Never Be the Same

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Never Be the Same Page 30

by M. A. Binfield


  “Well, after this I’m completely free and I’m definitely going to need to sleep, so maybe I’ll see you at the hotel later. We could share a nap space.” Olivia tried to make the suggestion sound light, but it was anything but. Her body craved Casey, and she couldn’t stop her heart from counting down the minutes they had left.

  “A nap space, huh?” Casey said. “I’m pretty sure sharing isn’t going to help either of us nap. And I say that with the wisdom of my last experience of sharing a space with you where napping was supposed to happen.” The look that flashed across Casey’s face told Olivia they were having the same memories. “But the answer is still yes. Though at some point I need an actual nap, I’m not sure I’ll last the night otherwise. You might as well know what you’re getting into with me—”

  Casey stopped speaking, seeming embarrassed.

  “I’m not saying you’re necessarily getting into something with me. I just mean…I was making a joke, about not being able to do two nights without sleep.”

  “I get the joke. And I totally get the need to sleep. But—” Olivia stopped herself. She wanted to tell Casey that she hoped like hell they were getting into something, but Casey seemed in a strange mood. And Olivia couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that Casey hadn’t yet invited her to David’s party. It was her last night and she wanted to spend it with Casey. Surely Casey felt the same.

  Heads began to turn in their direction, and Olivia guessed some of the people outside the café had recognized her. She heard her name, heard Susie’s name. There were phones pointing in her direction. Casey looked behind her and visibly tensed. Olivia’s heart sank a little. Of course Casey didn’t want her at the party. Her presence would be disruptive, just like this. Olivia might feel just like a woman wanting her new lover to want to spend time with her, but things were a lot more complicated than that.

  “Well, it was nice to bump into you. And thanks for the donuts.” Olivia jumped down from the truck, lifted off her rainbow garland and placed it around Casey’s neck. She wanted to hug her, to kiss her, but that would have created even more of a scene and Casey wouldn’t thank her for that. So instead Olivia patted her arms platonically before stepping back reluctantly. “Now you look a little more festive.”

  “Thanks, I think.” Casey smiled.

  “And I’ll see you later for that nap. Maybe we could grab a drink before your party. Or if that’s not possible, I’d like to book you for breakfast tomorrow.” Olivia didn’t want to sound desperate, but leaving without some more time with Casey was a horrible thought. “We leave at lunchtime.”

  “I know.” Casey looked at her with an expression that said she was trying to figure something out. The truck rolled forward a few feet, but Olivia didn’t move.

  “What are you doing later?”

  “We’re going to try to find somewhere to go out. Lou wants to celebrate our last night. I think she was hoping you might be able to recommend a bar or a club.”

  Casey gazed at her.

  “Can I take you out to dinner first? I was thinking I’d give the party a miss, and I thought we could—”

  “Yes.” Olivia felt all her anxiety drain away.

  “I didn’t tell you what I was planning.” Casey grinned.

  “I don’t care, the answer is still yes.”

  The look in Casey’s eyes made Olivia want to wrap herself around her.

  “So you’re Olivia Lang.” A tall, bear of a man offered Olivia a hand to shake. He had a smile on his face. “I have heard so much about you from this one. You wouldn’t believe it to look at her, but she can gush when she wants to. And you, my dear, have had her gushing this past couple of weeks.” He arched an eyebrow. The double meaning was clear. Olivia couldn’t help the laugh that escaped. Casey looked like she wanted to strangle him.

  “This is David. My employer. Used to be one of my best friends, until about fifteen seconds ago.” Casey pulled a face and David laughed.

  Olivia shook his hand, happy to meet him.

  “Come on, Liv. Peel yourself away from her. I know you don’t want to, but you’re gonna get left behind.” Louise’s voice was clear, even amongst the noise of the parade, and Olivia turned to see Louise and Liam peering down at her. The truck inched forward as if to make a point.

  “Hi, Casey.” They both gave Casey a wave.

