my own personal sense that has developed over time, and I have a great belief in the value of unity. And anyway, I’ve never quite got the idea of hope, if anyway we have faith. But! We cannot do what we do, alone. And while there cannot be sameness, there can be better understanding of difference. And indeed that is where we started this evening, with Maitland’s wonderful idea for a unity project with the Jewish community.’
‘Well, in point of fact … ,’ Maitland began, ‘how we started this evening was with the hope that we would hear some wonderful discourse from our other guest this evening,’ looking to Alicia. ‘And now that we have something deliciously wonderful in a description of the unknown spirit world, I am just so wanting to know what the view of a scientist is on all of this. And I believe then, given also such a delightful litany from Nigel here, I shall then die entirely happy.’
Chortles and grins followed and broke the weightiness of the air.
‘Masterful, Maitland,’ sighed Rose, beaming, not quite sure who was directing the evening any more.
‘Thank you, my dear,’ Maitland replied, and looked again to Alicia.
In the space of the few seconds that it took Alicia to look from Maitland to Nigel to Pete and back, her uncertainty as to her own faith, and her doubt as to her science, melded into a single sense of the unified field of all things, that found a home for her beliefs, knowledge, and doubts, as well as those of the people present, and in all certainty those of many others; and she understood also that this had somehow been a gift from Nigel and that his timing seemed impeccable.
‘The knowledge of all things does exist,’ she said. ‘As a scientist I believe that. That is not to say we can in fact know everything. Doubtless there will be much that will remain hidden for many years to come. Perhaps some things will never be known, but … we cannot disbelieve that the knowledge of them does exist somewhere.’
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