by R G Berube
Hadrian was most pleased with himself. In spite of his high spirits and good humor on the last days before departure, I noticed lines of fatigue about his eyes and a sallow color to his skin. I remained alert for signs of seizures. His physician had recently made comment that the Emperor showed symptoms of an ailment for which he was concerned, and requested I report all I saw to him. Understanding Hadrian’s distaste for being ill or considered so, I began to search his clothing and bedding for evidence of bleeding. It was not something he would share freely with me.
On the return voyage to Rome Hadrian busied himself with records of Senate business and other issues that would demand his attention upon his arrival.
I passed time in talks with Athenoseos, who opened to me and confided stories of his horrid experiences as a boy kidnapped from his village and sold into slavery. From the age of four he had been used sexually by a host of abusers, finally being handed over to the ship owner in lieu of payment of a debt. The owner had shown him no less kindness and had used him regularly as substitute for a wife, while on the high seas. Athenoseos looked to me as a protector and this gave me a filial sense towards him that I rather enjoyed. I encouraged this relationship and promised to speak to Hadrian about finding a position for him that would keep us together.
Then there were my lessons with Antipas. He had reduced our time together while I had accompanied Hadrian on reviews, but now took our restricted environment to make up for the lessons lost. He drove me for the three hours assigned, each morning.
I also sought out Charbrias, who had made contact with associates in Carthage; soothsayers and astrologers who had deep knowledge of signs and stars. With Charbrias, I increased my own understanding of the craft in an attempt to find answers to dreams and vague premonitions I had recently begun to experience. In Carthage, as I had walked the bazaar unattended, trying to blend with the local population, an ancient crone had appeared at my side and looked me in the eyes. Her own eyes were completely blinded by an opaque film. She touched my hair, feeling the curls, and then traced her finger over my brow, nose, and mouth. I should have flung her from me and run quickly from the place, but I stood still and allowed her the freedom. I was held, unable to move! The hag came near and her mouth, so close I could smell the foul breath, hot on my face, spoke.
"You are he!" She whispered. "I make no mistake of these features. None other exists! Your purpose is almost met. You will know it soon enough. Do not challenge it but trust the signs! Mysteries will be revealed to you which will make clear a difficult journey."
"What are you speaking about, old woman?" I stood motionless, feeling myself held by her words. "How do you come to accost me without knowing my name or who I am?"
The crone smiled for the first time and I saw that she was toothless and her mouth was dark with some substance she must have been chewing.
"You walk in the shadow of the Emperor. Your name will be known, Bithynian!"
As a crowd of merchants passed, the hag broke from me and lost herself among the throng. I was stunned that she had identified me so clearly. Her words echoed similar predictions that had been told to me before.
My compulsion to know what destiny had in store, pressed me to seek out Charbrias to see what he could learn. He was cautious with what he told me when I asked about the Emperor. This made me anxious, as I believed that he knew more than what he agreed to share. I listened to what he had to say and used discretion about appearing too curious. My inquiry could be misunderstood by some and much could be made of it. I busied myself as best I could to use whatever I learned, to find answers in my charts. Time passed and within a few days we approached the port of Ostia.
Hadrian was met at Ostia by Commodus. They retired within the Emperor's quarters on board the ship and remained for some time before we departed on horseback, for Rome. Commodus remained at Hadrian' side and I assumed they discussed gossip and court intrigues. Although Commodus was cordial upon our meeting, he paid me little attention on our way to Rome. I rode some distance away from them, with Antipas and Athenoseos at my side. Hadrian had agreed to retain Athenosoes and instructed me to take him to Villa Adriana, where he would be put to work with the small staff of slaves who managed my household.
It was in late afternoon that we arrived in Rome. Word of the Emperor's return had spread more quickly than one of those horrid fires that so often sweeps through some domus or suburb, this being a commonplace occurrence in this city. Like such an event when crowds pour into the streets to witness the catastrophe, and the entire city becomes infused with a spark of the excitement that turns the disaster into a public spectacle, so was the mood we encountered on our way from Ostia. It was magnified a hundredfold by the city's teeming population.
All around, the streets and alleys were jammed with spectators. Banners and other festive paraphernalia filled the space above our heads with merriment. Little is needed for the Roman to escape his work and partake of some momentary diversion. From every balcony and window citizen and slave alike called greetings. They lined the roof-tops, eager to see the Emperor. They pushed and crowded each other so that tempers became short and I witnessed the eruption of numerous fist fights, these seeming to be especially prevalent among the lower classes of the outer suburbs.
Not all the excitement was of joy and praise! There were some along the way who made known their dislikes for the government and state. Jeers and slanders were flung freely. Occasionally it was necessary to move quickly to avoid an over-ripened melon or other projectile thrown by a dissatisfied citizen who may have recently been refused a petition or request, or may have been recently required to pay a long-ignored tax. But these objectionable people were few. Hadrian allowed them their ire and did not have them arrested as other emperors of the past would have done, and then serving them to the lions on the next game day. Hadrian insisted that, short of physical attack, those who disagreed with him or the Senate, be allowed to express their opinions.