  “She’s right. I should go.” Olivia could leave Casey happily now that she knew they had plans to be together. “I’ll see you later. I can’t wait.”

  “Oh, you’re coming to the party? That’s fantastic.” David sounded genuinely excited. “We can get properly acquainted. And you won’t be sorry. My Pride parties are legendary—though of course I would say that. There’s an amazing DJ, amazing food, amazing decorations, and amazing guests. And it’ll be amazing to have you. Bring your friends too.” David gestured in Louise and Liam’s direction. “I think people might lose their shit a little bit when you arrive, but then they’ll be cool. It’s a London thing to act unimpressed by everything, even when it’s big TV stars drinking my fabulous Pride mojitos.”

  “They were thinking of going clubbing,” Casey cut in, seeming tense all of a sudden.

  “Nonsense. Everywhere will be ticketed. They won’t get in anywhere decent.” He turned to Olivia. “And this is about as authentic as you can get. A Pride party with actual homegrown London queers.”

  “Sounds better than anything we would have come up with,” Louise said from behind them. “I think it’ll be fun.”

  Olivia turned to Liam, who simply lifted his shoulders as if to say he didn’t mind either way.

  “Casey?” Olivia wasn’t sure she wanted Casey to agree. A party meant they wouldn’t be alone. Though they would be able to go home together, and she did feel bad for keeping Casey away from her friends and making her miss David’s party.

  “Okay.” Casey reached down and gently squeezed her hand, and Olivia felt a rush of happiness. But the expression on Casey’s face seemed troubled and Olivia wanted to ask why. “You’ll enjoy the party a lot. It’s a great way to say good-bye to London. And I just want to be where you want to be, so why not?”

  Olivia couldn’t not react to the words, or the shy half smile that Casey offered her. She pulled Casey in for a hug.

  “Hey, you two. Get a room.” The shout was from Louise.

  Olivia looked up to see everyone on the truck staring down at them, including Billie.

  “I should go.”

  “Me too.”

  “I’ll see you later then?”

  “Yes, you will…for a nap.” Casey smiled.

  Olivia looked at the stationary truck, not quite sure how she was going to manage to climb back on board without injuring herself. She was pretty sure, like Billie, she’d need one of the assistants to help. Before she could ask, Casey stepped closer. They were face-to-face, inches apart, and Olivia could feel her heart beating in her chest. Casey’s eyes were almost black and she had her bottom lip trapped between her teeth. It took every bit of control Olivia had not to lean in and kiss her.

  Olivia felt Casey’s hands on her hips, slowly moving her a step or two backward till her back was resting against the edge of the truck. Then, in one movement, Casey lifted her at the waist, until Olivia could lay her hands flat on the truck bed behind her and boost herself so she was once again sitting on the edge of the truck.

  Olivia wasn’t exactly one of those fainting Southern belles, but being lifted like that by Casey had her feeling a little giddy, and a lot aroused.

  Casey stepped back as the truck began to inch forward.

  “Later then.”

  Olivia nodded.

  “I’ll be counting the minutes.” If Olivia hadn’t been staring at Casey’s beautiful face, she might have missed the words. She wasn’t even sure that Casey had meant her to hear them. But she had and Olivia felt a thousand rainb
ows had just rained down all their sparkles upon her.

  Olivia watched Casey walk back into the café with David before slowly getting to her feet.

  “Do you think if I climb down, she’ll help me get back on board like that?” Louise fanned herself with her fingers.

  “Hey. I’m standing right here. You don’t need Casey,” Liam replied, flexing his biceps and smiling.

  Olivia was gratified to see Louise turn a shade of pink, glad she wasn’t the only one disgracing herself by swooning.

  “You have to admit,” Louise nudged her, “that was damn cute. And I’m pretty sure that a few dozen people got the money shot, so we can’t blame Billie when that one appears online.” She shook her head. “I hope Casey knows what she’s getting into.”

