They were good questions. Before The West Side, Louise played a down on her luck, addicted to opiates, trial lawyer in a miniseries. She was channeling all of that right now. Olivia was a good actress, but Louise had known her for more than ten years and she was pretty sure she would see right through her if she tried to lie.
“It’s private, okay. But her mom has had some real shitty man trouble, and Casey has her hands full. She’s been solid for us, for me—” Olivia had told Louise all about the way Casey stepped in and saved her. “And I wanted to help out a bit. That’s all.”
Louise looked at her. Olivia could tell she wasn’t convinced.
“Yesterday? When you missed the run-through?”
“Yeah. Something came up. It was an emergency. Don’t say anything, okay?”
Louise waved her words away.
“Look, I like her too, Liv. And I’m not talking about the way she makes me feel with that accent and the sleeves rolled up over those forearms.” She smiled. “I mean, she seems pretty cool. But you know that you can sometimes be too generous. It’s a great quality, absolutely. But don’t let her take advantage of your good nature. She could have taken you to see her mom precisely because she wanted you to feel sorry enough to help out. Next she might tell you her brother is in jail and needs money for bail.”
“It’s not that. Not at all. You heard her. She wished I hadn’t done it. It made her feel bad. Does that sound like someone who wants me to buy her mom stuff?” Olivia couldn’t help but feel defensive. She didn’t like Louise reminding her of the past. She had been far too generous with Kristin. She knew that. She bought her a car just two weeks before they split up. It had been humiliating. She didn’t need to be reminded of it.
“I don’t think she sounded happy about it, no. But, Liv, we don’t know her. You don’t know her, so just be careful. Not everyone has the best of intentions and not everyone is what they seem.”
“I feel like—” Olivia didn’t let herself finish the sentence. She was going to say that she felt like she did know Casey, that Casey somehow reminded her of home, of all the real things she had left behind when she moved to LA. But it sounded a little crazy even in her own mind. “I feel like I’m a better judge of character now. Maybe it’s because of what Kristin put me through, or maybe just because I’m a little older. I think I’d know if she was playing me.”
“Okay, okay.” Louise stood. “I know that you always like to be the older sister, the wise and slightly disillusioned one. I’ll get back in my fun-but-doesn’t-know-much lane.” The words could have been harsh, but Louise said them with a smile and with arms outstretched offering her a hug. A hug that Olivia gratefully received.
“Are you okay?” Olivia meant to ask her this before Casey had knocked. Louise seemed subdued.
“I’m just anxious about today’s shoot.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Ever since the read-through, Liam’s been kind of distant with me. I know he’s dreading it, and I don’t want it to make things weird between us. We’ve been getting on well this trip. Really well.”
Louise avoided her eyes as she spoke.
“And today we’re going to kiss and touch each other, and I’m pretty sure that’s gonna gross him out, but I don’t feel like I can talk to him about any of it, because if I admit I need to, if I admit it’s difficult for me, then he’ll just give me that answer he gave earlier—we’re all professionals, we’re acting, we don’t ever get our real feelings mixed up in it. I mean, it was a great answer but it’s—”
She stopped speaking before finally lifting her eyes to Olivia’s.
“Maybe it’s just not what I wanted to hear. Maybe I want to think it’s difficult for him, like it’s going to be difficult for me. Because of the feelings, I mean.”
“The feelings.” Olivia couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. “Feelings for Liam?”
Louise nodded shyly before heading to the door. “We have to go. Casey will be waiting.”
“No, you don’t.” Olivia moved to stop her from leaving, placing a hand on her arm.
“What is there to say, Liv? It’s the biggest cliché there is, falling for a friend who doesn’t feel the same way. It’s just that normally you’re not then put in a position where you have to strip each other’s clothes off and pretend to have sex. I’m dreading this morning as much as he probably is, but for different reasons.”
“Have you tried talking to him about it? Telling him how you feel. I mean, you never know.” Olivia couldn’t believe that Louise had the same kind of feelings that Liam had. Or that Casey had been right about that too. But she couldn’t tell Louise how Liam felt, and she couldn’t tell Liam either. She was caught in the middle.
“No way. I want to keep him as a friend. He matters too much for me to risk that. I’m not his type anyway. You’ve seen him—he’s all fitness and discipline and improving his mind with serious books and subtitled films. The only foreign TV I watch these days is the Real Housewives of Atlanta.” She opened the door. “I better go get my stuff.”
This time Olivia was the one who pulled Louise into a hug. “Don’t despair, Lou. You are an absolute catch and if he has any sense, he’ll realize that.” She had said something similar to Liam. She had to hope they found a way to realize they both had the same kind of feelings. “And I’ll see you downstairs in five.”
“You’re coming with us? I thought you had a free afternoon.”
“I do. I thought I’d just tag along. It’s a chance to see the studio setup.” Olivia bit the inside of her cheek, willing Louise not to call her on it.
“To see the studio setup? That’s very diligent.” She turned back to Olivia from the open doorway. “Unusually and suspiciously diligent. Maybe later, we can have a proper chat about what’s really going on with you and our insanely handsome driver.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.” Olivia blew Louise a playful kiss. “Now get going. Or you’ll keep us waiting.”
