by Dina Silver
Either way, I was going and I would arrive on time, with a chilled bottle of Chardonnay and Taylor Gold with me for support.
“I’m in town for one night, why on earth would we want to go to that bore fest?” Taylor asked me.
“Obviously because Ethan will be there.”
“Why don’t you just tell him to meet us out in the city afterwards. I have no interest in talking to my parents and their friends about my job, and listening to how different things were for them back in the Dark Ages.”
“I haven’t seen him in months, and you know what this means to me. Please Taylor, his mother will be much less scary with you there.”
“Fine, but by the time my father has his fifth bourbon, I’m out of there,” she let me know. “Besides, you and lover boy aren’t going to want me around anyway.”
“Very cute.”
“I mean it, I’m sure Ethan wants you to himself, and he knows if I’m there he’s going to have to use a crow bar to separate us.”
“It’s not like that with him anymore, trust me, I wish it were.”
“Sydney, if you go by yourself, you’ll have a much better chance of getting the alone time with him that you want,” she tried to convince me.
“I know where you’re coming from, but we don’t have that relationship right now, and he isn’t going to spend the evening by my side like the old days. That’s why I need you there to keep me company for the times when he’ll be off chatting with all the other women that Mrs. Reynolds is probably having bussed in to court him.”
“Court him? Oh, lord, you do need to get out more.”
“So you’ll go with me?”
“Yes.”
“Great, what can I borrow?!”
The morning of the event, I picked Taylor up at O’hare, drove to her parents house in Winnetka, and she set me up with a great outfit. Black Donna Karan tank top with tiny black rhinestones on one shoulder, a black pleated mini skirt, and a pink Coach purse. The outfit alone could’ve paid my rent for two months. After I had my outfit picked out, I headed back to the city and went to Marshall Fields, where I purchased a pair of sandals that were a knock-off of a Joan & David pair that Taylor owned. I could never understand why people would spend so much money on one pair of shoes.
When I got back to my apartment, I frantically tended to all of Grace’s needs so that I could then focus on my own. Once she was fed and freshly diapered, I laid her down on a blanket and placed three of her favorite stuffed animals next to her. She wasn’t quite crawling yet, just rolling from side to side, so she was still easily occupied at a standstill. As I was drying my hair, the phone rang, and it was LeAnn.
“What’s up, LeAnn?” I asked after we exchanged greetings. “Sydney,” she gagged. “I am so sorry. I woke up this morning with a little cough and thought I could sleep it off, but after my nap I woke up with a fever.”
I turned into a statue of a woman holding a hair dryer in one hand, phone in the other, mouth agape.
“Sydney?”
I placed the dryer slowly back on the sink counter and sat on the toilet. “I’m here.”
“I’m so sorry. I called Courtney to see if she could cover for me, just this once, but she has plans.” Cough, gag, cough. “I feel terrible, I know how much you were looking forward to going out, I just don’t think you want me near Grace like this.”
I shook my head. “No, of course, don’t worry about it, just take care of yourself,” I said, and we ended the call as my heart sank into my imitation designer sandals.
I walked into the next room and looked at Grace. She was rocking back and forth like a ship on the high seas, and smiling at her furry deckhands. I sat down cross-legged next to her and called Ethan.
“Hey you,” he said.
“My sitter just cancelled.”
“Oh, no. Well, just bring Grace with you,” he said without hesitation.
A burst of frustrated laughter shot out of my mouth. “I don’t think so.”
“Seriously, everyone would love to meet her.”
“I can’t bring her with me,” I sighed. Mostly because I hardly took her anywhere unless it was absolutely necessary. She required so much crap that I always felt like a Skycap whenever we were out together. The diaper bag, the car seat, the bottles, the pacifiers, the changing mat, the wipes, and all the toys in their primary colored glory; none of which would compliment my outfit.
“I’m not going to argue with you, I’m in town for two days, and I’m expecting to see you at my parents’ party tonight, with Grace,” he said with a very un-Ethan-like firmness.