He rode stoically. Once reaching the city proper he motioned for me to join him and I followed at his side, leaving my two companions behind. The sun had begun its decline, but the heat still trapped the city and the aromas of the vendors of victuals blended with the stench of the sewers to make one indistinguishable smell that pervaded everywhere.
The procession made its way through the great arch of Titus and long the Via Sacra, to the Forum. There, he stopped and saluted his Praetorian Guards and the Vestals. Hadrian rode to the steps of the Temple of Concordia where the senate had gathered, waiting to give their greeting. Hadrian dismounted and spoke to each man, exchanging a handshake and a few words. He climbed the steep steps and entered the temple to pay homage to the Goddess Concordia, for her benevolence. Truly, his mission had been blessed!
The next two hours were filled with the formalities of being briefed by the Senate of the events that had transpired in his absence, and with meeting those he had left in charge. While the Emperor was engaged in this business, I looked for Gracchus but saw him nowhere. I had hoped he would have accompanied Salvus Julianus, now in conference with Hadrian.
Having met his official responsibilities, we were finally left alone within the quiet of his chambers upon the Palatine. I stood at an open window and looked out across the city as it resumed activity. To the citizens of Rome, emperors were but diversions. Had they not exemplified this in the past by removing any who fell out of favor? A quick thrust of a dagger by a supposed friend or hired assassin was the most expedient action to show a loss of confidence! A Roman's true love was business and trade, and the art of legislation was outweighed only by the games. The Emperor returned to his lover and Rome returned to the making of money and laws.
The city filled with shadows. The marble of Rome had gone from white to gold, and then to the color that had too often stained the steps of the Senate. Finally it reached its ghostly paleness as the moon took its place in the heavens. It was a large moon, one that shed light against the sides of the Amphitheatrun Flavium.
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As I gazed into the star-lit heaven I thought of my mother and wondered if she might be looking at the same moon, seeing the same stars. I beheld her face before me as I had seen it last; her
eyes filled with tears for her only son who was leaving for parts of the world unknown to her. I felt her lips on mine and recalled her words as we had held each other in embrace...
"Look to the stars, Antinoos. They will guide your destiny. But never let your feet lose touch with the earth! You are being given an opportunity which few are awarded. I fear the price will be great and hope you take heed to consider each moment carefully!"
Seeing the stars in the vast firmament, I wondered of what they could tell me and of whether I had need to spend more time with them?
I was happy to be alone with him. The silence of the Palatine was cast about the city. Lamps and hearth-fires appeared in distant windows and doorways. We stood, hand in hand, and watched together nighttime phantoms moving in the darkness, carrying torches that lit the way to a multitude of private destinations.
Finally I turned and faced him. "Have I passed the test?"
He smiled and still holding my hand, led me to the divan. I poured wine.
"Come..," I continued. "Tell me this voyage was not that!"
"Have I need to confirm what you already know? But it was more, Antinoos. This experience was necessary for you to become aware of your strengths. It has also established you without question, as a part of my party. My men in the field have seen you, and they approve. Word will travel quickly throughout the legions all over the Empire that the Emperor's boy can hold his own.
"I have more to tell you. We will remain in Rome only a short time. Soon, we will depart for Greece, where we will winter before setting off on an extensive journey that will take us in a great arc from Hellas to the East, through Syria and down to Judaea and Egypt.
"Take the time to see those who have meaning to you. Use the days allotted, to prepare. Plan well and pack economically. We will cover much territory."
My thoughts went out to my mother.
"Shall we pass near Claudiopolis?"
"You would like her with you? I shall arrange to have her brought here. But not until we return, for it would be better for her to remain with family and friends until you are available in Rome once more. She would find only loneliness here without you."
"Greece.." I said, as though saying some magic word that would suddenly produce an enchantment. "There is no other place I want most to share with you, Lord. I have seen your eyes become lost in thoughts and you face has softened when memories of the place have filled you. I know the Greeks are much admired by you. I look forward to what they can teach me."
Hadrian pulled an amulet from the folds of his clothing, one unfamiliar to me. It was made of some hard wood in which three figures were carved.
"Is it Greek?" I asked. "Who are they?"
There was a naked youth facing a woman, and another standing behind him.
"This comes from Eleusis, where the Great Mysteries are given to many. The boy is young Triptolemus, King of Eleusis. He faces the Goddess Demeter, and receives her blessing before embarking on a journey to teach the cultivation of the earth and of wheat, to mankind.
"Behind him stands Kore, her daughter. You will come to know them well, Antinoos. They represent essential truths that have been given to us by the gods. There is much to know about the forces of life and death!"
I wondered if Hadrian had read my thoughts. I had often been troubled with the question of my purpose and destiny; how had the gods decided to use me? That I was somehow part of a plan, a link to his existence, I had no doubt! But how could I come to know my part? It was something I felt compelled to understand.
Hadrian spoke with gravity in his voice.