She quickly laced up her Converse, checked herself in the mirror one more time, and headed out. She wanted to get a head start on Louise simply because this afternoon, she was going to snag the front seat next to Casey. She’d checked her phone and the drive was going to take them the best part of an hour. That was time with Casey she wouldn’t have if she stayed behind. And if Casey didn’t have plans for all of the time that Liam and Louise would be on set, she was going to try to take her to lunch.
Chapter Twelve
Casey was sitting in the car, considering her options. She had to be back here to collect them by five thirty, but until then, she was completely free. She decided to drive to the nearest stretch of river and take a long walk. The alone time would give her the chance to think. David’s party was less than a week away, and she would have to see not just Hannah, but every one of the friends she had walked away from. In disgrace and in shame. She’d used the excuse of the job and her mom’s situation to avoid facing up to things in the way she’d promised herself she’d try to, but the party would mean throwing herself in at the deep end.
She saw Olivia emerge from the studio hangar and walk toward the car. She looked every kind of beautiful. When she caught Casey looking in her direction, she smiled and gave her a little wave, and Casey felt the joy of seeing her in every part of her body.
On the drive over, Olivia sat up front with her and they had chatted easily. About the swinging sixties in London, about what happens on a studio shoot, about the best way to make bread using a bread maker. Olivia was cute, funny, and utterly engaging. And Casey had forgotten all about Liam and Louise in the back of the car, forgotten all about the fact they were client and driver. It felt good. But Olivia was a client and soon they were going their separate ways. Casey should have been more worried by just how good it felt.
“They kick you out for forgetting your lines?” Casey said as Olivia reached the car.
/> “Not this time. I was just checking it out. My studio scenes aren’t until Thursday, so I don’t really need to be here. I just came along for the ride.”
Olivia was shuffling from one foot to the other, seeming nervous. It was adorable. She was adorable. Casey felt herself flush. This was her chance. She should ask Olivia if she had time for a walk by the river. Or lunch. Or something. anything.
“I wondered if you wanted to have a coffee, or food, or something? I mean, if you have time.” Olivia asked her the very question she’d been summoning the courage to ask.
“I’d love to.” Casey didn’t hesitate.
Olivia moved around to the passenger side of the car and got in.
Casey’s mind was whirring as she tried to think of somewhere they could go. She didn’t know this neighborhood at all.
“I tell you what.” She took a breath. “We passed a tube station not even five minutes’ walk from here, twenty minutes on the Jubilee Line and we’ll be in London Bridge. If we go by car, I don’t know how long it’ll take. And I have to be back here by five thirty.” Olivia was staring back at her in confusion. Casey made herself slow down. “Sorry, I’m not being clear. I’m trying to ask if you want to ditch the car, jump on the tube, and go to the Shard. To that cocktail bar that’s on your list. I mean, yesterday we couldn’t, we didn’t have time. But today…” She lifted her hands as if to say today they had all the time they needed.
“I would love that.” Olivia grinned. Her smile made Casey feel wonderful.
“I can walk you back to the hotel after and then catch a tube back here to get Liam, Louise, and the car. It’s a perfect plan.”
Olivia didn’t respond. And when she turned her body toward Casey, Casey held her breath.
“It’s an absolutely perfect plan.”
And the way Olivia gazed at her made Casey think that maybe it was.
* * *
In the elevator, Olivia pressed the button marked fifty-two confidently.
“It’s the highest floor with a bar.”
“I’ve never been up here.” Casey had unexpected butterflies. They were nothing to do with how rapidly they were ascending and everything to do with getting to spend more time with Olivia.
“Me neither—obviously. Another first for me. Just like Estelle’s steak pudding.” Olivia offered Casey a shy smile.
The elevator doors opened, and they stepped out into a lavishly decorated reception area. Olivia introduced herself to the maître d’ and explained that she’d called ahead and reserved a window table for two.
Through the open doors in front of them, Casey could see that the bar itself was just as sumptuous and ornate as the reception, with gold brocaded armchairs arranged in clusters around low tables, beneath elaborate chandeliers. The floor to ceiling windows—framed with beautifully colored heavy velvet curtains—provided incredible views of London on two sides of the room. There wasn’t a table in there that didn’t have a view. It was magical but intimidating, and about as far away from Café Brunest as it was possible to get. If she’d been looking for something to highlight the difference in the way they both lived their lives, this was exactly the right place to choose.
Casey let herself be led to a table in the far corner, hoping that the other people in the bar—like Alice yesterday—wouldn’t realize that the shirt and pants she was wearing formed part of a uniform. But as soon as she sat alongside Olivia—both their chairs looking out onto the breathtakingly panoramic view of London directly in front of them—she forgot all about what she was wearing and let herself relax a little.
“Wow,” Olivia said softly. “This view is amazing.”
“Yeah, incredible. It almost makes me nostalgic for the city.”
The waiter approached and they ordered cocktails. She wasn’t really a cocktail kind of person—and she couldn’t help but dread what they would cost—but Casey ordered one anyway. The days were ticking by, and she was determined to enjoy what little time with Olivia there was left.