“Ethan, don’t be that way, you have no idea what it’s like with her. First of all, she demands all my attention, and secondly, I won’t be able to relax and enjoy myself with her there.”
“You’re being ridiculous. She’s a baby, and you’re acting like she’s some demanding celebrity. I’ll see you both tonight,” he said and hung up.
He’d never hung up on me.
I immediately dialed Taylor.
“Yo,” she answered.
“Tay, my sitter just cancelled. I’m so upset! I just called Ethan and he said to bring Grace, and I told him that’s impossible and how she can’t just tag along like another girlfriend, and he said I better see you tonight and HUNG UP!”
“Okay, Hormone Heidi, calm yourself way down,” she said. “Take a deep breath, and let’s figure out your options. First, you could absolutely bring her along; there will be plenty of people there who would be dying to take her off your hands, my mother being one of them. Or, you can go for a couple of hours and leave her with your dad.”
I looked at Grace smiling and swaying next to me. “I’ll bring her,” I moaned. “I cannot believe this.”
“Don’t make such a big deal about it, you know she’s going to be the life of the party.”
I packed my car with every possible thing that Grace might need over the course of the evening. Play pad, food, formula, pacifiers, wipes, bibs, pajamas, animals, her favorite blanket and enough diapers to soak up three gallons of milk. The party started at five o’clock, and I didn’t think I would be there much past her seven o’clock bedtime, because I’d never slept her anywhere but a crib at night.
Taylor got in the backseat of my car and sat with Grace. She cooed and giggled with her during the ten-minute ride from the Gold’s home to the Reynolds’ home. The valet helped me out with the diaper bag and car seat while Taylor danced ahead with Grace in her arms, leaving me to my Skycap duties.
“You are the sweetest little muffin!” Taylor was cheering, and then turned to me. “Let me take the suitcase. You should walk in with her; she might just be the best accessory a girl could have,” she said and handed me my daughter as we stepped into the foyer.
Taylor placed the bag and car seat carrier next to a hall table by the stairs, and then winked at me. “You look great, girl, let’s do it.”
The two of us walked out onto the back patio to a sea of people, almost all of who instantly showered Grace with oohs and aahs. Ethan rushed over as soon as he saw a group of empty nesters begin to circle Grace and I like a swarm of zombies.
As predicted, Mrs. Gold was first in line. “Hand her over this instant!” she ordered and clapped loudly. “Oh, Sydney, she’s the most beautiful little thing! Yes you are, oh, yes you are,” she said to Grace.
“Thank you,” I said and gave Taylor’s mom a kiss as she slowly pulled Grace from my arms. I never spent much time with babies before having one of my own, but everyone always told me how remarkable it was that Grace was willing and happy to be held by anyone. She never resisted or tightened her body or reached back for me once.
When I turned to give Ethan a hug, Mrs. Reynolds was standing by his side, gazing lovingly at my daughter. I looked over at Grace, who was in Mrs. Gold’s arms, and she was staring back at Ethan’s mom with the biggest, cheesiest grin on her face.
“Every guest in my home must see me first, Eddy, so hand her over,” Mrs. R
eynolds said to Taylor’s mom, her arms outstretched.
“Oh, no you don’t, Caroline, I’ve only just got my claws into her.”
“Don’t make me escort you out of my party,” Mrs. Reynolds joked.
“Oh, for goodness sake,” Mrs. Gold said and took a huge whiff of Grace’s neck. “I could just take a bite out of her, she smells so delicious.”
She passed Grace along to Ethan’s mom, who had yet to say anything to me, and she cradled Grace in her arms while whispering quietly to her so no one else could hear. Taylor discreetly pinched my side and the two of us exchanged glances with Ethan who was also staring at Grace in his mother’s arms.
“Sydney,” her low, throaty voice startled me.
“Can I have a word with you?”
Ethan spoke first. “No, Mom, you can’t. She just got here.”
Taylor and her mom watched closely.