  She was pretty sure Louise hadn’t meant to crash her mood. But she had. Casey had made it clear time and again that she wasn’t interested in the limelight, and Olivia could only hope the three of them crashing David’s party wasn’t going to make Casey have another set of second thoughts.

  Chapter Twenty

  You’ve invited us to a house full of queer people to drink and dance and you’re worrying we might not enjoy it?” Louise was standing in front of Casey, her hands on her hips, a big smile on her face. “Have you even met me? I’m gonna have a blast. And so is my dance partner.” She tried to make Liam salsa with her. His face—and his hips—suggested he wasn’t sure.

  They were in the wine section of the supermarket closest to David’s house and Louise’s voice—never quiet at the best of times—rang out loudly.

  “Lou, she’s not saying that we won’t enjoy it. Just that people will recognize us and might decide to be freaked out about us being there, take photos, whatever.” Liam looked at Olivia for help, shaking his head.

  “Just watch out for people taking photos when you’re shit-faced and making out with Liam in the kitchen.” After a day watching them do everything but kiss, Olivia had decided Louise and Liam needed some help getting over the line.

  They both turned to look at her, their faces carrying matching expressions of surprise.

  “What?” Olivia lifted her hands. “I’m just using a hypothetical example.”

  Louise narrowed her eyes. “Well, same goes for you and Casey. I think if anyone’s going to get photographed tonight, it’ll be you and that ‘handsome mystery companion’ of yours everyone’s so curious about. Especially after this afternoon’s display.”

  “Let’s just choose some wine and go,” Casey said, sounding tense, and Olivia worried all over again. She’d been that way since they’d set off for the party.

  Louise handed two bottles of prosecco to Liam. And then picked up two more.

  “We’re good to go,” Louise said. “But do you need me to grab you a bottle of vodka to help you face up to your ex?”

  “I might need more than one.”

  Olivia was happy to see Casey joke about it. She didn’t know Hannah, but she couldn’t imagine that facing her after all this time was going to be easy for Casey.

  “C’mon, Casey,” Louise said. “You’re turning up at a party with three of TV’s ‘hottest’ queers, that has to feel like the best ‘fuck you’ to a celebrity-obsessed ex ever.”

  “Not to me. I mean, maybe someone like Hannah would see it that way—and I’m pretty sure partying with the three of you will be irresistible content for her next video—but I don’t care. It was too long ago for me to still feel vindictive.”

  “Well, you’re a better person than me, because my vindictiveness would have no expiration date. And I’d be delighted to rub her face in how well I was doing by turning up with Liv on my arm.”

  “Yeah, well, like I say, I’m not made that way. I’m only putting myself through this at all because I know David really wants us there and you guys deserve to party. If I had my way, it would just be me and Olivia having a nice quiet dinner somewhere.” Casey leaned across and kissed her on the forehead, and the love Olivia felt for her bubbled up in her chest once again. She had been right to trust her, right to allow herself this chance.

  “Gee, thanks. We could be offended that you’d like to ditch us. But luckily, this prosecco and the imminent disco dancing means we’re too excited to care.” Louise turned Liam in the direction of the cashiers with a flourish.

  “She and David are going to get on like a house on fire. Same energy, same attitude toward life.” Casey smiled at her before picking up and examining a bottle of red wine.

  “I want that too.” Olivia had to say it.

  “For David and Louise to get on?”

  “No.” Olivia pulled on Casey’s hand, wanting her closer. “For us to have more time together—just the two of us. No friends, no Billie, no exes. I know this is our last night, and I can’t help but feel sad about it.”

  “Our last London night,” Casey corrected her, and Olivia was happy to hear it.

  She looked up and down the aisle and then pulled Casey into a kiss—a hungry, wanting, passionate kind of kiss. Someone turned the corner to join them scanning the wine shelves and Casey pulled away, but she kept hold of Olivia’s hand.

  “Shall we try something French?” Casey asked, holding up a bottle. “Or do you want to play it safe and go for something Californian?”

  “Come to Paris next weekend and we can try something French then.”