Casey pointed out some of the more obvious landmarks and Olivia listened intently.
“You don’t miss it at all?” Olivia asked when she’d finished.
“Not really. I could, but I don’t let myself think that way because I don’t live here anymore and missing it wouldn’t help me.”
“Yeah, I get that. I feel like that about Brooklyn. If I thought about it a lot, I’d miss it, so I don’t.” Olivia’s tone was relaxed, confiding. “It’s funny but being in London has made me miss Brooklyn more. There’s something about this city that puts me in touch with my feelings about home. It seems ‘real’ in that way that Brooklyn is and LA definitely isn’t. I feel—”
Olivia stopped when the waiter delivered their cocktails with a flourish. Casey was sorry for the interruption. She was enjoying hearing Olivia talk.
“Go on.”
“Maybe it’s stupid because I’ve only been here a week, but I feel like I could make real connections with people here. In LA, it’s hard to know who’s genuinely interested in me and who’s looking to make a connection for the sake of their career. And I guess I mostly hang around with people in the industry, which makes it harder. In Brooklyn, I made good friends just from bumping into people and having everyday conversations. I met the couple who lived opposite me when we realized we were both feeding the same stray cat.” Olivia became animated. “And I got friendly with the woman who ran the florist next to my parents’ store because her son ran into me on his bike one day. And it was always good to know that we were friends because we had things in common. I didn’t doubt for a minute that they liked me, Olivia, because I had absolutely nothing to offer them other than my friendship. Now, it seems like the main thing I have to offer, the main thing people like about me, is Susie. I can’t get used to it, and it gets me down more than I like to admit.”
“But you have so much to offer.” Casey let the reassurance—the compliment—slip out. “I just mean, whether or not you’re a big TV star, whether or not you’re playing Susie, you seem like someone it would be very cool to be friends with. You’re funny, you’re smart, you’re curious.” She stopped herself from saying beautiful, though she wanted to. “That’s a lot to offer.” Casey hesitated. “I’m not surprised the florist liked you.”
Olivia gave her a look she couldn’t read before stirring her cocktail for longer than anyone could need to. Casey wondered if she’d said the wrong thing. She fished the orange peel out of her own glass for something to do and made herself look at the view. Looking at Olivia was causing her to say and think all the wrong things.
“That’s very nice of you to say, but in a way, you illustrate my point.”
“What do you mean?”
“I only know you because you’ve been hired to drive for me, and we’re really only sitting here because of that. So I don’t know if you’re saying what you’re saying because it’s your job to be nice to your clients, because you want me to leave you a good review, or because you really mean it. Being like this, being ‘famous,’ or whatever you’d call it, means that I second-guess everyone and everything. It’s tiring.”
Casey put down her drink. She could have been offended by Olivia reminding her yet again that she was “just” the driver, but she knew that this time that wasn’t what this was.
“I mean it. I’m your driver, yes. But I don’t have to be sitting here with you. I chose to. I was the one who suggested we come here and I suggested it because I wanted to spend my afternoon off with you.”
Casey was going out on a limb, but she didn’t care. Despite all the adoration of the fans, despite the awards and the magazine covers, Olivia needed to hear that she meant something to someone who had nothing to gain from her. “And I already know I’m gonna get a great review because Louise thinks I’m cute.” She smiled as she said it. “I’m here because I like you, because I like spending time with y
ou. It’s as simple as that. Maybe it’s not as impossible as you think to meet people who don’t want anything from you other than your company.”
She held Olivia’s gaze wanting her to feel it, to believe it. “And I don’t know Susie—I’ve never met her, not even for a minute—but I already know that I like Olivia a whole lot more. I’m pretty sure Susie would annoy the hell out of me with all her bed-hopping and impossibly tight dresses.”
“I had a feeling you quite liked the dress.” Olivia’s voice was low, teasing. Casey felt the impact of it in the tightening of the muscles low down in her core.
“Okay.” Casey held up her hands with a smile. “I admit the dress was pretty damn hot, but I think you know what I mean. Whatever Susie might have going for her, Olivia has—you have—so much more.”
Olivia looked down at her drink, then at the view. It seemed to Casey as if she was doing everything she could to avoid looking at her. She worried she’d gone too far and embarrassed them both. When Olivia eventually looked at Casey, her expression was serious.
“Thank you. For saying that, for coming here with me, and most especially, for never having known Susie.”
Casey nodded.
“Well, thank you, again, for being so solid about my mom. It wasn’t a very ‘I’m a big TV superstar’ thing to do. I was surprised, and it gave me a lot of other reasons to like you.”
Olivia smiled.
“I have a confession to make. Three actually.” Olivia leaned in closer and Casey felt the heat of her breath on her neck. She felt aroused by it despite everything she was telling herself about staying cool. “I’ve never bumped into Gerard Butler. He and I don’t mix in the same circles. I’ve only been on a red carpet twice and he was nowhere to be seen. I just needed a good story to distract your mom with, and I read in a magazine once that he’s popular with middle-aged women.”
Never Be the Same Page 15