“It’s fine,” I said. “I would love to catch up.”
I walked with Mrs. Reynolds into the formal living room and she never took her eyes off of Grace. She was letting Grace grab her fingers, suck on her diamond pendant and play with the fabric-covered buttons on her blouse. She could’ve cared less that in fewer than three minutes she went from being impeccably dressed to dripping in drool.
“She’s a delight, what a good baby you are,” she said to both of us.
“Thank you, she’s been very easy so far.”
“And she looks just like you.”
“Yes, I hear that a lot,” I said, and it was true. I would’ve loved Grace more than anything in the world, regardless of what she looked like, but the fact the she truly resembled me more than Kevin was a welcome relief.
“Thank you for bringing her today.”
“Well,” I let out a small, guilty laugh. “It wasn’t my first choice.”
“I told Ethan a month ago to ask if you would bring the baby, and he said you’d rather not.”
Ethan had never asked me to bring Grace to the party. “Oh, yes, well it’s just that she goes to bed so early, but my sitter cancelled this afternoon and didn’t leave me with much of a choice.”
“I see.”
Mrs. Reynolds was holding Grace and indulging her in whatever she wanted at that moment. I felt very comforted by her, like never before, and realized I was smiling like a giddy cartoon character when she looked at me.
“I’m very proud of you, Sydney, you’ve proven yourself to be a strong, independent young lady, and a wonderful mother. You should be very pleased with yourself.”
I strained to speak. “Thank you.”
“Have you heard from her father?” she casually down-shifted to the tough questions.
I began to readjust on the couch, uncrossing, then re-crossing my legs. “No, I haven’t. I really don’t have any contact with him,” I said and cleared my throat.
“I see,” she said. “It must be very hard on you.”
“It hasn’t been too bad, and honestly, I never counted on him for anything from the beginning, so it’s fine. I’d be at much more of a loss without my parents’ help, quite honestly,” I smiled, trying to lighten the topic.
“Your mother must be delighted.”
“Tickled pink, that one.”
Grace began to fuss, and I realized it was time for her to eat. “I think she’s hungry.”
“Well, then, no party guest of mine should want for anything, especially food. Where is her dinner?” she asked.
Ethan walked in just as his mom questioned me. “Your time is up,” he said.
“Go on then, Sydney is about to get her food, and you two can go have fun.”
I looked at Ethan with concern.
“Mom, you need to unhand the child,” he informed her.
“She’s hungry, and I was going to feed her. Sydney, darling, where is her food?”
“It’s in the diaper bag, next to the stairs,” I said and instinctively reached for Grace.
“I will take care of her, if that’s alright with you,” Mrs. Reynolds said and took a step backwards. “You two go and relax, I will come find you when we’re done.”
“Okay,” I said flatly. She was not one to argue with, and Ethan was looking at me like an eager puppy, like, ‘great, let’s go!’
He took my hand and led me outside, but my eyes stayed on Grace and his mother until we rounded the corner and they were out of sight.
“Maybe I should just tell her how much to feed her?” I said to him, but looked toward the house.
“She’ll be fine, she had babies of her own once,” he reassured me.
We walked past a bemused Taylor, sitting almost on Andrew Harrington’s lap and dangling one of her long legs over the cement wall, while Ethan led me to a wrought iron bench tucked away in the woods behind his parents’ home.
I took a seat, and patted the wood slats next to me.
Ethan reached in his pocket before sitting down. “Now don’t get all excited and weepy; this isn’t for you,” he said and handed me a little velvet box.
“Then why are you giving it to me?”
“It’s for Grace.”
I gently took the box from his hand and opened it. Inside was a tiny, delicate gold chain, with a small red gemstone hanging from it.
“It’s garnet, her birthstone,” he said, and taught me. I’d had no idea what her birthstone was.
I shook my head. “You are unbelievable, thank you,” I said quietly.
“I know she’s too young to wear it now, but one day you can tell her about me, and who it’s from. I really wanted to do something special for her.”