"I have taken the initial mysteries at Eleusis. There are more. We will experience knowledge of the underworld together. You will come to understand that there is little to fear of death."
"But do you not fear death?"
Hadrian seemed to go within himself to search for the answer.
"Not death! I fear most the possibility of not completing what I have set out to do before my spirit joins the gods."
He put the amulet away.
"Ask no more, Antinoos. I can say nothing of the mysteries, for we are sworn to secrecy. No one must speak of this experience. For now be patient and prepare yourself. Tomorrow you must go about your business and leave me to mine. There is much to do. I will meet with Sabina, as she will accompany us on most of the journey and much needs to be arranged.
"Return to the villa and rest. You have earned it. Now, let us take this night as our own!"
Chapter Twenty Eight
The Limits of Gods, Late August 128 AD.
My fate was sealed at the end of the summer of the first year of the 226th Olympiad. I prepared myself for a journey that would last longer than I had planned. The Emperor met with all those who would govern in the ensuing months. Arrangements were made with regional prefects all about the Eastern Provinces and those of Judaea and Egypt, to be prepared for the Imperial Party; dates were left open, as Hadrian did not want to follow a restrictive schedule.
I returned to Villa Adriana with Athenoseos. He appeared startled by the splendor of the grounds and of the surrounding mountains and countryside. My own quarters astounded him that I should be accorded such comfort. I kept him close for the first few days of preparation, wanting to make him understand that he would not be abandoned to the regular staff, upon my departure. He would accompany me on the journey. This seemed to elate him, and he showed more care for my person and my every needs than I felt comfortable in accepting. He loved me. I saw it in his eyes.
Athenoseos was beautiful. Gone was the lack-luster of his skin from too many days at sea and below deck, in squalid quarters. Fresh air and sun had bronzed him and increased his vigor. His slight body lost its femininity with exercise.
He was unused to having anyone consider him as anything but a slave. Being accorded dignity and respect unsettled him at first. His fondness for me was returned, and I grew protective. I often found him looking at me with those deep-set eyes and was moved to touch his cheek with affection. Athenoseos offered himself to me, once, thinking my own appetite was a function of his duties. But I declined. My love for him was one expressed in kindness and care. Once understood, he became more a friend than servant.
The morning hours were given to lessons with Antipas. Athenoseos joined me and learned the art of script. Afternoons were spent collecting all that would be needed for the journey. Before dinner as the sun began to set, we would mount and ride the surrounding countryside sharing the hidden pastoral places I had come to discover.
By the second week I received word that Hadrian wanted me to return for final preparations. Rome was hot and humid. It had been so for the entire month of August. I had been grateful for my location at Tibur where the elevation had offered respite from the discomforts felt so keenly in the city. I saw, upon entering the city, that the heat was affecting its citizens. We were accosted by short tempers and recalcitrance. No pool or fountain was saved from the onslaught of naked, bathing children trying to keep cool. Water was in short supply and its use was rationed. When the fountains had been turned off, many had complained and disruption had spread throughout the city so that officials had been forced to reactivate them. Plants and flowers which had always lent color to the balconies of buildings, now lay wilted and dying. The city's parks, usually green and cool, were yellow, dried, and deserted.
Hadrian showed the effect of too much time spent in a city he disliked, compelled to perform tasks that were, at best, perfunctory. His energy was stimulated by such things as the planning of new buildings, projects he had initiated throughout the empire; works that tapped his knowledge of architecture and design. It was for this reason that he looked forward to his return to Athens, the city of his youth. Much of his soul was invested in that place. All his ideals for the unif
ication and intellectual development of his empire were symbolized by what this Greek city represented in its past. Greeks had shown the world what was possible by allowing expression of thought and the freedom of speech. Hadrian designed his reign on Hellenistic principles and was constantly criticized for it in spite of the fact that the Empire had flourished and seldom had so much been done for its citizens. Prosperity and liberal living conditions were a result of his statesmanship that all enjoyed.
Upon my arrival I went directly to him and found him deeply in thought, praying at a little shrine dedicated to Apollo adjacent to his quarters.
"Come," he said. "Apollo will be awaiting us at his shrine at Delphi. Speak to him now, Antinoos. There is much we must learn from the Oracle, there. You too will have a chance to hear her words. I know much troubles you about what is to come. Your worries are not lost to me, boy. We will make the journey to Mount Parnassus together and there, pay our respects to the God and seek his wisdom."
For some moments I sat silently, looking respectfully upon the face of the young god and recalled the tale told by my mother. The slopes of Parnassus, once beautiful, had once been dark and somber. An opening leading down to the unknown and to the whispers of Mother Earth had been guarded by the dragon Python. This dragon had grown old and its ill temper had driven away all the nymphs and birds so that the region had become like its protector. Apollo, in his golden chariot, had flown down upon the Python and slew him with a thousand silver arrows. The hillsides were again bathed in golden light and once more the nymphs and birds returned. The oracle became Apollo's voice and it was his words which she spoke.