  Olivia had been trying to find the right time to ask. She wasn’t sure that the supermarket was the most romantic of settings, but she couldn’t be cool around Casey and she couldn’t bear the idea of not seeing her for the three weeks it would take them to finish their European tour and get back to the States.

  “They’ve given us next weekend off. Maybe you can visit. The Eurostar only takes two hours and you won’t have to drive anywhere. We can see Paris. They have boat trips. I already checked. And they include dinner sometimes. My hotel has a sauna.” She couldn’t stop talking. Casey was looking at her like she was crazy.

  “I’m sorry, I thought—” Olivia felt like she’d said the wrong thing. Was it crazy? To want something more for them? She didn’t see why.

  “You had me at ‘come to Paris’ actually.” Casey took both her hands. “I know I’m in a strange mood today, but it’s not because I have any doubts about us, not at all. It’s because I’ve spent half the day hanging out with people I haven’t seen in a long time, people who remind me of a not very happy time in my life.” She hesitated and gave Olivia a tight smile. “And now we’re going to see the person who chased me out of my hometown, ruining a lot of good things I had going on in my life.” Casey swallowed, seeming a little upset.

  Olivia waited, sensing she had more to say.

  “And she’s got a lot of things she could tell you about me. I’d like to think she’s past it all, but she might not be. Maybe after tonight you won’t want me to come to Paris.”

  Olivia felt a creeping unease at Casey’s words.

  “Are you guys coming?” Louise hollered at them from across the store.

  “Sure, sorry. Two minutes,” Olivia shouted back at them. When she turned back to Casey, she was studying the shelves again.

  “I’m taking this Bordeaux. And that bottle of gin for David.”

  Casey had talked about Hannah cheating on her and feeling humiliated enough to leave town. But now Casey seemed to be suggesting—for the first time—that Hannah had things she could say about Casey that Olivia might not want to hear.

  “What kind of things?”

  Olivia wanted Casey to stop looking at the wine and to look at her.

  “Do you want white or red?”

  “Casey? What kind of things?”

  Casey turned to face her. Her expression serious, her face tense.

  “I don’t know. But I know Hannah. She lies. She’s always lied. And she especially lied about what happened between us. I guess
she didn’t want the cheating thing to look bad for her. To cost her subscribers. She rewrote everything that happened, made me seem like the bad guy. She denied cheating. She told everyone she got with Zoey after we broke up because I treated her so badly and that she was lucky to have Zoey there to ‘save’ her. She had a platform, a way of telling her story. And I didn’t. So her version was what people believed. It was horrible. And tonight you’re going to meet her and I have no idea what she’ll say. She’s actually very relatable, believable. It makes her good at what she does. You’ll see that if you meet her. David says she’s past all of it, that she was saying how nice it would be to see me, but I can’t trust that. And anyway, I absolutely don’t feel the same way.”

  Olivia could see that talking about it wasn’t easy for Casey. But she was glad that she was getting some of it off her chest. No wonder Casey had been weird all evening. After everything, she didn’t want to see Hannah at all. Let alone with Olivia in tow.

  “I’ve met a lot of people like that, Casey. A lot of people who lie and who lie well. I was easy to fool once, but not anymore. And I’m not going to be fooled by her. Don’t worry.” Olivia lifted Casey’s hand to her lips and kissed it.

  “One thing.” Casey took in a breath before shifting a little closer, holding Olivia’s hand more tightly.

  “I broke one of her cameras. We were arguing and I knocked over the tripod. But it was a complete accident, just me being clumsy. She knew that, but she took her chance. Me breaking her camera made her the victim and me guilty of ‘smashing up her studio.’ And it gave her the chance to have me arrested. And being arrested cost me my job. You can’t work with kids with a criminal record.” Casey ran an anxious hand through her hair before she fixed Olivia with a defiant look. “I’d like to tell you I was sorry, but I wasn’t. It was an accident, I promise you, but sometimes I wish I’d smashed them all, that I’d done what she pretended I’d done. I felt so humiliated and angry about everything.”

 

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