“It’s beautiful, Ethan,” I said, and closed the box. “You never cease to amaze me.” We sat and talked for almost an hour, until I couldn’t stand not knowing what Grace was up to for one more minute. I checked my watch and saw that it was a quarter past seven.
“I better fetch Grace before she turns on everyone, and ruins her impeccable reputation.”
Ethan and I went back to the house and located Mrs. Reynolds in the kitchen as she was telling the catering staff where to put the desserts on the buffet table, and which serving pieces were to be paired with which sauces.
“What’d you do with the kid, Mom?” Ethan asked.
“She’s in my bedroom, asleep.”
“Asleep?” I gasped.
“Why, yes,” she said. “I changed her after she ate, then Taylor helped locate her pajamas and her carrier, and we rocked her to sleep. You’re welcome to go up there.”
Ethan and I tiptoed up the giant staircase, and through the double doors into his parents’ bedroom. Taylor and her mom were sitting on a loveseat in the corner of the room, deep in conversation, and Grace was sound asleep exactly like Mrs. Reynolds had said.
“Guess you can stay a bit longer,” Taylor smiled at me, and Ethan led me back outside to the bench in the woods, where we sat until midnight without a care in the world.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
After Ethan returned to Boston, we fell into a routine of lengthy phone conversations and a few short weekend visits. We’d discussed his failed relationship with Robin, but I never did get the chance to declare my true feelings to him. I was hesitant. We were re-building our friendship, and I was worried that I might scare him away, or make things uncomfortable for him. I did tell him that I wished he lived closer, and he confessed that he was looking into a job transfer that would bring him back to Chicago one day. We never really discussed our relationship beyond that, but there was an underlying hope on my end that we’d be able to rekindle our affection as more than just close friends.
When Christmas rolled around, he was able to get a week off work, and since we hadn’t had any real quality time together since his parents’ party in July, he promised to make the most of his time with Grace and me. He was once again my best friend, and truly the only person I looked forward to talking to each day. He’d listen to all of my complaints about Midge, all my worries about money, and every little concern I had for my daught
er, of which there were plenty. My job was going well, but it was becoming more and more obvious that if I wanted to grow within the company, I was going to have to put in more hours, and that meant less time with Grace. The older she got, the harder it was to leave her. She took her first steps at daycare, and after Courtney called to let me know, I spent my lunch hour crying on the phone to Kendra about it.
Three days before Christmas Eve, I asked for the afternoon off to get some shopping done. The excuse I gave Midge was that Grace had a doctor’s appointment. I picked her up from Happy Faces that afternoon around one o’clock, bundled us up, and headed to the Christmas windows on State Street. I pushed Grace up and down the shoveled sidewalks, crunching kernels of road salt with the stroller and admiring the city’s holiday splendor. We stood in a long line to meet Santa Claus at an outdoor winter market in the Loop, and she went right to him, sat on his lap, tugged on his beard and gazed at him in awe.
Kendra was going to come over to my apartment around six o’clock that night to have dinner with me and wrap the few gifts we’d jointly bought for our parents, and it was almost six o’clock by the time we left Santa. I waved down a cab, shoved the stroller in the trunk and we hurried home after our little girls’ day out. Since Grace’s birth, I’d never been on time for anything.
Grace was beginning to fuss by the time we got home, and once we were through the door, she began to scream for her food. She was the sweetest, most amiable little girl, but delay her meal by even one minute, and she would turn on you. Which only made things worse because once she was screaming and freaking out, I lost all ability to focus on the task at hand and acted as though I’d never fed her before. The jars were harder to open when she was screaming, her bottles were more difficult to fill when she was screaming, and I dropped almost everything I tried to hold in my hands when Grace was having a tantrum. In the midst of her cursing me out, and me trying to find a spoon, I heard my phone ringing. I darted out of the kitchen and away from her, only elevating the ear-splitting volume of her cries, and reached for the receiver next to the couch.